Riff Of The Week: Water Edition

Grab a towel…

Last week Cruciamentum shredded the competition in our Opening Solo edition, proving that 38% of you either have extreme short-term memory loss and forgot the 5 songs preceding it or have excellent taste and have somehow maintained functional hearing, despite the constant barrage of metal we’re all so fond of. I’m leaning towards the former, because pretty much every submission was of exceptional quality.

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This week our theme is water. Somehow, contrary to what was widely predicted last week, not a single Mastodon submission was received. Although, the band have spent all week releasing teasers and videos for their upcoming album, so there is the possibility that all of their fans were left dizzy and distracted by the simultaneous expansion of their respective mastodongs. Whatever the case, a bunch of you plumbed the depths and dragged up a pretty diverse aquatic assortment for us to wet our whistle with. Here be they –


Some Guy

Revocation – “Leviathan Awaits

So this song is about a group of researchers descending into the depths of the ocean to find a giant sleeping creature only to awaken the sob and die by its tentacles. Anyway I’m picking the opening riff as I think it captures imagery of the vessel descending into the watery abyss. You can also hear this riff again at 2:25 accompanied with a bomb ass solo which I think also captures imagery of the beast awakening and the crew trying to turn around and gtfo.


Howard Dean

Alice In Chains – “Dam That River

I think most of you will agree that Alice in Chains – Dirt is one of the best albums ever made. If you don’t it’s because you are a fucking dumbshit reprobate who probably likes Godspeed You! Black Emperor and fixed-gear bikes. Seriously, they fucking make bikes with more than one gear, you know. It’s called fucking mechanical advantage, and tens of thousands of slaves (or willing workers, depending on who you ask) didn’t build ancient grain elevators by pushing gargantuan pieces of limestone up ramps so that you could throw that shit back in their faces with a fucking fixed-gear bike like you are a motherfucking 4-year old child. Man up, listen to Alice in Chains, and buy a fucking 10-speed (or a 24-speed if you were born after 1968).
Anyhow, “Dam That River” has a monster riff that cuts its way across the soundscape like a serrated pig sticker with a built-in 24-speed Shimano gear system. Riff starts right at the beginning of the track. Shift into 3×7 or 3×8 and get this party started (or use 1×1 or 1×2 if you are on steep ass hill).


DoomKopf

The Sword – “Black River

Say what you will about The Sword, but this track off their sophomore album Gods of the Earth, brings the headbang. Opening with dual leads and plodding drums, “The Black River” quickly devolves into monstrous riff after riff, lead licks floating on top of chugging rhythms. This riff plays throughout the song before it finally brings it to a whiplash inducing halt. Couple this track with the stellar instrumental, “The White Sea”, and you have two of the greatest aquatic themed songs ever written this side of the Euphrates. (Riff @ 1:25)


Ted Nü-Djent

Orange Goblin – “The Death Of Aquarius

Aquarius is the eleventh astrological sign in the Zodiac, originating from the constellation Aquarius. The water carrier represented by the zodiacal constellation Aquarius is Ganymede, a beautiful Phrygian youth. Orange Goblin’s ‘A Eulogy For The Damned’ is one of my favourite albums and something I consider to be a modern classic. For mine, Orange Goblin reached their creative peak on this release and it will take one mighty effort them, or any other band of their ilk to top it.In an album chock full of stellar riffs it would be too hard to pick one, luckily, this week is a water theme which made it easier for me pick the riff that starts at 0.38 (I do recommend you listen from the beginning for full effect). “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty”


Son Ov Wolf

The Ocean – “City In The Sea

Lyrics adapted from the Edgar Allan Poe piece, “The City in the Sea”, The Ocean Collective is at their best on this track (and personally I think Aeolian is their best album).

While I prefer the album version with Mike Pilat and Nico’s vocals, this live video perfectly encompasses the energy and passion of The Ocean (both figuratively and literally) .


Esusmoose

Bastard Sapling – “Subterranean Rivers

(Riff @ 0:15)
Fantastic album from 2014, for those who don’t know this is Inter Arma’s black metal project more or less. It fits the water theme cause river’s definition according to google is “a large natural stream of water flowing in a channel to the sea, a lake, or another such stream”, so just picture that but red, iron-y, and blood instead of water, and also underground cause that’s where blood goes. The chorus chords and riff are pretty great but probably easier to sell the claustrophobic main riff which fittingly sounds like you’re getting drawn into the depths of the earth blood stream (if it had one). This riff may not be the some ripping lower register chug but crawls just above the atmosphere created by the blasting drums and otherworldly bass, creating a feeling lovecraftian madness. Also it’s the best riff, I’ve been told it’s the greatest riff and I know great riffs, just look at my track record.


