Riff of the Week: 5-7-16


cool fashion elder man with electric guitar

May we all one day be cool fashion elder men lord bless us amen.

Hello everybody, and welcome to Riff of the Week. I’m a little confused about last week here. In a perplexing and frankly history-fucking display of taste, 19 of you voted for the correct riff, and another 15 voted for the clear second best. Whoever you were last week — that’s the you you should always strive to be. The only one stopping you is you.

Next week, since someone keeps suggesting it, we’re only accepting riffs from songs about that spooky red man Satan. Send your sweet satanic riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation.

Here we go.



Back when my exclusive romantic relationship with Joe Thrashnkill was merely budding, we bonded together over the goodness of this riff in spite of our usually differing tastes. It still gives me butterflies, I tell you what.



This riff is taken from Insane Vesper’s upcoming album LayiL. If you like triumphant black metal chocked with riff after riff, get on this. I’ve chosen the ending riff at 6:43 for your pleasure.


Sgt Shock

Something something beard culture. Something something good riff @ 2:25-3:30.


Jack Bauer

The riff that occurs in the first minute and a half or so is pure amazeballs. The whole album rules and if you don’t have it you’re a mark ass bitch. All the fucklives.  [Stop trying to make fucklife a thing. — Masterlord]



Thrash metal from one of Brazil’s old school elite. The solos and riffs start from the get go, and there’s even a breakdown in there. And synchronized headbanging? Check. Insane drumming? Check.


Cybernetic Organism

Improve your Saturday with a dose of Der Weg Einer Freiheit and their kickass blend of black/post-black/melodic whatever-you-wanna-call-it. Check out 6:25 – 7:00 for a chilly solo melody riff. Check out the whole song for a proper lesson at how to write an eleven minute track full of blast beats that keeps your attention and builds to a glorious crescendo.


Ted Nü-Djent

Riff starts at 0.20, riff beefs up at 0.50, riff returns briefly at 2.25 before returning at 4.20 (BLAYZE IT LULZ). I <3 this album.


Boss the Ross

This past week’s Think Tank got me thinking (go figure!) about band discographies and how bands have evolved since their first album, best places to start and all that jazz. One of the bands that came to mind, though not immediately, was Summoning. Lugburz is a raw debut album with raw riffs and raw production(not to say their other albums are not raw, this just has a nastier sound to it). As I was re-listening to it the riff at 1:07 on “Flight of the Nazgul” rang true and presented itself to me as the only choice for this week’s ROTW. [Vote for this riff and always vote for Summoning no matter what. — Masterlord]



The section from 1:29 to 1:58 is so brutal that the last time I played it in the garage, all the Greek Gods Greek yogurt my ex had in the fridge caught on fire and exploded.


Growing up I spent a lot of time playing video games at night, so did you. As a 9 year-old in 1993, I was blown away with this new game called DOOM, I thought it was the most evil thing in existence…so did you. The soundtrack to that series was metal as fuck and I would spend hours with those songs echoing through my mind…so did you. When I heard the intro riff to this killer song from Australian band Sanguinary Misanthropia, a sinister grin emerged on my face that would rival that of a Cacodemon and I repeatedly pressed [Ctrl to fire] my weapon…so did you.
Voting for this riff will grant you IDDQD-like status.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 06-05-2016 20:22:33
end_date 13-05-2016 20:22:33
Poll Results:
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  • i think we know where my vote is going.

    now let me find a good riff about Satan

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Cybro is my bro.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Satan riffs? I will be abstaining from voting next week because I’m catholic.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Oh, like 99% of the bands that claim to be Satanist are actually Satanist.

      • tertius_decimus

        Indeed. It’s like members of 99% of medical grindcore bands know a thing or two in physiology.

        • then again we’ve never had a Catholic rif of the week

          • tertius_decimus

            This then will win all toilets.


          • I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Slayer count? Because Araya and stuff. Or Deicide’s ‘Stench Of Redemption’, since their lead guitarist at the time was Catholic.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            No Deicide for me.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Eh, if a Catholic could play with them, should be no reason why you couldn’t listen to them. Good music, even if the subject matter is goofy and Benton’s a walking punchline.

          • brokensnow

            I like me some fuck your god or slit your guts.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            All Ghost

    • I’m sure you can just make up a rule about it being ok to listen to satanic riffs for a week.

    • Rob M

      Id just abstain because the choices blow ass

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        “Don’t vote for KJU next week. Every vote for him is a vote against me!” -Trump

    • CyberneticOrganism

      What’s more religious than the devil?

      • p much exactly this

        wouldnt be too much to christianity with out the devil

    • Möthër Shäbübü

      Isn’t Tom Araya a catholic?

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Yup. I think Dave Lombardo is too, even though he’s of course no longer with them.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        So is Nicko

    • more beer

      Why can’t you participate then just go to confession? Problem solved!

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Good point.

    • Bbbbbbbut———–aren’t you a major Ghost fan?

      I am perplexed. You hath perplexethed me.

      • Dubs

        He’s okay with Ghost cuz dad rock.


        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          My roomies saw them yesterday and said it was a pretty good show, though pretty short (they were way down the list on the side stage. Not surprising, considering it was a mostly mainstream alternative rock fest).

    • Waynecro

      It doesn’t have to be a song glorifying Satan. It just has to be about him. Good luck finding an anti-Satan song with killer riffs, though.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Can’t have a God without him

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      JJD plz! WASP stands for We Are Satans People

  • Dang, that riff is sinister sounding Lizard-bro. Jack Bauer’s riff is disgustingly heavy and filthy though. Not sure here.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Everyone’s bringing the big guns this week, I see, especially Ross’ pick! And haven’t heard Cobra in fuck knows how long, but damn good stuff. *cuts Mustardlube a slice of pizza*


  • tertius_decimus

    Offensively torn between KJU’s and Cybernetic Organism’s picks. I love fast dramatic tracks (Hyperion check, never listened to Der Weg Einer Freiheit before), though, I’d give slight edge towards simple and raw Attomica. Different music examples that are incomparable. Very tough to pick favorite between these two.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Cyber definitely went heavy duty, but with mine you get 3-4 riffs, solos and a breakdown. It’s a combo package! 😉

      • tertius_decimus

        Do you include free taco?

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Yes indeed, and fresh guacamole (I don’t used the canned or bagged stuff).

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        But Cybro picked a good song, unlike you.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        It’s Riff, not riffs of the week. Singular, not plural.

    • Lacertilian

      Choose the one who bothers to time stamp an actual riff.

  • EsusMoose

    Ted gets it. Kronos and long german black metal name group both were solid picks as well

  • Rob M

    Here to make sure Undergang dosnt get shut out today

  • Dubs

    I think Lizard and I should have formed an anti-TrumpTed coalition.

    • Lacertilian

      I’m all for this!
      Is there a reason in particular though?

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Hey, what did I do?

  • more beer

    Masterlord you should distinguish which band Cobra it is. Since these guys have been called Cobra since 1982. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHUvhxc3IvA

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    I feel like Der Weg is gonna be a good gateway band for would be black metal fans. They’ve got that post kinda thing goin that a band like deaf heaven does to dea(f)th but minus the uplifting moments

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I’m not huge on those weepy, melancholy post high string reverby tremolo kinda things, but I thought that song pulls it off well.

  • That Ishan riff sounds like a Motley Crue riff.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      Probably my least favourite ssong on the album.

    • i think you mean Van Halen, like i said in the review. and that riff is sexy, sry not sry richter

      • Nope that’s definitely some Mick Mars riffage. (He plays in Motley Crue, right?…)

        The noodly melody part is sexy, you are correct.

        • a lot of times, with rotw, we get parts of songs that are amazebro. this riff is a riff

          • aka it goes HAM in contrast with the rest of the album

          • Who here is debating the riffness of this riff? What kind of heretic do you take me for?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I get that a bit, I’ll listen to a submission and I’ll think “it’s good, but where’s the actual riff?”

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      That’s not a bad thing

      • …debatable.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          These riffs ain’t roo burgers bro

          • Bro, I would kill for a roo burger right aboot now. I’m sick of all this fucken cowbeef.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Enhance your beef burger experience with the addition of sliced beetroot

  • At first I was like “Holy shit that Summoning riff!” and then I was like “Holy shit that Kronos riff” and now I don’t know how to live.

    [bribes: now soliciting]

    • you can write in my name, ill give you 25 schmeckles

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        LMAO, I got my friend’s 3 year old into saying “wubba lubba dub dub!”.

        • does he know its true meaning?

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Nope, and probably never will. And he’s definitely not about to see Rick And Morty anytime soon.

          • thats a shame, you could have helped start him on the left hand path early in life

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      You live with your first instinct.

  • tigeraid

    I am a human shitheap, and forgot RotW. Lucky for the rest of you fucks. That Ihsahn album fucking rules, so the Nuge gets my vote.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Thanks Masterlord! Happy riff Saturday everyone! Excellent picks.

  • testing

  • brokensnow
  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Oh, and happy World Naked Gardening Day, folks!

  • Lacertilian

    While there were some other nice picks this week, it came down to Dubya and Boss for the lizard vote. I’ve been enjoying that Insane Vespa but Boss just pipped it with his pick.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Ooooh, the coveted LizardVote.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    KJU, that Attomica!!!!!!

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Nuge gets my vote. Been meaning to check out the new Ihsahn, and……….. woah.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Never heard of Kronos before this, but I’m loving it, Necro! Kinda sounds like an epic version of Krisiun.

    • Waynecro

      That whole album is so fucking good. It’s pretty tech, but it has a ton of memorable riffs and grooves.

  • Max

    Only riffs about Satan? That’s narrowing it down too much.

  • Waynecro

    So many good riffs this week. Nice work, bros.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I’ll be on hiatus until next Saturday. I’ll be on vacation and I plan on enjoying it to the fullest

  • Jack Bauer gets my vote.

    Undergang is filthy as fuck.