Riff Of The Week: Mortuary Edition

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Brought to you by Cementery’s Rapid-Set Gravecrete™ – “The Original Plot-Thickener!.

Before we go for a joyful graveyard jaunt let’s take a look at last week’s results from our brutal Anatomy Edition. The voting public dissected the competition into three suspiciously even portions, leading us to assume you’ve had some hands-on surgical experience before; although the resulting mess indicates it was most likely obtained in a dilapidated farm shed rather than a sterile laboratory-type environment. Maybe practice some aseptic technique once in a while, or at least put a fucking drop-sheet down first next time ya grubs. Well done to HD and Richter for posting exceptional riffs and well done to one of them for winning, but most of all well done to the 34.9% of you who recognised this inarguable and completely objective fact and voted accordingly.

This week we asked for mortuary-themed riffs and we got some fitting entries. As it turns out we ended up with 6 riffs from 6 songs by 6 bands, which most certainly for sure 100% definitely means something sinister is afoot, like tinea. Now it’s time for you to tip up the urn of that estranged relative and check if they really did overdose by sifting through the ashes (being sure to remove all the black bits), railing up the remains and catching the ol’ ski-lift (preferably through one of those twirly straws) to oblivion. Don’t forget to use the PROMO CODE OBLONG prior to voting to get your third kettle descaling free of charge courtesy of the TovH (*). Now it’s time to riff and/or die!


Positronic Brain

Bloodbath – “Total Death Exhumed”

I love riffs wherein the guitars are doing different things in each of your ears when you’re listening with headphones. In this one, starting at 0:48, guitar 1 hits just the main chords, shoveling grave dirt into your mouth and eyes with the absolute FILTHIEST HM-2 guitar tone I’ve ever heard, while guitar 2 does doodly lead guitar-ish things like Randy Rhoads would play if he could be exhumed and reanimated as a Swedeath guitarist. One of the most memorable riffs on this really good album.


Ted Nu-Djent

Black Sabbath – “Electric Funeral”

I didn’t want to submit something so obvious but how could I not submit one of the greatest riffs of all time? One that has been aped over and over again a thousand times over. Riff starts at the beginning but you already new that.


Hans

The Crown – “Back From The Grave”

Admittedly, The Crown’s later output makes one wish they would’ve stayed dead, but this was before all that. After a short build-up, the fun starts at 0:12.


Yarnhawk

Nile – “Sarcophagus”

Despite their relative fame, I still feel like Nile is underappreciated. They’ve just been so consistently good for so many albums, they get kind of taken for granted, or passed over in favour of more underground/brutal/techy/whatever bands. Well fuck that shit. Nile brings the riffs, and Sarcophagus is just fantastic doomy death metal, with the music perfectly matching the atmosphere of the lyrical subject matter. A perfect proof that you don’t need technicality or shredding to destroy faces. This entire song is excellent, but from 3:00 on is one of my favourite outros of all time. Get your Egyptian funeral fix here.


Howard Dean

Crypt Vapor – “Tombe Della Citta”

Do synth riffs count? Enter Crypt Vapor. 80’s synth sleaze straight out of a cheesy thriller. It’s all about that atmosphere. I’m expecting a bevy of down-tuned derivative caverncore riffs this week, so why not mix it up a bit? While I do love me some Incantantion worship, ain’t nobody got time to drown in all that mud today. Press play right at the beginning. Oh snap! Do you feel like you’re in a John Carpenter movie? Me too! Shit’s about to pop off, and I’ve got a chubby. Brb, me and Roddy Piper need to fight off a swarm of aliens and bloodthirsty ghouls.


Richter

Xasthur – “Funerals Drenched In Apathy”

Die.
0:00


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 21-04-2017 20:22:33
end_date 28-04-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Whoo*spooky ghost sounds*ooooo?

Next week we’re going to be doing British riffs. Along with our usual NO MAIDEN rule, I’m stipulating an additional no Judas Priest caveat for this theme. Send your entries to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com before Friday, including your screen-name, a link to the riff with a time-stamp, and a short-description.


*- Offer only valid at participating outlets.

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  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    Dammit Ted.

    • KJM, Doom Scientist
    • KJM, Doom Scientist

      On first listen the new Duel is really good, not as much as the previous album but that’s a tough act to follow. If I were Rotten Tomatoes, I’d say it’s about 75% fresh.

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        Cool! Will check that out soon

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Tough call between Xasthur and Crypt Vapor. Italian horror nut that I am, think I gotta go with the latter. Sounds just like something Fulci or one of the second tier nonsense makers would have used during the 80’s. Love it.

  • While listening to Hans’s butt-shakin’ submission, I made the mistake of reading along with the lyric video. “Temptate” is now my favorite verb that is not a real verb.

  • Primordial Chaos

    Bloodbath is a good choice, good song, love that album!

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I just woke up after getting day drunk after soccer today. It’s 1.00am and I’m wide awake. Time to eat some Indian food and listen to some riffs.

    • Your life is a model life for life.