Yarnhawk

The Ocean – “Benthic

(2:55)
Benthic: The benthic zone is the ecological region at the lowest level of a body of water such as an ocean or a lake, including the sediment surface and some sub-surface layers.
As the closer to 2013’s Pelagial, this riff perfectly illustrates the crushing pressure and absolute darkness as we finish our descent to the bottom of the sea. A perfect counterpoint to the earlier, more open tracks, the caveman-simple instrumentation and slowing tempo embody the loss of hope as your body settles onto the bottom of the ocean, never to see the light again.

And come one, it’s a song with an ocean layer for a title, from a concept album about water, by a band called The Ocean. It’s like, how much more wet could this be? And the answer is none.  None more wet.


Richter

Korovakill – “The Shadow Hordes

Korovakill (née Korova) was Austria’s answer to the bizarre sounds coming out of Norway at the end of the previous century. Waterhells is a concept album about a drowning sailor entering a Neptunian underworld of duplicitous sirens, sexy sea-nymphs and sunken horrors. Of the many oceanic riffs which crash across the album, this one hits the hardest. Break yourself at 0:00.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 27-01-2017 20:22:33
end_date 03-02-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Which riff got you wet?

Canadian-Bacon-images-d4d35c79-2d1a-42f7-ba0b-395dca13ef7

Next week we’re going to be taking submissions from Canadian bands only. We might have done this theme once before, but I just ate some maple-glazed bacon and now I can’t remember anything that happened in my life before this meal. There are plenty of killer bands from that neck of the woods anyway, so let’s hear ’em. To submit simply

– Send a link to the track to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com
– Include your screen-name, a time-stamp for the riff and a short description.


(Image via)

  • Lacertilian

    Pretty tough choice for me this week, Ted had a creative link to water, always got time for Revocation, same with The Ocean but not so much those tracks.
    Moose ended up edging the others out though, never cared for Inter Arma but that Bastard Sapling riff is excellent.
    Also, Richter is that vocalist from Korovakill some kind of black metal pirate? The first 6 lines of lyrics are just “yaarrgghhh” “yaarrrgghhh” “yaarrgghhh”, it’s amazing.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      I actually think Inter Arma is damn boring, but I have to agree that this Bastard Sapling stuff is tight.

    • Yes.

  • tigeraid

    The Sword wins ALL the riffs.

    My fellow Canucks next week you say? Will get to work.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      The hooser edition eh?

      • tigeraid

        I think you spelled that incorrectly.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          hoser?

  • Sir Kookaburra The Based

    Rahowa riffs next week?

    • Black Smallbeard

      loooo

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Sorry Ted.

    Next week is gonna be bad ass. Canadians know how to bring the riff.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Sorry?

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Yeah, I was going to vote for you.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Apology not accepted 🙁

          • Scrimm

            I wasn’t going to vote for you

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Well that’s a given 😭

  • EsusMoose

    Moments where reading my disconnected ramblings would have been a great idea, I missed an ‘of’

  • KyleJMcBride

    The only thing I’ll say about The Sword is that they kick ass. However, I went with Gov Dean because I love AIC and I fucking hate fixies. BYAAHHHH!!!

    • Imagine Davis Square without any fixies …

      • KyleJMcBride

        Fixies and beards everywhere…

        • Óðinn
          • KyleJMcBride

            Yep, that’s Somerville and/or Cambridge.

          • Óðinn

            Normal humans basically. When I’ve worked in VFX, basically everybody is a nerd or hipster. Imagine a facility with 400 workstations, all manned by artist hipsters.

    • Well, yeah! That record is >>>>>>

    • Óðinn

      I would have voted HD, but from his description of bicycles it’s clear that he either:

      a) doesn’t ride.
      b) hasn’t bought a bicycle since the 1990s (but the bike he’s ridden only twice just takes up space in his garage).
      c) buys his bicycles at Walmart.
      d) or he is a hipster, and rides a vintage bicycle with an 8-speed rear cog for irony and style points.

      Probably option a.

      • KyleJMcBride

        No way. I hate fixies. I ride on a regular basis and I would never own one.

