Riff ov the Week: 6/27/15


No theme this week. Just riffs.

Last week, however, there was a theme. Joe dubbed it “Riff ov the Weeb.” Considering that the amount of anime gifs posted in the comment section was greater than zero, it is clear that the post was a complete failure and that there is no reason to live in this world.

Technically, JWEG received the most votes. Later that evening, however, he came to me — shooting tear-and-snot streams of guilt from his eyeballs and noseholes, respectively — and asked that I remove a single vote from the final tally because he, quite despicably, voted for himself. That is the story of how he forfeited his win for a draw with W., and thus regained his honor.


Here’s how we’re going to settle this tie. Whichever of you overnights me the most money wins the contest and gets their money back PLUS HALF of what the other person sent me. See how this works?

Next week:

  • By the royal decree of your favorite ex-President, we will be focusing only on violin or cello riffs in metal.
  • NeObliviscaris is a lame band.
  • Send your violin or cello riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your Disqus handle, a link to the song, the time of the riff, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, make it known.



I missed this album last year, and I’ve been listening to it every day as penance for my ignorance. 0:27 of “Aamutähdelle” is the epitome of the melancholy black metal riff. If you don’t vote for it, I’m going to assume it’s because it froze you to death.



My wife, like most people, thinks metal is for total losers. However, the riff that kicks off at 0:52 (and again at 4:19) is such a monster that I caught her bobbing her head along to the groove. Mrs. W. approved!



Sometimes you just have to keep it simple. Real simple. It’s a guaranteed loss but an undeniable progenitor to slam. Riff and flaming starts at 0:41.



Mastodon is love, Mastodon is life, and if there is one thing they know it is how to write amazing choruses. Riff starts when Brent starts quacking.


Tertius Decimus

Slovakia, 1976. Riff starts at 1:40. [Isn’t this a solo? — Masterlord]


Ted Nü-Djent

Riff starts to build from about the 6 minute mark until the riff just before the solo at about 6:30 before settling back into a sped up version of my original submitted riff at about this point. Really looking forward to the re-release of this album and the fact they’re back together also makes me hopeful of catching them live sometime soon. Check out the whole tune if you have a spare 8 minutes.



I like Hypocrisy. 1:55.


Shrimp in A Pizza Box

At 00:24, you too can experience a LITERALLY face-crushing riff, at the affordable price of absolutely nothing!



Submitted for The Riffenning: Black Math Horseman, the underrated and superior band Sera Timms was in before she was in Ides of Gemini and Black Mare. I think they’re defunkt. Oh well. Riff starts to build at 5:17 and nukes the site from orbit at 5:54. Shit continues to splode through to the end.






Every track from Embrional‘s The Devil Inside has RoTW candidates. The whole album is a lesson on how to do death metal in the contemporary era amidst the over-saturation & niche sub-genres. From the guitars, the production, and the precision drumming, this shit owns. Stab @ 3:40 and let it strike you down.


Ron Deuce

Been listening to Pyrrhon’s Growth Without End lately and they remind me a little of Ion Dissonance. The skronky breakdown on this one at 1:05 is perfectly placed to break up the blast beats and off kilter time signatures. Then the whole thing descends back into unrelenting chaos before giving way to another breakdown at the end.



Memoria Vetusta I might just be my favourite Blut Aus Nord album of all time. Riff comes in at 1:24.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 28-06-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
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  • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

    Vegg wins because Mastodon.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I second this

    • Lacertilian

      that’s not how to vote.

      • Sad Tapir the Based™

        At least he isn’t voting for himself like some dad rock enthusiasts.

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          Tapir plz! I dont always vote for myself!

          • Slurpy McFartyPubes

            (just replace FB with TovH)

  • Ignatius the Wizened

    A word, a voice, a riff,
    I see not winner among this lot.
    Mayhap the point of tiff,
    Brains clouded in drink and pot.

