Riff Beef of the Week: Hail Psychic Pain

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I woke up this morning and thought, “Huh, where are the riffs?” You probably thought the same thing. Let’s get to the bottom of this mystery.

So what does the evidence tell us? Let’s look at the facts.

A. The Masterlord is in charge of Riff ov the Week.
B. The Masterlord compiles riffs if they are sent to him.
C. I sent the Masterlord a riff.

Based on this information, it would appear we have a Ship of Theseus type paradox on our hands. I must investigate further. Please enjoy my riff entry and help me search for clues.

  • EsusMoose

    Burblrburblrburblrburblurblurbulrbulrblurburble. That’s the sound of forcefully drowning the mastercoral or the verse of a slam band.

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Masterlord is Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer. You know what that means?

  • Stanley

    I’ve found a clue. Another missing riff of the week (0:50) was found next to a pipe and a pair of slippers in the smoking room.

    http://youtu.be/0GuTuTap8vU

    • Dubs

      I’m going to ask you a very important question. Was it a Meerschaum pipe?

      • Stanley

        It was one of these.

  • ME GORAK B.C.™
  • Eliza

    No RotW? What am I supposed to do for the rest of this Saturday?

    • EsusMoose

      Complain about the masterlord

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Wheel Masterlord around in a little red wagon while we point, laugh and throw garbage at him?

      • Eliza

        Sure, why not? But we have to make sure it the most disgusting garbage we can find.

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          Foo Fighters’ albums?

          • hieronymus bossk

            I like the cut of your jib.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            That definitely counts as garbage. *jumps in the barb wired trench before Joe gets a hold of me*

          • Eliza

            No, we need something truly atrocious. Limp Bitzkit level.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I’ll go even lower: Attila.

          • Eliza

            Now that is cruel.

          • hieronymus bossk
          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

          • Eliza

            I guess it’s what label named “Itchy Metal Entertainment” would put out.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Which one? Billy Joel’s 70’s metal band or the current one?

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, Google ‘Anthony Bourdain Billy Joel’. Back in the old days, when he was cooking, he literally told chefs who liked Billy Joel and Grateful Dead to hang up their chef’s coats and leave. He’s well past that and apologized it, but he still told Billy Joel (a regular at his old place, Le Halles) that he hates his music.

          • hieronymus bossk

            At least Limp Bizikit evokes a reaction. Foo Fighters are so safe and milquetoast it’s just there.

          • Eliza

            That’s true, though I could survive an hour of listening to FF easier than ten minutes of LB.

          • hieronymus bossk

            I think I’d take LB over FF depending on the album choices.

          • Eliza

            Chocolate Starfish?

          • hieronymus bossk

            I don’t know what album is which/songs on it, but I’ll take that over anything by FF in recent years.

          • Eliza

            To be honest, I haven’t really listened to anything FF put out recently, but that’s because I was never impressed with what they made previously.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I’ll give Grohl some credit, he did give us Probot.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Which is not good.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Good concept, though, and good lineup at least. Gotta give it that.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I ain’t givin’ it shit!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And that’s what we love about you! 😉

          • more beer

            He is right.

          • you make any DKS3 progress man?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I’m slowly going forward. Just beat Abyss Watchers today.

          • nice

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            You are so wrong. They’re one of the great supergroups

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            N
            O
            P
            E

          • where have you been hiding?

          • more beer

            If we give him credit,will he go away?

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Nope! He’ll continue to be the most watered down ambassador of metal the world has ever known, and continue to put out rock’s answer to James Blunt in the process.

          • brokensnow

            Probot was terrible..

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            True, but the lineup was tops. Give it that.

          • brokensnow

            supergroup syndrome.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Well, there are goods supergroups (not many though):

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwqhdRs4jyA

          • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

            Bingo.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I’d rather have an aneurysm than listen to either one.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’ll throw Attila albums at him. I’ll even throw the one album Billy Joel and his 70’s metal band Attila did at him.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Trump ‘Make America Great Again’ flyers and hats.

          • Eliza

            I try not to cment on other countries’ politics, but … yuck.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Feel free. Our politics are the biggest first world political embarrassment since Tony Abbott.

