Riff Of The Week: Anatomy Edition

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This week’s competition is brought to you by Morphology™ – “You’re born with it!”.

Last week your riffs had big ol’ Royal Rumble during our 1st minute of the 2nd track of a band’s 3rd album competition, and as expected, nearly 45% of you tapped out of making a tough decision, retired to your well-worn couch trench, and voted for safety.
Congrat-*vociferous yawning*-ulations.

This week we wanted riffs from tracks that featured a body part in their title. You sent us hearts, brains, limbs, eyes, lips, hands, teeth, and assorted genitalia. The inbox resembled a goddamn crime scene. You know, like that one in that movie. Nah, not that one, the one with that other guy. What’s his name again? There’s blood. The cops turn up and try and work out who did it and the evidence makes it seem like it’s that weird shopkeeper. The one who has the glass eye from that fishing accident but he probably just made that story up because the kid who’s always riding that bike looked over his fence one night and saw him in his shed with a shovel. But later you find out that he was only burying his part-time seeing eye dog so the kid feels sorry for him and ends up teaming up with him to find the real killer before that arsehole local cop who’s always hassling the bike kid so he has an excuse to try talk to his mum and coerce her into “having a coffee and discussing Ryan’s future” puts the innocent shopkeeper away for life. The twist where you find the shopkeeper was actually a ghost and the cop was the murderer was pretty cool. Kinda like in that movie Titanic. Man, James Cameron is so fucking good. Anyway, make sure you use the PROMO CODE SPONGE after voting to receive an extra 12.5% seminal fluid in your next orgasm.


tigeraid

Nevermore – “Dead Heart In A Dead World”

Loomis is love.  Loomis is life.  One of Nevermore’s underappreciated gems, the whole tune is a great Jeff Loomis showcase, but I would particularly single out the time change at 2:12 that brings in intermittent chugging before flowing back into the main riff.  It reappears around 3:22 to bring it all together.  Groovy stuff.


Jack Bauer

Aborted – “Nailed Through Her Cunt”

The riff that starts out this song is one of my favorite riffs to this day. It’s a simple riff yes, but it gets me pumped the fuck up.


Ted Nu-Djent

Accept – “Balls To The Wall”

Testicles can cause great pleasure, tremendous pain and also has the ability to over rule the brain in any decision making process. I guess the opening riff has the ability to do the same. For me, it gives me a nice tingly sensation in my testicles. Cheers.


@JWG79

Annihilator – “Imperial Eyes”

Manny O War’s #DesertIslandThrashMetal challenge had me digging into my admittedly limited Thrash collection for 5 Desert Island discs I most definitely couldn’t go without. Annihilator’s “Never, Neverland” was the easiest to come up with, so I made it a totally completely Canadian Content list after that. And tigeraid’s Annihilator riff this (last?) week just added extra rocket fuel to the decision to continue that theme into the ROTW.  Basically the whole intro from “Imperiled Eyes” could get a nod, but 00:36 seals it.


FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper

Enter Shikari – “Warm Smiles Do Not Make You Welcome Here”

Do smiles count as a body part? Screw it, I’m submitting it anyway. Now, I’ve gone on record as being the only person on this site who likes this band (under a former name), but from 3:00, shit gets real. Move everything out of the way when you play this, cause there will be damage to personal belongings.


TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

‘Til Tuesday – “Looking Over My Shoulder”

Riff starts @0:11. A nice catchy clean guitar riff with plenty of 80’s reverb that… wait, was it supposed to be a metal riff? Well… ‘Til Tuesday are pretty metal, I mean… Al Jourgensen originally wanted frontwoman Aimee Mann for the bass position in Ministry; granted, they were a synthpop band at the time… And also… Hold on, let me think… Oh, yeah! she has her own entry in the Encyclopaedia Metallum… And there are a million other reasons, but I left them in my car; I’ll go get them *turns engine on and drives away*


Yarnhawk

Revocation – “Spurn The Outstretched Hand”

There’s a whole lot of anatomy-themed riffage out there, but this was one of the first ones to come to mind, and the riff at 0:41 proceeded to get stuck in my head for days.  It’s that lovely brand of deathy thrash that the Revocation boys do so well, with tight guitars, pounding drums, and some thunderous bass work.  That outstretched hand never stood a chance.


Howard Dean

Dead Congregation – “Teeth Into Red”

This riff needs very little introduction–just listen and worship. Press play at 8:43 and prostrate thyself before Teeth Into Red’s masterful outro. Prepare the Graves; this is TOTAL DEATH.


Richter

Artificial Brain – “Brain Transplant”

If you listen to this riff your life will not end well. If you vote for it your pets will turn on you. But if you don’t listen to it, you’ll wonder up until your last breath what in the fuck it sounded like. Unless you already know. In which case, call the police? 1:35. (Yeah, submitting this riff at a time like this is a dick move; a dick move in a life brimming with dick moves. F it. You barely live once.)


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-04-2017 20:22:33
end_date 21-04-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Which?

Next week, we’re getting funereal. I had to work in a cemetery all day Wednesday and subsequently crave the grave. Send in your mortuary themed riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com with your screen-name, a link to the track, and a short description (which includes a time-stamp of the riff) before Friday. 

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  • AndySynn

    Loomis 4 life

    • Special Agent Dale Cooper

      Loomis is love, Loomis is life.

  • tigeraid

    I think Jack wins just because he managed to explain his choice without using the word “cunt.”

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      He did use the f word though. @JGW79’s Annihilator submission wins for mine because of the actual riff.

      • tigeraid

        Figures, NOW Annihilator is getting votes.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I’m guessing this is a sore point?

          • tigeraid

            Nah, no biggige.

      • Howard Dean

        That Annihilator riff is great, and the Enter Shikari one is the darkhorse in this bunch.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Whiff of the week isn’t on anymore Mr Dark Satanic Milfs

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      She’s on Metal Archives? Til Tuesday isnt good.

      • KJM, Doom Scientist

        Another Boston area band that I couldn’t escape from during the 1980s.

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          They’re not metal. At least The J Geils Band was around

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            Blecch, didn’t care for them either.

          • RJA

            Galaxie 500 – were they a Boston band? Always dug them.

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            Not sure, sounds familiar.

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        Their third and final album is one of my top 10 of all time. I embrace my poserdom

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          One of my top 10 is a Men Without Hats album. Another is The Lexicon Of Love

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            ABC? Ugh, such horrific music.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I own The Lexicon Of Love on vinyl somewhere. The first Asia album is also up there. I own that on vinyl, CD and cassette.

  • TrundleTheGreat

    Enter Shikari>>>>>

  • Special Agent Dale Cooper

    Damn tigeraid, that Nevermore riff was siqq as fuqq. The only problem with it is that now I have a desk to replace, because I broke it.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    GORAK AM TORN!!!!!! NEVERMORE RIFF RILL KOOL!!!!!!!!!!! BUT BALLS TO THE WALL HAVE BALLS TO THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2500862/vote-o.gif

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Kinda wishing I submitted a certain Rammstein song now. For those at work, here’s the polka safe for work version
    https://youtu.be/oV2J8Fjskmo

    • Grvm Spectre ov Derth

      I do too, but it’s not really a riff filled song. I guess I have to vote Nevermore since I don’t care for any of the other bands that much.

      I HAVE A DICK-AH

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        I just wanted an excuse to post that cover.

  • Eliza

    I’m slightly disappointed that there are no tracks here that reference more interesting and complex parts of the human body, like the thyroid or the spinal cord.

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Both one of the coolest parts of the anatomy and a badass riff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtzb0FTN4BE

    • Howard Dean

      My second choice had “uterus” in the title.

      • Eliza

        And what was it?

        • Howard Dean

          Riff at 3:08 (and that continues until the end of the track). This is just obscenely heavy and dumb slam and I love it so very much.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt2L2IyZXd8

          • Eliza

            Not too far off from what I expected. This is not really my thing, but I can see someone having fun with this.

    • Rob M

      Now I feel like I missed my one and only chance to send in a submission by Spineshank

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Why didn’t you?

    • JWG79

      I had initially thought of specific brain or nervous system locations, but they’re more often in band names than specific songs.

  • Dumpster Lung

    How could I go so long without listening to Annihilator? It’s been like. . . .a decade. That one got my vote, mostly because it’s a great riff of course, but also for reminding me good they are.

  • Count_Breznak

    Dead Congregation ~

    ..and have this
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2iu9A4_eLw

  • KJM, Doom Scientist
    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      That group blew dogs.

      • KJM, Doom Scientist

        Hey! “Booty Time” is the ONLY White Disco song!

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Well there’s plenty more where that came from baby

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      ACROSS THE USA!!

  • Primordial Chaos
  • Hubert

    Normally Howard Dean rules this stuff but that DC riff is really boring.
    I’m enjoying that Enter Shikari riff a little too much, so I’m voting for that. POSER AND PROUD.

    • Howard Dean

      *flushes Hubert down the toilet ov smellz*

      (but for real, that Enter Shikari riff is great)

      • Special Agent Dale Cooper

        Hey, where is my flushing, I’m the poserish fuck who submitted it.
        *insert reference to Twin Peaks lore that only I would get here*

        • KJM, Doom Scientist

          Don’t be too sure. I’m a HUGE Twin Peaks nerd.

        • i too enjoyed the riff. you did a commendable job introducing them in here

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Annihilator got my vote because all their albums are amazing.

    • That’s not true at all! He has like two good albums

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        Indeed. Alice and Neverland

        • Yessir. I trust JJD on a lot of music choices, but Annihilator doesn’t have a very good batting average

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Jimmy plz!

    • Howard Dean

      Real question for everyone: Do people actually listen to the riffs that are submitted, or is everyone voting solely for the band they like the most or for the submission that has the most albums that they like? Because I see a lot of “[insert name] is such a great band/album/guitarist/etc so I voted for that” comments. It kind of feels like maybe 1 in 3 people are actually listening to the riffs, haha. Maybe we should just do a “band ov the week” contest where everyone submits bands and people vote for their favorite band out of the bunch.

