Riff Of The Week: Doomed Edition

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You know those people who say trite shit like “life’s not all doom & gloom” whenever someone complains about literally anything? Well you’ll find none of them here. Also, we may or may not have killed them. So I guess for them, life kinda turned out all doomy and/or gloomy. Funny how things work out, huh?

Last week for our bird themed riff of the week, there was an intense week-long battle between the avian adversaries Positronic Brain and Ted Nu-Djent. Claws clashed and feathers flew until only one ornery ornis outlasted the other, with Down’s “Stone The Crow” pipping Corrosion Of Conformity’s “Albatross” by the slimmest of margins (seriously, just a single vote split them). Congratulations are in order. Go and grab yourself an egg of your choice from your fridge, you’ve earned it!

We asked for DOOM riffs this week, and most of you seemed to know what that meant. At least one of you doesn’t seem to get it, and is hereby commanded to listen to Bongripper’s “Satan Worshipping Doom” on repeat, until their very existence is reduced to a few whisps of smoke emanating from a fetid 70’s-style porcelain pipe vaporously coalescing to spell the words “HAIL SATAN WORSHIP DOOM”. Alternatively, if they’re some kind of straight-edge freak who can somehow enjoy doom without its life-long companion plant – the infamous Devil’s Lettuce, they must endure an entire 24 hour period under the weight of Thergothon’s classic “Stream From The Heavens” until they are compressed into stone, which will somewhat ironically be erected as their own funerary stele, a kind of obstinate monument to absurdity and perhaps most poignantly, their flagrant poserdom.

Anyway, there’s a tonne of riffs here so let’s get into it…


Vladimir Poutine

Tyranny – “A Voice Given Unto Ruin”

Little need be said. Give your voice unto ruin, your spirit unto despair, your essence unto the void, all that once was light unto Stygian gloom. For unto what doth man truly aspire, but to the charnel-house? Riff @ 5:35.


CT-12

Goya – “The Sun”

Since I knew heading into this that KJM probably got a Blood Farmers riff submitted (and you should vote for that riff immediately), I eased back and assessed my few other hundred options. Thankfully, clarity presented itself in the form of a concert I saw a few days ago that featured my very chosen band. Goya is meat-and-potatoes doom to the core, with just enough spices in the mix to keep their stew interesting. Case in point, the tasty bridge featured at 2:09 into this song. Bon Appetit doomheads!


Anesthesiac

Agoraphobic Nosebleed – “No Daughter”

I submit to you a groovy masterpiece, provided by a non-doom band. The entire 7 minute epic is full of tastey riffs, but my choice is the outro riff that begins at 4:38 with the bass leading into it. It continues with variation to the end. If this doesn’t get your neck craned forward and your hair flopping around in front of your eyes, then you need to get your ears checked!


Scott Towel

Fórn – “Dweller On The Threshold”

After considering many well-known names in doom, I remembered about this riff by the mighty pain conjurors in Fórn, and then all competition got obliterated away. This riff drops you in the void of space and crushes you in the slowest way possible. Riff starts at 1:28. HAIL!


tigeraid

Doomsword – “In The Battlefield”

I’m relatively new to Doom, and I’m one of those guys that likes it a bit more triumphant and epic, rather than the super slow stuff.  To wit, hear the call of the war horn to battle!  The main crushing, gritty riff beginning at 0:20 and continuing to crash in and out between the vocals gets you in the mood to grab your spear and shield, and then it picks up from 1:40 to 2:37 as you and the rest of the Great Viking Army begin the seige of Eoforwic in AD 866!


Positronic Brain

Pallbearer – “The Ghost I Used To Be”

I don’t know about you, but I listen to a lot of metal as complete albums, not for “hit singles,” so a lot of it kinda blends together when I’m listening in my car, at the gym, while doing yardwork, or whatever, but not in a bad way. But there’s something to be said for how the A-listers of metal are able to write excellent albums full of individually memorable songs, and I put Pallbearer in that category, personally. The opening riff at 0:00 and its accompanying lead melody stuck in my brain from the first time I heard this song, and the emotion in the notes and chords, and the way they reprise this section halfway through the song, are Pure Metal Gold.


Ted Nu-Djent

King Goat – “Revenants”

King Goat’s 2016 album Conduit was an album that seems for the most part to have gone unnoticed around these parts and if you’re one of the ones who hasn’t, you could do no worse than to not check this album out. To help you make a decision as whether to check them or not, take a gander at the riff from about 20 seconds in until about 1.40. My only complaint about this riff is how Under used it is in the rest of the song. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Cheers


Berit Dogg

Electric Wizard – “Funeralopolis”

Well this is the most low-hanging fruit of them all, but why does it hang so god damn low? Because it’s heavier than lemmium, that’s why. Riff @ 2:14.


Howard Dean

Electric Wizard – “Return Trip”

This may surprise some of ya’ll whippersnappers, but at one point Electric Wizard was the heaviest band in the world.The OG trio of Jus Oborn, Mark Greening, and Tim Bagshaw created some of the most megalithic doom riffs known to man (or wizard). Sporting a bass and guitar tone that can only be described as tectonic, this trio destroyed doom hounds and drug fiends with a series of albums in the mid-to-late 90’s and early 00’s. The current band is only a shell of its former self, but we will always have those first four albums (Witchcult Today ain’t too bad, either). Come My Fanatics was the first EW album I fell in love with, and to this day it is tied with Dopethrone as my favorite doom ever put to record. On the album opener “Return Trip” EW is in their element–and my fuck is it heavy. Press play at 2:40 to hear EW marry a magical lead guitar line with the massive bass-heavy riff that underpins the entire song. Bonus: Stick around until the riff at 3:42 to hear EW hit the brown note. Turn the bass up and grab a wash cloth.


Richter

Maudlin Of The Well – “The Curve That To An Angle Turn’d”

Earth: “Stop submitting maudlin of the Well riffs. Also: stop name-dropping maudlin of the Well. No one cares.”

Richter: “Okay. Wait. No.”

Riff: “1:27


Lacertilian

Doom – Doom II OST

You can’t out-doom Doom, you fool, you moron, you fucking imbecile. The ominous portal to hell opens around 1:25:00 and the demons follow shortly after.



Next week we’ve got something special planned for you. Due to the continued generosity of our community we’ve got some sweet prizes to give away. Long-time TovH reader RJA has kindly offered to donate a few awesome early 90’s death metal albums on CD for us to use how we see fit. So the winner of next week’s contest will get first choice of the pack (provided they don’t live somewhere where postage will be prohibitive). As we reach the end of the first quarter of the year, we’re only going to be taking submissions from albums released in 2017 so far, with a small catch – your riff must come from an album featured on the bowl. Send your favourite 2017 riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com, along with your screen-name and a short description including a time-stamp of when the riff starts and a link to the Toilet ov Hell article where the review/write-up/coverage can be found.


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