Riff Of The Week: Fire Edition

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Brought to you by Memory® – “Don’t leave home without it!

Before we burn this porcelain polling booth down in a blaze of charcoaled ceramic and flaming feces, let’s take a look at last week’s results from our USSR Riff Of The Week. Just before I could claim the whole competition as being null and void due to an OBVIOUS bug in the electronic voting system, one of you bastards had to give my entry a bloody pity vote and prove that the poll option was indeed working. However, as the Russian entries from Pseudogod and t.A.T.u dominated the competition over the ex-USSR states, I can safely assume that there was some kind of red state-backed rigging bullshit going down. Once I find out which one of you pricks runs that suss-af ‘Tex Rillerson’ account with the Crimean ISP login details, I’m going to permanently block your pipeline, if you know what I mean.

This week’s theme was FIRE and you sent us some flaming hot riffs. Except for one of these, I do not care for that band at all. You’ll have to guess which. In the interests of impartiality, I’m just going to have to trust that you fine denizens of the dunny don’t fuck this up. Guess I’m an optimist now? Don’t forget to use the PROMO CODE BUNG after voting to reduce the beeping volume of your white-goods and electronic kitchen appliances by up to 8%.


GoatForest

Vader – “Reborn in Flames” (Riff @ 3:15)

Listen to this riff. Listen to it! This shit is Satanic Hellfire as fuck. Can you smell the sinners burning? If so, call an ambulance: you may be having a stroke. Why are you still reading this? Listen to the riff!


Vegglampe

Metallica – “Fight Fire With Fire” (Riff @ 0:41)

Look, I’m a simple man. Someone tells me to provide them riffs from song about fire, I give them this. Or something else idk, there’s a lot of songs about fire. Few riffs however are as memorable as the beast of a main riff in this song, which can first be heard at 0:41.


TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

Death Penalty – “She Is A Witch” (Riff @ 4:07)

Everyone knows that back in the old days when religious beliefs took priority over human rights (days the GOP wishes we could go back to), women guilty of crimes as vile as having a mole or knowing what plants can cure diseases would often be executed by either hanging or burning at the stake. This has always been a favorite subject of doom bands, and this band has Cathedral’s former riff daddy Gaz Jenning demonstrating that he hasn’t lost his touch. FUN FACT: Women executed in a pyre rarely died from burning; most died from carbon monoxide poisoning caused by the fumes before the fire ever reaching them.


Dougie Jones

Mr. Bungle – “My Ass Is On Fire” (Riff @ 0:10)

I like how this riff switches betweeen being heavy as all fuck and sounding like it could be in a really good funk song. I also like it when the horns appear with it the first time. That’s the only reason this riff is being singled out specifically, this song is full of dank riffs (0:29, 0:52, 1:09, 1:25, 1:42 (basically that entire chorus, I was torn between that and the one I chose), 3:54, 5:04, so many siqq riffs). What can I say, Trey Spruance is a really underrated guitarist who can do so many styles extremely well.


Dundermantis

Nine Inch Nails – “Burn” (Riff @ 2:28)

Now, it might be to dismiss submitting a riff by the almighty angst lord Trent Reznor as far too UNTRVE a choice for the high standards set by this particular riff o’ the week smackdown. After all, this is for metal riffs in honor of FIRE, the symbol of both utter destruction and surviving the elements since the dawn of humanity’s first fuckin’ steps on this planet. However, this particular Nine Inch Nails fan favorite (recorded especially for that old family-friendly classic Natural Born Killers) is surprisingly heavy once you get past the first 2 and a half minutes of anxiously tight drum and synthloop action, letting loose with a twisty neck-breaker of a riff that’s just groovy enough to have made Dimebag blush.


tigeraid

The Sword – “Fire Lances Of The Ancient Hyperzephyrians” (Riff @ 0:30)

Maaaaaan, I had a really cool Skeletonwitch jam all picked out, and then with my phone set to random in my car this morning I stumbled on THIS, and I mean, how can you not go with The Sword in a riff competition? Main riff throughout starts at 0:30. What more is there to say?


