Riff of the Week: The Stank

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What’s in a name? that which we call a riff by any other name would stank as sweet.

As you can probably tell by the fact that the Masterlord has never once cracked open a single book of Shakespeare in his life, the caped crusader’s ditziness prevailed over his duty, leaving me yet again in charge of Riff of the Week on a deadline. Curse the Masterlord and his sexy, forgetful brain.

Anyway, last week some schlub won with fruit hanging so low that the lack of that fruit caused a great famine in Ireland so severe that famed satirist Jonathan Swift penned a humorous piece endorsing infanticide as a means of feeding the masses. Great job on starving an entire nation by robbing them of their low-hanging potato fruit, Elegant Gazing Globe.

Next week is just a regular 2016 riff week. If you’ve been holding onto something special for a rainy day, whip it out. Send it to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com with your name, the time stamp, and a description. I’m sure the Masterlord will forget to include it anyway.

This week, we’re changing tack and talking about riffs that bring the stench. Whose riff is the most likely to choke a donkey?


W.

The riff at 0:49 smells like this gif.

____________

Tertius Decimus

Can you feel the smell of your hair burning? Yep, that’s Testament ignites like nobody’s business.

____________

Blackbeard

Stay stankin’, y’all. ~@3:06

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KJU

A scent-invoking cover of a most foul and stinky Linkin Park riff, which already invokes the scent of Manic Panic and sweaty Jnco pants. Riff starts at 1:34

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Tom Warrior’s Beanie

In 2006 Deicide were mostly written off. The Hoffman brothers had departed in ignominiously acrimonious fashion and Glen Benton was the new vocalist for Vital Remains. So it surprised pretty much everyone when they dropped a near masterpiece in the form of The Stench of Redemption. The nominated riff is the harmony at the 2 minute mark but is best experienced in the context of the entire song. Also bear witness to the exhilarating solo courtesy the criminally underrated Ralph Santolla.

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Gorak

SONG ABOUT GOOD SMELLING GERMAN LADY!!!! RIFF @ 0:17

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Waynecro

Beginning at about 1:50: “Heartily whiff a myriad of stenches. Putrescine platters brought forth by wenches. Cruor bullion, the soup du jour. Into tankards, claret is poured. Crapulous carousing, the de rigueur.


NOW. CHARLESTON CHEWS YOUR WINNER!

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 20-08-2016 09:00:00
end_date 26-08-2016 00:00:00
Poll Results:
Who brought the funk of 40,000 years?
(Photo VIA)
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  • tigeraid

    Well how can you not vote Testament.

    • ME GORAK!!!™

      GORAK HYPE 4 NEW ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!

      • tigeraid

        Indeed, my large-browed friend.

    • Mother Shabubu is fucking dead

      Easy, I voted Rammstein. Cuz lol

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      How can you not vote Trump?

      • tigeraid

        God dammit.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    That Testament was good but the poser in me chose Gorak’s riff

    • ME GORAK!!!™

      DU ROCK SO GUT!!!!!!!!!!

  • The Stench of Redempsh is my favorite Deicide rekkid.
    Tom Warrior’s Beanie is my favorite beanie.
    Gorak is my favorite

    • Dubbbz

      So, you voted for yourself?

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I have no favorite Deicide record. I just don’t like them.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        JJD plz! He has a crucifix on his forehead so he must be catholic!

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          His edginess when it comes to religion has nothing to do with why I don’t like them. Their music just isn’t good in my opinion

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I disagree

          • ..with his opinions? 😉

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t like their music though I also dislike Glen Benton as a human being with some of the shit he does.

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

            Like literally telling Corey Taylor to suck his dick?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™
          • Pentagram Sam

            Dude, I was about to vote Decide cos Ralph, but then went with Rammstein.

            But I was about to say if someone had popped in the intro riff to Christ Denied then it’s an auto vote.

            Blasting this in the car with friends back in the day always lead to spontaneous are punching and speeding.

          • Zeke

            I actually don’t like santolla’s playing with deicide. He can shred, but his style isn’t chaotic enough for the music. I think the hoffmans’ Kerry King on steroids style of soloing fits deicide’s music much better.

            Also, Christ denied is the jam

          • i need to give this one another chance. it was a blind purchase after i got into Deicide (circa Stench) and the production turned me off.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Do it please

          • It is great. I must have been not smoking anything at the time.

          • oh shit, i was confusing this with Scars of the Crucifix — which is terrible.

            this album is great

          • Elegant Gazing Globe

            This is my favorite song by them. Windows down full volume at the stoplights every time

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            The title track? Such a killer way to kick off an album

          • Elegant Gazing Globe

            Yep. This whole album is hot hellfire

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            It’s just my opinion that I don’t like their music.

