Riff ov the Week: 2-6-16

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Cool handsome guy playing guitar at outside

So, last week I lost to our boy Ted by one vote. That’s some shit right there. As begrudgingly as possible, I accept my defeat, just as I must do every week.

Before we get to the riffs, I should tell you that next week is another regular ol’ riff-off, and this will continue to be the case until I get some good theme ideas from you. This is because, as my mom repeatedly told me as a small child, I’m worthless soul with zero creativity.

Send your riffs for next week’s edition to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation.

Let’s get to the riffs.

 

Masterlord

The U.S. black metal band’s most headbanginest riff starts around 2:50.

 

Richter

Fall to your knees and beg Thou for mercy with obsequious gesticulations and pithy stuttering supplication. Offer your prize goat–with its terrified bleating and shitting–for the stoking Thou’s pleasure. Make yourself small, humble and detestable. Grovel, pig. Grovel, be crushed, and be thankful that you are nothing. 0:55.

 

KJU

A bit of bass riff and guitar riff from one of the unspoken legends around here, and from one of the best live albums ever made. Riff starts at 2:00 and gets even better.

 

Jack Bauer

1:10. if you don’t headbang to this then I think you have incorrect.

 

Lacertilian

My submission of this riff will be of no surprise to anyone who participated in last week’s Sunday Sesh. At 27:47 Numinous summon a riff which entwines around your meagre body like a virulent serpent borne of flame, searing your flesh while constricting further with each coil.

 

Vegglampe

One of the reasons Mgla clicked with me the way it did was because of riff like 2:10 of With Hearts Towards None V, and 2:13 of Exercises In Futility I. The open string followed by the descending run makes me moist, and you should be too.

 

Cybernetic Organism

Like a geothermal feature which belches noxious steam and burbles with thinly-concealed magmatic hells just beneath its surface, Iceland continues to produce explosions of bleak, murky black metal. This riff from Almyrkvi is made up of magic (the darkest magic). Let your soul swim in it, scattered across time, trapped in the world of formlessness. Starts at 0:14, breaks for a void solo, kicks in again at 2:07.

 

Stanley

The Toilet needs more Furia. Everyone needs more Furia! The riff starts at 0:00 and it’s a punchy motherfucker. It always leaves me feeling like I’ve just been subjected to a Polish mugging. The following riff is pretty good too and reminds me a lot of For Whom The Bell tolls (which is always a good thing). PS. If you do a quick YouTube search for “Zamawianie Drugie Cover” you’ll find a fantastic video by rmind showing you how to play this sucker.

 

Nordling

From the beginning of Death of The Sun begins a pretty good riff. Nothing too complicated, or in this case, even especially moshing. But it’s (head)bangable and catchy in all the right ways.

 

Defenestrator

My commute to and from work is on a mountain road in Yellowstone. Yesterday I saw a bison rear its horns and strike a hole in the car in front of me while this album was playing. Need I say more? This riff will gore your most prized possessions! It all comes together at 2:45, but listen to the whole damn thing will ya?

 

Gorak

LISTEN TO EVIL SOUNDING RIFF 2:57 AND SMASH!!!!

 

Waynecro

I’m on a big Decapitated kick right now, and the riff at 1:05 has been boosting my fighting spirit all week. That vocal pattern over the riff kills as well.

 

Boss the Ross

Hoboknife. A goofy name for some quality Blackened Thrash n Roll. Last year saw their debut release, Vagrants, and it is a riff filled 30 minute rager. It was hard to pick a single riff, there are so many of them, but I have to go with the first track. The Bleakest Reprimand starts with a pretty straightforward thrash riff, but at 0:45 they bring in some oldschool flavor for the next 30 seconds with an excellent drum buildup to push it over the top. Oh, and stick around for the falsetto scream at 2:22, it’s a nice addition to this killer track.

 

Ted Nü-Djent

Here’s some French Black Metal. I suppose you could call it ‘Cheese ‘n Shit Black Metal’. 3.50 until the end of the song. I highly recommend you check out thye rest ofthe album too when you get the chance. It’s güd.

___________________________
This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 12-02-2016 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Who, then?
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  • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

    Obligatory Thou/Richter vote

    • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

      Extra points to CO for burbling tho

      • CyberneticOrganism

        That was just for you

  • Holy shit.

  • Boss the Turbid Ross

    Heavy shit this week gentlemen, good form.

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      ABBATH CD ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        YEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!! IT SMASH HARD!!!!

        • ME GORAK B.C.™

          NOW REALLY CAN’T WAIT 4 APRIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            March for me. HIGH ON FIRE as well!

