Riff ov the Week: 2-20-16

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Why must we stray from god’s light?

Welcome back, my friends. Apologies for the mishap last week, but we’re here again to listen to riffs and vote and shitpost and whatnot – our longstanding and most cherished Saturday tradition.

By binding royal ex-presidential decree, W. has declared next week Glam Metal Riff ov the Week. Why? Because he is a bad, bad man who hates us.

Send your glam riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff and a good explanation for what the fuck you’ve done.

Let today’s riffing commence.

 

Masterlord

Welcome My Last Chapter is an overlooked melodic black metal classic, on par with The Somberlain — believe it. It doesn’t get much more mournfully mystic than the riff that kicks the album off. Press play and let it run.

 

Vegglampe

You can pick anything from this album and get a riff capable of ripping faces off, but 1:27 is cool.

 

Old Man Doom

The outro riff that starts at 9:17 is the perfect example of what I love best about Enslaved: a bluesy, Pink Floydian lead over a blackened, spacey chord progression. The last few minutes of this song make me want to journey wide and infinitely across space, discovering the mystery of the runes myself and never returning to this cursed earth.

 

Jack Bauer

The riff that starts at 1:05 is currently my favorite fucking riff. It’s a good riff that riffs wonderfully as all riffs should do in order to be qualified as a good riff. Riff.

 

Dr. Derelict

Of course you should listen to the whole song, but the main riff really heats up at around 1:49.

 

Gorak

GORAK DECREE THAT RIFF AT 0:22 ROCKS!!!

 

Tigeraid

You know what? Fuck all this contemplative, technical elaborate shit [#SpayTech™ — Masterlord]. Shove a pack of smokes in your rolled up t-shirt sleeve, roll the window down in your ’94 Toyota Corolla, crank this shit up and HAMMER THE FUCK DOWN. Riff is the whole song, obv.

 

Bob Loblaw

This was my first exposure to Enslaved, on a Necropolis compilation disc (in addition to Impaled, Rotten Sound, In Aeturnum, etc). Its chock full o’ riffage but around 2:15 is where it gets nasty. Enjoy.

 

Ted Nü-Djent

Megadave can still riff with the best of them when he wants to and from about 2.29-3.15 is just one example off Dystopia. After the lackluster 13 and the absolutely terrible Super Collider I was not expecting much from Megadeth this time around but I gotta say that this album has been on heavy rotation in the house of Nuge. Non Megadeth fans will most likely continue to give no fucks and make the same tired old Megadeth jokes and that’s fine. Me? I’ll continue to listen, content in the fact that Old Yeller ain’t ready to be taken out the back just yet.

 

Defenestrator

Submit your life at 1:19.

 

Waynecro

The riff that begins at 1:48 is pretty groovy. At 2:03, the riff starts crushing a little harder. At 2:19, the riff blows up as J. R. Hayes screams like a madman and the drums start blasting. This musical explosion creates a massive shock wave capable of pulverizing all genitals in the vicinity.

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

The riff goes on from the beginning, but as the drums kick in at around 0:20 it sounds even better. It’s the kind of a riff I’d trade my mother for, if I hadn’t done for a lesser riff.

 

Lacertilian

Going against my spate of plugging something recent, I’m going back to the 90’s to pull out an old Dismember track from their Misanthropic EP that’s been kicking my arse the last couple of weeks. Here, the Swedes slow things down for a change and subdue their melodic-side to bring forth a punishing good ol-fashioned no-frills beasting. Starts at 0:00.

 

Boss the Ross

Havukruunu’s 2015 effort entitled Havulinnaan is one hell of a ripping album. And the riffs, the RIFFS kill! Whether its the hard thrashers or the ambient ones they satisfy all of my needs. My pick this week comes from the album’s closer, Unian Havulinnaan. The track starts off nice and at 3:28 starts to intermingle some fast and slow riffs and to double, nay, triple the excellence, the band opts for some throat singing. Right now, I don’t know how they could make it any better. Then 4:18 hits, and it hits hard. A mid paced riff that will snap your neck in two. And they give it to us for a full 40 seconds! And then a gnarly guitar solo and a melodic acoustic outro help to bring this song and album to an amazing close.