      • JWG79

        That definitely explains the Metallica win, TBF.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          That and it actually was the best riff. Whether classic era Metallica should be allowed to begin with is perhaps a question that should be asked.

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            Kinda like the Iron Maiden rule, no 1st 4 Metallica albums!

          • JWG79

            I don’t challenge its worthiness to have won, though it’s not the one I voted for (obviously) because I was never personally that much of a Metallica fan.

            I know. Total heresy.

            My 80’s thrash/speed exposure was all-Canadian, and by the time I was introduced to Metallica they were already in their alt-rock phase and I didn’t know had been any different for several more years.

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            As always, right age at the right time.

          • JWG79

            Combination of that and living in a small town in the 80’s to mid 90’s, where the only ‘heavy’ music sources were a single rock radio station and one record store with a dedicated Heavy Metal Bin.

            …also on rare occasions relevant content on MuchMusic, before George Stromboulopoulos showed up in the 90’s and upped its presence almost exponentially (to a regular hour per week -_- from random minutes).

            If you had cable. At the time my family didn’t.

          • KJM, Doom Scientist

            Yep, definitely right place as well. Boston even had college(WERS) radio that played 4 hours of Metal on Sunday nights. It also clashed with our main Rock station’s(WBCN) dedicated Metal show(only 1 hour but they did okay).
            Cable was a flip flop thing in my house. Had it when I was a kid but when I was older, not so much cos I didn’t watch much TV until the various new Star Trek and X-Files shows started popping up.

          • Lacertilian

            I tend to blame the electorate over the elected.

      • What we need is a test that a person has to pass in order to have a voters license.

        • Howard Dean

          We should probably develop an arbitrary system to determine voter privileges based on race, gender, sexual orientation, and religion. That’s the most fair and rationale.

          But for real, it is a little disheartening when people just straight up say “I voted for [band] because they are my favorite band/I like this one album they recorded.” I genuinely thought people actually listened to the entries (which makes sense, since that is the whole purpose of this column).

      • Lacertilian

        I generally vote for my favourite number, and if there aren’t 22 riffs I go with my heart and choose my favourite pastry.

      • Special Agent Dale Cooper

        I vote for whoever has the nicest cock/tits. If that doesn’t make up for the riff, I sacrifice a member of my family I don’t like to the Dark Lord Chin-Chin to get the answers I need.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        I listen to each Riff but I suspect many don’t.

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        I try my damndest to listen in every week.

      • KJM, Doom Scientist

        I do listen to all of them but yeah, I’m influenced by which song I like the most.

      • tigeraid

        I make an effort, tho I fully admit if the song is a horrific turnoff for me, I don’t often make it and just skip briefly to the riff timepost.

        • Howard Dean

          Oh, skipping to the timestamp is totally OK, since it would take too long in most cases to listen to the entire tracks (especially when people post the entire album). Some riffs definitely sound better within the context of the entire song rather than standalone, though.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I listen to riffs, but I guess a lot of people just either vote for a band, or a song even.

        We tried solving it by changing ROTW up, with two submissions facing each other and more specific explanations over why said riffs ruled. But the submissions dried up fast.

        • Howard Dean

          RIFF OR RAFF!!

    • JWG79

      First two yes. Rest vary. Amazing is not a word I’d use. “Solid with occasional peaks” (between and within albums), maybe.

      I dig the most recent 3 albums more than maybe I ought to, though.

  • What a touch choice, so many good’uns. Went with Aborted, cause it jamz and I don’t have to think about it

  • Goddammit, missed out on the anatomy one! This past week of being on vacation and spending all my money had me all distracted. 🙁

    I’ll try not to let all the new MST3K episodes don’t get in the way for next Saturday.

  • Jacks Smirking Revenge

    Fuck you guys for making me choose between Revocation and Artificial Brain lol

  • Howard Dean

    That Revocation sounds like a metalcore riff. I’ve never been able to get into that band. They definitely have more of a metalcore feel to their sound than death or thrash.

    That Enter Shikari riff was surprisingly cool. Good choice!

    • Rob M

      Ive seen a few bands recently get labeled thrash, or even blackened thrash and when I actually listened to them, they sounded like a metalcore band…thought it was some kind of mistake

      Now, I think it might be some kind of conspiracy to relabel a shitty genre

      • Howard Dean

        Totally agree with the relabeling bit. It’s kind of a “as long as everyone says it’s thrash, it is thrash and is therefore ok to like” type of thing. Seems crazy, but it happens, haha.

        • KJM, Doom Scientist

          Oh wow, so it isn’t just me being an old man?This is good to know.

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      Congratulations on your win last week!

  • Rob M

    Howard Dean with the fucking Dead Congregation riff…You sir, are truly a great man

  • KJM, Doom Scientist
  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    TED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • anesthesiac

    Snap. Missed opportunity to propose phantom limb maturation by tBDM 🙁