    • ME GORAK!!!™

      THAT DEICIDE RIFF IS A GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Tom Warriors Beanie

      🙂

  • BobLoblaw

    Come on people. Get your heads in the game.
    https://youtu.be/J4j7ggZqbiU

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      How did nobody submit this?

    • Howard Dean

      Dude! I literally voted with that as a write in up top before I scrolled down to the comments! Same wavelength, brother!

  • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

    Damn, no love for technical farting so far/literally the stinkiest whiff on the whole list?

    http://45.media.tumblr.com/3f23db07bea14739a3993799b178b7b2/tumblr_nxo9jkpRcD1ujsjcio1_500.gif

  • I’m dissapointed in everyone today.

    • Dubbbz

      Oh come on. Nasty gore AND a puke gif?

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      You spelled disappointed wrong.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      The amount of entries would suggest that I wasn’t the only one who had trouble placing a stank to a riff. Now that I think of it, I should have submitted a Hoobastank song

    • Abradolf Lincler

      *shrug, i didnt think i was going to win with it but i didnt think it was going to hurt any buttz

    • Zeke

      I would’ve submitted this but I figured it was an obvious choice. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T7aEIV3CqLk

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    When are we going to have an unplugged ROTW? Or has there been one and I missed it?

    • Abradolf Lincler

      id be down

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I have no clue what KJU submitted but I’m scared by it.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I’m normally scared by his submissions every week

    • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

      A cover of Linkin Park done completely with farts.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        That’s an affront to god.

        • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

          An affront to Lemmy?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Exactly.

      • ME GORAK!!!™

        THEY NEED COVERED TO SOUND LIKE FARTS?????

  • Cannibal Corpse – The Cryptic Stench.odt

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    This riff smells like teen spirit
    https://youtu.be/hTWKbfoikeg

    • Abradolf Lincler

      DOWNVOTE

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        This comment sustains me

        • Abradolf Lincler

          Tapir?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Nope. I could never be that salty

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I’m not that salty.

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

            Mmmmmmmmmm, salted tapir. *fires up the grill and whips up the marinade*

    • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

      I much prefer this classic.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDH3i0wVxQM

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      You get a downvote my good sir. I hate Nirvana so much.

  • B00mhauer

    Gotta go with the Warriors Beanie on this one. I picked that album up before hearing anything on it or reading any reviews, I had only heard Scars of the Crucifix before that day. The album, it’s title track in particular, really threw me for a loop. Then they put out ‘Til Death Do Us Part. uuuuuuuugh

    • B00mhauer

      Also if you ever meet Ralph SanTALLa in person make sure you pronounce his last name properly or he’ll get super butthurt,

    • Tom Warriors Beanie

      Til Death… Really pissed in my cornflakes. I even got the version that came with that ridiculous Glen Benton patch. Shame and regret consume me to this day.

      • B00mhauer

        I sewed that patch onto my jacket. Had Ralph Santolla sign it at an Obituary show in 2008. He was drunk off his arse

        • Tom Warriors Beanie

          I sewed it on my vest to haha.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Glad to help put all those peasants out of their misery

  • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

    Voting got turned off already?

  • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

    Thought about submitting either of these, but they’re pretty riffless.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQORIIexlss
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98DS0UsW2Lw

  • Dubya, hands down.

    • Dubbbz

      I knew I could count on you for my one vote. Hopefully Sweettooth will show up for my 2nd, haha.

      • Haha, yeah. You will definitely be getting his vote if he shows.

  • tertius_decimus

    Voted for Deicide. Bar none. My favorite song from “The Stench Of Redemption”.

    Wayne’s submission is rad too.

  • Xinen

    This is a tough one, but I’ll go with Waynecro ’cause Impaled are a fun time. A close second would be Deicide, though Gorefest are also great. Mr. Methane should be an optional superhero class in South Park: The Fractured But Whole.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      You’ll go with Waynecro because WAYNECRO’16

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Almost voted for Da Dubious Dubya, but that Gorefest stinks even worse.

  • Tom Warriors Beanie

    Wow I can’t believe my submission and drunken write up is doing this well.

  • Count_Breznak
  • Dave Vincent’s Perm
  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Speaking of riffs, this demo sounds like a copy of Master of Reality that survived a nuclear apocalypse. I can dig it.
    https://nuclearwarnowproductions.bandcamp.com/album/faustian-dawn

  • Waynecro

    This was a tough one. Dead Infection, Testament, Gorefest, and Deicide all rip. I was going to be funny and submit an awesome song about butts (you know, because butts typically stink), but I went with the Impaled song because the lyrics that go over the riff reference some kind of smell.

    • tertius_decimus

      Good that you didn’t. KJU did that job instead for us.