RIFF OV THE WEEK: 2 / 21 / 2015

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Do you ever look back on your day and say, “man, that would have been a way less shitty day if I didn’t listen to so many awesome riffs”? If so, I appraise your life at mere cents.

Not really. I care about you. Get in here because we’ve got quite a few great picks this week.

Last week, most of you opted to stab yourself in the guts and drag the blade rather than cast your vote for a nü-metal riff. As honorable as your slow deaths may have been, they accomplished nothing. The true win must go to an actual riff. Congratulations(?) to MoshOffTed Nü-DjentDagon, and Alan Smithee on their four-way tie. According to the rule book, such a tie can only be settled by each contestant sending me a large sum of money. Whoever sends the most gets the win. I’ll also accept gift cards to Bath & Body Works.

Next week:

  • W. is well known for his insatiable lust for all things skronky. Thus, he has decreed that next week we’re doing skronk riffs. I’ve got a gold star for anyone who can come up with a less painful word for “skronk”. But it has to catch on.
  • Send your skronkity riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include the your name, a Youtube link, the time the riff starts, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, make it known.

 

Masterlord

Thanks to Nordling for repeatedly nagging me to listen to Lathspell last year. The riff that starts off this song is made of so many evils.

 

Joe Thrashnkill

It’s easy to get jaded by music when you fill your days with hours upon hours of it but sometimes a riff sneaks up out of nowhere, jams itself down your throat, and fills you with renewed strength like a hard dose of steroids spinach. When the riff comes in at 1:46 in “Golden Number”, I can outbox a 1988 Mike Tyson for 30 rounds, commune with dolphins, and finish my expense reports on time. All at once.

 

W. 

You love grind. I love grind. Let’s all grind. That opening riff (that also repeats under the solo at 1:06) makes me want to scream for grind-cream.

 

Leif Bearikson

There’s a stunning amount quality riffs in a mere 2.5 minutes, but its the opener that will send you into an immediate hair spin.

 

Stockhausen

After the granpda’s guitars intro, “The Funeral Portrait” launches into one of the most versatile riffs on the album. I could hear this thing in about a hundred different settings. It rules, so vote for it.

 

Zeke

Zeke’s been bumping Marduk all week.  Riff starts at 2:25.

 

Ron Deuce

Even though they only have 3 albums, Gaza is easily one of my favorite bands. They specialize in what I like to call sea sick riffs.  The Vipers from No Absolutes In Human Suffering has one of said riffs. At 1:28 you start getting angry, dizzy and proceed to punch the nearest tangible object.

 

Jack Bauer

The intro riff is one of my favorite riffs ever.

 

Brock Samson

Opening riff is rather tasty.

 

Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

In the beginning, and I quote, “DA-NA-NA-NANAHH DA-NA-NA-NAHH!” – Thomas Jefferson.

 

Lacertilian

After steering well clear of last week’s debacle, I have come to bring a riff worthy of this esteemed poll. This riff is from Ruins‘ album Cauldron, the track being ‘Upon These Skeletons (Bury The Dead)’. This chaotic swirling miasma of a riff comes in at 1:49 and will leave you writhing in your own pool of filth, slaying you whilst charging onward over your petty corpse. The previous 2 minutes are worth the listen to get the proper build-up to this climax, with the drumming being superbly suited to the riff. So play it from the start, if you take any care of your ears.

 

Stanley

In an album that’s as full as an egg with blackened thrash riffs, I picked this crust punk riff that will bring on the requirement for a frontal lobotomy. Riff starts at 2:25. What’s also awesome about this section of the song are the lyrics, where a sincere homage to the early pioneers is paid.

 

Eddie Trunk Jr.

This is one of my favorite live songs. The riff from 2:52 to 3:24 is awesome.

 

MoshOff

Whatever your opinion is on Mastodon’s most recent output, I think we can all agree that Remission is pretty great. The part that starts at 1:56 in “Where Strides the Behemoth” and the bone-crushing section that follows it (around 2:38) make for an impressive catchy riff + headbang-’till-your-neck-falls-off combo with a heaping side of RIFFS.

 

Link

If the slow doom opening gives you heart attacks, go immediately to 3:00 for a quick death. That short riff drained a lot of negative vibes this week.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 22-02-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
The best riff belonged to...
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  • Dagon

    I couldn’t make it on time, but mine was this, in honor of its 45th birthday.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5yR5XhCIeg

    • One of the greatest riffs of all time. As far as I remember it, that was the FIRST riff.

