Riff Of The Week: Final Edition


This is the end.

Before we get to our final riffs, let’s look at the polling from last week’s Green Edition. Some highly questionable results by my reckoning, I’m going to award the victory to every riff that wasn’t R.E.M. Fuck that noise.

This week we asked for riffs featuring the word “Final” in their title. I should have known that at least one of you would show no restraint and submit the perennially irritating affront to decency from 80’s relics Europe. Rather than omit it in spite, I’m adding 100 votes to every other riff before the polls open. My next step is to douse your terrible record collection in that assortment of hairspray chemicals you have, throw them in your canary yellow 1993 Hyundai Excel and melt your coveted spandex jumpsuit to your car windscreen, torching everything you hold dear in one rainbow coloured flaming wreckage. I will also audibly fart at your funeral. Don’t forget to use the PROMO CODE TRUNK after voting to receive your free Home Appendix-Removal Kit (limited to one per customer per day).


Europe – “The Final Countdown” (Riff @ 0:52)

I didn’t want to do it.  I pleaded with you all not to do it.  And you asked anyway.  Because I am a diehard Bryan Danielson mark, I submit this.  Synth/trumpet/whatever-riff starts at 0:52.


Mors Principium Est – “Finality” (Riff @ 0:00)



Hail Of Bullets – “The Final Front” (Riff @ 0:00)

Im drunk as fuck right now and probably wont remember submitting this but due to the release of wolfenstein 2 ive been blasting a bunch of Hail of Bullets. The riffs start at 0:00 and they dont fuckin stop.


Cobalt – “Final Will” (Riff @ 5:21)

You know that feeling when you’re riding a bike so fast that you’re basically catapulting yourself into another dimension, and then you hit a big ass log and the bike flips, but you miraculously do some kinda swirly fuck and land perfectly and everyone applauds your fearless acrobatics? Well, that’s how I feel about this riff, the song is moving at a good Cobalty kinda pace, and then BAM this riff tosses you in the fucking air.


Imperium – “Final Sacramentum” (Riff @ 11:28)

Riff starts at 11.28. Elmo still prefer ABBA and Bert and Ernie Sings… but Elmo been getting into Death Metal recently and Elmo likes brutal riffing – makes Elmo swing Elmo’s head. YAAAYYYY!!!!! DEATH!!!!

Lord ov Bork

Tenacious D – “Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)” (Riff @ 3:44)

In which Kage and Jables royally blow those fuckin’ doors down, man.

Howard Dean

Death Angel – “Final Death” (Riff @ 0:38)



Unleashed – “Final Silence” (Riff @ 0:22)

Going back to 1992 this week for a good ol’ fashioned Swede-saw cut. While the Slayer-ish mid-section is quality, I’m going for the no frills ferocity at 0:22.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 03-11-2017 20:22:33
end_date 10-11-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:

Next week we’re getting Teutonic. Send me riffs from GERMAN bands. Make sure you attach a screen-name and a short description that includes a time-stamp of when the riff starts. Email them to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com.

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  • tigeraid

    Once again the system finds a way to SCREW ME.

    (I honestly hate hair metal, this one song is just the one exception because of American Dragon.)

    • more beer

      It seems to me this is one of the rare cases of the system working.

      • tigeraid

        I don’t. It means I’ll selfishly get to enjoy him in ROH and NJPW instead. Where he’ll be king.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I wish the WWE would clear Daniel Bryan to wrestle. They cleared Kurt Angle.

    • Depechemodeisgangsta

      Great song, also just finished reading Daniel Book very good, i wish there was more about his Indy days since i was out of watching wrestling at that period and didn’t even knew about Indy wrestling, now i just started to read Bret Hart book, i like reading the wrestlers book, because they are just like the rockstar they live very crazy and fuck up life.

      • tigeraid

        I followed ROH religiously during its golden age, and got to see Danielson live several times in Detroit and Toronto. Fantastic atmosphere.