Positronic Brain

Morbid Saint – “Burned at the Stake” (Riff @ 0:03)

My riff (0:03 and continuing into the verse) wins because:

1) It’s so underground that the only studio version I could find on YouTube is some dude cranking an original ’89 cassette copy.

2) It’s one of those riffs that goes “chuggachuggachugga” on one side while the drums bass and guitar go “DUNH! DUNH! DUNNANUH!” on the other side but then they all play everything together and it sounds awesome.

3) Burned steak is the best steak IMO.


Yarnhawk

Symphony X – “Set the World on Fire” (Riff @ 0:32)

This seemed like a fitting theme for the week, seeing as a large portion of my province is either currently on fire, or was recently on fire.
This song has a plethora of fine riffs; I quite enjoy the intro, the main verse riff is just mean, and the outro is especially tasty. But the one that keeps me coming back and always gets stuck in my head is introduced to us at 0:32. Now this is just the appetizer version, and we get the full meal deal at 3:11. It’s just got so much attitude, and does a nice job of messing with the timing without just sounding weird for weird’s sake. It’s one of those riffs that makes me want to grab my guitar and rip along, because it’s just so addicting. What else can I say but 🔥


Howard Dean

Bathory – “Baptised In Fire And Ice” (Riff @ 1:35)

This nasty little bridge riff hits twice in the track–the first at 1:35 and again at 3:40–and my fuck is it ever a ‘banger. Hammerheart is a masterpiece, of course, and it is tracks like this one, Shores in Flames, and One Rode to Asa Bay that make it legendary. Your mileage may vary on his viking-era work, but there is no denying that Quorthon was the GOAT.”


Ted Nü-Djent

Wasteland Riders – “Fire” (Riff @ 0:00)

Intro riff that re occurs throughout the song riffs hard. Line one up, throw down a shot of whiskey and chug a beer and press that fucking play button and let the good times roll.


Lacertilian

Urn – “All Will End In Fire” (Riff @ 1:45)

Finnish blackened thrash courtesy of Urn. Their latest album The Burning (released a week or so ago) is definitely their most mature record to date. Not just because the cover doesn’t feature an anthropomorphic cartoon Hell-Goat pissing on the pope this time around, the music also has a more serious tone. That does not mean it isn’t fun as shit. While the fist-pumping verse riff is quality, it’s classic two-hit combo of simple power-chord stabs and the repeating pre-chorus lead-motif that come in @ 1:45 (just before the blazing solo) that burn their way into your brain.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 04-08-2017 20:22:33
end_date 11-08-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Hoooo-boy?

Next week we’re going to be getting TECHNICAL. Send your favourite tech riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by Friday. Make sure you include your screen-name, a time-stamp of when the riff starts, and a short description.


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  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    This is an extremely difficult choice. Having to decide between Vader, Symphony X, Nine Inch Nails and The Sword is not going to be easy.

    • KJM, Anla’Shok

      Be like me and go for NIN.

      • High on Vallenfyre

        That was surprisingly good. I might need to check them out a bit more.

        • Dubby Fresh

          I can guide you, if you like. NIN megafan.

  • High on Vallenfyre

    That Sword album is so fucking good. I miss them.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Mmmm…Vader? Metallica? Morbid Saint? Symphony X? Bathory?

    https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HappygoluckyUnnaturalJunebug-max-1mb.gif

    • GoatForest

      There are a LOT of choices this week.

  • Dougie Jones (Dale Cooper)

    I’m sorry, my NIN fanboyism forced me to pick it.

    Wait, what am I sorry for, it’s a dank as fuqq riff.

    • KJM, Anla’Shok

      She’s gone
      She’s gone
      She’s gone away…

      • Dubby Fresh

        New EP is solid too!

        • KJM, Anla’Shok

          It’s an ACTUAL EVENT even! ; )

  • tigeraid

    Ahhhh shit Bathory. You win. 🙁

  • I vote for Bathory.