_______________________

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 26-02-2016 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Pick me!
  • Boss the Ross

    Good morning my fellow Porcelain Warriors!

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Boss the Ross, Boss the Ross, he’s Boss the Ross. He gets my vote.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Did someone say glam? Boy do I have a few choices for that!

    • Figures

    • more beer

      You will be the only one submitting a riff next week.

      • Boss the Ross

        An unfortunate fact.

        • more beer

          Yep. And the winner is JJD.

          • Boss the Ross

            Next week is actually a whiff in disguise.

          • more beer

            Is there even one good glam metal riff? There are none I can think of.

          • Boss the Ross

            My thing is, I listen to some bands that are lumped into the hair/glam scene, but I don’t think they should be. So i don’t want to submit a riff, because I don’t think they belong…

          • more beer

            I didn’t like glam in the 80’s Nothing has changed thru the years.

          • Boss the Ross

            Damn straight.

          • Maik Beninton™
          • Boss the Ross

            And i cringed at that too.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            My first win. It was a tie but it still felt like a loss

        • Stanley

          I submitted one.

          • Boss the Ross

            Now I’m interested…

            I’m going to try and find something to submit, we’ll see.

          • Stanley

            You watch. I’ve submitted Black Metal for a year and I’ll finally win with a glam riff.

          • Boss the Ross

            Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
            Time to start that Black Glam band!

      • Eliza

        I already did!

        • more beer

          If you lived n JJD’s area he would be in love.

          • Eliza

            Hehe!

      • Maik Beninton™

        JAG will too.

        • more beer

          Okay I can’t argue with that.

      • Waynecro

        Dude, seriously. I don’t really like any glam.

        • more beer

          Neither do I. As well as most here.

          • Waynecro

            I may have a riff or two in mind, but I don’t know whether they’re from bands that count as glam in a technical sense.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I think you will be surprised

          • more beer

            No I am old not much surprises me.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Ahem.

      • tigeraid

        I can ask my near-50-year-old friend who loves glam metal. He will give me a good suggestion.

        • more beer

          I’m 50 and I couldn’t give you a single suggestion here.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      NO STEEL PANTHER

      • i only know one person in here who likes them. name rhymes with “Joe Thrashnkill”

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Ahem. EDIT Sorry, replied to wrong comment

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I’m not putting them! There’s so much better.

      • tigeraid

        I just assumed that rule was unspoken.

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    So this is it, huh? I vote none.

    Also, Sulphur Aeon is like the poster child for getting you hyped up for an album based on cover art alone, only to basically piss in your cornflakes.

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    I voted Megadeth COME AT ME!!

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      DOWNVOTED

      • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

        Cruz/Mustaine 2016!!!!!

        • more beer

          That is just un American.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I hate Cruz as much as Sanders and Trump.

          • more beer

            Yea because Hilary is such a good choice, may as well vote republican if that’s the case.

          • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

            The only candidate you need to vote for this November is “ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo”

            Write me in.

          • more beer

            Are you even old enough? You have to be at least 35.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            GORAK WAAAAAY OLDER 35!!!!!!!!!! GORAK 4 PREZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

            Ted Cruz wasn’t even born in America, so apparently exceptions can be made!

          • more beer

            Allegedly neither was Obama!

          • Boss the Ross

            I’m voting more beer.

          • more beer

            I would get impeached. As I have lived a pretty crazy life. There would be allegations of drug abuse and whore mongering.

          • Boss the Ross

            Don’t worry I will slay the naysayers with steel!

          • more beer

            You will have to slay a lot of these! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4zHw1QkizA

          • Boss the Ross
          • just what this country needs!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            What’s wrong with drug abuse and whore mongering?

          • more beer

            Nothing as far as I am concerned. But the religious right here, seem to have a problem with it.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I’m 100% certain you’d vote for Trump.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Give me a second to down vote you…done.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

          • more beer

            Hahaha!!!!!!!!!!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I did not say that.

