Riff Of The Week: Texas Edition

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Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww

Before we get busier than a stump-tailed bull in fly season with our Texan riffs, we’ve gotta announce the victor of last week’s contest. The theme was sixth songs from an album and true-blue battla Ted Nu-Djent took home the prize on his 400th birthday with a pick from Vhöl‘s track “Arising”, congrats…y’all owe him a schooey down the pub now.

May as well pour up a frothy for yourselves as well because today we’ve got some riffs that’er hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch and you’ll be needing to wet yer whistle to stop it gettin’ dry’er than a popcorn fart (*closes dubious “Texan phrases” window*). After the recent rippers from Iron Reagan (album giveaway) and Power Trip (TovH Radio Interview), I’ve been on a little bit of a crossover kick and was prepared to drop in an Iron Age riff if need be, but need didn’t be. In fact, some say need never was. Although, these could simply be malicious lies told by want, who often masquerades as need. Whatever the case, what you need to do is listen to the Texan riffs below, and then you’ll need to vote for which one you want to win. So without further ado, time fer y’all ta GETCHA GOTDAYUM PULL…


Positronic Brain

Pantera – “Over And Out”

So it’s May 1988, the hot summer nights of Texas(s) are almost underway, and Pantera have just dropped another red hot platter of Van Halen/Judas Priest metal magic with their new helium-voiced wailer, Phillip Anselmo. Things are heavier than usual in spots, but “Over and Out” has the fucking money shot. After a swingin’ gee-tar solo from Diamond Darrell himself, sounding for all the world like Joe Satriani, 3:42 features the best goddamn Megadeth riff not written by Dave Mustaine, followed by a Slayerish variation of the same riff accompanied by a FUCKING THRASHY BLAST BEAT ON AN ALBUM THAT ALSO HAS A SONG CALLED “PUSSY TIGHT TONIGHT,” and then a dead stop so you can hear your own jaw hit the floor.


Ted Nu-Djent

Butthole Surfers – “Goofy’s Concern”

“Whatcha doin?”
“Chewin chocolate”
“Where’d you get it?”
“Doggy dropped it.”
“Carry on”
Main riff starting at around 0.14 is the perfect riff to get amped for a big night on the piss. Also, Butthole Surfers should get more love. Cheers


George Lynch

Power Trip – “Nightmare Logic”

POWER TRIP. Riff starts at 2:38 and runs till 2:58. Do yourself a favor and listen to the whole track while you are at it. Remember, TEXAS.
Signed,
GL


Howard Dean

Averse Sefira – “Vomitorium Angelis”

There’s a lot of good music from the Great State of Texas. The best of it definitely makes me want to passionately fondle my bag of testosterone. Wo Fat and Absu were my first thoughts for Texas-based riffs this week, and I even had a moment where I considered being a total prick and submitting the spectacular coke-fueled bluesy licks of Stevie Ray Vaughan’s “Rude Mood” (SRV should be off limits this week; any proper gentlemanly riffman would agree). Alas, Texas is a big state (2-3x larger than the state of Alaska, true story), and its denizens create a lot of good tunes. One of the best metal bands from Texas was Averse Sefira. They are known more for ruthless blasting assaults and off-kilter black metal riffs from hell, but the main riff in the track “Vomitorium Angelis” is a flag-waving, chest-thumpingly triumphant tremolo worthy of its home state. Start at 5:25.


Yarnhawk

Absu – “Four Crossed Wands (Spell 181)”

When I think of Texas, the first thing that comes to mind is grim and frostbitten.  It’s logical then, that some of the the best black/thrash metal about ancient Celtic mythology I’ve ever laid ears on has come from that state. Witness the riff at 1:55.  Frenetic and insistent, the way this riff twists and slides hits me in a way that makes it stand out in a track full of top-tier riffage. Ahw hells yes!


