Riff Of The Week: 3rd Birthday Edition

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Brought to you this week by Numbers© – “Service You Can Count On!“.

Last week we celebrated that most political of primary colours during our Red Riff of the Week. Some entries were a little more tenuously linked to the theme than others, but at the end of polling none of it mattered and we discovered 22% of you were cuckoo for dat caca. The classic FNM track not only has some memorable riffs but an exceedingly fitting lyrical theme for this site. Well done TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs, ya dun good. And being good gets you stuff. And being stuff gets you good. And good stuff gets you being. Unfortunately, we’re out of good stuff so I’m going to give you this instead*. Here are the full results –

This week, in celebration of the 3rd flushing year of our website, we asked for riffs from the third track of a band’s third album only. Somehow we received two different Anthrax songs as entries. Rather than spill the blood myself, I’m going to throw the poser flesh into the pit and let the voting populace tear shreds off the fvlse riff. Does that make me cruel? Maybe. Barbarous? Possibly. Lazy? Certainly. Anyway, there’s a shitload of riffs this week. Too many, some would say. At a quick glace, between 1 – 12 of these appear to be superfluous; it’s your choice to determine the exact answer. When you do so, make sure to use the PROMO CODE TRUB to go into the second chance draw for a 98% biodegradable home desalinisation kit.


Dougie Jones

Carcass – “Symposium Of Sickness” (Riff @ 0:42)

This riff is so good, it made me break character. No further description needed. Then again, its Carcass, so what do you expect. Be glad it had to be riff from the third track, or I’d be trolling y’all with a non-metal riff. 0:42 is where it’s at if you need to destroy some tables.


Eliza

Melvins – “Ligature” (Riff @ 0:10)

Third song – checked.
Third album – checked.
Badass riff – checked.


Positronic Brain

Black Anvil – “Eventide” (Riff @ 3:24)

Third album, third track, riff technically starts at EXACTLY at 3:00, but it’s the thrashier palm muted variation at 3:24 or so that I really like. What I love about these guys is that for all the douchebag NYBM image and the photoshoots of them looking like they were dipped in poop, Black Anvil are hugely influenced by thrash and classic metal and they have catchy riffs like this to show for it. Also, that glorious bass tone! <3


TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

Eyehategod – “Masters Of Legalized Confusion” (Riff @ 3:07)

A bluesy, sludgy, puke ridden, flea infested, on the throes of addiction riff that is almost biohazardous to listen to. And we wouldn’t want it any other way. Mike IX Williams almost died last year, but God said “they may hate me, but EyeLoveThem” and thus he received a trasplant, got better and now he is on the road again. Still, he is swamped in debt from all the medical bills, so even if you don’t care for this riff, at least consider donating here.


Ted Nü-Djent

Anthrax – “Madhouse” (Riff @ 0:59)

Anthrax were for some reason the hardest of the big 4 for me to get into when I was a young lad but that all changed when I first saw the clip for this song one night some time 25 years ago. Riff isduring the pre-chorus at 0.59 and 2.09 and 3.21. I would have loved to hacve been an extra in this video.


TheHopper

Entombed – “Wolverine Blues” (Riff @ 0:58)

Know the riff at 0:00, bang your head at 0:18. But, at 0:58 seconds in, well, that’s when your spine goes SNAP. You peasants will go for grind to be under 3 minutes, but not TheHopper.


Lone Biker of the Apocalypse

Abysmal Dawn – “In Service Of Time” (Riff @ 3:00)

Riff starts right at the 3rd minute for the 3rd song of the band’s underrated 3rd album – right after the super-tight drum fill. Plus, this song is “In Service Of Time” to the Toilet’s Thirderversary (Turd-erversary?) so the time theme is a go. Congrats!


Howard Dean

Katharsis – “VVytchdance” (Riff @ 4:08)

This is one of the best black metal riffs ever written. To this day, it makes my hair stand on end every time I hear it. Full disclosure: I submitted this riff to a RotW contest a couple years ago. But this is no mean riff, and when I think “3rd song from 3rd album,” I immediately think VVytchdance. Start at 4:08.


xtuffxghostx

Electric Wizard – “Weird Tales” (Riff @ 2:10)

Electric Wizard’s entire third full length Dopethrone could be submitted as a riff, but when Weird Tales slows down and starts to groove at 2:10 (aka within the third minute), it’s like jumping off the diving board on a scorching day into the coldest pool of riffs man has made. Let the fuzz wash over you, consume you.


Shakes999

Allegaeon – “Dyson Sphere” (Riff @ 0:11)

Fine you fuckers talked me in to it and I gave it my all. Not really, but I found something in my meager metal collection that actually had a 3rd album with a good 3rd track. The main riff for the song. Not the flashiest but this is still hands down one of the grooviest riffs in metal I’ve come across and one of the best tracks Alle…lag..eo…one…eons.. whatever, those guys have put out.


