Riff Of The Week: Unpronounceable Edition


Brought to you by Translation Online™  – “The idiomatic stallion brings eyes of refrigeration 100% beyond!

Last week we covered ourselves in clothes that resembled torn picnic blankets, stood around in an empty car park sharing an already half-smoked off-brand cigarette, and attempted to impress a dishevelled-looking girl named “Kellie” by sloppily playing riffs a disinterested adolescent could compose a mere 16 minutes after plucking guitar strings for the first time. You guessed it, we got all grunge’d up. Due to what I can only assume was the result of simple probability, one of the three Alice In Chains entries came out on top, just edging out a riff that 18.8% of you deemed to be grunge, from those quintessential yarlers – Megadeth. Don’t blame me, I voted for the robit.

This week we asked for riffs from songs and/or bands that you cannot pronounce the fucking name of. Үнэнийг хэлэхэд энэ сэдэв оруулга нь илүү олон тооны үүсэхэд гэж бодсонBet jūsų daug yra Velniai rautų Poliglotai ar tiesiog tingus kaip šūdas. He te te tupono pai e kore e haere noa koe ki te whakararuraru i te iritiraa i tenei kuputuhi, engari ki te i koe te tuhituhi “karamupeti” i roto i te wāhanga kōrero. Noli oblivisci ut ad PROMO CODE LATIN accipere extra est verbum recte per damnationem translati cum usura Google transferendum. Tempus plebes!


Utstøtt – “Skjønnhet av Fólkvangr” (Riff @ 41:19)

Did someone say atmospheric black metal? Because here is some god-damn atmosphere for you. The entire album is a great experience for just phasing out to som heavy tunes. I’m also pre-emptively calling out anyone who submittet Mgła and Misþyrming for grabbing low-hanging fruit and that you’re no fun.

Dougie Jones (Dale Cooper)

Thin Lizzy – “Whiskey In The Jar” (Riff @ 0:19)

(a muffled voice is heard throughout)
Thin Lizzy… seems like easy to pronounce… not easy to pronounce… pronounced Tin Lizzy… don’t ever get wrong… won’t be let in Ireland… riff at 0:19… solid riff… Mr. Jackpots.
(Slapping is heard, followed by Dougie wincing)


Bakos Attila – “Életerő” (Riff @ 0:00)

Hungarian is one of those languages that if someone were to say the word first, then yeah I can most likely pronounce that. But seeing it just written down reminds me of looking at a test and realizing that if there are no points for spelling your name correctly, then you might as well not even try.

Howard Dean

Aspid – “It Came” (Riff @ 0:16)

Russia. [valkilmermeme.jpg]. You may not know it, but one of the best thrash metal albums ever written emerged out of the embers of the smoldering Soviet Union. This band was Vektor when the dudes in Vektor were still shitting yellow. Motherfucking RIFFFFFFSSSSS! It’s a tragedy these guys only released one album. Where did they come from? Where did they go? Where did they come from, Cotton-Eye Yvgeny? The riff-fest starts at 0:16. Hold on to your butts [samueljacksonjurassicparkmeme.gif]

Ted Nu-Djent

Sólstafir – “Djákninn” (Riff @ 4:40)

I don’t have many hard to pronounce names in my collection but I’m a bit unsure how to say the name Solstafir so that’s good enough for me, I certainly can’t pronounce many of their song titles such as Djákninn which I have chosen for this weeks submission. Last time I submitted a song by these Icelandic chaps I couldn’t buy a vote so hopefully I fare better this time around. Riff starts at 4.40 and runs for about 1 minute.


Havukruunu – “Jo Näkyvi Pohjan Portit” (Riff @ 1:14)

This album has been in constant rotation since its release a few weeks back, still have no idea how to speak Suomi even after accidentally starting many DVDs over the years with it as the default language. We’ve since decided that our DVD player thinks it’s Finnish and that its hot Australian habitat is just an elaborate sauna. Always pronounced the band’s name as “Hah-voo-khru-noo”, probably wrong but it’s too late now, you can’t teach an old lizard new anything. Not even going to try and pronounce any of the track titles (fuck you, Karhu). Riff starts after the stunning clean intro, around 1:14. PERKELE!

