Riff Of The Week: Nuclear Edition

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Before we get into today’s contest, let’s take a look at the results from last week’s Tech Edition. Shit was tighter than djent dork’s noise-gate with only 1% separating the top two riffs at the end of polling. However, I think on a week where over 60% of the vote is shared between Gorguts, Psycroptic, and Suffering Hour, Riff of the Week itself is the true winner.

For this week’s contest we went with a Nuclear theme. Why? No reason. We asked you to get creative with your entries, and while we didn’t receive anything too abstract, we did get some different tangents cropping up. Most of them involved nuclear war though, funny that. We also scored two entries from the same band, and the even more anomalous RotW event – two submissions of the same fucking riff. Make of that what you will. Be sure to use the PROMO CODE SALVE after voting to get your second vasectomy for half-price at Val’s Junk Yard – “The Only Name You Can Trust With Your Business“. Now, in the (paraphrased) words of the (Toilet’s) one and only Randall Thor, (it’s time to) nuke the whole damn planet!


inrigg266

Municipal Waste – “Wolves Of Chernobyl” (Riff @ 0:42)

This is one of my favorite songs by this band. What’s cooler than a pack of radioactive wolves roaming the land and reeking total chaos. Nuclear deformities are metal, wolves are super metal. Combine the two and its flippin metal as all balls. The riff thats starts around the 42 second mark is a real stomper. I can picture the beautiful scene of fangs and claws adorning the snow in crimson. Would make an excellent holiday greetings card.


Positronic Brain

Municipal Waste – “Radioactive Force” (Riff @ 1:00)

I guess this is what you’d call a mosh riff. It’s also the only thing I could find in my music collection having to do with radioactivity, so either the search terms I was using weren’t creative enough, or I’m lacking in nuke-related jams. Either way, let’s all circle pit and/or windmill kick to this here headbanger.


Lord of Bork

Megadeth – “Rust In Peace” (Riff at 3:56)

For your listening pleasure, a riff from a band named after a unit of a million deaths in the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust. Go ahead and bang your ahead at 3:56, at least until we all die in hubristic hellfire.

Is it low hanging fruit? Yes, and again yes. Too bad.


TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

Carnivore – “World Wars III And IV” (Riff @ 0:11)

Dear Donald Trump: I understand that now that your pathetic inferiority complex and penchant for hyperbole has led you to promise “fire and fury” to North Korea, it is quite possible that you will have no choice but to follow on that threat. After all, I don’t find it hard to imagine that to you the death of millions of human beings in a nuclear holocaust is preferable over having to admit that you are a belligerent halfwit without a single presidential quality. I just implore you that if it comes to this, please do what Slim Pickens did in Dr Strangelove and drop yourself along with the bomb. Fuck, I’ll even buy you the rodeo hat if you do.


Howard Dean

Blasphemophager – “Genesis Of The Antiworld” (Riff @ 1:47)

Blasphemophagher is quite possibly the most nuclear of all metal bands. Metal-archives lists “Quantum Mechanics” as their primary lyrical theme, and almost every release has the words “atomic” or “nuclear” in the title. I mean, their guitarist’s name is “Atomic Incinerator of Necronuclear Collapse & Plutonium Winds.” They may as well list Enrico Fermi as a band-mate. But you know what else these bestial bastards do well? RIFF. Hear them drop the hammer at 1:47.


Richter

Nuclear Assault – “F#” (Riff @ 0:00)

I still owe my parents money for the holes I kicked in my bedroom walls the first time this riff emerged from my boombox. Rage until you piss your cutoff jeans @ 0:00.


Andy Synn

Anaal Nathrakh – “Man at C&A” (Riff @ 1:55)

An obvious choice this time I felt – Anaal Nathrakh covering “Man at C & A” by The Specials.

At 01:55 they drop into a riff that sounds like some sort of gigantic nuclear-powered robot spider wrecking a city. What more could you ask for?


Ted Nu-Djent

Megadeth – “Rust In Peace” (Riff @ 3:49)

My submission this week is best described in the first verse of Rust In Peace… Polaris
Tremble you weaklings, cower in fear
I am your ruler, land, sea and air
Immense in my girth, erect I stand tall
I am a nuclear murderer, I am Polaris

Riff starts at 3.49 and is the perfect end to a perfect album


Lacertilian

Vacivus – “Unchaining The Winds Of Uncreation” (Riff @3:41)

Forget pipe-dreams of enriched Uranium and Thorium reactors, there’s enough untapped energy in Vacivus’ riffs to power civilisation into the next millennium. The fallout from the ominous build-up culminating around 3:41 is nigh-on apocalyptic.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 18-08-2017 20:22:33
end_date 25-08-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
wHo?

