Riff Of The Week: Canadian Edition

Some poorly arranged string of words typically used to imitate Canadian dialect that will come across as contrived and completely humourless, causing people from that region to either cringe or feel vaguely offended, invariably concluded with an ‘eh?’“.

Last week, our combatants battled it out amidst the deep blue to determine the victor in our Water themed riff-off. And analogous to the pace that combat plays out underwater, the struggle was a slow moving affair, but as the weaker riffs ran out of air and had to return to the surface with the bends, we were left with the final 5. In the end HD claimed the prize with that sweet Collective Soul riff from “Where The River Flows”. Well done to everyone involved.

khbkjb

This week our theme is Canadian riffs, and even though we ended up with a couple from the same artists, the variety is still reasonably good. There are 12 of them to get through, so let’s just get right to it shall we?


Old Man Doom

Bison BC – “Quiet Earth

Bison BC is a goddamned riff machine of the highest order, churning out all the sludgy, punk-inflected riffs your heart could ever desire.  It was quite difficult to pick a favorite, but I think the final minute of “Quiet Earth” reflects the kind of heavy that these Vancouver dwellers have to offer the unwashed and crusty masses.  Hit play and mosh your cubicle co-worker to death. (Riff @ 4:00)


Vegglampe

The Devin Townsend Project – “Stand

I could do the obvious DT submission of “Canada”, but I enjoy the overall feel of Deconstruction better so here we are. The riff in question is the one at 5:10. This riff is foreboded throughout the song before blowing up leading into Mikael Åkrefeldts solo.


God Emperor Ov Mankind

Razor – “Eve Of The Storm

Oh my Me I have been waiting ages to use Razor.  First of all for those left wondering yes this is a Canuck band and not and this particular album happens to not be an album, but a comprehensive study into the nature of dick-crushing, ball-busting, neck-shredding riffs.  One of the finest examples is this track right here.  Now, naturally, this whole track is just 3 minutes and 20 seconds of pure aggression, pure noise, and pure execution of all heretics, xenos, posers, etc.  However If I were to pick just one magical second where everything seems to align, it would be at 0:30 seconds into the song, where Sheepdog’s legendary banshee howl gives way to a rhythmic Blitzkrieg laying waste to posers and heretics alike.


CT-12

Voivod – “Psychic Vacuum

I’m happy to say that I live in an era where the importance of Voivod has finally been recognized, albeit not to the degree that I feel they deserve. Regardless of this fact, it’s undeniable that Piggy has created some of the best riffs this side of the universe. While I could have picked any number of mind-bending dissonant riffs, I decided to go with what I feel is the climax to “Psychic Vacuum” at 3:10. NOTHING CAN STOP THE PSYCHIC VACUUM. R.I.P. Piggy.


FrankWhiteKingOfNY

Blasphemy – “Fallen Angel of Doom

While I was going through my select, but reasonably diverse collection of Canadian metal classics, I was asking myself the following question: what in the actual fuck am I going to submit? Will I take off into outer space with one of Voivod’s records: Killing Technology, Dimension Hatross or Nothingface? Will Considered Dead, The Erosion of Sanity, Obscura, From Wisdom to Hate or Colored Sands represent Gorguts? Am I going to pick something from either Strapping Young Lad’s City or Alien or something from Devy’s “solo records” Ocean Machine or Terria? Is Nadja’s Touched too drone-y and not riff-y enough? How the hell am I going to decide which riff I’m going to submit from Cryptopsy’s None So Vile?
And before I decided to just give up and drink myself to death while listening to the soothing tunes of Roy Orbison instead, all of the sudden one album in my much beloved collection of metallic goodness caught my eye: another true and “trve” classic of Canadian filth – Blasphemy’s one and only motherfucking Fallen Angel of motherfucking Doom! An album that has been scarring souls and scaring posers since its inception through a steroid-addled sonic hurricane of murky instrumental noise, infernal sound effects and gurgling, vomiting growls. Case in point: the album’s face melting title track, which contains one of the album’s most bone crunching riffs at 1:28. Go!