Hans

Viscera/// – “Titan (Or The Day We Called It Quits)” (Riff @ 1:17)

I’ve been jamming these guys a lot this week. While I’m not yet sold on this album as much as the first two (which are available for a lean 99 cents each, by the way), the third song here has some pretty cool, heaving riffage starting at 1:17. Now excuse me while I resume bluesing through the stars.


GORAK

Anthrax – “I Am The Law” (Riff @ 3:30)

THIS 3 3 3 RIFF GO OUT TO TOILET SHERIFFS

THRASHY #3 RIFF @ 3:30

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 21-07-2017 20:22:33
end_date 28-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
wwwhhhooo???

Next week we’re going back to the U.S.S.R, i.e. we will be taking riffs written by bands based in any country that once made up part of the U.S.S.R. For those too lazy to do a quick search, it includes these countries – Ukraine, Moldova, Belarus, Allthestans (I’m not writing all 81 of them), Everyia (nor am I copy/pasting all 184 of these), and of course mother Russia. I’ll also allow Romania as they were pretty much subservient to the squat at some point too. Send your entries to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by Friday. Include your screen-name and a short-description of the riff along with a time-stamp of when it starts.


(Image via, and *= Mother Shabubu III)

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  • Edward

    Ironically I’m seeing Melvins, Whores, Cherub, Lydia Lunch, and Mudhoney today.

    Hard to pick a riff to vote for!

    • Mudhoney is still a thing?

      • Óðinn

        I don’t think they’ve ever broken up or gone away. I’d have to look it up, but I think that might be true. Just few people noticed. Before the whole “Grunge” thing blew up in the 1990s they were probably the biggest band in the Seattle underground music scene. I saw Nirvana open for Mudhoney about 6 months before Nevermind was released.

        • Poor Mudhoney. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

  • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    GORAK NOT KNOWED THAT EP COUNTED……… AH WELL MOAR ANTHRAX!!!!!!!!!
    INTERNET HIGH FIVE TED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    http://i.imgur.com/0OGBsQR.jpg

  • Eliza

    I’m disappointed with myself that I didn’t think of “Weird Tales”.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    …and how exactly are you expecting me to choose between these Carcass, Melvins, Eyehategod, Electric Wizard, Katharsis or Anthrax picks?

    • Eliza

      Ikr? This is cruelty.

    • KJM, Anla’Shok

      I know, right?

      I went for ‘Madhouse’ cos Anthrax killed that jam when I saw them back in May.

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        But Madhouse is from their second album….

        • Eliza
          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            And besides, I Am The Law is the superior song 😉

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            Hell no!

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Hell yes!

          • KJM, Anla’Shok
          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            SAW IN 2013 WHEN DID AMONG THE LIVING IN FULL!!!!!!!!!! ALSO PLAYED MADHOUSE!!!!!!!

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            SAW IN 2016 WHEN THEY OPENED FOR SLAYER AND DIDN’T PLAY MADHOUSE!!!!! MILFS WAS SAAAAAAD!!!!

            (still, it was a killer show)

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Jealously heightens, but I Am The Law is still better 😛

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            Feh.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Let’s agree Indians is better than both?

          • Eliza

            Seconded.

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            Nah, they swiped the ‘Passage To Bangkok’ riff! I like that song, but thems the facts.

          • more beer

            I’m somewhere in the crowd in that video.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Bad ass!

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            WAAAAARRRRRRDAAAAAAAANNNNNCCEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Eliza

            Take care of these, someday they’ll museum worthy.

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            I do. As you can see, I’ve had these stubs for 30+ years now.

          • Eliza

            That’s impressive.

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            I decided when I was 17 that i would hold on to as many as I could. Unfortunately a lot of the club shows in those days only used simple movie tickets if you bought them at the door. I’m guessing I have about 65% of the shows I’ve been to since Summer 1984.

          • Eliza

            Speaking as someone with a keen interest in history, that’s plain awesome.

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            If us old coots have any use at all these days, it’s to provide historical perspective so that the knowledge doesn’t fade, and so the next generation will (hopefully) learn from our fuckups.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            In the old days, the elderly were venerated for the wisdom they held. it is time to go back to those days

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            Agreed, and not just because I’m getting there!!!

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            We will all be there one day

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            WUZ AT FINAL DIO SHOW WITH SABBATH IN AC & DID NOT HANG ON TO STUB 🙁

          • Eliza

            :,'(

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            THERE ALWAYS BAD CELL PHONE VAYDO!!!!!!! BUT IT MISS DIO GET INTO IT WITH SHIRT THROWER FROM 4:19 BEFORE CHILDREN OF SEA!!!!
            https://youtu.be/LWolfn29J3Q

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            I have mine, 2nd to last show w/RDJ.