        • Óðinn

          One of my bikes is a single gear, rather than a fixie. I’ve ridden fixed gear at the track though. I have no particular like or dislike for fixies or those who ride them. It does take a certain skill to ride them on the street, but it can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.

          Anyway, my comment was tongue-in-cheek. Clearly, HD isn’t actually a cyclist, but he hates hipsters.

          • KyleJMcBride

            I am also being over the top just a bit. I just prefer a bike with some gear versatility since there’s a few hills around here, also brakes. My current bike is an old Specialized Hard Rock with smooth tires instead of dirt tires.

          • Óðinn

            Cool. MTB with commuter tires. Can maker for a decent commuter.

            https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3206/2785235308_cc66427377.jpg

          • KyleJMcBride

            Yep.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Confirmed for next weeks submission
    https://youtu.be/9EHAo6rEuas

  • Moose’s riff is pretty fierce. And yeah, The Sword … but I’m going with AIC, because AIC. Low-hanging fruit is meant to be picked. And because I also dislike fixies.

  • KyleJMcBride

    Get ready for 1000 Rush riffs.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      RUSH!!!!!!

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Sorry Boss

      • GL

        What you think about that new Mastodon?

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          RUSH!!!!!!

          • KyleJMcBride

            hahaha

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            The song Rush>>>>>>>> Rush the band
            https://youtu.be/-h8zs898lr4

          • KyleJMcBride

            #NOPE

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            ”Twas strictly to rustle jimmies

          • KyleJMcBride

            (rustling intensifies)

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            LEAVE THE HALL!!!!

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Ted plz!

        • KyleJMcBride

          I like it, sounds like Blood Mountain era.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          I’m with KJM. It is bad mfing ass, good sir. I’m very excited for the album. Hopefully it isn’t a one of a kind song though.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Can’t we do Voivod riffs instead?

      • KyleJMcBride

        Why not both?

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          BECAUSE RUSH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • KyleJMcBride

            I won’t argue that, but Voivod kick ass.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I hope you voted ‘moose

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™
          • KyleJMcBride

            #NOPE

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            NOPE

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I went with Howie

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I went with STEEL

          • more beer

            Of course you did!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            And that was back when The Sword brougt the heavy riffs! Pair that with lyrics based on a Conan story and you’ll always have my vote.

          • more beer

            I will be honest. That band has never done it for me.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Not surprised really. Didn’t seem like your type too much.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I wouldn’t say that. You’re conversing with a Khemmis man here so I’d say that more beer doesn’t mind the odd bit of stoner jams as well

          • more beer

            I am a huge stoner though. But the whole stoner band thing is very hit and miss with me. I am more a grind, OSDM, thrash kind of guy.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Khemmis is local for more beer, gaining extra points and they also have a different vibe than The Sword. I stand by my statement.

          • more beer

            We have such a good local scene here it isn’t even funny. Khemmis has taken off. But there are plenty of bands here just as good if not better than them. Vimana now has a contract with Season of Mist. I am looking forward to seeing what they bring next.But we have good bands in every genre. Way too many to name. .

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Yeah I know, I was just trying to show that there’s more to more beer than meets the eye

          • more beer

            I have seen them though. So I am not just making a blind observation. Just not my thing.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Rad, when?

          • more beer

            6 or 7 years ago at the Launchpad in Albuquerque.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            The perfect time to see them. I wish I could’ve caught them back then. They basically suck live now.

          • more beer

            That’s what I thought back then.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Hahahaaha

    • EsusMoose

      vomits

      • Eliza

        Rush is not that bad. Canadian riffs means that someone could submit Loverboy.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Or worse, Anvil

          • GL
          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            NOPE

          • KyleJMcBride

            If Spinal Tap were a real band

          • more beer

            Anvil was okay for a minute back in 1983.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            SPINAL TAP NOT REAL??????

          • more beer

            No but it is very accurate..

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I liked the movie, pity about the soundtrack though

          • Eliza

            You can always sink lower. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T3rXdeOvhNE

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Oh boy

          • Eliza

            I know, it’s the worst thing ever. The memes that came out if it were ok though.

          • GL

            NO ANIME

            COME ON

          • Eliza

            XD You have to agree, the character designs are pretty realistic.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ
          • more beer

            I would hope that this would get disqualified. Then whoever submitted it banned.

          • KyleJMcBride

            Drawn and quartered for good measure

          • more beer

            I am always good that.

          • Eliza

            The song itself should be banned from existing.