Special Agent Dale Cooper

Alexisonfire – “Old Crows

Say what you want about mid 2000’s post-hardcore, but I will hear no bad things about those glorious Canucks in Alexisonfire. They were by far the best of their genre, and had some pretty siqq riffs to boot, more than any band in this genre had any right to. Honorable mentions go to the chorus riff in ‘Hey, It’s Your Funeral Mama’, the pre-chorus riff in Old Crows and pretty much all of Accidents, but I think the opening riff in Boiled Frogs is the best of that period in general. It gets me pumped every time I hear it, and it practically kept me sane throughout my last years of being trapped in the Black Lodge.


Tigeraid

Voivod – “Warriors

Being a die-hard Annihilator fan, that was my immediate go-to, but I’ve used them before and I’m sure someone else will… So what about our OTHER Canadian Thrash gods?  You could argue Voivod did what other thrash bands DIDN’T, becoming even weirder and more progressive as time went on, rather than more polished and commercial sounding. Regardless, their tastiest, noisiest riffs come from their early Speed Metal work.  This track from their debut is right up there, diving right into that cacophonous, trashy mess from the get-go, crashing cymbals and Punk stylings and all, then briefly dropping into a gallop at 0:50 before the tasty main riff at 1:07, tossing the gallop back in regularly throughout. And that ridiculous Piggy D’Amour solo at 2:00! Many a stubby-bottled Molson was consumed to this in our youth.


Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

I know this is a metal blog and all but here’s a riff from Canadian hero Bret Hart. This song was featured on the third WWF album called Wrestlemania. It’s so good. The riff from 0:00 to 0:30 second is one of the greatest Canadian riffs ever [Ed. Note: Riffs written by Englishmen].


Ted Nü-Djent

Strapping Young Lad – “All Hail The New Flesh

The theme for this week made me realise how little Canadian metal I had in my collection. Apart from Voivod, Anciients, Annihilator, 3 Inches Of Blood and SYL there’s not a whole lot more in my collection from the land of Maple Syrup and Mounties, anyhoo what was I talking aboot? Oh yeah, I never have been the hugest Strapping Young Lad fan (Or Devin Townsend in general) which is weird because when I first heard the riff at 0.23 (which is also main riff of the song), that shit changed my life. Cheers hosers.


atchdav

Martyr – “Warp Zone

I nominate a killer riff from the title track of Martyr’s sophomore release. The riff begins at the outset of the track but it doesn’t really start in earnest until 0.33.


Yarnhawk

Bison BC – “Primal Emptiness Of Outer Space

This week’s slab of Canadian riff-bacon comes courtesy of Bison BC.  Kicking off at 1:30, this is the kind of riffage that makes you want to pound back your beer, join your buddies in the pit, and fuck some shit up.  The lads we’re even nice enough to bring it back around for round 2 at 4:31.  Somebody’s gonna get hurt, and it better be you.


Lacertilian

Besieged – “Death

Considering Tomb Mold‘s debut was supposed to be released yesterday but no other new tracks have been made public as of yet, I’ve had to revert to the second drawer of the TovH branded Dunny Desk™ (*) to call upon the sealed folder marked “Contingency Riffs” in order to source a worthy alternative, and Manitoba-based thrashers Besieged fit the bill perfectly. Combining a razor sharp sound with the rabid intensity that made bands like Sepultura and Demolition Hammer so potent at the start of the 90’s, Besieged’s only album (thus far) Victims Beyond All Help is the soundtrack to ripping your enemy’s face off and turning it into a patch for your next denim vest. The maniacal riff starting around 0:24 will get that exact job done. It will also crash at your place after a loose night out at the pub, drink all your beer, pass out and piss on that new lounge your missus wanted for years. This riff is the one pretty much all your mates agree will need to sober up real fucken soon or will end up dead at 38.
[*- Dunny Desk does not actually exist...yet.]


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 03-02-2017 20:22:33
end_date 10-02-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Who?

Next week we’re going to be looking for BRUTAL DEATH METAL riffs. Pretty self-explanatory.