          • more beer

            It is right there in black and white.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            and we are lumping Sanders in with Cruz and Trump for what reason?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Sanders is as bad as them.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            he probably listens to dad rock tho

          • more beer

            This is what I am doing tonight. Not JJD’s Dad Rock.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            i bet Of Feather and Bone is gonna be doopee

          • Boss the Ross

            How was the show?

          • more beer
          • Boss the Ross

            Hell yeah man!

          • more beer

            My ears are still ringing! But I had a damn good spot for their set.

          • Boss the Ross

            Bad ass.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Lucky I’m not American

          • more beer

            Yes. But I am sure you guys have your own shitty politicians.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Yeah, even the politicians in their own party don’t like them so they’ll get rid of the PM midterm and put someone else in. Not as bad as the Italians and their presidents tho

          • more beer

            Italian Presidents and hookers! Which in all honesty. He could be doing worse things.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            That and the fact they’ve had something like 74 different leaders since the end of WWII

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I did too.

  • Boss the Ross

    That is a bad ass riff, Mr. Beargod sir.

    • Lacertilian

      As are most Melechesh riffs, especially from Emissaries.
      Although cantankerous, the Bear knows his way into my heart.

      • Boss the Ross

        Yeah, I’m definitely picking that album up in the near future.

        • Lacertilian

          Epigenesis and Sphynx are the other two I have, just picked up the latter on BC.
          Both recommended after Emissaries.

          • Boss the Ross

            Solid, thanks Mr. Lizardman.

  • Cold and evil RIFFS for a warm and sunny day. Fuck off!

    http://i.imgur.com/Jh1YWH6.jpg

    • more beer

      Gonna go see Primitive Man tonight!

      • That should be a night of blissful agony.

        • more beer

          In a very small grimy club it doesn’t get better than that!

          • Stanley

            Bring ear plugs.

          • more beer

            I’ve seen them in small spaces before. I know how loud they are. But I still won’t bring ear plugs. Not being able to hear. Just helps me tune out the rest of the human race.

          • Stanley

            There was about 30 people in the room when I saw them. There was no escaping.

          • more beer

            They sell out the small spaces here. They are one of the bigger local bands. I saw them last 4th of July in a small DIY space and it was packed. The next time they played there it was sold out.

          • I saw them from a balcony. It was pretty rad actually, the complete opposite of a small club. I’m sure it was one of the biggest if not the biggest stage P/M has played on.

          • more beer

            After tonight,they are at Netherlands Death Fest then an extensive European tour. So they will be starting off, playing a pretty big stage this time around.

          • Rad, they keep busy with the touring. Looking forward to new Vermin Womb. Hope that happens soon.

          • more beer

            This project is keeping them busy. Hopefully paid enough now that they don’t have to have jobs. So they can all just work on the different music they do.

    • 365ChaosRiddenDays

      Hi Tyree, name of this band?

    • RJA

      This record is probably my favorite of 2015 that got left of my list. Great fucking record.

      • SO GOOD! Although, I think it was a 2014 release. Maybe the vinyl came out last year though. Anyways, I need to check out their EP from last year still “Ecstasies of the Sabbath”.

        • RJA

          Yea, I think the vinyl came out 2015 – I did not know it was from 2014 though and I didn’t know they had an EP last year – thanks. I guess it was really left of my 2014 list because I didn’t even know about it.

    • Some Satanic Doom to crumble shit to the ground. Baltimore’s finest in doom… Oak.

      http://i.imgur.com/3vm3QBH.jpg

    • is it warm and sunny in your area too? we are experiencing 70+ degree weather in St. Louis.
      WAIT, oh no, i’m violating Stanley’s NO WEATHER rule!!!

      • Yup, he’s going to murder you and me with a sword that he forged from all the marathon medals he’s received.

        • i laughed heartily.

        • Stanley

          Ha ha. It’ll be a fucking broad sword. The sock drawer is creaking at the rails every time I open it.

      • Lacertilian

        It’s only fair, everytime he mentions running 43.6km in Portugal, someone must say it’s 34.1 degrees in Bulgaria.