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            NOT ALL IZ LOST!!!!!!!! FOUND ONE FROM OTHER STOP ON TOUR ME SAW!!!!!!! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/70acb9d0a0713e6e08cfcdc5f826de031d96c507df8c5ffde57400e72671f6fd.jpg

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Few things are cooler than a caveman with a Razer keyboard

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            IT TAKE STURDY KB THE WAY CAVEMEN SMAAAAAAASH FIST WHEN TYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • KJM, Anla’Shok

            Nice!!

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            That is something I should have done several years ago. Alas, I kind of feel it is too late to start collecting them now. Also, a lot of tickets nowadays are printed pages from Ticketmaster/Ticketfly, which don’t look as cool

            The only three ticket stubs I have are Napalm Death, Cannibal Corpse, Nine Inch Nails and a pop band called The Sounds. All except NIN are autographed by at least one band member

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ
        • KJM, Anla’Shok

          Ah, forgot about that part of the rules…wasn’t paying attention.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Yeah I counted the Armed and Dangerous EP

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Yeah, you’re wrong

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I don’t really give a shit.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        To be honest, I’ve never been to an Anthrax gig where I didn’t have a good time.

        • KJM, Anla’Shok

          It’s incredible how well Joey’s voice has held up.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Joey’s vox are also definitely one of the elements that gives Anthrax their unique sound.

          • Óðinn

            Joey is great. Still don’t understand why they replaced him with John Bush. The ’90s were a weird time for music. Oh well, Joey is back now. I’ve always enjoyed Anthrax’s live shows.

          • OLE’ GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            THEY WUZ TRYING BE PANTERA & GRUNGE OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!

    • GoatForest

      Glorious riffs everywhere!

      • Óðinn

        Agreed.

  • Voted for Carcass. One of my favorite albums of all time.

    • Eliza

      I’m listening to the album now for the first time and it’s great.

      • Awww, hope you really like everything. The concept and the music is pulled in such a distinct way.

        • Eliza

          I finished it and I think I like it more than Heartwork, which is a spectacular album as well.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      Best band evaaaaaaaar!!!!

    • Jeff Manteiga

      …and accuse me of corrupting morality, which I wish I had the power to do…prepare to die.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    Hahahahaha, you done goofed Ted.

  • GoatForest

    Man, it had to be Eyehategod. That shit is nice.

    • Eliza

      It’s a fine riff.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

    TAKE IT FROM OUR DRUMMER PUFF, BEING GOOD IT GETS YOU STUFF!!!

    • GOOD STUFF GETS YOU WAAAAABDABBASWAAAAADKASLDKASFJDLKSDJCKLXJVESLKFJAWLKEJKLDSVJSLKCJKLAWEJTWEKLYJERTKLUYRJTULTYKUTRYUYU^#%$^#$%^#$%&#$%&$&#$%&

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Voting for Carcass because best band evaaar

    Honorable mentions to Eliza (best Melvins album), Ted Nu-Djent (best Anthrax song) and Howard Dean (who I can always count on to submit a killer riff I have never heard before)

    • Eliza

      My personal favorite Melvins album is Stag. Bullhead, Stoner Witch and Houdini are tied as my second favorite.

      • Lord of Bork

        Ozma gets the favorite Melvins record for me. All of the above in contention for second.

  • Jay Majesty

    That Carcass riff is siiick!!

  • KJM, Anla’Shok
    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      Fuckin sweet album

      • KJM, Anla’Shok

        I used to have a fucking HUGE wall poster of this album cover.

    • Depechemodeisgangsta

      Best “Rap/Hip Hop” artist and lyricist.

  • KJM, Anla’Shok

    (throws up the Janitor Jim signal)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPX48NpSRvo

  • The Mighty Thorange

    I like Anthrax. I fucking love Judge Dredd. The answer is obvious.

  • *remembers this contest is about riffs, not favorite bands*
    *votes Viscera///*

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Had to go with Carcass Riff, because is just straight killer, but i almost went with Melvins, for some reason Melvins music for me is a hit or miss.

  • Howard Dean

    Pretty good selection o’ riffs this week. To my ears, the top three (in no particular order: Abysmal Dawn, Electric Wizard, Katharsis.

  • Dougie Jones (Dale Cooper)

    0:10 was my original submission if I felt like being a dick by submitting a non-metal riff. Then I realised that I could be a dick anyway, so Carcass. https://youtu.be/tEsgUiF2jGk

  • Shakes 999

    If anyone votes for my riff I’m guessing it was cause they misclicked. There is way too much good stuff this week.

  • KJM, Anla’Shok