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 02-06-2017 20:22:33
end_date 09-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:

Next week we’re going to be gettin’ bent. Send us bendy riffs and/or riffs that give you the bends. To enter send a link to your riff to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by this coming Friday, making sure to include your screen-name and a short description that includes a time-stamp of when the riff begins. Easy!

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  • Lacertilian

    ASSSSSSSPID fucking rule
    Although for pronunciation it really helps if you have a forked tongue.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover


  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY



    • CT-12

      Hey dude, this is totally irrelevant, but I know you dig Full of Hell, what’d you think of their new album; would you recommend it?

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Ehhh, I was a bit disappointed by the album tbh. It’s definitely not bad, but the debut was the best one and they haven’t really reached the same quality since. I’d say it’s definitely good for a listen. The difference is, the debut (“Roots of Earth…”) is fantastic, the following two albums are just good.

        • CT-12

          Thanks for letting me know!

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Had to go with Sólstafir riff because it went on forever and it had a great groove to it, but damn that Rusky band Aspid, i have never heard of but amazing song, i might need to check them out.

    Also on a different topic not related, i saw Wonder Woman and finally DC COMICS did not shit the bed, 1st good movie that they have put out, i still haven’t seen SQUAD movie, since i trust my friend judgement and he said that it was hot garbage, but someday i will have to face that beast, i know is on HBO at the moment so i can catch it anytime, but i have super low expectations for Justice League.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      It soes groove indeed

      • i tried it once at work and it didn’t gel. but once i gave it my full attention at home, i really dug it! you done gud.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Just got back from seeing Body Count, they were pretty swell.

  • Yarnhawk

    Might have to vote for Howard Dean simply for Cotto-Eye Yevgeny

  • Sir Ukkometso The Based

    Havukruunu is easy to pronounce, you fuckeen scurbs!

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      What do you think of the new album? I’m very impressed.

      • Sir Ukkometso The Based

        Well, I haven’t fully lysnat på it. I liked their last one quite a bit, so I hope I liek this too

    • Lacertilian

      ‘Twas bands or songs, and I sure as fuck can’t pronounce their song titles correctly you curly snouted jungleham.

      • Sir Ukkometso The Based

        Well it’s your own fault if you can’t pronounce it, Bruce

        • Lacertilian

          Mind if we call you Bruce too?
          Just to keep it clear..

  • Hans

    Thought about it all week amd couldn’t come up with anything. Then I actually dreamed about finding a riff last night. The stress is getting to me, man.

  • That Aspid is pretty great, but as seems to be its wont so far this year, Havukruunu is dominating.

  • Covfefe Kingston

    Irish heritage beckons…Musha rain dum a doo…Jade give two rides…HELLOOOOOOO!!!

  • GrungierNine0

    That Havukruunu riff was the one I had in mind last Saturday. Lacertillian must be psychic (or at least has similar taste in black metal).

  • wooooooaaaaah, how do i pick betwixt two Australians who are both dear to me and who both placed great submissions? send help plz. thx.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Pick me

      • (i did!)

        • Lacertilian


          • Bunk Moreland


        • Ted Nü-Djent ™


  • gacharicmeatspin

    Yeyeye, I remember Аспид. There was a music video:


    This was ’92, TV was blasting all kinds of degenerate shit. But there were bands earlier than that, like Круиз in ’86:

    Hungry perestroikan public didn’t know how to handle it, their stadium shows were fucking riots every time.

  • Hans

    Soulstuffer or whatever was the most unexpected and made me want to check out more.

  • Megadead™

    Aspid doesn’t even belong here. But voted for fellow comrades nonetheless.

    • Howard Dean

      Haha, how do they not belong here? People always anglicize their name to “Aspid” (I don’t know where that came from), but their actual band name is Аспид. That track is titled “Он пришёл (Аспид).” And I (and everyone in the western hemisphere without proper knowledge of the Cyrillic alphabet) have absolutely no idea how to pronounce that shit.


      • Megadead™

        You non-slav losers. lol