  • Hubert

    I’m with Tapir on Memoria Vetusta I being the best BAN album. That album has some of the most beautiful melodies I’ve heard. Ultima Thulee is close, but less memorable overall.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    It’s going to be hard to not vote for the Masterlord this week. His riff is truly ice cold. Ron Deuce is trying to sway me to his team though with a Pyrrhon mention.

    • That’s the demo version of this song. The album version doesn’t have as much bite.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        It sounded like a little skronky, a little mathy hardcore to me – which I liked!

  • Oops I fucked up and forgot to submit one.

    • The story of my life every week.

      • I was too busy saving Gotham.

        • Commander Shepard

          Amateur. Some of us save entire galaxies. By some of us I mean me.

        • I was busy finishing up The Witcher 3 (finally beat it with 104 hours invested). I shall now move on to saving Gotham.

    • EsusMoose

      I didn’t there was room so I forgot about it and did other things



    • Oops. I’ll get masterlord to update.

      • The W.

        The Masterlord was too busy riding a hoveround. I am Zeke’s savior.

        • Zeke

          thank you mr president for saving me from that damn masterlord’s sabotage attempt! you would’ve had my vote, but you picked the wrong riff in that song. I had to go with embrional instead. I never heard that before; good shit

          • Zeke

            on another note, this is the second time gorak voted for me! maybe my tastes aren’t as highly evolved as I like to think

      • Slurpy McFartyPubes
  • KJM

    I always got them scumfuck blues.

  • This is my 1st time hearing that Mastodon song and the vocal melody on the chorus reminds me a lot of the chorus from Soundgarden’s 4th of July. Looks like I’ve got to spend some time with Crack The Skye now.


    • KJM

      Crack The Skye & Blood Mountain are their best IMO.

      • Slurpy McFartyPubes

        Leviathon and Remission for me.

        • Lacertilian

          Leviathan overall with Blood Mountain close second.
          Tell me how wrong I am.

          • Slurpy McFartyPubes

            I loved Blood Mountain as well, so nope, you’re totally in the right.

          • Zeke

            Hard to go wrong with any of the first four

    • Zeke

      crack the skye is my favorite mastodon album. on another note, I’ve always heard 4th of july is a good song and I’ve never checked it out before; taking care of that right now

  • Voting for Shrimp. Asphyx has some of the best face smashing/crushing/pulverizing/eviscerating riffs.

  • Scrimm

    F anyone who doesn’t vote for Last One on Earth.

  • Think I gotta go with Dopethrone because – Smoke, Drink, Die!

    • Slurpy McFartyPubes

      It was definitely a close second choice for me, but Mortician brings back some nostalgia for me.

  • Tyree

    SMOKE. DRINK. DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    One of the catchiest and heaviest fucking riffs of this year! Dopethrone created a monster of a stoner sludge album. This song and riff will forever be a classic.

    No doubt, Scum Fuck Blues gets my vote!

    • Tyree

      I really wanted to go with Last One On Earth, but gawdamn. I got that Scam fucking blues ya’ll!

    • KJM

      ‘Hochelaga’ is my album of the year so far with ‘Vaenir’ not far behind.

      • sweetooth0

        The Whore Church directed video also helps!

    • more beer

      I will be doing much of the first two things today. I think I can hold off on the third for a while.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Honorable mention to Dagon for reminding me of this

  • Lacertilian

    Oh man, I am fharc’d. Riffs from coral, the Dubs, the Beard, the fishgod, the nuge and even the Tapir. Once again, again I’m done.

  • KJM

    Pssst! Hey kid, wanna buy a riff? The first one’s free… ^_^

    • Slurpy McFartyPubes

      Love these guys! And that bottom end is thicker than pig shits!

  • EsusMoose

    Masterluffa, Vegg, Ted and a certain elephant zebra all a sweet but the loaf wins

    • Lacertilian

      Jeez, kids these days

      • EsusMoose

        i’m more in the mood for depressing tremolo riffs than crushing death metal

  • Tyree
  • Dagon gets da vote.



