Riff ov the Week: 2/27/16 — The GLAM Edition


Glam Girls ROCKIN out on Electric Guitar and Bass

Be it written in the annals of the toilet that it was W. that brought this upon us.

Last week, two of our best pals (Nordling Rites ov Karhu and Vegglampe) tied with 8 votes. You may fight to the death or share the throne, but let it be known that there is only room for one butt on the ruling seat, which means someone must sit on someone else’s lap. Work it out.

Next week, we’re gonna do a thing that someone suggested (which one of you was it again?). We did Riff ov the Year for 2015, but we didn’t do Solo ov the Year. And now we’re gonna. Pick your favorite solo of 2015 and send it my way at toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation. Readers, writers, lurkers, haterz — you’re all welcome to enter.

Let’s glam it up I guess.


Masterlord / W.

M: This shitty fucking album is pretty much the extent of my knowledge about glam. The riff at around 0:13 is lame af, but it starts with a Tom G. Warrior grunt, which makes it better than the rest of the submissions.

W: If you’re gonna go glam, go all the way. A pretty dong-expanding riff starts at 0:14.

[Note: this was not planned, but we’re both too stubborn to change our picks.]



3:56 *high pitched hair metal yell*



Along with the Scorpions, Mötley Crüe were a gateway band that sucked me into the abyss in which I now dwell. I vividly remember my brother bringing home Shout at the Devil and being blown away by riff after riff. I could have picked any riff off this album, but here’s one of the most iconic. Riff starts at 0:00.



Looking back on all the glam metal that I listened to in the past, Dokken are one of the best bands from this genre and this is quite possibly my favourite song of theirs.



I’m assuming Glam Metal and Cock Rock are synonymous… so I have submitted my favorite cock rock artist of all, Akerstache. Hit play on this masterpiece (riff starts at the beginning), recorded in 1985, and experience what some might call the birth of music.



Are Skid Row glam?  Since Sebastian was prettier than any of the other puffs back then, I’m going to say the answer is yes; at least their first album.   I’ll also go out on a limb and declare the riff that starts at 3:24 to be the heaviest glam riff ever written.



I got into music long enough ago to have succumbed to the insipid allure of glam. Most of it has not aged well–no matter what JAG will tell you. But Bang Tango is some darker-edged glam that I can still unironically jam. 0:00 (Eyeliner strongly suggested but not required.)


Ted Nü-Djent

In my early days, there were no better band than Mötley Crüe. Now more famous for their off stage antics it’s easy to forget (or ignore) that they wrote some very catchy songs that, for me, still hold up well to this day. Riff starts just after the drum beat intro and carries on through to the chorus.



Here we find Motley Crue’s absolute classic “Ten Seconds to Love,” in which Vince Neil brags about how quickly he’s able to ejaculate, for some reason. The quintessential “dumb guy riff” starts at 0:00 and gets repeated through the whole damn song. Good luck getting those six notes out of your head for the next week.



I don’t know whether this is technically glam metal, but these gals are definitely glamorous and playing some kind of metal. If it’s not glam enough for you, pretend these ladies are actually dudes performing in the late 1980s. The riff at 0:31 is pretty fucking cool, as is the riffing going on during the chorus (1:19). Look, I tried. It was either this or something from one of the first few Pantera albums.



I can’t fucking stand Poison, but ‘Native Tongue’ is a blues-rock-glam masterpiece. Vote for this, or you’ll forever cover your bald spot with a wig-bandana in a house full of Bachelerretes.



I do not like Glam metal. The only Glam metal song I’ve ever liked is War Machine, because it doesn’t sound like Glam. But I’m not posting that low-hanging fruit. No fucking idea. So I asked my buddy Bob who is into Glam. He did not disappoint. This guaranteed Riff ov the Week win is dedicated to him. Main riff is gÜd.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 04-03-2016 23:59:59
Poll Results:
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