Riff ov the Week: 11-28-15

Guitar player with attitude sticking his tongue out while playing his hard rock

His hard rock.

We at the Toilet ov Hell sincerely hope you all had a great Thanksgiving full of turkeys, pies, and the special kind of comfort that comes with desperately trying to convince yourself that there are good things about your life.

Last week, KJU destroyed you all because the band he picked posted the contest to their Facebook page. Some of you peed all up inside your pants and created little baby eye-waters of outrage. It’s fair game, dorks. Try to get your picks to share the contest. Anytime someone shares an article from this blog, Joe’s arms grow a centimeter in circumference and W. finds a killer sale on sweater vests.

Next week:

  • We’re doing a theme. I was pleasantly surprised at the somewhat positive reception of my Tokyo Blade pick last week, and have determined that we will only be accepting NWOBHM riffs next week. Here’s a catch – the album containing the riff must have been released before 1990. Get digging.
  • Send your NWOBHM riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, let me know.
  • Here we go, then.

 

Masterlord

Daaaaaamn, this one gets me every time. Absolutely crushing. Riff starts at around 0:30, but you really need to start from the beginning to experience it in all its lethal glory.


 

Richter

Gather round, kids. Join me in the Poser Corner. Poser Disclosure Time: I do not really care for Darkthrone. I can take them or leave them. By and large, their tunes are neither offensive nor the opposite to my ear. But there is one single solitary lonely Darkthrone tune which lives deep, deep within my heart. And it is this one. I came upon it in some documentary about the making of Transylvanian Hunger. I watched the documentary for purely historical/anthropological reasons. But the tune stopped me dead in my tracks (mind you, I was sitting up in bed). As far as I know, Darkthrone has never attempted to expand into this melodic direction, let alone repeat it. The song reeks of something Ulver might have attempted in their Bergtatt days. Put on your listening ears at 4:15. If you turn the volume on your device of choice all the way up, you just might be able to hear the heartrending brilliance unfold. Like lightning in a bottle. Or a lightning bug in a bottle. Both equally unlikely, depending on where you live. (What? Shut up. Darkthrone is a cop-out and you obviously couldn’t think of anything original to submit. Go to bed.)


 

Lacertilian

The variants of this riff that bookend Pale Chalice’s 2015 album Negate the Infinite and Miraculous are as magnificent as they are malevolent. If the versions found at the start of the album light the candles that flicker so alluringly, the alterations found here at the start of the final track ‘Stigmatic Glands Through Supernal Rifts’ (33:57) blow those flames out and leave you shrouded in the dark.


 

Super Nintendo Chalmers

The whole thing is a monster. Hardcore. Make sure your flatbrim snapback comes correct or I’ll see you in the pit. Bring your own locker.


 

Jack Bauer

The first riff in this song starts at 42 is a surprisingly bouncy riff but it’s catchy as fuck and later on in the song around 3:47 it comes back during a solo and its fucking sick. This band is fucking sick. Lost Soul is fucking sick. Sick.


 

Eliza

The riff that starts at 00:10 is pure NWOBHM goodness.


 

Ted Nü-Djent

I’ve been recently introduced to пурген (translated as Purgen) , a Russian anarcho punk band from umm, Russia. The riff in this track mixes punk with Traditional Russian music (well it sounds like it does) which first appears at about 35 seconds then recurrs at the 1.51, 2.47 and 3.44 in increasing intensity. This song is catchy as fuck and has been on heavy rotation in The Nuges household all week. Definitely worth checking out more of their stuff, just don’t bother trying to read the comments on YouTube (unless you have an affinity for vodka, caviar and refer to your friends as comrade). Nostrovia!


 

Waynecro

I found my copy of Samael’s Ceremony of Opposites in the used section at Wherehouse Music many years ago. At the time, the internet wasn’t a thing, and checking out underground bands was difficult. Back then, this CD was the blackest black metal I had ever heard, and it blew my mind. Whenever my parents would leave me and my brother home alone, we’d use my dad’s sweet sound system to blast this CD as loud as we could. “Baphomet’s Throne” always stood out to me as particularly awesome. It just sounds evil, and the riff at 1:39 perfectly exemplifies the black-metal groove I’ve come to love.