    • EsusMoose

      I’m saving the one I was gonna choose because I wish to win one day, like Rocky or a super villain.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Should of had a Black Sabbath ROTW to celebrate. Any Dio era not allowed on account that it’s not Sabbath (still good though)

      • Dagon

        4 Shizzle

      • My intro to Sabbath was Born Again in 1983. IOW I’ve always seen Dio-era as “Real Sabbath” (just with a better singer that could actually make a worthwhile contribution to the songwriting process.)

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I knew I’d hook at least one person with that Dio jab.

          • STFU

            😛

          • JWG

            Time to put some of my meagre Dispute Resolution (actually just Contract Negotiation) skills to use.

            Just remind yourself: at least the other guy wasn’t an advocate of Sabbath-in-name-only Tony Martin era BS.

    • I’ve a severe case of BROLOMance with a lot of people in the Toilet lol <3

  • I totally forgot to submit my riff again. Huzzah! I guess mine would have been this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFYVcz7h3o0

    • pïgchop™

      Great choice. Very very few guys can sing in this manner and not take away from the music.

  • Maik Beninton

    W and Stockhausen’s picks are unavailable to watch for me.

  • john

    Love me some Skeletonwitch.

  • Dagon

    This week is too hard. This was the strongest riff ov the week in a while. I will vote for João because Ghost Bath has been a staple this week.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      A mate of mine introduced them to me on Bandcamp just this week and Joes song was the first I heard and it hooked me. I then proceeded to buy a bunch of stuff on Bandcamp that wasn’t Ghost Bath. Go figure?

  • Hotdog Clifford

    Damn mine didn’t make it but here it is (0:12)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuojIbv2eyA

    • Scrimm

      Classic

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    My riff rules, doesn’t it? It’s so epic.

    • sure
      *pats Eddie Trunk on the head

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Just because your mum says you’re cool doesn’t make it so

    • Maik Beninton

      Just keep the floor clean.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    There’s a kitty who’s sure, that all catnip is gold and she buying a stairway to catnip.
    This is a tribute to that photo at the top.

    • Stockhausen

      A fine tribute it is.

      • The God Emperor of Mankind

        Let’s all hold hands in spiritual ascension.

    • B00mhauer

      Reading this post elevates me.

  • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

    Fusk, there are so many great riffs this week, each deserving of a crown.
    But I’ll go with Masterlord, because OMAIGAADITSLATHSPELL!

  • Scrimm

    Link’s got it, the whole Deathhammer album rules.

  • Jack Bauer submitting sludge?
    *Faints*

    • VVayne Brady

      *Slugdge

  • B00mhauer

    This week needs more nu-metal.

  • pïgchop™

    Guerrilla art in action: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/cocaine-snorting-oscar-statuette-appears-775594

    I think of people such as Plastic Jesus to be human riffs! Anyway…Plastic Jesus has struck again. Last year the guy placed an life-sized Oscar statue on Hollywood Boulevard – statue was tied off and shooting up! This year…well, have a look-see:

  • EsusMoose

    Had to go with Ghost bath too much life-loving in that riff to pass on it

  • BASEDBEARD

    Joe gets an obligatory vote from me.

  • BASEDBEARD

    Damn, boys. I am wore the fuck out.

    • so i’m on call for work this weekend, which means very little booze intake. ima try to get further on the first (hehe) level!

      • BASEDBEARD

        smh

      • Scrimm

        Bummer man.

  • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

    Huray! There’s WiFi in this pit.

    Long ago, I listened to “Remission” by Mastodon and thinking: “This is really heavy”. Life has never really been the same since.

    I’m looking forward to listening to all your best SKRONKS. Anything from Obscura is an instant contender for ROTW though.

  • @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus gets my vote this week. and i’m going to login with Bunk Moreland and vote for Brock Sampson ’cause Absu.
    (j/k, i would never cheat on ROTW!!!)

    • VVayne Brady

      Thanks, McNulty. I was starting to feel a rittre ronery.

      • and thanks for reminding me of the band.. just purchased the album! <3

        • Stanley

          It’s a fine record.