          • I cannot wait for Gojira month. Lord knows which on that is going to be. hehehue

  • Detective Fish

    Tomb Of Finland = RIP, Finland, and hello Tapir in Sweden!

  • Detective Fish
    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      At least it’s not Ghost Bath

      • Detective Fish

        Jimmies are still being rustled over my band-assisted triumphant victory?

        Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, still tastes like victory!

        http://i.imgur.com/TsHXgti.gif

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Just in reference to Golden Number being submitted a few times

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Ghost Bath <<<<<<<<<<<<<

  • tigeraid

    AH FUCK I FUCKIN FORGOT ROTW. FUCK.

    Now this list lacks Power.

  • Stanley
    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Aw man…
      You should check out the rest of the album though. I’m sorry to disappoint with my pick.

      • Stanley

        Don’t be silly. It’s just a laugh.

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          Haha, it was pretty funny.
          I enjoy those sharp transitions most of the time. What did you think about the rest of the track?

          • Stanley

            Apart from it being all over the place, it was all over the place.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Ha, fair enough!

    • Detective Fish

      Poofy?

      • Stanley

        If the drummer is not throwing in a stick twirl between those beats, I’m a monkey’s uncle.

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          Hahaha!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Gah

    • Eliza

      Still more fashionable than I will ever be.

      • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

        Lol

        • Eliza

          You have to admit, there are some high level clothing choices put on display here. On a more serious note, I’d never dress like this and wear this much make-up. Yuk!

      • more beer

        That’s okay, no one should look like that.

        • Eliza

          I agree.

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Your riff kills man!

      • Stanley

        Why, thank you.

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          Took me a while to find the time to listen to them all.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    FYI. That whole FT-17 album slays

    • Dubs

      I’m glad you honored our pact and submitted that riff.

      • Are you two colluding to win rotw???!!!

        • Dubs

          I didn’t vote for him, if that’s what you’re asking?

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Well it was a lousy plan if that were the case.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Vote for me and your beard will grow majestically like a mighty oak.

  • Pentagram Sam

    Yello! Decided to not be like the creepy uncle that watches you while sleeping and jump in the murky, cloudy waters of the Toilet. Been lurking 4eva and prob read every article on here. Gotta slam some hot dogs and go to work, but I’m looking forward to swimming the waves here.

    BTW voted for Gorak, although it was goddamn close between KJU, Boss, Cybernetic Org, and the Gorak.

    Hail Satin!

    • Dubs

      Greetings.

    • Detective Fish

      Welcome to the Toilet, and love the take on ‘Telegram Sam’! (I know it’s originally a T Rex song, but this version is better):

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZYoeFNoOrM

      • Pentagram Sam

        Thanks dudes! For reals, it just felt a little weird in a non pleasing way to always be lurking without posting for so long. I even like coming here just to read the comments. They be addicting.

        The Fields of Nephilim really sounded cool, unexpected. Same with the Almykrvi. Damn, shoulda copied and pasted that prob misspelled.

        I dig lots o metal, from thrash to power, death and black metal, even *gasp* some glam. Despite looking like wieners, there’s alot of talent behind the hairspray and lotsa “baby baby rock me baby” lyrics.

        PS. Really dig the shirt stains and the Bdubs articles. I’ve literally never lold my ass off as hard as I have on this site. The one with the worst laughs in metal had me rolling in non Bizkit esque way.

    • Stanley

      Poseur status confirmed!

    • Eliza

      Hello! It’s good to know someone else took my position as “the new one” here. I liked KJU’s pick the best, but Gorak’s is great as well.

      • Detective Fish

        Thanks for voting for me! I decided to go a bit off the beaten path, and have heard next to nothing about Fields Of The Nephilim on here. You’d think a band that influential in the metal world would get more of a shout out.

        • Eliza

          The song you submitted was amazing and definitely different from the rest of the songs this week. I’m looking forward to listening to that band more.

          • Detective Fish
          • Eliza

            Thanks for saving me from a Youtube search, lol! Anyway, this is a really standout performance.

          • Eliza

            Moreover, I just found out they released an album called Elizium. XD

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            It’s destiny.

          • Eliza

            I don’t usually believe in this stuff, but it can’t be denied in this case.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Serendipitous then?

          • Eliza

            It’s just a cool coincidence. Also, I had to look up “serendipitous” in the dictionary, lol.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Haha, sorry!

          • Eliza

            It’s no big deal, I just used an online translator. My vocabulary is wider now, too.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Nice.