Boss The Rossover

Eternal Champion – “The Armor Of Ire”

Howdy y’all! Alright, so let’s be honest here. This here bein Texas week and all, there really is no loser. Just one riff that happens to be better than all the rest. And lemme tell you sumthin, I have just the pick fer you! Now I’m gonna lay this right out for ya and declare Eternal Champion as The Lone Star Sates’ bestest Heavy Metal band. Not a cotton pickin band comes right near close, cept maybe that POWER TRIP, and boy do I love POWER TRIP! That being said, last year’s The Armor of Ire is quite possibly THE best debut album from the past, oh I dunno, decade or so. Yeah, i said it1 It is that darn tootin good, I tell ya! Now, picking one gotdang riff off of this here record has put me in quite the pickle. Do I choose the mighty album opener? The epic “Last King of Pictdom”? I tell yee what, I just about keeled over and died thinking bout this. On the verge of it all though, I gotsta go with the last proper song on the album “Sing a Last Song of Valdese.” That opening riff bucks harder than any bronco I’ve ever met and kicks harder than any mule I’ve fought but I’ll be damned if it ain’t smoother than a fine Shiner brew on a hot August night! Now, I’m doin you a favor here and including the whole album in this dadgum embed so hit that play button cuz yer in for a treat. For you impatient city-slicker types, the riff starts around the 25:02 mark and will put you flat on yer ass!


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 10-03-2017 20:22:33
end_date 17-03-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Who...uhhh...haw?

For next week I thought we could do riffs from songs that feature animals in the title, but as I’d like to milk a bunch of themes from that idea that seems too easy, we’re going to split it down into deeper taxonomic groupings instead. So after getting all rapturous at the raptorous cover art for Engulfed’s debut album this week, we’re going to start with BIRDS. The title of the song you choose your riff from must include a bird name or an overt avian reference of some kind. Send your entries to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com before Friday. Include a YouTube link to the song, your screen-name, a blurb and a time-stamp of the riff.


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  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Boss deserves this so I voted for him. Also we should do a Swedish ROTW. There’s so many good Swedish bands.

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      And I have the best riff, soooooo…

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        You sure do. Eternal Champion for the win. The Sega game Eternal Champions is extremely difficult though.

      • Jay Riemenschneider

        Eternal CHUMPion.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      SVPlz

    • the best Swedish band rhymes with “thin james”

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Is that even a question?

      • The Mighty Thorange

        Rick James is Swedish?

        • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

          ME THINK JIMMY MEAN:
          https://youtu.be/UPnyY1A9gjI

          • The Mighty Thorange

            I got it, I was just making a shitty joke. The real answer would be that the best Swedish band is OLD In Flames anyway.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            OR BATHORY, OPETH, TRIBULATION, DARK FUNERAL, MESHUGGAH, AMON AMARTH, MARDUK, DARK TRANQUILITY, HYPOCRISY, DISSECTION, & MOAR!!!!

          • The Mighty Thorange

            How could I forgot those! Especially fucking Opeth! One of my favourite bands ever and I totally forgot they were Swedish.

          • Never heard MOAR. How cult on scale ov 1-666?

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            SORRY MR ARMLESS, THIS ALL ME COULD FIND, FROM UK & NOT KVLT AT ALL…..
            moar.bandcamp.com

          • Your failure reflects the folly of all cavekind.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ
          • Doom Scientist
          • GoatForest

            Nefandus, Ofermod, Carnage, Funeral Mist, Watain, Candlemass, Bloodbath, Naglfar…

          • Yeah, i think Gorak picked up right away that i was just being goofy. there’s a billion better than In Flames (all due respect to our local In Flames fans)

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Yay, the gods of Sweden!

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            MIKAEL STANNE FRONTED IN FLAMES OR ANDERS FRIDEN FRONTED DARK TRANQUILITY???
            https://youtu.be/SzIyqYRyITU

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I’d go with Mikael fronting In Flames.

          • Zeke

            Dt

      • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ
    • JWG79

      Sadly can’t make the cut, because there are no “riffs”:

      https://youtu.be/B7UmUX68KtE

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        🙁

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    MY TEXAN HEART SWELLS WITH THE PRIDE OF MY STATE AND THESE MIGHTY RIFFS BROUGHT FORTH THIS DAY!

    • GL

      U gonna lose, son.