          • VVayne Brady

            Quite good.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Your riff is unavailable for me (even though I went to my iTunes and listened) so it may be unavailable for our other international friends. In the end I accidentally clicked on your name anyway, so now you have 2 votes 🙂

    • Scrimm

      I like voting for W too but Link’s pick is completely unflushable.

  • Tyree

    OooooooOooooooo! Where did to find out about Voidhanger STAN!?!?! Great pick!

    • Stanley

      You know full well, you cheeky monkey. GLAB for life!

  • Tyree

    Dubya! That riff is fucking so heavy!!!!!! So much grindy crunch.

  • Tyree

    Evil indeed Masterlord.

  • Tyree

    This week is damn good. This is difficult.

    • Scrimm

      Twas easy for me.

      • Tyree

        I’m assuming Asphyx

        • Scrimm

          Yep. I was gonna go with Absu but as soon as I saw that it was over.

          • Tyree

            I think it’s between Cretin or Asphyx. Although Masterlords pick is pretty tasty.

          • Scrimm

            There is a lot of good ones. Creting would probably have been next in line for me. I still need to listen to the whole album.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            You certainly do

          • VVayne Brady

            I feel like my riff was next in line for everybody. At least it was a good riff.

          • Scrimm

            Always the bridesmaid…

  • Zeke

    Moshoff gets my vote for the second week in a row… And you’re all nuts, heaven shall burn is a classic!

  • old_man_doom

    Y’all almost had me at Mastodon, but I decided to give the newcomers at little glory. ALL HAIL OUR MIGHTY SLUG LORDS

  • FeelTheDarknesses

    I voted for……….

    • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

      Release me from this excitement and tell me!

      • FeelTheDarknesses

        It’s a secret

        • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

          Oh bother.

  • Stanley

    Well, that was very pleasant. God, I fucking love metal.

  • Stanley

    Top 3: Masterlord, Bear and the Lazy Lizard. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo…..DA-NA-NA-NANAHH!

  • Stanley

    Which one of you chumps didn’t vote for me? Oh, that would be all you.

    • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

      ‘Twas a good riff, but srs, this is one of the strongest batches in a good while.
      And you know, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch your’s. Sorry, I have some Masterlord back to scratch now, so you’ll excuse me.

      • Stanley

        Right now, there shouldn’t be an itch in sight on your furry back. I just spent 5 minutes scratching it. See comment below.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Will an upvote on this comment help to soothe the savage beast?

      • Stanley

        No.

        *sulks.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Your riff was good though and did make me want to check out the band

          • Stanley

            Do a search on Voidhanger in the ToH and you’ll find Tyree’s review. I wish it was released this year so it could be my AOTY. It’s bloody ripper mate.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Will do, thanks mate

    • you have introducted me to Voidhanger, and for that i offer much gratitude

      • Stanley

        You’ve got @Tyree to thank, Jimmy. I’ve been hooked on this record since he reviewed it in his GLAB article. Do a search on Voidhanger in ToH and you’ll find it.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    for whom the bells toll riffs

    both at the same time—first vidfull vol–2ndvid 60%vol
    http://youtu.be/2VhISLeCMbU

    http://youtu.be/ilypdEUCrzc

  • The God Emperor of Mankind

    Dat Absu riff makes me wanna bounce up and down on my golden throne. to bad I’m hampered by all of these cybernetic augments and life support kajiggers.

  • Lacertilian

    @joethrashnkill:disqus – Never heard this before & I expected something much darker from the cover.
    @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus & @Stockhausen:disqus – Your videos were unavailable for me?
    @Occams_Razor_Ramon:disqus & @moshoff:disqus – Always enjoyed those riffs.
    Ron Deuce – Gaza rip.
    @webb71:disqus & Brock Samson – Hard not to headbang along (even on a Sunday morn)
    @linkleonhart:disqus – Thanks for making it even fucking harder to choose now!

    In these situations with multiple contenders, I think I’ll end up voting myself (don’t wanna be stuck on 0 + I’m a pathetic worthless human…Whitecrapel told me so on a t-shirt this week)

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Same. I own Cretin so I could go to my iTunes to listen but no dice for Stocky

      • Lacertilian

        You voted for the 2nd best band from Tassie though right?

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I’d lie and say yes but seeing as you voted for yourself and you’re still languishing on 1 vote, the jig would be up pretty quick. Joe’s was my pick this week but I actually ended up clicking on W by mistake.