        • Depechemodeisgangsta

          Last year i started watching NJPW and is amazing, so now that is the only thing i try to watch and next week, i will go to my 1st ROH show next Saturday which is a good one, since it will be the Bucks and Omega and Jay Lethal, Dalton Castle and other names that i have seen or recognized.
          The problem for me, is that i used to put my DVR to record ROH and on that station it was never on it, either something about Red Sox or Bruins or Golf and whenever they showed it, sometimes it would be like the last 10 minutes of the show, they didn’t care about the programming so i stop trying to watch it.

          • tigeraid

            ROH isn’t what it used to be, but it still has some of the best talent around. NJPW is the shit right now.

          • Depechemodeisgangsta

            Agreed, Amazing show yesterday.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      You brought this one on yourself.

  • Yarnhawk

    Always been partial to this chorus riff, I just never got around to submitting it.

    Also, this theme made me listen to this song for the first time in ages. Good memories of my teenage days.

    • tigeraid

      Loomis is love. Loomis is life.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Also it’s very cruel to basically screw Europe out of winning.

    • more beer

      Nope! The Lizard did the right thing in this case.

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        more beer!!! How are you, man?

        • more beer

          I’m good just been busy. I have got a porter for you, that I have been meaning to send to you I just haven’t found time to run to the post office. How have you been?

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Been busy myself. Lots of extra work recently and the prospects of a new job. We’ll see what happens! Also, all of the Metalstrom stuff has been a big focus recently. Planning on the next few releases soon, and have worked out some deals with a few of my favorite current bands, should be good.

            I’ll need to find you a beer as well

          • more beer

            Busy is good, I am glad the label thing is working out for you. Good luck on the possible new job. I am gonna go work on my truck, but it is things I want to do rather than things I have to do, which is always nice. Send me a link to your label and your address again to my email, so I don’t have to wade thru months of emails to find it. You have a great weekend my friend. I have this to look forward to when I am finished with the truck today 12.5 ABV. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0e0e67f8f745f7fa7382b097226ec9010e04b07989f55d69e810a8934d64d666.jpg

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            That looks damn good!

            Have a great weekend as well!

          • more beer

            They are outstanding. The porter I got you is very good. I had one the other day and was very impressed.

      • Depechemodeisgangsta

        Did someone said Lizard (Really i was just looking for an excuse to put this song)

    • tigeraid

      So true!

  • Howard Dean

    Another batch of solid riffs here, peeps. The Cobalt and Hail of Bullets riffs dun tickled my fancy the most, I think, though early Unleashed is the shit. Tough decisions this week.

    Also: If you want to hear the actual dog whistle part I referenced in the Death Angel track, skip to 2:35. That high note is fucking amazing.

    • Dubby Fresh

      That whole Death Angel album is great. One of my fave thrash records

      • Howard Dean

        Yeah, totally underrated. The Ultra-Violence doesn’t often get tossed around when people are discussing the stone cold classics of thrash, but it really should.

        • Óðinn

          It’s pretty classic.

        • more beer

          You’re talking to the wrong people then.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    H A I L O F B U L L E T S

  • Howard Dean
    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      In the event of a tie, the win goes to Kyuss.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Any person dissing The Final Countdown will receive an upvote from me

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ


  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY



  • Rob M

    Actually had one to send in and forgot…

    …I will inevitably forget next week as well


  • tigeraid

    Srsly good choices this week tho. Mors Principium Est and Hail of Bullets fukkin rool.

  • Bert

    Damnit! I thought someone would submit Final Fight by NucAssault. That’ll teach me to be more pro-active I guess.


  • Óðinn
  • Bert

    Okay, here’s the thing. For next week, if I don’t see at least 300 submissions for 300 different Kreator riffs I’m gonna hurt someone in the butt.

    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ


      • Bert

        True. It’s given that Kreator would win any riff competition. Maybe there should be a Riff of the Week just for Kreator.

    • Lacertilian
      • Bert

        Yeah. That’s what happens when you hurt someone in the butt. Maybe I should try some other retribution that’s not self-defeating.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe


  • FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper

    Beelzeboss wins. The D are always a win.