 

Boss the Ross

Sacred Worlds, by the almighty Blind Guardian, starts of with an exquisite orchestral introduction which kicks into to an excellent segment of riffage around the 1:25 mark. Simple yet effective, with a nice touch of harmonics, this riff explodes the album At The Edge Of Time into the heavy metal excellence it is. Behold the power! [Vote for this riff. — Masterlord]

 

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 29-11-2015 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Who?

Written by:

Published on: November 28, 2015

Filled Under: Riff of the Week

Views: 1761

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    Obligatory Blind Guardian vote

    • Eliza

      Same for me.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        You’ll be happy to know I voted for yours because #NWOBHM .

        • Eliza

          Thanks! #NWOBHMFOREVER

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      If this were Whiff of the Week, then yes.

      • Super Nintendo Chalmers

        Total whiffage.

      • Maik Beninton™

        If that was the case I would vote for Darkthrone, that was meh at best.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        I miss whiff of the week 🙁

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          I miss the state of nonbeing I was in before I was born 🙁

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      I almost voted for Blind Gaurdian, but I’m a sucker for classic early 90’s 2nd-wave Norwegian Black Metal…

      • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

        Fair enough. Its the other good riff.

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      VADER WAS TUFF NOT PICK!!!!!!!!!! BLIND GUARDIAN ROCK!!!!!!!!!!

      • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

        Guardian, guardian, guardian of the blind!

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Thank you, o splitter of beards!

  • ┼yree

    “I do not really care for Darkthrone.” Fuck off!!!

    http://i.giphy.com/6b7eZDk2s5Heo.gif

    I still voted for you. I’m glad you are armless though.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Ey have you checked out Vassafor

  • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

    Thanks Masterlord!
    These riffs are good today.
    I cant wait for next week! NWOBHM!

  • Dubs

    Masterlord, I have submitted that very same riff before.

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Dubs, Elizas embed is broken for me.

      • Dubs

        Dunno what to tell ya. It’s working for me.

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          Huh, refresh did it.

          Fucking wankers

    • Dubs

      Edit: Wait, no, I submitted the open rhythm riff.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Ha ha ha that pig is playing guitar

  • Ground Beef Booger Riot

    “KJU destroyed you all because his balls are so amazingly huge, and he’s built like a chiseled behemoth of beef and steel.’ FTFY 😉

    As I do my victory dance: http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/funny-gifs-godzilla-victory-jump.gif

    I’d have to wonder how many converts/new members we got from Ghost Bath posting the song on their page. It definitely caught me off guard that they posted the article on their page, which I’m guessing means they are regular viewers on here.

    • Dubs

      They deleted it after someone accused them of cheating.

      • Ground Beef Booger Riot

        I don’t see how it could be considered cheating, but oh well.

        • Dubs

          Said perpetrator was chastised for crying foul.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Lol, I missed out on that one. *puts the boo box back in the closet*

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        It seems to me that we should be trying to get as many eyes on this blog as possible. Who knows what could happen? I’ve had plenty of people tell me they’ve spent money on a band based on my say so.

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          Those were my thoughts, KJ

        • Ground Beef Booger Riot

          Exactly. That seems far more important than winning a contest with no prize outside of bragging rights. It’s a contest for voting on a riff, not voting for the President or a Supreme Court Justice.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Supreme court justices are appointed

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Oh, picky picky! :-p

          • more beer

            He is correct.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Yes, but those Supreme Court Justices will never be Supreme Leaders (who are voted in fairly by triumphant democratic elections)!

        • Dubs

          That was Joe’s point with addressing the accuser.

        • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

          DOPETHRONE!

    • Óðinn
    • Waynecro

      I love Ghost Bath. When Anthony Fantano compared them with Deafheaven, I puked a little.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Not liking deafheaven but liking ghost bath, now thats a paddlin

        • Waynecro

          I don’t dislike Deafheaven, but I like Ghost Bath way more. Sunbather has a few strong jams, and I like a thing or two on New Bermuda, despite that one song’s totally biting “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        Fantano is right
        Deafheaven>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Ghost Bath

        • Waynecro

          I prefer Ghost Bath.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I will beat you up!

          • Waynecro

            COME AT ME, BRO!

  • Ground Beef Booger Riot

    As much as I wanted to vote for Samael, my vote went to Eliza, since I haven’t heard Savage in god knows how long.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Just a shame samael are utterly forgettable now.