To enter simply send a link to your chosen track along with your screen-name, a short explanation and a time-stamp of the riff you’ve chosen to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com before Friday.

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Written by:

Published on: February 4, 2017

Filled Under: Riff of the Week

Views: 3079

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  • tigeraid

    Dialect?! We haven’t got a dielect, yankee! EH!

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      How you gonna call Lacertillian a yankee? He lives on the bottom of the world.

      • more beer

        He is directionaly impaired.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Yeah, damn kanuck.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Ross plz! I’m a Canadian at heart!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            You’re a traitor kanuck.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Why do you hurt me so?

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Because, as mentioned above, you’re a traitorous kanuck.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Boss plz! You’re making me cry!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Crying Canadian kanuck of Canada cries.

          • Sir Kookaburra The Based

            Don’t cry. Canada has something America will never get. Guac Jim’s glorious butt.

          • somebody feature this man’s bird’s comment!

          • more beer

            Which they can keep!

          • more beer

            America love it or leave it! You’re only about an 8 hour ride from the border. Get to steppin!

          • Black Smallbeard

            ha!

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I love America but I love Canada too. It’s so hard to decide which I love more.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            If you don’t know the answer to that, you’re a traitorous kanuck.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Do you want an answer? My answer is the Alice Cooper song I Love America.

          • more beer

            That should be a no brainer. You gotta go!

          • KyleJMcBride

            He is outta here!!!

          • Rob M

            No REAL American loves Canada…we just kind of tolerate them because we’re going to steal their natural resources one day

          • more beer
      • tigeraid

        o rite. Shit. Uuuuuh…. Well he’s a colonial brother then, we ain’t got no beef.

        That Bogan.

    • Lacertilian

      Sorry, my mistake. Several dialects.

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Wait, Englishmen wrote my riffs? Well at least a Canadian performed the song.

    • tigeraid

      We excellently execute it every time.

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        You sure did.

    • Sir Kookaburra The Based

      DISQUALIFIED

    • Lacertilian

      If by song you mean vocals, then yeah sure.

  • more beer

    I got really busy last week and forgot to submit something off of this. So here is a whole album full of tasty Canadian riffs; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyn9Euj58GE

    • Eliza

      The riffs are tasty, but also crunchy.

      • more beer

        And before their time!

  • tigeraid

    Oh god dammit I thought I was a shoe-in, and then someone throws in the Excellence of Execution! How can I vote against Bret Hart.

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      You cant.

    • more beer

      Easily.

    • Eliza

      Your pick isn’t a shoe-in. It is the logical choice.

    • Rob M

      Without a second thought?

  • tigeraid

    There’s some serious quality in this list tho, for real.

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    I was going to submit an Annihilator riff but I couldn’t decide on one.

  • Rob M

    Sorry Frank, you had 100% of the vote for a bit…Then everyone else got out of bed

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Man I can’t buy a vote these days

  • Brock Samson

    Surprised there was no Thantifaxath submitted

    • Howard Dean

      I’m not a huge fan or theirs (so take this with a grain of salt), but from what I remember they don’t really have a lot of riffs in their stuff. But I know a lot of people on the ToH really like them, so they would’ve garnered some votes.

  • Black Smallbeard

    Frank thats that low hangin fruit i click on

    • Black Smallbeard

      does HD win next week?

  • Eliza
  • Butts4Gutts

    ALEXISONFIRE.

    You guys have no idea how big this band was across this country during the early to mid 00s. They acted as an entry level to hardcore/post-hardcore/heavy music in general for a lot of kids.

  • Óðinn
  • RustyShackleford

    FUCK man TWO riffs from Bison BC?!? I haven’t listened to that band way too long. I have to go with Nu-Djent though. I’m a big Devin fan by my SYL knowledge is lacking. That kicked me on my ass. Yep!!

    • Black Smallbeard

      i actually still own a bison bc shirt that is much too small for my swole self from,back in my stoner doom phase

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    For me it was a toss-up between voting for C-12 or voting for Ted.