  • Hans

    Okay, I’m a little ashamed I did not see Metallica coming a mile away, but I’d actually not be ashamed to vote for low-hanging fruit in this particular case. Alas, The Sword, Morbid Saint and Wasteland Riders are awesome, too. Hmmmm…

  • GoatForest

    Fight fire with fiya!

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    ME FORGETTED SUBMIT 🙁
    RIFF @ :30 & COME BACK @ 4:45

    https://youtu.be/EZcWVkwY_GY

  • The Mighty Thorange

    FUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK! Way too many good riffs to choose from. Was not expecting that riff from NIN andf I am going to definitely have to check out Death Penalty. But fuck it, my vote’s going to The Sword.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    WTF? 25% of last week’s votes went to t.A.T.u.?

    *flushes this poser website*

    • more beer

      t seems people were voting with their cocks.

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        Hot girls making out tend to send all the blood to the wrong head

      • KJM, Anla’Shok

        If Sadistikk were here, he’d say we were voting with big blakk kokks!!
        In fact he follows me on Disqus so…(waves kokk)

      • Óðinn

        Limber. Impressive.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    SUNUFABEEEEEECH!!!!!!! WAY TOO HARD THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

    Howard Dean had it, then Ted snuck up with that Wasteland Riders riff and now I don’t know what to do.

  • Scrimm

    Ewww lotta nope on that list. Bathory easy.

    • more beer

      This.

    • tigeraid

      Scrimm pls!

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Going with Mr Bungle because Spruance is God

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Easy vote for me Vader, did you guys heard that beautiful end of the song, i’m a sucker for cheesy chorus at end of songs.
    I like that NIN since it hasn’t been long since i have heard that album, so that song was still fresh to me good choice.
    Second place for me was Death Penalty i really enjoy that one, i might need to check them out, i also love the description of it.
    I’m actually surprised nobody nominated Motorhead Fire Fire
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpFGmLr_zt4

    • Óðinn

      Always be upvoting Motorhead.

  • Howard Dean

    I’m really pumped that the Pseudogod riff won last week, because it’s a super great riff that I’ve always treasured. Glad I remembered it! I got nervous when I saw tatu, though. Was actually expecting those minxy lesbian Russkies to win, lol.

    Some good stuff this week. The Vader and Metallica riffs are really solid, of course, though the Morbid Saint, Wasteland Riders, and Urn riffs sound good, as well.

    Sincerely,

    Tex Q. Rillerson

    (my middle name is Quorthon)

  • Howard Dean

    “Everyone knows that back in the old days when religious beliefs took priority over human rights (days the GOP wishes we could go back to), women guilty of crimes as vile as having a mole or knowing what plants can cure diseases would often be executed by either hanging or burning at the stake.”

    Fun fact: This still happens quite often in several places on this shithole planet. It’s certainly not just a phenomenon from the good ol’ days.

  • JWG

    The riff (0:26 and onward) that made me realize I had been neglecting Enslaved for too long in my re-nascent Metal fandom, upon hearing it for the first time circa a few years after when it actually came out:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGs28oh-_w0

  • Imagine how sick it would’ve been if “Set the World Afire” by Megadeth was submitted right next to Symphony X’s “Set the World On Fire.”

    • JWG

      I really want to post the Ink Spots here, but Fallout has forever ruined the reference standing for itself.

      Humbug.

  • Count_Breznak
  • tigeraid

    Shit that Symphony X tho…. Sleeper pick.

    • Jake Ist Krieg

      I’ve mostly moved away from clean vox fantasy prog stuff as an adult but that album was THE SHIT when I was 17. Honestly it still kicks ass, just kind of sticks out more among my favorites now.

      • gacharicmeatspin

        Lol, I moved TO it as an adult.

  • Dundermantis

    Greetings all! I’m a long time ToH lurker who’s never reared his ugly head until now, and I’m glad to see my first contribution to this lovely site is doing so well. I’ve always loved this community, and hope to be more present in the near future.

    • Welcome!

    • Óðinn

      Welcome to Hell, Dundermantis! ….or at least welcome to its Toilet.

    • GoatForest

      Welcome to the bowl. It’s tremendous. You know, some people are saying it’s the best bowl.

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn