RIFF OV THE WEEK: 1/3/15

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Your break is nearly over. Soon you’ll be back to the grind. And not the good kind of grind, either. It’s the shit kind of grind, and it’s going to suck out your soul. The best thing you can do now is to end it on a good note and spend these precious hours filling your earholes with riffs. 

Last week was TovH’s 2014 Riff ov the Year, and I’m pleased to report that:

I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won!

Thank you all. This will go down in history as my greatest and only accomplishment.

Second place goes to some fucking chump who didn’t get as many votes as me.

 

BUSINESS:

  •  Next week, by kickass decree of Simon Phoenix, we’re doing fade out riffs. It’s exactly what it sounds like – they must be riffs that fade out at the end of the song. 
  • Send your fade out riffs to toiletovhell@gmail.com. Include your name.
  • If you have a good idea for a theme, be more like Simon Phoenix and OUT WITH IT. There are no wrong answers unless your idea is stupid.
  • Each one of you is special.

________

 

**BEFORE WE BEGIN, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT ONE VIDEO BELOW DISPLAYS NSFW ALBUM ART**

 

Masterlord

With the right tone and the right production, you can turn a simple and straightforward riff into pure nunslaying, headbanging evil. This kills. Turn it up and start it around 0:14.

 

Jack Bauer

I’m gonna have to go with Abysmal Dawn for another Riff of the Week submission because GOD DAMN THIS RIFF IS SEXY. These guys know how to write riffs, man. It starts out the song so I don’t need to provide the Masterlord with a time.

 

Zeke… or Isaac; whatever

Before Sentenced turned into a euro-metal/rock band, they put out what I consider to be two of the best melodic death metal albums ever.  This style would probably be considered “Gothenburg” death metal nowadays, but Sentenced were way more aggressive and nihilistic than any of those lifeloving Gothenburg bands (excluding Dissection of course).  Riff starts at about the 50 second mark.

 

Brock Samson

Time for a little bump and grind.  Start at 0:51.

 

Xan

Though this album was mostly boring drivel, I found the riff starting at 0:35 in “Kill the Elite” to be exceptional. It reoccurs several times during the song.

 

Max

Let’s lose our flesh with Dismember. Dismember are one of those bands where each riff is its own distinct entity; you actually don’t have to necessarily listen to the whole song to “get the vibe”. In fact, if you took a whole Dismember album and chopped it up to rearrange the riffs randomly, it’d probably still be just as good to listen to – and make as much sense. That’s because they almost never change key, or tone, or scale, or… vibe.

Anyway, this one’s between 1:22 and 1:48.

 

Kim Jong Un Oozes Beef Stew

I don’t even know where to start with all the riffs Galneryus has, but sit back at the 2 minute mark and stand in fucking awe!

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

Amoral’s story is a strange one. Beginning near the change of the century they played tech-death. After their meh-inducing debut they began to slip into a more death/thrash direction with better results. But the biggest change happened right before album number 4. They hired Finnish Idols-winner Ari Koivunen as their vocalist and descended into power metal. Now, for the most part Koivunen was a weak Tony Kakko cover-version and the albums didn’t exactly shine enough to shake off the cries of their old fan-legions now abandoning them. Until, on the year of our lord 2014, they put out Fallen Leaves & Dead Sparrows. The best prog rock/metal record of the year. Koivunen steps up his game and brings forth more emotion, instead of the Ripper Owens-syndrome of mechanistic outpour. “Prolong A Stay” has one particularly catchy riff featured, at multiple locations, 2:25 being one. This song, and album won me over and made me a fan.

 

Johnny Crunch

I love the main riff that drives this song but a special mention goes to the riff that kicks in at 2:31.

 

George Lynch

I hate to flaunt my own badassness, by the following riff is the cat’s ass! Dokken’s version of “Mr. Scary” off their Back for the Attack LP is clutch. The riffs are flashy, digestible, and worthy of multiple and sizable public boners. However, the album version of the song is tamed down such that GL himself could repeatably play der riffs. Tamed down is not what I am all about, people! Of all the videos I have seen of GL laying down the law/riffs on slackjaw-posers, this takes the possum’s pouch. The ferocity of his presentation (in the video I am about to present, shot in 2012) is second to none. This weeks riff starts at 3:13 and runs until 3:15. Make sure to pay attention, the riff does not last long! Also, this is an actual riff guys, not a whole GOD DAMN song. So flush the posers who say things like “der main riff in this song is sooo goood.” Oh yeah? The main riff? Which one of the 5 main riffs are you talking about? FLUSH. #stayGLmafucker

 

Howard Dean

From the godfathers of the orthodox underground, Malign. The main riff in this song is glorious. Hallelujah! That guitar tone could kill a man – and probably has. Riff starts at the beginning of the track.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 04-01-2015 08:59:59
Poll Results:
All I know is my gut says...
  • WHOOPS

    Uuuh, dat Sentenced. Love that album.

    • Zeke… Or isaac; whatever

      Totally under appreciated album. Destroys In Flames and At The Gates. Lots of Finish love this week… Suomi!!! Or whatever they say up there

  • As tickled as I am to see Galneryus on here, my body won’t let me not vote for Dismember.

    • Scrimm

      Yeah it was over as soon as I saw Dismember.

    • HessianHunter

      I too desired to vote for the glorious cheeseballs of Galneryus, but Scott Hull just wouldn’t let me do it. Dude’s too tasty.

  • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

    GL got my vote. That guitar solo ruled so much.

    • Edward #negrodMMXV

      I kinda want to vote for Max, because it’s Max.

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        I love the picks GL uses so I usually vote for him.

        • Edward #negrodMMXV

          I have voted for HD several times – cause of the riffs, not just because it’s HD lol.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I like a lot of the riffs he picks but I usually like GL’s picks more.

      • Max

        If I ever run for office, that’ll be my campaign slogan.

        • Edward #negrodMMXV

          I’ll send you my address for those fat fat royalty checks – you get those from political ads, right?

          • Max

            As soon as I line up some wealthy donors, you’ll get enough royalty cheques to attain royalty, Edtr00.

  • I’ll take Pig Destroyer any day of the week, no shortage of riffs with them.

    • Lacertilian

      No shortage of riffs but their riffs are very short.

    • unless they’re doing their boring DOOM thing

  • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

    Howard Dean is the Masterlord Riffdragon for sure.

    • Howard Dean

      Byah! USA and Finland: allies for a better tomorrow!

  • Commander Shepard

    I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite blog on the Citadel.

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    Why do we write the riffs? Some spent their lives building, tinkering, exploring every musical realm, note, harmony and melody to discover the best riff they can make. A step closer to a riff driven society.

    Commence the judging.

    ONE TAIL, ONE HEAD: Not so much headbanging as slight bobbing of the head. Mediocre and unoriginal.
    ABYSMAL DAWN: Nothing special once again, boring chugging. Any other band could have written this one. funnily enough, the riff in the pre-chorus is actually quite good.

    SENTENCED: This one is pretty good. It’s original and well performed. The keyboard in the background give it a sinister vibe, bringing a great build-up for the fast bit that comes after.
    PIG DESTROYER: This one is great. Provides the necessary release for the tension-building of the other riffs.
    KATAKLYSM: Decent. Nothing special.
    DISMEMBER: While not badly written or performed, it falls completely flat. I can see what it’s supposed to do, but it doesn’t do it.
    GALNERYUS: This is a solo, not a riff. Decent solo though.
    AMORAL: This is decent. The only slightly remarkable thing in a shitty song.
    POISEN IDEA: You call this a riff? This is completely unremarkable, boring and replaceble. Terrible vocals don’t make it better. The only good thing about this is that it’s short.
    DOKKEN: This is a solo, NOT A RIFF
    MALIGN: HALLELUJAH, finally a riff that doesn’t suck. I can always rely on you Howard. Guitar tone and drum sound add to the greatness.

    Winner: Howard Dean of course. Everyone else except Brock Samson and Zeke needs to do their homework.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

    About next week. Is it only in the case where the riff progressively becomes quieter and fades or will, say, a case where the riff’s last note rings out becoming progressively quiter and fading the song accepted.

    • I’m thinking Simon Phoenix was referring to the former.

      • Simon PhoenixKing

        This, or you can pick a riff that gets simpler as it fades until just the base note is left playing.

        My pick sort of falls into this category.

    • tertius_decimus

      I’ve sent my submission already but I know it sucks. I have rather cool fade-in riff in mind.

  • BLVKKBEVRDED DRVGON

    awww, I guess my riff sucked too much

    • BLVKKBEVRDED DRVGON

      anyway, I’m giving my vote to KJU because Japan.

  • RustyShackleford

    Pig Destroyer. Yep.

  • KJM

    Malign, BYAAHH!!

  • VVorld Peace

    This week I say, “Go Team Venture!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww-OkhQL2O8

    • KJM

      Can’t wait for Season 6. Soon.

      • VVorld Peace

        Man, I need to catch up. I think I watched up until Season 4, maybe.

        • KJM

          Many storyline revelations during Season 5.

          • Guacamole Jim

            But…… waaaaay too much Sgt. Hatred.

          • KJM

            Yeah, but he’s the bodyguard now.

          • That can be changed, hopefully with Brock snapping his head off his shoulders!

          • I can’t fucking stand Sgt. Hatred! They need to bring back tons more Brock and my favorite, Dr. Orpheus!

            “I am a necromancer! Do you even know what that is?!”
            “A guy who has sex with dead people?”
            “I’m a necromancer, not a necrophile!”

          • Guacamole Jim

            Dr. Orpheus is seriously the best. The music that plays every time he talks just slays me.

            BRB going to binge on Venture Bros for a few weeks.

          • JamesGrimm

            yep

        • Brock Samson

          Season 4 is great, but season five felt a little lack luster. More core characters and less random side characters no one cares about would be great.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    Thanks for the reminder, man. This year is going to grind my brains with a fucking buzzsaw.

    • VVorld Peace

      Do you start matching this year?

      • Renan Ribeiro

        Kinda, in Brazil you take individual exams for each hospital you want to pursue residency in. I’m also planning to take USMLE exams and if that goes through, I’ll have the matching process as well.

        • VVorld Peace

          My wife has to take Step 1 this summer.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            Cool. Best of luck to her!

            It’s a big test but from what I’ve seen from previous exams they don’t try to trick you, they just want to measure how much you know. In our tests here there are a lot of trick questions designed to make people go down

          • VVorld Peace

            That sucks. Best of luck to you! When do you take them?

          • Renan Ribeiro

            By the end of the year, first tests are in November. Hence the grinding year that comes prior to it. Worst case scenario I won’t get in a residency at first try, but I’ll be able to work as a generalist doctor by then 🙂

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Malign. That is all.

  • I’m voting for Max. Dismember is one of my favorite death metal bands (the first one I ever listened to). Amazing song.

    • Max

      Your name backwards is Nax, which is very close to my name; so it’s not surprising we’ve got common ground on this.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    Listening to the riffs this week is the first thing outside of binge watching Sons of Anarchy. Brazilian netflix only has 5 seasons, I watched them all in 8 days and now I need something to fill this hole before the last two seasons hit the stream.

    • Check out Fringe from the beginning.

    • then you’ve seen the good seasons of Sons. i don’t have Netflix, but these are my favorite shows: Hannibal, Luther, Comedy Bang Bang, Arrow

      • Renan Ribeiro

        Are the last two bad by any means? I’m looking for a download. After they took piratebay down a good chunk of my internet activity is no more.

        • personally, i feel the show become Flanderized with the last two seasons. in fact, i sleep just fine at night knowing that i stopped watching after season 7, episode 2. so bad. like LOST season 6 bad. but many people LIKED it! so who knows.

  • I’m just happy to see Stockhausen’s cat ‘shopped again.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    Toss up between Piggy Destroyer and Malign.

    Mr. Howard Dean has earned my vote.

    • Maik Beninton

      agree

      • VVorld Peace

        Are you new here? If so, hail and greetings from the toilet!

  • Woohoo, mine got chosen! Now vote for me, ya monkeys, or I’m implementing our 3 Generations law!
    Uuuuuuuummmmmmm, I mean, us in Best Korea will understand and treasure your opinion. *throws a tarp over the gulags before the UN arrives. Nothing to see here, folks!*

  • Guacamole Jim

    Very cool to hear Sentenced that isn’t goth rock! I had no idea.

    • Zeke… Or isaac; whatever

      Their death metal albums were pretty special. It’s too bad they went in another direction

    • WHOOPS

      Their early albums are grrrrreat.

      • Yep! I still have their ‘Buried Alive’ DVD, and almost always skip to the DM stuff where they brought in the original singer.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tweTnx_5T8Q

      • Guacamole Jim

        So I’m discovering. I used to be really into HIM (yeah, I know) back in the day, so I went on a binge of Finnish goth rock bands. Sentenced was one of the bands I discovered, along with To/Die/For (who actually had some decent tunes).

        • WHOOPS

          I’ve been delving into Finnish dark ambient/ritual ambient scene.

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

          My cousin used to love HIM. I never got into them that much but I do love their covers of Don’t Fear The Reaper and Wicked Game.

  • BLVKKBEVRDED DRVGON

    There’s a new Hooded Menace album coming very soon called Gloom Immemorial. Prepare yourselves.

    • VVorld Peace

      I can dig.

      • BLVKKBEVRDED DRVGON

        I’ll let you guys know how good it is here in a little 😉

    • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

      It’s a tasty release indeed. It’s impossible to get those splits anywhere.

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

        I didn’t even realize that’s what it was. Stupid me. It is awesome tho.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

          It’s awesomeness is absolutely NOT reduced by it’s compilation status, nor did I mean to imply so.

          In fact, I am sporting a magnificient HM-hat right now.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

            There was a copy of Effigies of Evil in that yellow/orange color used at the record store, I really should have bought it.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

            Yes, you should have.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

            I might would bet its still there.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

            Could be, I’m under the impression that, for some reason, is hardly ever the biggest sales article.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

            These hipster-wannabes around here wouldn’t know a good album if I threw it at them Shaun of the Dead-style.
            http://media0.giphy.com/media/RohmPXxoOjlGU/giphy.gif

  • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

    Here’s my ROTW. I saw Asia back in 2012 on this tour. It was the last tour with Steve Howe and it was awesome. This wasn’t the show I went to but the riff at the beginning of this song just rules. Steve Howe does look like he is 167 though.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTRs7uU9frY

    • WHOOPS

      Dammit Wetton! You were so good with Crimson and then you decided to make this horrible thing.

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        Don’t insult Asia! They wrote good AOR. Not even Journey could top these guys!

        • WHOOPS

          Good AOR is an oxymoron, mate.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            You think this is bad? Try listening to this. It’s an Asia concert where the only original member is Geoff Downes and the singer is John Payne. Also, because I like to make you cringe here’s the Asia In Asia concert where the singer is the one and only Greg Lake!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q01nmfbJ4TI

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H65D4u6zIiY

          • WHOOPS

            Fucking Greg Lake. Why’d you have to do all this shit after Crimson? Whyyyyyyyy?

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

            Look at all dat hair, doe.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I just love to torture you.

          • KJM

            Not during the 70s-early 80s.

          • WHOOPS

            Even during that period

  • Scrimm

    I saw sentenced live opening for someone, Can’t remember who, and it was the single most lolbuttz concert experience ever. They were visibly shitfaced, one guitarist didn’t even come out until after the first song(he was standing off the side of the stage and it looked like he was fixing his hair). After that the singer knocked the mic out of the stand and was so drunk he didn’t even notice. He sang most of the song into the mic stand before he figured it out. It was a small club and my very large friend stood at the bar just opposite of stage center and booed as loud as he could after every song. Now I can’t stop laughing.

    • Zeke… Or isaac; whatever

      I think the lead guitarist drank himself to death, so that story sounds about right. If you think about it, sometimes seeing a band play terribly is more fun than seeing them play well.

      • JamesGrimm

        or depressing..

      • WHOOPS

        He died of a heart attack that was caused by genetic heart disease.

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

          That’s sad.

        • Zeke… Or isaac; whatever

          I feel like I heard that he died from alchoholism. I could definitely be wrong though.

  • I came here just to say that my vote goes to Howard Dean. I’m moving my hobo head to the beginning riff.

    I would voted for the Galneryus one, but it’s the solo that grabs me. I loved that guitar tone.

    Close competitors: Pig Destroyer and Sentenced. I need to check those early Senteced discs to expand my melodic death merol knowledge.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    The avatar says it all

  • Lacertilian

    For me it came down to @webb71:disqus Zeke (Sentenced) or @disqus_tQGvq7i64T:disqus.

    • WHOOPS

      Vem did you vote?

      • Lacertilian

        I think Zeke got my vote in the end.
        I think I need to listen to some more Sentenced.
        Who got your vote an00se?

        • WHOOPS

          I like Finland and I like Sentenced, so I voted for Sentenced. North From Here is such a good album!

          • Lacertilian

            Sound logic.
            Is the Kalevala a good read?

          • WHOOPS

            I’m not sure if it’s good in English or other languages. In Finnish it’s a good one.

          • Amorphis did several albums based on it, if I remember correctly. Or am I thinking of the Katelatar (or something like that)?

          • Zeke… Or isaac; whatever

            No, you are correct; it was the Kalevala. For a North Korean dictator, you have pretty good knowledge of early 90s Finnish death metal.

          • *takes a bow and cuts a fart*

      • i think you and i might have been the only people voting for Abysmal Dawn…

        • WHOOPS

          Yes, if this would be whiff of the week. I’ve missed you btw.

          • likewise. i haven’t been on my computer since the new year, so gotta play catch-up!!

          • WHOOPS

            WHOOPS will be gone soon and something better will replace it.

          • you tease! will it rustle the pirate’s jimmies?

          • WHOOPS

            Dunno. If he hates beautiful animals, then yes.

  • KJM
  • KJM
  • WHOOPS

    Death in the sea, death in the sea.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6CuOld2ldrc

    • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

      What’s your opinion on Nektar? These guys are one of my favorite second tier prog bands alongside Camel and Gentle Giant.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF5M6lQB-II

      • WHOOPS

        Nektar is a good band. Here’s some Wigwam.
        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qf8nrpTCxSQ

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

          I’ve never heard of these guys. Are they better than UK? I never liked that supergroup Wetton did with Eddie Jobson. It just wasn’t good.

          • WHOOPS

            They’re Finnish, one of the most known Finnish prog bands. They’re pretty good, but they did the same as many other prog bands, which is changing to pop later.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            A lot of prog bands did that. PFM probably did the worst job at turning pop while Camel at least made Stationary Traveller which I loved.

          • WHOOPS

            This is probably my favourite Finnish prog album. Too bad Haikara didn’t make too many good albums. Their first is extremely good.
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nvvPOH-DpqI

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I’ve heard of these guys before. I listened to that album and enjoyed it a year ago.

          • Curious if anyone here’s heard Grand Illusion, speaking of old school prog/AOR bands.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMp9F52vaaA

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            Never heard them. I’ll give them a listen.

          • Or more often AOR. Which is sorta the logical next step.

      • Not bad!

  • Simon PhoenixKing

    As much as I like 1T1H, I was all set to vote for Max cause I skipped over Dismember too many times.

    But then I listened to Howard’s pick. Goddamn son that riff is tasty.

  • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

    I’m fucking enraged. Apparently Wishbone Ash came to my area in September and I didn’t know it. They played at a venue a half an hour from me. They better come back to my goddamn area.

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

      Life sucks, then you die.

    • Wanna get laid with a hot Brazilian model? Vote for me!

    • KJM

      This happened to me twice last year. I discovered both Saturnalia Temple and Wo Fat just months after they’ve played shows in my area, both of them just a short subway ride away.

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        I hope they come back. They’re doing another US tour apparently for their new album. I hope they go there.

  • BLVKKBEVRD’S KRVCKPOT YDOL

    Have an emo girlfriend? Wanna get laid?
    http://youtu.be/dwX2WjckXos
    if she’s not interested, tell her to give me and my old lady a call.

  • Arrrrrrrrrrgh, definitely losing on this one, but thanks for any and all votes! And I leave you with this riff:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVj-fc1M_D0

    • WHOOPS

      Loveless is an overrated album.

  • KJM

    Is meth an acceptable substitute for Diet Mountain Dew?

  • musta

    When I opened this page the Malign track loaded in every embedded video. I thought what a fucking good taste and good sense of humour from all of you. Then I pushed refresh and now I’m sad.

  • Jack Bauer, George Lynch, Howard Dean… how can I possibly vote for one of you over the other two?

    oh yeah, i can’t; it’s too late to cast a vote! (Jack it’d probably go to you)

  • Grimmace

    Whoa! Regardless of who won, the George Lynch guitar raping was unbelievable! Cheers