    • KJM, Doom Scientist

      Indian food and riffs. Sounds like a solid plan.

    • RIP in peace, Ted’s intestines

  • Hans Copronym

    Oh, I get it. “hands-on surgical experience”. Richter won. HA!

    • Lacertilian

      Oh yeah, I uhh totally meant that too.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™
    • Grvm Spectre ov Derth

      GET OUT.

    • Al Bvndy

      As a Brit I can officially confirm all the stereotypes are true.

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BocQKSpiA20#

      https://youtu.be/nuHI9-_Moig

      • Grvm Spectre ov Derth

        Family Guy is verboten.

        • Al Bvndy

          No Family Guy. No Madien. NO ANIME! Is this a Toilet or a dictatorship?

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            You can post Maiden whenever, you just can’t submit them for Riff Of The Week. Family Guy and Anime on the other hand…. : (

          • JWG79

            Obviously excluded. There aren’t all that many Riffs in Family Guy.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Riffs are like funny jokes: there are none to be found in family Guy

          • Grvm Spectre ov Derth

            I don’t make the rules, I just use them when they work in my favor.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      You won this week. No contest.

  • KJM, Doom Scientist

    If we’re doing British riffs next week, we should really make it interesting and have a “No Sabbath” rule.

    • JWG79

      Depends. I bet only me and JJD would vote for a Tony Martin Sabbath riff, so that would be safe…

      • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

        TONY MARTIN SABBATH REEL GUD!!!!!!!!!!
        GORAK WOOD VOTE!!!!!
        https://youtu.be/IU1mQPE1TkU

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          I support Gorak on this….

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        I’m down to vote for a Born Again riff

      • KJM, Doom Scientist

        You could really be pedantic and make it a “No Tony Iommi” rule.

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        I’d vote for any Sabbath riff, especially Tony Martin era or off Born Again.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          Same.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            We should do a best Sabbath riff one week.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            *every?

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            Sorry but Im not in allignment with the Tony Martin project.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            But I’m always in alignment with TONY IOMMI

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            I co sign your thinking here.

        • JWG79

          I’ve revisited enough of the TM albums recently to have decided I previously shortchanged all but one Which Shall Not Be Named, but I still think you got that “especially” backwards.

          Upvote anyway, because I support their defense.

    • Lacertilian

      As if anyone would stoop low enough to submit Sabbath in the first place!

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Lacertillian plz! Ted did!

        • KJM, Doom Scientist

          That’s a little different.

        • Lacertilian
          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I should have known

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        What a mook that person is.

        • Lacertilian

          I mean at least when I submitted Sabbath I had the bloody decency to lose

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            What Sabbath did you submit?

          • Lacertilian

            Wanted to submit Primus’ N.I.B cover for a Bass RotW a few years ago but the audio was pulled from YouTube for copyright or some shit.

    • CONAN Ayatollah of Jack & Cola

      or an only NWOBHM rule.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    P sure you should’ve implemented a NO SABBATH rule as well, for next week.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    JUDAS MAIDEN!!!!!!!!!
    IRON PRIEST!!!!!!!
    https://youtu.be/szCMQPeori4
    https://youtu.be/lPpw_xkVhMQ

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      I never liked Point Of Entry. Speaking of Priest my local record store has notebooks made out of album covers. I have a Nazareth one but I want one of the Priest ones and the one of Agent Orange by Sodom.

      • KJM, Doom Scientist

        I like Point Of Entry just fine, some great songs on that album.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          Solar Angels is top 5 Priest songs for me

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        POINT OF ENTRY IS AMAZING, YOU ARE FALSE UNENTRY

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          I prefer Stained Class

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            So do i.

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          Goes without saying but needed to be said!

  • Rob M

    Damn, I completely forgot about this, and I actually had the perfect song too

    Cemetery Urn: The Conquered are Burned – Wrath from the Grave…(Track starts at 13:34)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3iPFAeK7Pg#

    • Lacertilian

      Dammit Rob, this would have made my voting choice a lot easier. Heard their upcoming album just the other day too.
      Submit something now for next week as penance.

  • Yarnhawk

    That Swedeath Randy Rhoads analogy is spot on

  • Mosh Hoff

    Should add a No Sabbath rule IMO.

    • KJM, Doom Scientist

      It’s the lowest hanging fruit possible for a British Metal motif.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    All of these riffs are worthwhile, but I have to go with Sabbath. That riff is just PERFECT

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I don’t like to submit what is commonly known around these parts as “low hanging fruit” but sometimes I just have to submit because it’s just so damn good.

      • Meh.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        good is good that is all

  • I think I might need more Crypt Vapor in my life.



    Yup, I think so.

  • CONAN Ayatollah of Jack & Cola

    Finally getting to see Annihilator in june, haven’t toured the mid west since 89.

    • I stayed up til 2:30 his morning watching Annihilator videos with friends! Not a bad band

    • more beer

      I saw them last December they killed.

  • HANS!!!!!!!

  • BLOODBATH.