    • Ground Beef Booger Riot

      Yeah. Xy’s newest solo CD is fucking amazing though.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjEINHMiL2M

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Seen them at a concert many years ago and it wasn’t anything like the concert footage in the video above. The concert in the video looks like fun and there’s a real drummer drumming real drums, whereas whatever iteration of Samael I happened to see play live did not have a real drummer and was almost definitely less fun….

      • Ground Beef Booger Riot

        Well, Ceremony Of Opposites era Samael is when they had a real drummer. After that, IIRC, Xytras started using drum machines so he could concentrate on the keyboards as well. It’s pretty much just been him, Vorph and a constantly rotating lineup for quite some time now.

        • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

          I actually kinda dig their album ‘Eternal’, and I’m not sure why. Ceremony of Opposites and Passage were probably their best.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            I love all three, but starting with Reign Of Light, they became pretty bland and insanely formulaic.

        • Zeke

          I’m pretty sure the follow up EP rebellion was the last album he played drums on

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Shit, almost forgot that one! That was really really hard to find back in the day.

          • Zeke

            Great album

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        They kinda shat the bed after the Ceremony of Opposites era. Also the concert in the vid is probably at least slightly choreographed.

        • Ground Beef Booger Riot

          Actually, I’d say Passage was their best one. They actually became a thought-provoking band on that one, versus yet another “Hail Satan, yes Satan, we’ll be your cabana boys Satan” band.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Let’s agree to disagree.

          • Zeke

            The string of ceremony, rebellion, and passage was their peak imo. Really well written evil sounding shit that was totally different from any other black metal I’ve ever heard. I’m pretty sure ceremony was my first black metal album.

    • Waynecro

      I like a few songs from each of Samael’s newer albums, but Eternal is the last one I really liked. “Supra Karma” is a beast.

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    I’m going to need a lot of lockers today.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    I like the riff that Ted Nügent chose. I’m not voting for it cuz everything else about that song and video is lolbuttz.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple plz!

  • Spear

    That man looks like a thumb that’s about to puke.

  • Old Man Doom

    Never heard them before, but wow, I can get behind that Pale Chalice big time. Thanks, Lizardbro. Have a vote.

    • Lacertilian

      Check the album mate, will not disappoint. Got me through a good deal of Winter

  • EsusMoose

    Boss, then Ted, then Lizard.

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Thanks EsusMoose!

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Thanks for thinking of me at least

      • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

        You had a good riff man.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Next week, I’m playing it safe with a riff that 5 others have probably already submitted

      • EsusMoose

        You were the one I was gonna vote for, then I remembered I forgot to listen to the last two entries

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          :/

  • I simply cannot believe that I recognize the band Masterlord submitted

  • Guppusmaximus

    Riff of the Week is the foundation for one of the most underrated & forgotten tracks..
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdkK1zVWil0

  • Óðinn

    “Anytime someone shares an article from this blog, Joe’s arms grow a centimeter in circumference.”

    What about his hands? 😉

    Sorry Joe.

  • tertius_decimus

    > unless you have an affinity for vodka

    True. Russian people are degrading rapidly due to sheer amount of alcohol they consume on a regular basis.

    > caviar

    False/stereotype. Most Russians have no money to afford caviar unless they live in St. Petersbourg or Moscow for obvious reasons, or Kamchatka where caviar is cheap. Think of transportation costs in such a huge country where logistics are the most difficult in the world.

    > and refer to your friends as comrade

    False/stereotype. While modern Russia tries to look like USSR version 2.0, you may hear “comrade” adress mostly in sarcastic way and not often. People do treat each other in a way like any average american does.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      I call my friends comrades without sarcasm
      #ComradeTapirFacts

      • tertius_decimus

        It’s because you’re unique, one-of-a-kind Tapir.

      • Lacertilian

        “Friends”

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          Yes, friends. None of you are on that exclusive list (tbf, no one really wants to be on that list).

          • Lacertilian

            Surely by “friends” you mean “those who must endure my abuse”?

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            *stench

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I don’t smell good, but neither do I smell bad. I am of neutral smell.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Probably smells like sun dried smegma.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Tapir Dictionary:
            Friend
            Noun
            A person I don’t hate as much as the others.

          • Lacertilian

            You sure do like making lists. Will you be making a list of albums you didn’t hate as much as others for 2015?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I will have two lists for that. Albums I liked and albums I didn’t like. All the albums not on the first list will be found on the latter.

          • Lacertilian

            Tapir: A Reductionist’s Tale

      • Ground Beef Booger Riot

        I figured you’d call them ‘lackey’ or ‘servants’.