    • DVRKBEVRD

      i wanted to like this album because i liked the cover so much :/

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Dr.Derelict, dear. That riff is pure awesomesauce.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Oth, Voidspawn has one of the best Demilich riffs Boman never bothered to record.
      Decisions, decisions…

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      What a pleasant surprise.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
    • Boss the Ross

      It’s so funky.

  • Maik Beninton™

    Is this glam ROTW going to be like the Nu ROTW where you accept every riff submitted?

  • Eliza

    I’m on the fence about the new Megadeth album. On one hand, it sounds miles better than the previous two records. However, it doesn’t have the energy of their better releases. That’s just how I feel anyway.

    • Boss the Ross
      • Eliza

        The thing is that, technically, this album is not all that great, but you can feel the passion and drive behind it, which is its saving grace. I don’t feel anything even remotely close to this in your the new songs.

        • Boss the Ross

          What do you mean not all that great? I respect your opinion, but that is some high quality Thrash Metal right there.

          • more beer

            That’s really the only Megadeth album I like.

          • Eliza

            Seriously? Not even Rust?

          • more beer

            Yea I was pretty much done with them after this. I was listening to more underground stuff back then and still. I moved on rather quickly from the big 4 bands. Except for Slayer.

          • Eliza

            But Rust is so good! I agree about Slayer, though.

          • more beer

            By the time that came out I just considered it way to commercial for my tastes.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            more beer plz! RIP is a top 5 of all time for me. How dare you not like what I like

          • more beer

            I didn’t realize I was obligated to like everything you like. I will try and remember that in the future. Hahaha!!!!!!!

          • Eliza

            That’s a shame! In my humble opinion, it’s one of the thrash metal albums ever.

          • i often consider it the best metal album. period!

          • Eliza

            It’s because of Dave’s singing voice the poor production quality, the rest is great.

          • Boss the Ross

            Hmm, that’s what I think makes it so great.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            AND GAR DRUMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Boss the Ross

            YES, HE SMASH GOOD!!

          • Eliza

            I see what you mean. To be honest, Dave’s vocals were never one of the main reasons I like Megadeth, it’s the instrumentation. In that regard, Killing is my Business is a very good piece.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            THIS is some high quality thrash metal.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PyvU9iSq50

          • Boss the Ross

            Naturally,
            I was jamming this earlier.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjoVw1YmSnk

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            For some reason the vocals on Vio-Lence always put me off.
            There’s not a lot of thrash metal I still care about (a lot of it sounds a bit too samey). But I still like the furious, devilish-sounding thrash.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p63k2dFHIvs&list=PL_Dm-xhk4f3HrvecTPwoKY3eOtST4DAJC&index=3

          • Boss the Ross

            Seems to be a consensus among a lot of people. I don’t mind them.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I know a lot of major thrash fans enjoy the shit out of that album. Including the vocals.
            Myself, I have quite my share of unpopular opinions. For examples, and to stay within the Vio-Lence topic, I still think Machine Head’s first two albums are fucking great.

          • Boss the Ross

            I tried liking Burn My Eyes, I just couldn’t get into it. I should give it another shot though.

          • oof, that’s probably a tough one now. Burn My Eyes might be considered a ‘right time and place’ kind of album, if you know what i mean.

          • Boss the Ross

            That could be it, it was just a few years back when I first heard it.

          • (i’ve got a theory, but i have to keep my voice down:)
            i think the ‘right time and place’ theory applies to bands like Spawn of Possession, where some dudes are like “they’re so good” but if that material came out now they’d be more like “no thanks for the tech death”

          • Boss the Ross

            Haha, i think your theory is sound and a few more could get put in that category.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Honestly, my prediction is that in 10 years from now few people will still give a shit about Spawn of Possession and a lot of other bands of their ilk. I could be wrong of course. Obscura probably has the most staying power out of that entire modern tech-death scene.
            Personally I don’t really care for most of that scene. I don’t mind some Obscura now and then, but I never saw the appeal of SoP or Necrophagist and the like.

          • Waynecro

            Spawn of Possession >>>>>>>>>>

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            You weren’t there, man. You wouldn’t understand, man

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I know exactly what you mean.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            If you can’t stand groove metal, trying to like BME will be a lost cause haha. The follow-up is severely underrated in my opinion. Somehow it’s much more atmospheric, like it has some kind of gritty ‘street’ feel to it. Their nu-metal era was an atrocity. After that they had one shining moment again with The Blackening. The rest of their discography (such as their last two albums) feels way too stale and bland to me. Flynn’s a dick though.

            While most of my tastes lie in the more ‘underground’ side of the genre, I’m just unable to hate ALL popular mainstream metal. 5FDP, Disturbed, BMTH, BFMV…are quite shitty and bad in my opinion. Machine Head, Lamb of God, Pantera…on the other hand aren’t actually ‘bad’ bands to me. Overrated? For sure. But I can’t call them ‘bad’.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            I always thought of The Blackening as bloated, and half the songs aren’t that good to begin with.
            Locust I actually liked more, nothing too good, but less bloat on the songs, more consistency. Songwriting and production weren’t great but probably ME’s only good-ish album.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            With The Blackening I as well got the feeling at times they threw some half-songs in a blender to create one full song with it. But the thing is that the end result felt memorable to me. I forgot about Locust as soon as I listened to it. Personally I kinda judge an album by how memorable it felt to me. I don’t necessarily need to ‘like’ it, as long as it came off as memorable. If I dislike it, maybe it can grow on me. I don’t like Nespithe or Focus, but at least those albums are memorable even if they don’t click with me. But if I can’t remember anything from an album after I listened to it, I won’t really bother with it anymore.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Nespithe>>>>>>>
            But then I don’t like morbid angel’s fourth album so what the fuck do know?

          • Boss the Ross

            Groove metal doesn’t bother me, Pantera is amazing. Just something about BME didnt click. I’ll check out their 2nd and Blackening though.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            BME is up there as one of the best debut albums of all time for me. 16 year old Ted couldn’t get enough of it. But that was 1993, not sure how it would fair if I only just listened to it for the first time now. I’d say I’d like it but I doubt my opinion would be the same

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Endless Pain is better becuz black metal

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Preach

  • 365ChaosRiddenDays

    Veggample gets my vote but some other infectious metal songs are in this post by Inquisiton, Dismember, Havukruunu and Chthe’ilist.

  • ME GORAK B.C.™

    MASTERLORDS NOT ANNOUNCE GORAK CO WINNER LAST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
    :'( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Oh yeah Gorak won last week

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        YEEESSS!!!!!!!!!!!! DO ME GET PICK A THEME??? SOLO OV YEAR FOR 2015, ME GOT GOOD ONE PICKED!!!!!!!

        • Deal.

        • Boss the Ross

          Dammit Gorak, that’s going to be difficult.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            TOO MANY GOOD SOLO CHOOSE FROM!!!!!!! BODOM, HIGH ON FIRE, BLIND GUARDIAN & MOAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Boss the Ross

            Exactly my point.

  • Apparently there is a band named Human Humus. That’s pretty gnarly.

  • RJA

    I just saw this on a metal torrent site I frequent –

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Ha ha ha ha

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Veggelamp + Sulphur Aeon = ?

  • Jack Bauer = our next Scrimm

    • Wat? I like wayyy to much music to be a scrimm

      • with your Demilich-esque pick

        • I don’t think I’ve ever heard demilich

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            You’re missing out big time. Nespithe is maybe the single best death metal album, ever. And a clear influence on Chthe’ilist (which isn’t to say the latter is a rip-off, or less great).

          • Scrimm

            Less great for sure

          • BobLoblaw

            Theyve been playing shows again, i really hope they put something new out. Danny Tunker is filling in for the Netherlands deathfest show they’re playing so thats a good sign I guess.

          • Scrimm

            Antti said in a recent interview he was going to start work on new material.

          • BobLoblaw

            Great news!

          • That’s quite a claim. Il have to check it out

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            DoIt.gif

          • Scrimm

            AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Opinions are divided on that album. Some (well, most people actually) think it’s a work of art, others think it’s comedy gold. Personally, I couldn’t listen to it without bursting into laughter.

          • BobLoblaw

            Nespithe and rejoice poser.

