Riff Of The Week: German Edition

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Scheiße!

Competition was ostensibly tight last week for our Riff Of The Week – Final Edition. As you can see below, my pre-polling period addition of 100 votes to all the riffs that weren’t “The Final Countdown” proved vital, as a bunch of you gluttons voted for it anyway. The final results were extraordinarily close so I’m awarding sweet victory to every riff that wasn’t written by a band called Europe.

This week we asked for riffs from German bands. Apparently this was a theme that appealed to the creeper weirdos who use children’s television programs/cartoons for novelty accounts demographic. Why? I don’t know. Anyway, here are the riffs.


Gorak

Dark Fortress – “Insomnia” (Riff @ 0:48)

GORAK BACK 4 RITEFUL PALCE AZ RIFF DISQUS NOVELTTY #1!!!!!! SINCE COULD NOT CHOOSE RITE MORGOTH RIFF ME SUBMIT DARK FORTRESS INSTEAD!!!!!!!!


Bert

Destruction – “Bestial Invasion” (Riff @ 0:00)

Riffing starts at 0.00 but it’s an epic riff-fest of epic proportions throughout. I butchered Ernie’s body to this song so it’s pretty close to my heart.


FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper

KMFDM – “Megalomaniac” (Riff @ 1:30)

I was originally gonna go for ‘Bück dich’ by Rammstein, but that would be too obvious. Besides, this riff is way better, it’s super heavy but also meshes perfectly with the electronic elements perfectly. What else can I say, KMFDM for the win.


Elmo

Krypteria – “Shoot Me” (Riff @ 1:08)

ELMO LIKE METAL’S EQUIVALENT OF ABBA!!!! RIFF THAT START AT 1.08 MAKE ELMO SHOUT “HECK YES”. MAKE ELMO SLAM DIVE OFF BERT’S FRIDGE (BUT WITH SAFETY HELMET, KNEE AND ELBOW PADS). YAYYY!!!


HD

Running Wild – “Calico Jack” (Riff @ 7:29)

I’ve already submitted like a dozen riffs from one of my favorite German bands (Katharsis), so I decided to choose a timeless masterpiece from one of my other all-time favorite Deutschbands. Few bands in history have riffed quite like Running Wild. If you’ve listened to “Calico Jack” before, you can probably guess what riff I’m talking about. It repeats a few times throughout the track, each time slightly modified but no less epic. It hits first at around 0:51, but the outro version at 7:29 is the one to which I wish to draw your attention. Here the band just goes completely nuts. My god. What a fucking riff.


GoatForest

Dark Fortress – “Insomnia” (Riff @ 3:42)

Well, here you have it: the best riff from the best song of the best album by one of the most underrated bands around. Seriously, I think this may be one of the best black metal riffs ever recorded. Listen to these German masters and find out if you agree.


Taz

Sodom – “City Of God” (Riff @ 0:16)

TAZ THINK TOO MANY GERMAN BANDS WITH EPIC RIFFS TO LIST. THIS ONE RANDOMLY SELELECTIFIED FOR RIFF AT 0.16. TAZ COULD EQUALLY HAVE SELECTIFIED RIFFS FROM ASSASSIN, KREATOR, HELLOWEEN. NECROPHAGIST, AND REST.

BBBLLEEEEEEEGGGGGGEIL!!!!


GrumpDumpus

Einstürzende Neubauten – “Zerstorte Zelle” (Riff @ 0:55)

BACK IN MY YOUTH THIS BAND WOULD GIVE ME A STEEL I-BEAM IN MY PANTS BUT I CAN ONLY ACHIEVE A HALBER MENSCH THESE DAYS

ARCHITECTURE COLLAPSING SHOPPING CART RIFF STARTS AT 0:55


Lacertilian

Shrine Of Insanabilis – “Hamartia” (Riff @ 2:05)

The overarching chord changes that work their way through this track were nigh on impossible for me to get out of my head for weeks on end when this EP dropped last year. However, for today the part that kicks in just around 2:06 is where you should head, and ride this shit on out.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 10-11-2017 20:22:33
end_date 17-11-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Wer?