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          I don’t like repressing others. There is no violence inherent in my system.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Not even against weebs?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Oh yeah, those sick fucks.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Truly deranged people, dangerously sick.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            #WeebLivesMatter

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Nope.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            #TapirsSmellLikeASewerFullOfDickCheese

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I’m having none of your lip, Mr Disgusting Weeb.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot
          • KJM, Shake Zula

            #NotAllWeebs

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      In the Northeastern US people eat as much lobster as they like because it’s everywhere, but in other places it’s treated as a delicacy.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      How about Nostrovia?

      • more beer

        No need to get all fancy. Cheers works just fine.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          How about “Up ya bum”?

          • more beer

            The only things my bum are used for. Are sitting,farting and shitting.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Not literally

          • more beer

            That’s better!

      • tertius_decimus

        Nostra via? It’s Italian for “our street”?

        There’s thin line between “Za zdorovie!” and “Na zdorovie!”. The first one is actually the toast, the second one commonly used as a way to show off unselfishness when someone does good deeds, somethin alike to “not at all”.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Well there you go. My blurb was meant to be more humorous than culturally factual.

    • Waynecro

      I have very pedestrian tastes. I’d rather eat overcooked chicken than spend good money to taste fish pussy.

  • Óðinn

    NWOBHM next week. Does the Iron Maiden ban still apply though?

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm
    • Ground Beef Booger Riot

      He’s mad because Sanders won’t reveal his 12 secret herbs and spices.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        In this case, wouldn’t it be 12 secret herbs and essential salts?

      • JWEG

        If I’m being perfectly honest here until I clicked the link the only ‘Sanders’ that came to mind (apart from the Colonel) was Bernie…

        I suppose I should have known better.

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      He’s just mad because he never made it on a record.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Except, y’know, Black Seeds of Vengeance… And Catacombs… Fairly insignificant albums, not the holy grail of Nile or anything.

        • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

          Well shit, i completely read stuff wrong. My apologies.

          Black Seeds is one of my favorite death metal albums.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Btw I replaced the two broken saddles with some stainless steel ones. I think they sound more punchy but that might just be a placebo.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Right on. It might not be, the vibrations have changed, very well could be more punchy, most likely is.

          • Waynecro

            BLACK SEEDS!!!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Blabbermouth brings you the hardest-hittin’ hardest-rockin’ news: http://tinyurl.com/jfgc36u

      • Ground Beef Booger Riot

        #ScottWeiland’sOrangeJuiceNeverForget

      • More like blabbersuck! Jajajajjajajajajjajaajjahahahhahaha

        • God my job is so boring. Send help. Preferably in the form of naked women.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        On a different tip, what the fucking fuck are twisted sister doing at bloodstock? What next, DJ Khaled at MDF? Foreigner at Hellfest? Oh hang on

        • CyberneticOrganism

          DJ Khaled is our misfortune

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            You smart

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I just woke up. Also, these riffs are good shit.

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      Excellent. At least 5-6 hours I hope.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I went to sleep at 11 pm and woke up close to 3.

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          I hope that’s 3 PM and not AM.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Which is when I’ve been waking up lately. AM, that is.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            I usually fall asleep in one place and then have to move somewhere more comfortable about that time

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            I tend to wake up 2 or 3 times every night. Sometimes, I just give up and stay awake afterwards.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I wake every night in horror, but then I remeber that everything is meaningless and I descend back into my own abyss.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot
          • KJM, Shake Zula

            My hours are all over the place.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            3 pm.

        • Waynecro

          I was up until 4:00 am playing my new Xbox One. Then I woke up at 10:00 and did my cardio, which nearly killed me. I regret nothing.

  • JWEG

    Every Nuhwobbum Riff I could pick will inevitably be chosen next week by someone else, so thank you all in advance.

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      You must dig deep into the underbelly of the mighty NWOBHM movement.

      • JWEG

        Actually, I didn’t dig deep at all.

        I am totally certain someone else will have gone with the same E.P. I just hope they picked one of its other totally-suitable riffs.

        • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

          Ha, right on! Can’t wait to hear it.

    • Waynecro

      I care very little for most NWOBHM, so choosing a riff will be a struggle.

      • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

        But why?

        • Waynecro

          Not my kinda jams, I guess. I love Motorhead, but I don’t know whether they’re NWOBHV or pre-NWOBHM.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            They’re a tough one to categorize, that’s for sure.

