Riff Of The Week: 3rd Birthday Edition


Brought to you this week by Numbers© – “Service You Can Count On!“.

Last week we celebrated that most political of primary colours during our Red Riff of the Week. Some entries were a little more tenuously linked to the theme than others, but at the end of polling none of it mattered and we discovered 22% of you were cuckoo for dat caca. The classic FNM track not only has some memorable riffs but an exceedingly fitting lyrical theme for this site. Well done TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs, ya dun good. And being good gets you stuff. And being stuff gets you good. And good stuff gets you being. Unfortunately, we’re out of good stuff so I’m going to give you this instead*. Here are the full results –

This week, in celebration of the 3rd flushing year of our website, we asked for riffs from the third track of a band’s third album only. Somehow we received two different Anthrax songs as entries. Rather than spill the blood myself, I’m going to throw the poser flesh into the pit and let the voting populace tear shreds off the fvlse riff. Does that make me cruel? Maybe. Barbarous? Possibly. Lazy? Certainly. Anyway, there’s a shitload of riffs this week. Too many, some would say. At a quick glace, between 1 – 12 of these appear to be superfluous; it’s your choice to determine the exact answer. When you do so, make sure to use the PROMO CODE TRUB to go into the second chance draw for a 98% biodegradable home desalinisation kit.

Dougie Jones

Carcass – “Symposium Of Sickness” (Riff @ 0:42)

This riff is so good, it made me break character. No further description needed. Then again, its Carcass, so what do you expect. Be glad it had to be riff from the third track, or I’d be trolling y’all with a non-metal riff. 0:42 is where it’s at if you need to destroy some tables.


Melvins – “Ligature” (Riff @ 0:10)

Third song – checked.
Third album – checked.
Badass riff – checked.

Positronic Brain

Black Anvil – “Eventide” (Riff @ 3:24)

Third album, third track, riff technically starts at EXACTLY at 3:00, but it’s the thrashier palm muted variation at 3:24 or so that I really like. What I love about these guys is that for all the douchebag NYBM image and the photoshoots of them looking like they were dipped in poop, Black Anvil are hugely influenced by thrash and classic metal and they have catchy riffs like this to show for it. Also, that glorious bass tone! <3


Eyehategod – “Masters Of Legalized Confusion” (Riff @ 3:07)

A bluesy, sludgy, puke ridden, flea infested, on the throes of addiction riff that is almost biohazardous to listen to. And we wouldn’t want it any other way. Mike IX Williams almost died last year, but God said “they may hate me, but EyeLoveThem” and thus he received a trasplant, got better and now he is on the road again. Still, he is swamped in debt from all the medical bills, so even if you don’t care for this riff, at least consider donating here.

Ted Nü-Djent

Anthrax – “Madhouse” (Riff @ 0:59)

Anthrax were for some reason the hardest of the big 4 for me to get into when I was a young lad but that all changed when I first saw the clip for this song one night some time 25 years ago. Riff isduring the pre-chorus at 0.59 and 2.09 and 3.21. I would have loved to hacve been an extra in this video.


Entombed – “Wolverine Blues” (Riff @ 0:58)

Know the riff at 0:00, bang your head at 0:18. But, at 0:58 seconds in, well, that’s when your spine goes SNAP. You peasants will go for grind to be under 3 minutes, but not TheHopper.

Lone Biker of the Apocalypse

Abysmal Dawn – “In Service Of Time” (Riff @ 3:00)

Riff starts right at the 3rd minute for the 3rd song of the band’s underrated 3rd album – right after the super-tight drum fill. Plus, this song is “In Service Of Time” to the Toilet’s Thirderversary (Turd-erversary?) so the time theme is a go. Congrats!

Howard Dean

Katharsis – “VVytchdance” (Riff @ 4:08)

This is one of the best black metal riffs ever written. To this day, it makes my hair stand on end every time I hear it. Full disclosure: I submitted this riff to a RotW contest a couple years ago. But this is no mean riff, and when I think “3rd song from 3rd album,” I immediately think VVytchdance. Start at 4:08.


Electric Wizard – “Weird Tales” (Riff @ 2:10)

Electric Wizard’s entire third full length Dopethrone could be submitted as a riff, but when Weird Tales slows down and starts to groove at 2:10 (aka within the third minute), it’s like jumping off the diving board on a scorching day into the coldest pool of riffs man has made. Let the fuzz wash over you, consume you.


Allegaeon – “Dyson Sphere” (Riff @ 0:11)

Fine you fuckers talked me in to it and I gave it my all. Not really, but I found something in my meager metal collection that actually had a 3rd album with a good 3rd track. The main riff for the song. Not the flashiest but this is still hands down one of the grooviest riffs in metal I’ve come across and one of the best tracks Alle…lag..eo…one…eons.. whatever, those guys have put out.


Viscera/// – “Titan (Or The Day We Called It Quits)” (Riff @ 1:17)

I’ve been jamming these guys a lot this week. While I’m not yet sold on this album as much as the first two (which are available for a lean 99 cents each, by the way), the third song here has some pretty cool, heaving riffage starting at 1:17. Now excuse me while I resume bluesing through the stars.


Anthrax – “I Am The Law” (Riff @ 3:30)


THRASHY #3 RIFF @ 3:30

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 21-07-2017 20:22:33
end_date 28-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:

Next week we’re going back to the U.S.S.R, i.e. we will be taking riffs written by bands based in any country that once made up part of the U.S.S.R. For those too lazy to do a quick search, it includes these countries – Ukraine, Moldova, Belarus, Allthestans (I’m not writing all 81 of them), Everyia (nor am I copy/pasting all 184 of these), and of course mother Russia. I’ll also allow Romania as they were pretty much subservient to the squat at some point too. Send your entries to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by Friday. Include your screen-name and a short-description of the riff along with a time-stamp of when it starts.

(Image via, and *= Mother Shabubu III)

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