      GL

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        Say that to my six shooter.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Cool. Seems like cause for a celebration
    https://youtu.be/roRQ2mNwMMQ

    • Butts4Gutts

      “I’m just reading up on…artillery.”

    • Howard Dean

      Ted this is going to sound crazy but a couple months ago I was listening through my Butthole Surfers collection and upon hearing that exact same riff from “Goofy’s Concern” I thought “Wow, that would be a sweet riff to submit to RotW.” Good selection sir! Great (riff) minds think alike. You deserve to win two weeks in a row with that one.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Wow, what a coincidence. When the Texas theme was announced I only ever had that Riff in mind. Cheers

        • Howard Dean

          That would’ve been awesome if I had remembered it and we both submitted it. I think this website would’ve imploded with the awesomeness of a Nu-Djent – Dean collaborative Butthole Surfers riff submission.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I’m not really sure who Howard Dean actually is but if he’s anything like The Nuge it would most definitely have been a wild ride

          • Howard Dean

            This is the real Howard Dean. He’s a bit of a wild man himself:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6i-gYRAwM0

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I think I’ll go with Howie’s choice. I didn’t listen to Positronic Brain’s selection because his choice doesn’t exist

  • Butts4Gutts
  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Yesterday, i listened to that new Power Trip album, and it just Slays, i love that is under 40 minutes, so is just a quick listen of aggressive kind of old school sleazy trash 80’s metal.

  • Eliza

    I was sure I’d vote for Power Trip at first, but then Eternal Champion showed up and now I’m torn.

    • Pro Tip: vote Absu.

      • Eliza

        I liked that riff. Butthole Surfers’ and even Pantera’s too.

        • Well that’s a kerfuffle.

          • Eliza

            Had to google what kerfuffle means. Now I feel enriched. My English teacher will be impressed.

          • tigeraid

            Richter enriches us all.

          • …and when he’s not busy enriching, he’ll give us the occasional embiggening!

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            That’s because he’s such a cromulent fellow

      • RepostedJoeThrashnkillFan

        “Put that shit on a bumper sticker and I’ll buy the hell out of it.”
        – Joe TnK 2017

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Yep, Absu. Anything less would be uncivilized.

        https://coldtones.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/rightguard.jpg

  • RepostedJoeThrashnkillFan

    “(Graven Rite was the better band imo)”
    -Joe TnK 2017

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    This one’s easy: Absu of course! Album fucking rips.

    • JWG79

      Absu-lutely.

  • Jay Riemenschneider

    Butthole Surfers. Only because lol butthole!

    PS: Only two things come from Texas.

    • Edward

      I voted Ted cause Butthole Surfers.

      Also Depeche Mode is Gangsta is a gangsta ass name.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        My man!

  • Doom Scientist

    Butthole Surfers, baybay!

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Your taste is impeccable

  • Doom Scientist

    If my ass hadn’t been lazy or absent minded, i would’ve gone with any damned riff from this track.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdmouURY4nU

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      I thought for sure Wo Fat was gonna pop up!

      • Doom Scientist

        Or The Sword, or Duel.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          So many good Texas bands

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Voted Butthole Surfers because I was gonna submit Butthole Surfers (the riff from “Sweat Loaf”). Alas, I never got around to writing my submission

    • Óðinn

      Satan Satan Satan!

  • The Mighty Thorange

    Was going to go Eternal Champion because they are fucking awesome but that Power Trip riff had me subconsciously start headbanging at my computer desk so it’s got to be that.

  • Kyle Reese

    Def like the over and out riff, although I’m pretty partial to Proud to be Loud on that album for dumbass Phil shouting about freedom of speech and loud stereos.

  • tigeraid

    Ah shit, I forgot.

    Oh well, Eternal Champion wins everything. I AM THE HAMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  • meilleur avec du beurre

    A texas riff off without devourment is like a dick without balls
    just ain’t right
    cmon

    • Lacertilian

      Wise man say “he who complains without submitting acts like dick without balls”.

      • Doom Scientist

        Lao Tzu say “He who fall asleep with itchy bum wake up with smelly hand.”.

  • Waynecro

    Awesome! I’m so glad to see Butthole Surfers and Averse Sefira submissions.