Next week we’re getting geological. Send me riffs that have some kind of stone/gem/rock reference. Email them to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by Friday, include a screen-name, and a short description with a time-stamp of when the riff you’ve chosen starts.


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  • more beer

    The 23 of you who voted for The Final Countdown last week should hang your heads in shame!

  • tigeraid

    You goddamn lizard.

    We know who the PEOPLE’S CHAMPION is.

    • more beer

      THE ROCK!

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        So accurate.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I’m sorry buddy but more beer is right on this one.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    GESUNDHEIT!

    I voted Bestial Invasion for the record. Can’t fuck with the classics.

    • more beer

      No you can’t. But from that album I would have gone with Antichrist.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Yeah that track riffs your balls off. Some of the riffiest stuff the band ever did was on the Sentence of Death EP imo.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZYhH-WiuLc

        • more beer

          Yea Sentence of Death is unfuckwithable.

      • GoatForest

        Thrash Til Death!

        • more beer

          It is pretty damn good from begging til end.

          • GoatForest

            Indeed. It’s the album that introduced me to German thrash.

          • more beer

            That and Sodom In the Sign of Evil.

          • GoatForest

            Sodom ended up being my favorite of the original three Teutonic bands. I feel they’ve maintained the most consistent level of quality over the years. I still get excited when they release a new album.

          • more beer

            They have been very consistent thru the years. But In the Sign of Evil is still my favorite by them. It’s just got that dirty evil sound that I love.

          • GoatForest

            No argument from me.

          • GrumpDumpus

            THEY ARE STILL CONSISTENT LIVE TOO AND STILL PLAY AT 105% SPEED

  • AndySynn

    I was forced to vote Dark Fortress… because I love Dark Fortress.

    Though I still contend that “Ylem” is their best album (and probably one of the best albums of the new millennium).

    • GoatForest

      Which Dark Fortress riff, though? Whichever you chose, good taste!

    • GoatForest

      Ylem is the shit, for sure. The refrain on Satan Bled alone should solidify that album as essential listening.

    • Howard Dean

      Though I still contend that “Ylem” is their best album (and probably one of the best albums of the new millennium).

      That’s… a rather bold statement. I don’t know if many would even consider it a top 10 black metal album from the year it was released. I can think of at least a couple better BM albums from 2010 off the top of my head: DsO – Paracletus; Ascension – Consolamentum; Enslaved – Axioma Ethica Odini; Burzum – Belus; Sargeist – Let The Devil In.

      • AndySynn

        I actually love most of those albums you’ve listed too (though I’ve never been able to get into Burzum), but I still stand by my statement. It’s right up there with them.

        • Howard Dean

          Belus is a bit different than classic Burzum (vocals/production are definitely different), but the riffs and atmosphere are just amazing. He didn’t miss a beat. It was like he wrote that album right on the heels of Filosofem.

      • GoatForest

        Something from “Grant Me Light” by Ascension would have been another good contender for the German riff of the week.

        • Howard Dean

          Yeah, that’s a killer track.

      • GoatForest

        2010 had some very stiff competition.

  • ELMO

    “Apparently this was a theme that appealed to the creeper weirdos who use children’s television programs/cartoons for novelty accounts demographic”

    YAY!!!!!

    • Tasmanian Devil

      FFLLEEEEEB!!!

      YEAH, WEIRDO!!!

      GLLURRPPTTTRRTRPRTPRTPT!!!!!

      • ELMO
        • Lacertilian

          Ok, so looks like I was wrong about the “creeper weirdos who use children’s television programs/cartoons for novelty accounts demographic“.

          It should have read – “creeper weirdo who uses children’s television programs/cartoons for novelty accounts demographic

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            GORAK/GROG/GUNGA/GRUNT NOT SAME CARTOON NOVELTY WEERDO AZ TAZ/ELMO/EVIL BERT!!!!!

          • Lacertilian

            Yah, we know you’re not a creeper weirdo Gorak, just a regular weirdo.

          • Tasmanian Devil

            BLEEEGGG!!

            NOOOOO!!! TAZ NOT SAME AS ELMO/EVIL BERT. TAZ DIFFERENT AMINAL WEIRDO FROM ELMO/EVIL BERT WEIRDO!!! TAZ HURT!! TAZ WOUNDED!!!!

            PPFFFTTT!!!!

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGPTPTPTPTPT!!!!!!!

            IT NOT BAD THING TO HAVE DISQUS MULTIPLE PROSANILITTY!!!!!!!! GORAK HAVE MANY EMAIL & DISQUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

            BLARRGGHHHH

          • Tasmanian Devil

            BLUURRRPPTRTPTIPITY!!!!

            TAZ THINK GOOD THING TO HAVE MUPILITIPLE PERSONALITIES TOO, ESPECIALLY SILLY ONES THAT DON’T TAKE TAZ AND CAVEMEN SERIOUSLY!!!! MAKES SILLY BLOG CONVERSATIONALS MORE INTERESTING!!!! ELMO/EVIL BERT ON DAY OFF SO ONLY ME TODAY!!!

            FFLUURRBBBLPRTPRPPRTPRTPRTPT!!!!

  • GoatForest

    Gorak!!!!!!!! Great (or at least, sick) minds think alike.

  • Lord of Bork

    BRB, gonna go listen to KMFDM all damn day

  • Hans

    Destruction. Also, can’t believe I fucked up on this theme and didn’t send anything.
    To make up for this, here’s an incredibly sophisticated submission by a band whose name may be a play on Einstürzende Neubooties.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMqkj1w_B10

    • GrumpDumpus

      THEIR GENRE IS APPARENTLY ‘FUN-PUNK’ AND IT’S NOT WRONG

  • Whaaaat, no Kreator (says the guy who submitted nothing)???? I guess no one wanted to feel like they were being obvious?

    • Hans

      Honestly, anything from the thrash trifecta was kinda obvious, but we still got 2/3, so QUIT YER YAMMERIN

  • God

    I love me some Sodom.
    *wink wink*

  • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

    I like Sodom and Running Wild more than Destruction, but neither of those songs are my choices from those albums ( Into the Arena man. Just saying.). Besides, Infernal Overkill is a near perfect album.

    • Howard Dean

      I like Port Royal front-to-back, but Calico Jack, Uaschitschun, Conquistadores, and the title track are probably my favorites (or at least my most listened to).

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    No Accept? At least Sodom is here.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    SHIT!!!!!! GORAK SHOOD HAVE PICK MORGOTH!!!!!!!!!
    https://youtu.be/TxMWkCIgHVQ

  • Óðinn
  • Dark Fortress is mighty good, but that Shrine of Insanabilis just destroys. Lizard gets the vote.

  • Count_Breznak

    Defeated Sanity, Totenmond, the first 2 Eisregen albums…decisions, decisions…
    fuck it, let’s go full 90s MTV (was released in the mid 2ks tho)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TESOTadSRPE

    • GrumpDumpus

      HOW DID I FORGET DEFEATED SANITY UNNNNGHHHHHHHH

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    I have to go with Dark Fortress – “Insomnia” that was just sweet.
    Next week maybe the whole album Blood Mountain is a good start.

  • Howard Dean

    My second choice was the synth/bass riff from 99 Luftballons:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La4Dcd1aUcE

    • FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper

      The only version. That English translation does not exist, it is simply a figment of everyone’s imagination.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    RVNNING WILD

    BYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

  • Howard Dean

    You’ll cowards don’t even Calico Jack.

    http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/117/2288/1600/rolf.jpg

  • Sobotka

    Riding the Bert train on this one!

  • FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper

    That Einstürzende Neubauten riff makes me feel like a wimp, that’s why it gets my vote.

    • GrumpDumpus

      IF YOU LIKE THAT RIFF YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THEIR JACKHAMMER SOLOS TOO 5/7 WOULD COLLAPSE BUILDINGS AGAIN