          • Eliza

            Do you like Mastodon?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Of course.

          • Eliza

            I love them too. Sorry for the highly random question, but I wanted to keep discussing, yet I didn’t know what I should say next. Because Crack the Skye’s cover is my wallpaper, I decided to talk about Mastodon. So, what’s your favorite album from them?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I saw them live a few months ago, pretty killer set with an awesome light show.

            My favorite is probably Crack the Skye, followed closely by Blood Mountain and then really closely by Once More Round the Sun.

          • Eliza

            My favorite is Leviathan, then Crack the Skye, The Hunter and Once More Round the Sun, which is the only one I actually own.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Solid.
            Favorite singer from the band?

          • Eliza

            I don’t really like one over the other. Yours?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Hard to pick but, Sanders if i had to.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Bernie is in Mastodon?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            He is not. But Troy Sanders is. He plays the bass and sings.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Tapir plz! Talking about politics causes fights!

          • Detective Fish
          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            1) Crack the Skye
            2) Leviathan
            3) Blood Mountain
            4) Remission

            The Hunter + Once More Round the Sun ==> FLUSH!

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Damn! I can understand why some don’t like them. OMRTS has some killer riffs though.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            It was way better than The Hunter, but it’s still missing that bit of ‘oomph’ the first four albums had.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I can agree with that. I like the extra progginess on it

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Although I have a confession to make concerning power metal. I listened to Iced Earth’s Burnt Offerings today. And I actually kinda liked it.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            DANTE INFERNO ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Yeah unexpectedly great album overall. I’m going to check out Something Wicked This Way Comes soon.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            ALSO GOOD!!!! NIGHT OV STORMRIDER GORAK FAVORITE THOUGH!!!!!!! VERY THRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Will add that one to the list as well. I previously listened to a few Iced Earth albums but they didn’t do anything for me. Guess I’ve been listening to the wrong albums then.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Manowar and Iced Earth in one week? Someone is coming around

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            With Manowar I can stomach some songs, but an entire album of that stuff is still not too my taste. It seems I have to re-evaluate my opinion on Iced Earth though.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Haha, right on!

          • Lacertilian

            That’s because the first few Iced Earth albums are solid fucking metal.

          • Detective Fish

            Leviathon for me, hands down. Blood Mountain and Remission are a close second.

          • Detective Fish

            Excellent album! The singer also had a band afterwards, The Nefilim. Definitely more metal, and dark as fuck. In my humble opinion, he was one of the first death metal vocalists.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ycl8D-lBZOY

          • Eliza

            This is so great!

          • Pentagram Sam

            Woa. This is great stuff man. Right up my alley and scratches an itch in an oh so wonderful manner. Almost like I didn’t know it existed til I scraped up against the corner of a rough brick wall in just the right way. Are you familiar with Nightingale? Their first album was pure solo by Dan da Man Swano and is sheer goth rock excellence. Fields Of The Nephilim is like the Thai peanut sauce to Nightingale’s Sesame blast. Or something

            Edit to say Thanks! New music to discover = huzzah!
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m72c_U2NKwU&list=PLuh0mn1R-TAF7wc0NvpyN6lOzfOGJgpwB

          • Detective Fish

            Yep, quite familiar with their music! Excellent vocalist, and some pretty good ballads.

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Welcome!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Welcome to the Toilet.

    • Welcome, Samwise.

    • Welcome!

      GL

    • The God Emperor of Mankind

      Sail Hatin!

      • Hail!

        • ME GORAK B.C.™

          AND KILL!

          • AND FUCKING SMAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            WITH POWER!!

    • Mayk Benynton
    • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

      ONE OF US. ONE OF US.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        GABBA GABBA HEY!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Welcome to the bowl, Sam

    • Salvador Dalí Lama

      “the creepy uncle that watches you while sleeping”

      Guaranteed at least one of us degenerates is into that sort of thing, lol.

    • Óðinn
  • Detective Fish

    In other news, and I think it was either JAG or McNulty mentioning them a little while back, but Misery Loves Co. is back together.

    http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/swedish-industrial-metal-band-misery-loves-co-is-back/

  • I need find that Numinous album Lizard.

  • Masterlord gets my vote. That riff grooves.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Here’s my ROTW. The harmonies are amazing in this song.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1x1EU3qKsUg

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    I send ye two themes twerp.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      They probably sucked.

    • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

      I have suggested several and none of them have been used

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I reckon I should start sending joke themes from now on, like “riff at 2.08 on the sixth song of a fourth album” or “solo of the week”

      • The rules clearly state that only LVL15 recommendations will be used, scrub.

        • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

          I guess ill just start grinding out some more RL exp

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    Me vote for Gorak.

    • cosigned, homie!

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      ME HAD VOTE WAYNECRO 4 REMIND ME LISTEN MOAR DECAPITATED!!!!!!

      • Waynecro

        Decapitated has been the soundtrack for my week. Such a good band.

        • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

          Sure, if you mean Nihility and prior.

          • Waynecro

            Well, topping Nihility is probably impossible (the main riff from “Spheres of Madness” is probably one of my favorite riffs of all time); however, the newer Decapitated albums do have some pretty strong jams. The title track from Blood Mantra gets me all riled up, for example.

          • Lacertilian

            I liked ‘A View From A Hole’ from Carnival Is Forever.

  • ITS THE WEEKEND MOTHER FLUSHERS!

    WE ARE WARRIORS. WARRIORS OF THE WORLD.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2zkPqg-75g

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      AAWWWWW YEAAAAAHHHH!

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      DOWNVOTED

      • I swear to God you are the worst. And by worst, I mean literally the worst.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Upvoted for sense of humor.

    • Count_Breznak

      Flagged as inappropriate

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        You watch yourself.

  • BobLoblaw

    Damn, Numinous and Shrine of Insanibilis are pretty fucking sweet. Love the amount of new music I find here. May throw my hat in the ring next week.

  • Detective Fish

    Still no sign of KJM?

    • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

      Hes alive

  • Waynecro

    As usual, it was really hard to pick. Shrine of Insanabilis, Numinous, Mgla, Furia, Tomb of Finland, Auroch, Old Man’s Child, and FT-17 all rocked my socks.

  • Spear

    That Furia album >>>>>>>>>

  • Lacertilian

    Dammit, @masterlordsteeldragon:disqus brought the 2nd best riff this week yet again!

    • Kill me.

      • Lacertilian

        That’s my crass way of saying you snavelled the lizard vote again this week.

  • Detective Fish
    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Evil D is dead, long live Country D!

      • Detective Fish

        Chapel Of Grits

        • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

          Grits are awesome and you know it.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            One of the best breakfast choices.

          • Detective Fish

            My breakfast is strong as fuck Brazilian coffee and a cig.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Solid. Good coffee is the best coffee.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Coffee beans or nothing!

          • Detective Fish

            I have a few packs of espresso candy and chocolate covered coffee beans, just in case of emergency.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Good stuff right there.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I only buy coffee beans and grind them myself.

          • Detective Fish

            You don’t brew them or anything?!?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I have a coffee brewer, yes. I grind the beans and brew the ground beans into coffee.

          • Detective Fish

            Oh, I gotcha. I thought you just ate the beans after you grinded them.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Haha, thats how i read it as well!

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I grind them myself and use a press pot, best home cup of coffee you’ll ever have.

          • Detective Fish

            If oatmeal could vomit, it’d look and taste like grits.

          • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

            You shut your pig mouth!

          • Detective Fish
  • Boss the Turbid Ross

    Get your clobber on!
    https://youtu.be/eg8DTgLhUdc

  • Detective Fish
  • Detective Fish

    For those who’ve ever wanted a mash up of Mario Kart and Fury Road, your prayers have been answered!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyCZF1V8-rw

  • Boss the Turbid Ross

    No Sunday sesh?

    • Detective Fish

      The admins are getting ready and pumped for Coldplay’s halftime show.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Ew. Coldplay is doing the half time show?

        • Detective Fish

          From what I’ve read, yep.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            That blows.

          • Detective Fish

            Yep! I don’t like football to begin with, so let the overweight, overserved, belly flopping fans suffer through the musical equivalent to watching Stephan Hawking fuck.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I’m not opposed to watching it, but i don’t consider myself a fan

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          Coldplay is still a thing?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            My thoughts exactly.

    • Later today.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Solid.

      • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

        Excuses

  • Stockhausen

    Had to go Boss on that one. That track/riff is a banger.

  • Voted for Gorak!

    SMAAAASH!!!!!!!

    • i just hopped in here… voting still allowed! awesome. [something-something] Venezuelan government!

  • @CyberneticOrganism, you’re so fucking goofy, i love it! my vote will have to go for whoever’s taller betwixt @Lacertilian:disqus and @webb71:disqus

    • Lacertilian

      Dammit. I’m tall but Archbauer scrapes low clouds.

      • we’ll never have to worry about Archbauer grabbing the low-hanging fruit