          • more beer

            Very true.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            DAMMIT TED

          • KyleJMcBride

            hahaha

        • KyleJMcBride

          If by “not that bad” you mean “one of the best bands ever”, you are correct.

        • JWG79
          • KyleJMcBride

            Ouch.

          • JWG79

            There are plenty of worthy riffs (and a solo) in there, but I confidently bet it wouldn’t get any votes.

    • more beer

      I have one up my sleeve that is not Rush or Voivod. A whole albums worth of killer Canadian riffs. Every song on it can be a contender.

  • Akerskronks ov Steele

    Damn no wonder I haven’t seen my submission these past couple of weeks. I’m sending to the old email.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Get with the program, duder.

    • Lacertilian

      The really old email!
      This one has been in use since early 2015 for RotW. Before that we used tiny scrolls attached to falcon’s claws.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        In his defense, he has been off shore a lot for his job so he may not be as up to date as the rest of us

        • Lacertilian

          Yeah, I know, I’d probably do the same. After following instructions at sea for weeks on end, when I came ashore I’d wanna just feel some freedom too.

  • Old Man Doom

    THE OCEAN>>>>> Benthic is the heaviest thing I’ve ever heard live.

  • EsusMoose

    That Revocation riff reminded me how great they were before they threw out the creativity and just went heavy

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
  • Great job, Ted. You get my vote.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Hugs and kisses to you and the missus. Thanks Link <3

      • Thanks, friend. Same to you and the little son! 🙂

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          He starts school next week. I can’t even…

          • Omg :’)

            Good luck, little one! I wish you the best in this new part of your short life.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Thanks dude, you’ll see the pictures on his first day no doubt 🙂

          • You know me! I’m a huge fan of the guy!

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    That picture of John Candy, now I’m violently weeping!

  • Crocodylus★Pontifex

    It was between the two Ocean songs. Had to go with Benthic.

  • GL

    Can Richter ever not have the best one?

    GL

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Yes, almost every week

      • …grumble…grumble…something about go fharc yerself…grumble

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I like to randomly switch sides between you and Boss. I like to keep you guessing

          • But we’re friends again…

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            The treaty won’t last

  • nbm02ss

    Jerry Cantrell >>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • KyleJMcBride

      bigtime

    • GL

      George Lynch >>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Óðinn

        Lemmy >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • Sobotka

      All day >>>>>>

  • Sir Kookaburra The Based
    • Black Smallbeard

      racist

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I almost submitted this song this week, the acoustic riff>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    https://youtu.be/Tns5szMhj74

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Lots of quality stuff here (surprised I never listened to Korovakill before, right up my street!) but Esumoose gets the winner for me.

  • Black Smallbeard

    LIKE NEVER BEFOREEEAAAAAA
    https://youtu.be/4hx8TW6sYys

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    My vote goes to Howard Dean because AIC rules

  • Count_Breznak
  • Howard Dean gets a spirit vote for his rant.
    Richtilian gets a vote for his riff.

    • Are you implying that me and the Lizard are the same person?

      • I can’t decide whose riff is better, so you two tie!

        • Lacertilian

          Man, Richter gon be mad as shit.
          I didn’t even submit this week and still stole half his vote!

  • Dumpster Lung

    HD’s description was amazing and true, but as great as that song and riff are, I voted for the Revocation one, because it did bring to mind a deep-sea exploration kind of vibe, even had I not known what the song was about.

    That Kordovakill, though! Never heard of those guys until now, but I wanna hear more.

    • Waterhells is a VERY strange album. This song is one of the least strange ones.

      • Dumpster Lung

        Nice, that’ll be fun!

  • JWG79

    This could work for either this week or next:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KB96PMUjPQ4

  • Special Agent Dale Cooper

    Howard wins, AIC always wins.
    As for next week, everyone else has their metal, and I’m just here embarrassing myself with my pick (it’s not this, but it’s close).
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEKEYbszVyg

  • Xinen

    https://youtu.be/mYh25wOlmj0?t=11m41s
    Had I naught been swamped with work this week I’d have probably sent this in. I know some people view bodies of water with fondness and fine memories, but I’ve always been terrified at what lurks beneath the dark depths. I can only assume its some lingering ancestral instinct passed down by my evolving forebears as they struggled in haste to crawl upon dry shores for the first time after surviving the ancient monstrosities that preyed upon our primordial kind.

    If this same train of thought can be applied to my fear of clowns, I shudder to think at what could have wrought such scars upon my psyche.