          • Eliza

            The US influences more or less the whole world, so if the president is not the right person, the damage will be big, if not huge. Choose wisely.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Sadly, yes. That’s why foreign leaders are so worried about Trump winning (which he won’t, but the fact he’s come this far should and does worry everyone).

          • Eliza

            Trump is a business man, not a politician. I don’t think he understands what it takes to rule a country well.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Not even a good business man, since he’s been bankrupt 4 times. And his ‘University’ can’t legally call itself a university, and is under several lawsuits. He’s a scam artist, if anything.

          • Eliza

            And his supporters are morons.

          • more beer

            Him coming this far should scare the shit out of all of the business as usual politicians. If someone comes along and speaks their mind who isn’t bat shit crazy they will all be fucked. The thing that is truly scary is the other republican choices are even worse than Trump. The best choice we have this cycle is Gary Johnson who is running libertarian.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I would go with Bernie, as run of the mill utopian “let’s just throw money at it” Democrat as he is, but he has no chance of winning. Haven’t heard of Gary Johnson, actually. Same with Kasich until recently.

          • more beer

            My issue with him is raising taxes on the middle class to pay for his programs. While giving free stuff to the lazy. https://garyjohnson2016.com/

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Dems are just as bad on a whole other end, sadly. Look at Chicago, with the highest sales tax in the nation and how shit’s constantly gone downhill since 2011 or so. Chicago nowadays is Detroit with Manhattan prices. Both parties are one degree of fucked up or the other, with the same bottom line.

          • more beer

            They are both the same.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Yup! And the third parties are so disjointed, it’s ridiculous. And were there a viable one, they’d most likely not get the funding to actually make a dent. We’re stuck with the Reality TV Parties in the meantime.

          • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

            That’s why I’m voting Waynecro.

          • more beer

            We really don’t have a good choice this time around. The best candidate we have will not get elected. Because he is a third party candidate. The whole world is screwed.

          • Eliza

            It was a pleasure to spend time with you.

          • more beer

            Likewise.This is really the worst election cycle I have ever seen.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Worst I’ve seen since the last two in Chicago, which is saying a lot. It’s that meets Idiocracy on steroids.

          • Eliza

            In the end, you have to go for the least awful candidate. Which is hard to tell in this case.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I wish Tapir were running, so we could just speed up the train to oblivion! :-p

          • Eliza

            At least we would know something for certain.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I dunno, first thing he’d do is deport all weebs like me!

          • Eliza

            To a place where there is no anime. The horror.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Japan will take us in as anime war refugees.

          • Eliza

            That’d be something… perfect.

          • more beer

            The only choice is unelectable. I will still vote my conscious. But putting the future of the world in any of their hands is frightening.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            As usual, I’m not voting (kinda thinking about voting for some of the local politicians once I read a bit more, though). It really really won’t set well on my conscience knowing that I put any of these idiots in power. It’s about like me giving a monkey a bazooka, meth and Viagra at this point.

          • more beer

            That monkey is a better choice than any of these idiots.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I might be having a Carlin moment, but I’d also have to blame the populous to some extent for not truly demanding any better. That could also be part naivete.

          • more beer

            It is because people are stupid and have to hold their party line. What a bunch of bullshit. It’s like they have no free will or are too lazy to look into the alternatives. Like sheep being led to slaughter.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            It’s the real life Logan’s Run.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Definitely true. I’m more liberal, obviously, but I do tend to take each issue with an open mind, rather than adhering to a party or an ideology. You can probably tell I suck at adhering to most anything, especially if it involves a group mentality.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Trump’s saying that he’s softening up his campaign to seem “more presidential”, which will cost him any votes he has so far, and his recent gaff of confusing 7/11 (yes, that 7/11) and 9/11 shows just how much his campaign is actually falling apart. We’re gonna get our first female president (Hillary), which I’m all up for if it weren’t her.

            If only George Carlin were still around to comment on all this………….

          • more beer

            Trump is hardly a concern. It’s the alternatives to him that are the problem.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I dunno, with Cruz, most politicians on Capital Hill have already say they absolutely hate him. He does have the religious nuts on his side, though, which makes him truly frightening. His whole thing on wanting to make Jerusalem an American territory speaks volumes on that one.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    off topic but worth sharing cause of my sweet mailman and his kindness

    • awesome! mine got in the other day

    • Arousal achieved.

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        Big time

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Who’s that?

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Damn, this sucks, especially since I practically had an automatic vote from Randall with this one. I sent him an email regarding the riffs and never heard anything back. Oh well, here’s what I sent (twice):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35hNEEWdgSo

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • BALLS ROLL

    Ouch

  • EsusMoose

    Not something I feel has an specific riff but is a solid song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpifKL9Suow

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Damnit.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Yep, one of the greatest legends of electric blues.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    In one of my rare but happy NWOBHM moods https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74Nei5Axde4

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse
    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Synchronized headbanging? Check. Jumping up in the air and bumping shoulders? Check. Kickass NWOBHM style metal? Check. Synchronized guitar bouncing? Check.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Haha, this is really awesome!

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          One of the unsung heroes of 80’s NWOBHM style bands, mostly because everything’s in Hungarian, they never bothered touring outside of there as far as I know, and managed somehow not to capitalize on opening for Iron Maiden multiple times. That and there’s an actual Hungarian phrase named after the singer for being so drunk you forget absolutely everything live. Another good one:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_7l1bLrejE

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Ah, good times. I gotta put a half Hungarian mate of mine onto these guys, he’d love ’em.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            If he’s lived there, he most likely knows about them. As far as I can tell, they’re Hungary’s biggest rock/metal band.

  • Rob M
    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Not showing up, mane. 🙁

      • Rob M

        Pic isnt..the link should be there

        EDIT: Okay, had to use the tiny pic

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Not seeing that either.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Oops, I see it now.

  • fuckin’ BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  • uhhhhh how long has it been since we’ve had an actual ROTW now?

    • more beer

      Too long!

      • i dont accept DKS3 scrubbery as an excuse for no ROTW!

        • more beer

          It’s a power metal conspiracy.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            No, it would be much much more awesome if it was! PS, check out the Alquimia song I posted/sent to him twice, speaking of.

          • more beer

            No it really isn’t. I listened to that song you sent me. It was okay until the singer started doing his thing. It was all downhill after that for me.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Haha, the video itself is the real meat of the whole thing. To me, the song is good, but the video itself is so 80’s metal it hurts.

          • more beer

            That too. But fuck the vocals annoyed me.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Let’s just make this whole post a riff fest (putting the time of the riff is optional). Sounds like an obvious solution.

    http://img03.deviantart.net/b3f5/i/2012/229/8/7/aldo_raine_gif_by_swerdsi-d5bg1kn.jpg

  • High on Vallenfyre

    Well this is disappointing. Fuck it, what’s up guys?

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Nada. Finally sitting with some fancy beers (Big Flats) over here, chilling on the Toilet. Figuring out what to watch later tonight.

      • High on Vallenfyre

        Damn, I need me some fancy beers. That might be what my day’s been missing. Besides riffs.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          LMAO, Big Flats is far from fancy (hence the joke). $3 for a 6 pack at Walgreens, but nowhere near as shitty as Milwaukee’s Best, Natty Daddy, etc. Very decent for the price.

          • High on Vallenfyre

            Ah, I don’t think we get that here. I can always get behind good cheap beer.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            It’s exclusive to Walgreens (the ones that do carry alcohol. My old neighborhood in Chicago didn’t carry it at either of their Walgreens), so might be around your way.

          • lololololol beer exclusive to walgreens

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Hey, I aim high! That and the really good beers are at the AMC store, which is a long ass walk away from my house, unless I wanna risk the very iffy hiking path by my house over there.

          • jesus

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            <————– Jesus won't save you, your god is here. *starts devouring your non-existent soul*

          • more beer

            That is fucking horrible.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Eh, not bad at all for the price.

  • Eliza

    Listening to the new Gojira song made even more hyped for the album, somehow.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I’m still going to give the new album a spin, but my expectations are low. I was hoping they’d do better than the last CD and give us another ‘From Mars To Sirius; grade CD, but I highly doubt it.