In reverence of this week’s eclipse, we’re going solar. So next week’s theme is simply ‘SUN’, get creative. Send in your riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by Friday, being sure to include your screen-name and a short description with a time-stamp of when the riff starts.

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  • more beer

    I’m surprised no used this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJQbVHUo1Zc

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
      • more beer

        Well you and link are on the same page.

      • Óðinn

        Wodos! m/

    • tigeraid

      SHIT. One of my all-time fav albums and it didn’t even come to mind. I have failed.

      • more beer

        It is my favorite Voivod album hands down. I saw their very first US show ever when they touring for this album as well.

    • Óðinn

      Fuck yeah!

  • Brutalist_Receptacle

    I AM THE ATOMIC PUNK

    https://youtu.be/wPv-lCTfQE4

  • KJM, Anla’Shok

    Carnivore >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • more beer

      Exactly!

  • Megadeth riff same.

  • I abstain to vote for Megadeth today because those choices are not Set The World Afire. I also couldn’t make it, since I was torn between the Megadeth song or this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLp-JgswVb4

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      I would’ve probably voted for this one. Nobody riffs like Sodom.

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      FVCK YEAH SODOM

    • TheCheezFace

      Man, I miss listening to Sodom, especially Persecution Mania and Agent Orange.

      • lagerbottoms

        Well if you miss it so bad, why don’t just listen to it?

        • TheCheezFace

          I kinda grew out of thrash. It wouldn’t be the same feeling now

    • GoatForest

      I was too late as well. I meant to submit this favorite of mine:
      https://youtu.be/9bjqo5xYh1E

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    I could pick anything except for Municipal Waste, but at the moment I think it’s either gonna be Carnivore or Nuclear Assault.
    As downright superb Rust In Peace is, it indeed is a very low hanging fruit (not that this ever bothered me though…).

  • Chaosgrid
  • Count_Breznak

    Cytotoxin’s discography.

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    I have to go with Municipal Waste, Wolves song, because those guys are always having fun, and isn’t that what music is about, also i love the Megadeth song, and how both Ted and Lord of Bork were basically on the same path and just seconds off each other riff wise.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I knew it

    • Lord of Bork

      It was bound to happen.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      When I saw this week’s theme, that was the first song that came to mind. But then I guessed that someone else was also going to submit it, so I went for a different one

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Yeah I thought so too but I spaced on submitting all week so I put that one it at the last minute

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          It is a brilliant riff after all

  • Elmo

    ELMO THINK THIS WICKED (BUT NOT ABBA)…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Tko1G6XRiQ

    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

      BAD ELMO!!!!!! BERT SEZ U NOW MUST GO GET THE BALL GAG & DUCK TAPE!!!!!!!!!!!
      BERT ALSO SEZ DRESS LIKE MAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Elmo
      • Bert

        Now look what you’ve done!

        He’s frightened of cavemen. Damn good job he fainted before he read what you said. Bad Gorak!

        …and it was Prairie Dawn I was referring to. She’s really into that kinky shit.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Who is Prarie Dawn?

          • Bert
          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t watch Sesame Street so i wouldn’t know who that is.

          • Bert

            You’re missing out on some fun times. Very therapeutic.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Im not 3. I dont need to watch Sesame Street.

          • Bert

            What!

            No swearing. No violence. No sex. All-round good humour and everyone being nice to each other.

            What’s not to like… …oh wait. …yeah.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Sorry Bert.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      Fuck you for upvoting your own comments

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I used to do the same thing. I completely support this new gimmick profile.

      • Bert

        Good job Elmo doesn’t know swear words like that. Anyway, he’s tucked up in bed now.

    • Óðinn
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Yay, Nuclear Assault!

  • Óðinn
  • JWG
  • Óðinn
  • GrungierNine0

    I mean, shit, I like quantum physics and other related nuclear shit. My vote goes to Blasphemophager.

  • Hans

    Don’t know which Megadeth to vote for, so Richter gets it.

  • Hans

    I predict that next week, about five people will submit a riff off a particular album that totally ruined metal…

  • that’s the most Municipal Waste i’ve ever listened to (two songs).
    i think i’m drunk now.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      That band is really bad for your liver

  • NUCLEAR WAR IS THE ONLY RATIONAL CHOICE FOR REASONABLE PEOPLE WHO ARE THINKING GOOD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNEfMUPP8k

  • urstoff