    Strangely, I vote tapir.

    • EsusMoose


      • Sad Tapir the Based™

        U wot m8?

        • EsusMoose

          I don’t want to enable strange tapir antics

          • Sad Tapir the Based™

            I’m about to enable you with a knife to the abdomen.

          • Pretty sure that would disable him

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            The politically correct term is “differently-abled”, or “handi-capable”. Disabled is problematic.

    • Sad Tapir the Based™

      Tapir appreciates the vote.

  • KJM
  • Stockhausen



  • The Battle Born NDN

    Voted for Blunt Ass Nord

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box™

    Blackbeard’s riff was pretty good. The lizard’s riff destroyed pretty hard, too. Ron Deuce was a 10/10 would ignorantly mosh and punch someone in the face, but the Tapir beats out all of those.

  • Ignatius the Wizened

    Apart from yore a trap be sprung,
    An arrow pierce both heart and lung,
    Of riff I want not a single chord,
    Tis why I vote for Masterlord.

    • Ignatius the Wizened


      Tremolo makes the riff most fine,
      No weedle, bah deedle, no nasal whine,
      I know not what I next should play
      But icy riffs dost make this day.

  • Stanley

    Dudes, you all need to get out and get some exercise on a Saturday morning. I’m in absolute tatters and there’s nothing quite as relaxing as listening to the Riffs OTW when you’re legs are screaming at you telling you to fuck off.

  • Oh man, you guys brought the big guns this week…

  • Stanley

    Lots of Death Metal this week. Of the bunch, the Assfix riff is the most crushingest, but I’m in a feely sort of mood so that would leave Tapir and Masterlord to battle it out. Masterlord was taking an absolutely beating and was dead on the ropes but suddenly, out of nowhere, a sneaky upper cut caught Tapir right on the chin and victory was snatched from the jaws of defeat. Bravo!

  • JW(E)G

    I don’t think you’ll have any use for my money. It’s all in loonies at the moment.

  • Hotdog Clifford

    I thought none would beat that Asphyx riff, but then I listened to that Embrional riff, and DAMN I need to check out that album.

    • The W.

      It has the Tyree/W/Stanley seal of approval

      • Slurpy McFartyPubes

        Which means I gotta boogie on over check that bad boy out (after this Sinister covers album).

  • JamesGrimm
  • Slurpy McFartyPubes

    Blackbeard gets my vote, since I haven’t heard Mortician in fucking ages (absolutely hated House By The Cemetery though, since half of the thing was nothing but long horror movie samples).
    Anywho, since I forgot to submit one………..


    (pretty much any part of the song)


      Chainsaw Dismemberment and Zombie Apocalypse easily my two favs

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    W for the win sir.


    You guys never pick my RoTW ideas hardly but how about this one:

    Riffs from bands with < 3 members. 3 pieces or less.


      or, even harder, bands with only 1 member.

      • Lacertilian

        I know of an album that would definitely suit that theme

  • Dagon

    The Shrimp went too hard and must be voted.

    • Jointsalot

      I voted Dagon. Awesome riff.

  • Blakkbeard. Because I’m in the mood for this kind of shit this weekend.


      I’m honestly surprised at my return to RoTW. Thank you guys

  • Ignatius the Wizened


    • Ignatius the Wizened

      Of exploits you shall please inscribe
      Copious beer I have imbibed
      I drinketh liters of brew most rich
      I beat your ass and fuck your bitch.


  • tertius_decimus

    > Isn’t this a solo? — Masterlord

    I don’t care about that solo on top of the riff, to be honest. The riff itself is what caught my attention in this song.

  • Woah, this picks are very good!

    I’m listening Blut Aus Nord for the first time here. This is a very interesting riff, like it!

    I appreciate Hypocrisy, Dopethrone and Asphyx. Great stuff, people!