          • I actually just finished listening to it. Masterfuckingpiece instabuy

          • BobLoblaw

            I concur.

      • Scrimm

        I like tons of music

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          NOPE

    • Maik Beninton™

      NOPE

  • DVRKBEVRD

    i vote my brother in swole, for the pig destroyer pick

    • Waynecro

      When I’m running out of steam in the gym, that song makes me sack up, stop being a wuss, and finish strong.

      • DVRKBEVRD

        just for that, i broke out my pig destroyer vinyl

        • Waynecro

          Fuck yeah, man. I have the recent remaster of Prowler in the Yard on vinyl. So badass.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            i still got my eyes on that Mass & Volume too

  • Scrimm

    Only one vote for Dismember makes me sad

    • Lacertilian

      It’s yours right?

      • Scrimm

        Of course it is.

  • High on Vallenfyre

    Apparently I need to listen to Enslaved. What’s a good starting point for a poser who doesn’t like black metal?

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Well, you need to have patience for one. And I don’t talk about patience to sit through one album, I mean to sit through many if you’re going to take up the task. Enslaved cannot be pinpointed by any one of their albums, and hardly by two:

      So I say unto thee go in the order of Isa -> Ruun -> Mardraum (this is the album the song above comes from, so hold at least until here)

      • BobLoblaw

        Why does Monumension get no love I’ve always wondered. That album kills and seems to be the point that they started to transition into something a lot more proggy. Maybe like a lot of progression it alienated the fan base.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          I’ve never listened to much Monumension, and I don’t remember it being very special to my ears.

          • BobLoblaw

            Its all subjective of course but I could not have had a more different experience with that album.

    • i voted for Enslaved too, didn’t know they started out so black!
      start with the newest and work backwards; that way you’re starting with the most accessible (and proggy)

      • Didn’t know they started out so black? Who are you–GL?

      • BobLoblaw

        Check out Frost then man.

    • Old Man Doom

      Ruun and Riitiir are my favorites. Those albums changed my life, man.

    • BobLoblaw

      Monumension is excellent and a little out there.

  • DVRKBEVRD

    last two days’ haul

    • new…grinder?

      • DVRKBEVRD

        also more bluntz

        • Salvador Dalí Lama

          420 blunt it.

    • Super Nintendo Chalmers

      That Possession bruuuuuhh

      • DVRKBEVRD

        its a dope’n

    • RJA

      That Baptism in the upper left? I thought the chip clip was a gun for a split second!

      • DVRKBEVRD

        i get it, i need to clear off the table!!!!!! and yes

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Ben and Jerry’s should be a controlled substance. I’ve eaten 2 pints of it in 2 days.

    • Boss the Ross
    • DVRKBEVRD

      made in Bernie Sanders’ home state of Vermont

      • more beer

        By corporate hippy’s!

    • you got that right. i find myself doing the same thing, luckily with a cheaper brand than B&J. *screams to the heavens* have our parents taught us nothing?!?!

  • JWEG

    My late-morning-to-afternoon’s tunes (one song per whole album anyway), any one of which includes a potential riff submission I forgot to submit:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dbjcXQ-lDM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKc31s6Rptw

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6Epm0BUFag

  • Paris Hilton

    Fatal Illusion has some serious Poland-era riffage! Really reminds me of Peace Sells style thrash. I could go without Dave’s cheesy Republican lyrics though lol

    “These warnings of the downfall of America has been brought to you by the letter F. The letter F for Fox News and for fucked in the head!”

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    Fuck…Vegg or Waynecro…decisions.

    PS: not metal, but this band fucking rules:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvvhHT0B5ck

    • Stop liking whatever Ihatethony Metaltano tells you to like.

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        I don’t followthany himtano. I came across them via Amoeba records’ “What In My Bag” segment, YouTubed them and enjoyed them. If anything, I blame Henry Rollins and Michael Gira, who have also mentioned them before.

        • Thatwasthony Sarcasmtano.

          You’re still an individual in my book.

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            Sorry, I fearanthony associantano lol.

            I love that Amoeba segment. I’ve found some interesting stuff from some of the artist’s picks. Lightning Bolt had some interesting ones, including some art books.

          • The only one I’ve seen is the Chelsea Wolfe one. I don’t recall it being too enlightening though.

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            I don’t think I’ve seen that one. Travis and Derrick from Cattle Decap had a lot of interesting and good picks.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        He doesn’t hate metal, tho.

        • He either used to pose hard to seem “egalitarian” or he has caved in to pressure to review less metal. I think he reviewed 2 metal albums last year.

          Every time he reviews metal, the comments blow up with “This suxx ReVu moar HipHop pleez.” So in 2015 he reviews like 75% hip-hop.

          (All statistics fabricated by Bureau of Rectal Health.)

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            There’s a playlist of metal reviews he has done. Way more than 2 last year.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            and he didnt give The Underachievers’ album enuff praise

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Old Man Doom.
    Enslaved’s album ‘ISA’>>>>>>>>>>>

    • Old Man Doom

      ALL HAIL THE NIPPLE

  • Haven’t been here on a saturday in a while. Hello Toilet. New Chthe’ilist has gotta be my pick, but props to Gorak for posting something from Framing Armageddon. That album is pretty devoid in guitarwork, but I genuinely think it’s the most mature musical effort out of Iced Earth

  • Waynecro

    Man, this was a tough choice as usual. It came down to Vinterland, Sulphur Aeon, and Chthe’ilist.

    • Aaaaaand?

      • Waynecro

        I must thank you, Masterlord. I had never heard Vinterland before, and I really dig what I’m hearing. I’m a pretty big Dissection/melodic-black-metal fan, so Vinterland is my kinda jam.

        • Have you heard thullcandra?

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, I dig Thulcandra.

          • Upvoted

          • Waynecro

            I mean, what’s not to love about a tech-death wizard engaging in some Dissection worship?

        • Glad I could be of service! Like I said, it doesn’t deserve to be as overlooked as it is.

          • Lacertilian

            It’s a little more mopey in parts.

          • Moping is black metal and black metal is moping.

    • How you gonna leave us hanging like that?

      • Waynecro

        But if I say which riff I picked, it won’t come true! I learned this the hard way during the voting for the best unsigned bands.

  • How do you know a woman truly loves you?

    When you catch a dramatic case of food poisoning, shit the bed two nights in a row and she still does not ask you to move out.

    • BobLoblaw

    • Waynecro

      Congrats on finding her, man. I never even farted in front of my ex, and she still quit loving me.

      • In retrospect, you probably should have shat the bed at least once…

        • BobLoblaw

          Or in the tank once things started going south.

        • Waynecro

          I’m just happy I never got sick enough to put her through that unintentional love test.

      • more beer

        Maybe you have found the answer to women. Maybe sometimes you just gotta fart in their face.

    • How bad was this bed shitting?

      • It only takes a squirt to wake you up.

        But…

        …that’s probably enough to ruin most relationships.

  • BobLoblaw

    That Jack Bauer pick is seething with Demilich worship. Not a bad thing.

  • tigeraid

    Holy fuck I despise glam metal. How am I gonna come up with this. Is there some sort of back-door-hack I can do, like a thrash metal band that did a tune that makes fun of glam, or something?

    • Power Metal fan despises Glam…

      …Does not compute.

      • Boss the Ross

        Power Metal slays glam with STEEL!

        • Black Metal slays Power Metal with … um … bad feelings. 🙁

          • Boss the Ross

            Thrash Metal slays all with reckless drunk driving.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            So does glam. Vince Neil is the proof

          • Boss the Ross

            Glam slays mascara with blush.

      • tigeraid

        oh, you fucking heard me! There is a fine line, sir.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    That ‘air guitar’ has a fucking long neck.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      It’s an air cello

  • Guppusmaximus

    Why must we stray from god’s light?

    Because we are merely Souls of Sacrifice. {Can you say riffs for day?}
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTBktjCKOPc&index=4&list=PL6456C6A5C0EE7DB1

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I picked a doozy of a riff for next week. It’s so good.

  • Lacertilian

    Vegglampe gets the Lizard vote this week.