          • Waynecro

            I think I need an official ruling. If I can’t pick a Motorhead riff for next week, I’ll have to do some digging.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            I say go for it, just make sure it fits the parameters of the year restriction and its the most metalic sounding riff they have.

          • Waynecro

            That’s a good plan. If I can dig up anything else, I’ll go with Motorhead.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Do it!

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Just submit The Chase Is Better Than The Catch and tell everyone to go fuck themselves.

          • Waynecro

            So many good pre-1990 Motorhead albums, though 1916 (1991) and Bastards (1993) are two of my favorites.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            1916 is killer! Well, hell, all of MOTORHEAD is killer.

          • Waynecro

            So true! I think 1916 was the first Motorhead album I heard. When I was 15 or 16, I was in a band with a guy who was 30+. He had seen some shit, let me tell you. He introduced me to a bunch of cool bands, the best of which was Motorhead. We covered “The One to Sing the Blues” for a while.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Very cool, thats a great song.

          • Waynecro

            And the lyrics from “I’m So Bad (Baby I Don’t Care)” crack me up.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            To be honest, most Motorhead lyrics crack me up, but in the most non-corny way possible. They’re just so bad ass, you can’t help it.
            https://youtu.be/FL7-sbiGlzw

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, Lemmy’s awesome. I love the combination of humor and wisdom in his lyrics. I’ve always appreciated the lyrics of “Don’t Lie to Me” from Snake Bite Love.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            1916 was released in 91. Inelligible

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            He was saying pre-90 is good/best but he enjoys post-90 Motorhead as well.

          • Waynecro

            Indeed. Thank you.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            I gotcha back

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Yeah, I was going to edit. But lazy.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            It’s all good

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™
          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Pre 1990 though

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I’d say they are

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Bam, Nu-Djent declares it!

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Let my proclomation go out across the lands.

          • Waynecro

            I’m happy to take consensus as an official ruling.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Will Wikipedia suffice?

          • Waynecro

            I think the Wikipedia list of NWOBHM bands does not include Motorhead, though the entry for NWOBHM references Motorhead early on.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            That will work
            The movement spawned about a thousand metal bands, but only a few survived the advent of MTV and the rise of the more commercial glam metal in the second half of the 80s. Among them, only Iron Maiden and Def Leppard became international stars, although Motörhead and Saxon had also considerable success. Other groups, like Diamond Head, Venom and Raven, remained underground acts, but were a major influence for the very successful extreme metal subgenres of the late-80s and 90s

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Well put.

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          Everyone here hates power metal but loves NWOBHM. does it make sense? No

          • Waynecro

            I don’t really like power metal, either. I mean, I appreciate the instrumental parts, but I can’t get past the singing and the cheese. Full disclosure: I can tolerate and even get into some Dragonforce and Galneryus

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Dragonforce’s Valley of the Damned is phenomenal.

          • Waynecro

            Before they got super huge, Dragonforce played on “Attack of the Show” on G4. Even though Totman fucked up because he was twirling his guitar or jumping around or some shit, they rawked hard. I was sold after that.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Makes no sense.

          • Super Nintendo Chalmers

            Because there’s an actual difference between the two?

    • I couldn’t pick one, don’t know any

  • Lacertilian

    I’d like to personally congratulate those who didn’t vote power metal.

  • Ground Beef Booger Riot

    This has no relevance to anything, but found it so amusing I had to get it out of my system:

    http://rlv.zcache.fr/anniversaire_drole_de_travailleur_de_construction_carte-r0af3c0e4024040ee9c774cbff831bce0_xvuat_8byvr_324.jpg

  • tigeraid

    Blind Guardian is in the list. It shall be voted.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Runaway victor

      • TEDNUDJENT! TEDNUDJENT! TEDNUDJENT! TEDNUDJENT!

        GL

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Gets crickets. The cold war still rages when it comes to Russian picks for ROTW

          • Lacertilian

            I’ll take some of those crickets off your hands..

    • TIGERAID! RIGERAID! TIGERAID! TIGERAID!

      GL

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Thank you tigeraid!

      • ROSSISBOSS! ROSSISBOSS! ROSSISBOSS! ROSSISBOSS!

        GL

        • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

          GEE ELL! GEE ELL!
          GEE ELL! GEE ELL!

          • We started watching “Rules of Engagement” on Netflix in the last coupe of days. They said “Ross is Boss” in the third episode of something. IT WAS DOPE

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Thats bad ass.