          • Lacertilian

            That’s not a mistake, that’s your body over-ruling your mind’s mistake

          • Maik Beninton

            That’s probably his mouse scroll fucking up.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            It’s probably my Sunday morning brain fart

          • Maik Beninton

            Where do you live for me it’s saturday night

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I live in Woy Woy mate

          • Lacertilian

            Maybe Dubya has rehashed the old Republican vote rigging machine?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            LOL, no man, I just discovered that Ghost Bath this week and it’s tasty.

    • Maik Beninton

      ”YOU ARE NOTHING
      WE ARE EVERYTHING”

      Whitechapel

      • Lacertilian

        Lookout

        • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke

          Makes you wanna ruffle their hair, pinch their cheeks and go “awwwwww, aren’t you a little rebel?”.

  • Much quality with the riffs this week everyone. This makes up for last week’s lack of them.

  • Scrimm

    Had I submitted the first riff of this would have got the nod. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb2QYWq6a14&list=PLc098orXi6ZDd_9pW8z8OT9DGEZnANmN1

    • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke

      At first, I was thinking of The Heavy’s first CD.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I was meant to vote for Joe but accidentally clicked on W. Lucky for W though because clearly Joe will win, while W needs all the help he can get
    *EDIT* actually Joe needed my vote to catch up to Link jajajaja

    • Scrimm

      Except Link has one more vote than Joe

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Yep, just edited to reflect that

        • Scrimm

          I see that 🙂

    • DAMMIT

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Sorry about that

    • VVayne Brady

      Thanks, man. Presheeacha.

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        Just like Florida!

    • I liked your ‘jajajaja’ 😛

  • LL

    Moshito! You get my vote.

    Thanks everyone for voting for my pick. I love you all.

    LL

    • Scrimm

      It was a good pick.

  • Kerry King

    Am I the only one who dislikes post White Pony Deftones? the albums afterwords sound like a load of shit with only a few decent songs (Minerva and Hexagram) yet fans go crazy for it. I really think they should have the heavier nu-er sound of the first three albums and Korn should go back to the industrial/nu metal sound of Issues which was they’re best album by far.

    • Lacertilian

      Well KK, I’ve never really enjoyed the Deftones at all.
      I’ll leave you with that one.

      http://www.the-drone.com/magazine/media/2013/02/Kerry-King-beard.gif

      • This gif made me gag a little.

        • Lacertilian

          Burger King tends to have that effect

        • Scrimm

          Maybe he’s twisting it up so he can wrap around his neck and choke himself.

      • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke

        I’m waiting for Tom to come down the mountain with the Ten Commandments.

        http://i.ytimg.com/vi/bLfh6mks1p0/hqdefault.jpg

        His transformation into a homeless version of Captain Abu Raed is almost complete!

    • count me in for post White Pony Deftones.
      i think their best work is located on Saturday Night Wrist, Diamond Eyes, and Koi No Yokan. i prefer their sexy, sultry take on hard rock.

      • Scrimm

        We also disagree on some things^

      • Further Down the Metal Hole

        Saturday Night Wrist is my favourite.

    • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke

      I never got into them, period. It’s not horrible, just bleh. Ever heard Palms? It’s their project with the guys from Isis (no, not the neanderthal terrorists).

  • JWG

    Multiple instrument riffs. Vocal riffs. This:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09j6vMdKi3E

  • JvRv

    Masterlord that riff put a smile on my face…but that Ghost Bath…and Nordling’s was so good…and oooooooh baby just got to Link’s….fvvvck gonna be hard to pick this week why Toilet why

  • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke

    Brock got my vote right off the bat. I loves me some Absu!

  • Virgil the Ghost Poet

    What’s a skonky? What does that mean? MasterPants how about an indie rock riff of the week? Seriously, what the fuck is a skonk?

    • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke
      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        ???? Huh!?!??

        • KimJongUn’s Dingleberry Smoke

          It’s like that first time grandma gives you a Werther’s Original, or swimming down rivers of chocolate with a gumdrop smile.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Oh! So its like Rollins Band!

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Yeah thanks for making me have to choose between Absu and Asphyx.

  • Lacertilian

    skronk Dissth

  • Count_Breznak