    • Rob M

      I was thinking Razor or Besieged, probably in that order, if you hadnt put up Blasphemy

      • more beer

        I saw Razor in October. It is my understanding they were acting like quite the primadonna’s. From some friends who were also playing CDF.

        • Rob M

          Saw them about two years back at MDF…Cant speak for their behind the scenes attitudes, but they put on a hell of a show that night

          • more beer

            i didn’t say they weren’t good. Just I was just passing on what some people I know saw first hand.

    • Eliza

      The SYL riff is solid, but the winner of this competition should be obvious. (Hint: It’s Voivoid)

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    One logical reason why one definitely should NOT vote for Bison BC:

    “Canadian stoner metal” is an oxymoron.

    • Eliza

      Their riffs are nothing exceptional, but are enjoyable if you’re into that style, which I am.

      • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

        The tonez though.

        Agree about the actual content of the riffs though.

    • Óðinn

      Aren’t they from Vancouver, home of BC bud?

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Haha yeah, I was only joking. A shitload of grass is cultivated in BC.

        • KyleJMcBride

          I think the word you were actually looking for is “redundant”.

  • Óðinn
    • more beer

      You can never go wrong with the Dayglo Abortions!

  • Primordial Chaos

    Yes, King of NY, Blasphemy, very killer indeed:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdjM7t09C4Y

  • Óðinn
  • KyleJMcBride

    Voivod(the one CT-12 posted)!!!

    • Eliza

      Yes.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Probably my favorite Voivod album.

    • more beer

      I have to go with tigeraid on that one. Except I would have gone with Live for Violence.

  • Óðinn
    • Lacertilian

      Prob would have voted for a riff off this if you actually submat.

      • Óðinn

        Thanks, Lacertilian. Good point. I need to remember to submit.

  • Óðinn
    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Probably my second favorite Voivod album.

      • Eliza

        This one and Nothingface are my favorites.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          Nothingface probably is my third favorite Voivod album.

  • Howard Dean

    Collective Soul? “Where the River Flows”?! What do you think about that, Champ:

    https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder996/500x/42282996.jpg

    • Black Smallbeard

      listening to Stella Polaris wax now 😉

      • Howard Dean

        Ahhhhhhhhh! You fucker. I’ll be getting my CD at some point.

        • Black Smallbeard

          more and more guitar leads creeping into their albums. i think thats why DVP made the ensiferum comparison. shit ton of solos so far, good ones too

          • Howard Dean

            Fuck that’s awesome. Love well placed leads/solos in black metal. Epic shit. Can’t wait to hear the whole thing.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    I’ll never forget seeing strapping young lad at sounds of the underground. Never heard of them before, but when Devon walked out on stage and said, “We are the best fucking band you’ve ever seen” I laughed pretty hard. I also saw damnation era opeth and almost fell asleep (in a good way)

    Ah memories

  • Howard Dean

    I listened to that Bret Hart track and I think I have AIDS, now.

    • Eliza

      The video must’ve taken a loot of effort.

      • tigeraid

        I see what you did there.

    • Óðinn

      I knew that would happen.

    • more beer

      You should have used protection!

  • STRAPPING YOUNG LAD ROCKS!!!

  • Black Smallbeard
    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Cats are good people

    • KyleJMcBride

      FUZZZZZZZZ

  • tigeraid

    Well this poll sure went south in a hurry.

    • Rawr

      Yeah. Because no one voted for Besieged.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        I did

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        I did.

        • Lacertilian

          Half-expected a Besieged submission from you this week

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Okay, which one of you jokesters voted for me? I didn’t even vote for me because Voivod is so good.

  • tigeraid

    Well I’ve eaten shit in another RotW.

    On the plus side, holy fuck thank you Lacertilian for introducing me to Besieged. This is some banging shit right here.

  • Óðinn

    I should have rustled some jimmies with a Godspeed You! Black Emperor submission. Oh well, next time.

  • NDG

    The best Canada has to offer:

  • My vote goes for Martyr. I love that tune.