          • Indeed. It is pfunny too. I am quite surprised!

          • Waynecro

            That show is awesome. WARBURTON!!!

          • So fucking funny.

          • Waynecro

            Whenever a sitcom is that funny (or funny at all), I’m surprised. Warburton rulz.

          • The wife and I have never been sitcom ppl. But this is quite an expection!

          • Waynecro

            I’m a sucker for sitcoms. Sometimes I just want to watch something mindless and chuckle like a simpleton along with the laugh track.

          • HA nice. We just started S2. Hopefully it remains fruitful!

          • Waynecro

            It has ups and downs, but Warburton never fails. He is all that is man.

  • Waynecro

    It was pretty hard to choose this week, as usual. Vader, Darkthrone, and Lost Soul each rocks my socks, but I had to go with Lost Soul.

    • WAYNECRO! WAYNECRO! WAYNECRO! WAYNECRO!

      GL

      • Waynecro

        GEE ELL! GEE ELL! GEE ELL!

        Happy Saturday, bruh.

        • Word, son!

          GL

        • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

          Dang, you beat me to it.

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    Over here at the taproom, trying out this years Cold Mountain on tap, as well as Duck Rabbits Hoppy Bunny American Black Ale

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Prosit!

    • #getdrunk
      #reallydrunk
      #thatisall

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Just pregaming an eatin a little pizza so i can take some home and get to snortin benzos and gettin higher than fuck

        • /idonotknowwhatthoseare
          /iamaposer

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Benzos = Klonopin or Valium

          • KJM! KJM! KJM! KJM!

            Huh, I see.

            GL

          • Janitor Jim Duggan
          • more beer

            You must not leave out Xanax.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Xanax, Ativan, those work.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Not a fan of Ativan, i got some kpins

          • more beer

            I’m not a huge fan of the Ativan.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Jinx!

          • more beer

            If you choose to believe silly superstitions.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Lets not forget im the resident militant atheist

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I’m not big on benzos in general. I’m good with the occasional pain killers.

          • more beer

            I will play both sides of the fence. I don’t do any of that stuff often enough anymore for it to really matter.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I trade with a friend 1-2 a month.He doesn’t have much money, but he always has plenty of Roxicets.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Occasional?

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I don’t want to build up a tolerance.

          • <3

            I couldn't resist, buddy.
            https://i.imgflip.com/uvw37.jpg

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Drug School, isn’t that a Spinal Tap song?

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            I cant tolerate not bein fucked up

        • /idonotknowwhatthoseare
          /iamaposer

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          I must wait until tomorrow to relive the #roxylyfe. I thought it would be today.(sadface)

        • Upon further investigation, its seems as though you are out to have a good time. Be careful, though!

          Also, apparently you should not abuse them!

          <3

          GL

    • Count_Breznak

      I read that in Bob Ross’s voice

      • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

        Holy shit! It works so well.

        • Count_Breznak

          ..and..heh…you know me. I love biiiiig beers. Let’s…this is your test of bravery….put another one right….there.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            I always imagine everyone talking in Gilbert Godfried’s voice on here.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Hahaha!
            Have you seen the Adventures of Ford Fairlane?

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Nope.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            You gotta see that movie.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            I’ll add it to my never ending queue, lol.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Add it to the top.

  • Count_Breznak

    Baphomets Throne was our jam back in school.

    • Waynecro

      Such a killer song. That whole album jams.

  • Richter is not allow’d to drink while choosing riffs to submit. New rule.

    • /poser

    • more beer

      Shouldn’t alcohol actually help with that task?

      • Clearly not. It’s a counterintuitive matter.

        • more beer

          Then you are clearly not drinking enough!

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            More beer.

          • I am drinking, currently.

            /hellyeah

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Yyeeahhh boyeee!

          • Where you live at, Ross?

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Down South.

          • Specifics, son. NOW. Whereabouts?

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            The great state of Texas.

          • Sweet. I have been to San Antonio. And Corpus Christi! The place is big.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Those are nice cities.

            What about yourself?

          • 1 mile north of Ludlow Falls, Ohio. Check it out

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Right on. Keep yourself warm!

          • Got a raging fire going at the moment. 69F in the house. NICE

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            There you go!

          • 70F NOW. IT IS GEETING WARM!

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Where’s that? I lived just outside of Cinci growing up (Cold Springs, KY)

          • Google it. It is ~75 miles north of Cincy. I remember you are from there. I do not forget much, friend!

          • more beer

            Wow population of 208. Soon to be 209. I guess everyone knows everyone else there.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            And everyone might be related! I’m imagining everyone riding buggies and using their nickels to buy some sody pop and Tootsie Rolls over there.

          • more beer

            I know GL has a Ford Ranger. It is still in the USA so nothing costs a nickle there.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            That movie ‘Pleasantville’ comes to mind, or Norman Rockwell.

          • more beer

            Yea. But you can probably do whatever you want to someplace like that. With no one bothering you.

          • Yeeaahhh most of it is country roads, so I am not sure how far out that population actually accounts for… No one really knows anyone lol

          • more beer

            I am amazed by that. I have always lived in places where most people do’t talk to each other. Because of the population size.

          • Dubs

            There are a surprising number of Texans around these parts.

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            That’s not a bad thing.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Been to Dallas for a little while. Loved the food there, hated the weather.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot
          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            But it doesn’t.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Haha I know. Had to bust Texas’ chops once again.

            http://trolledbot.net/pix/5954.jpg

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            Haha, fair enough.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Upper Mexico

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH!

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Dat wall tho, you guys will be gud

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot

            Lower Oklahoma would be a much worse insult.

          • more beer

            I’m pretty sure most of us are.

          • I was up to my tits in vodka, dude. (I’m submitting Darkthrone again next week. Fvck the rules.)

          • more beer

            Maybe I was wrong. That seems to be the alcohol talking!

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            His problem is the vodka. He needs more beer.

          • more beer

            Everyone needs more beer. But vodka will do in a pinch.

          • Man vodka is gross.

          • more beer

            Yes it is. I drink it very rarely. There has to be no other alcohol in my house for me to drink it. That isn’t very often.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Vodka is a third to bourbon/whiskey, then scotch

          • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

            But beer first.

          • I am about beered out this week. the holidays are really sticking it to me!

          • Twas a pinch indeed, i.e. a run of the mill Saturday night.

          • more beer

            Another Pinch!

          • Down-

            and

            -voted.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot
          • Word.

          • Ground Beef Booger Riot
  • KJM, Shake Zula

    Ugh. Disqus is being a real pain in the tapir tonight.
    (see what I did there? ^_^)

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Glad I’m not the only one its freaking out on.

    • Waynecro

      Disqus is indeed shitting the bed.

    • cosigned.

    • I just punched my computer and the whole thing cleared right up. I think. I don’t know–the screen’s still black.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0

    SHOCK ME, I NEEDED A SURPRISE.

    FUCKING GREAT SONG

  • Count_Breznak

    Why didn’t anyone tell me there was a new Lugurbum

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Hey, uh, there’s a new Lugurbum.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Heh, bum

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          I just finished Rick And Morty S2.
          I am not happy at all.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            What fur? Bc bird person or rick?

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            BOTH. Never go to a wedding if you can avoid it.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            I thought it was a pretty morose ending, which seems fitting as the rest of the season was even darker than usual

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            BTW, Bird Person was spoiled for me. I didn’t see the Rick thing coming at all until he started talking about their past.

  • BEARD-SPLITTER
  • KJM, Shake Zula

    I think we need to DOOM the place up a bit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhPZU97JkLo

    • Óðinn

      Fuck yeah, KJM!

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      DOOM is good all the time.
      https://youtu.be/O2qLY4KHCYE

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      That Blood Farmers is heavy shit. Thanks for the share.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        The case can be made for Blood Farmers being the best Doom Metal band since Sabbath.

    • Ground Beef Booger Riot
    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Is this song about tapir?

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        If Tapir was around in 1995? Yes.

  • Ground Beef Booger Riot

    Epic battle riff starts at 3:50. Can’t tell if that’s supposed to be an epic sword fight going on though, or if they’re banging silverware together.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFjnGmaBvdA

  • KJM, Shake Zula
    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      Best wakeup ever.

  • KJM, Shake Zula

    Here, vote on my stupid Twitter poll.

    https://twitter.com/KerrAvon666/status/670963847243673601

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      I cant vote, but if i did i guess Sex Pistols

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      I can’t vote either. Having said that…

      RAMONES.

    • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

      I’m curious as to which way you’re voting.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        RAMONES.

        • Boss the “Crimson King” Ross

          Yes.