      • Eliza

        You never know, it may be good, it may be bad, but the anticipation is always fun.

    • its going to be a divisive album

      • Eliza

        Yes, the fan fights will be fun to watch.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I’m so excited for it. It’s going to be a radio metal opus like Siren Charms.

      • Eliza

        I’m not sure if you’re sarcastic or not…

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I’m serious.

          • Eliza

            Oh, OK then. Do you not like Gojira?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m a fan of theirs.

          • Eliza

            That’s great! I’m also a fan of this band.

    • The song was even better today than it was yesterday, somehow!

      It makes me feel good.

      GL

      • Eliza

        It gets better with every listen!

  • 🙁

  • EsusMoose

    That riff at like 1:00 and generally the whole song is good.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VxbJb_Gs8w

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Pretty good, and from what I can tell, the riffs even started up at the beginning of the song. Been meaning to check out his new one, and keep forgetting about it. Think I might have to remedy that tonight.

      • EsusMoose

        I remedied that thursday and have listened to it like 5-7 times already, great mix of songs, though I do find the final track skippable.

        • the final track is 99% spoken word.

          it is not included on the regular version of the album

          • EsusMoose

            Oh that makes sense, I didn’t know it wasn’t on certain versions of the album, guess that’s something to look at when I eventually get a physical copy

          • i actually like the track as a closer, despite not knowing Norweigian.

          • EsusMoose

            It’s mellow and lasts long enough to settle the listener down but I really like Celestial Violence. If that was the closer I’d be just as happy if not more as I’ve found more and more I like shorter albums

          • i mean, that song kills. plain and simple. its maybe my second fav track on the album.

          • EsusMoose

            Probably is my favorite with In the Vaults behind it

          • Until I Too Dissolve, easy favorite.

            im even growing on South Winds (because the refrain is so catchy). there isnt a terrible track on the album imho. prolly aoty for me, barring something brilliant

          • EsusMoose

            yeah South Winds hasn’t warmed up to me yet but this is probably the first album that I’ve wanted to listen to multiple times. A few others have been alright but pale in comparison to this.

          • newfound liking for you, Corgi. if you need help in DKS3, let me know.

          • EsusMoose

            Ha thank you but I just finished it last night, it’s now my goal to try to enjoy playing the game again after spending 15-20 hours farming for covenant items I lost interest in playing for fun and was playing to just get items.

          • suit yourself 😉

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Some of his stuff has been kinda hit and miss with me, especially that one with the jazz sax parts. But that track got me convinced.
          I love jazz, sax is good in the right hands, but the sax on that one album sounded awful, TBH.

          • we are no longer frands

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            LAMO, I’m not your frand? In Icelandic, that means more or less a friend with benefits. So I’m good with that! :-p
            I’ll still be just a friend, though, my little gooey ooey pumpkin pie.

          • Ihsahns After (the sax-heavy one) is his greatest solo work.

          • Waynecro

            I’m still partial to The Adversary. Every song on that album absolutely slays in one way or another.

    • i love the song, and Matt Heafy is great on it but perhaps one of the albums weakest

      • EsusMoose

        I didn’t know Heafy was on this track, besides Leprous’s singer I’ve been terrible with knowing who is on what track.

        • shoulda read the review closer! i believe Einer (Leprous) is on more than one track but is only accredited the one he’s on the most. its p obvious to a fanboy like me when it isnt Ihsahn singing

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    I had to go with some low hanging fruit here, but riffs start at the 1:00 minute mark.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQcf2Bo6eCg

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss! m/

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy9MUFZqZY4

  • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross
    • sexy

    • ^Halloween Party Metal

      • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

        one way to put it…

  • Guacamole Jim

    I vote for W.’s riff.

  • Masterbuttz.

    • Also, a couple of new reviews and shitz over at my shit-hole.
      https://ultimatesatan.com/

      • poop

      • RJA

        I’m digging that Void Ceremony.

        • Lacertilian

          Their latest EP was pretty kickarse, might have to dig around and revisit it today.

          • Picked that one up as well.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I’m seeing NXT tonight. Finn Valor is facing Samoa Joe, Asuka is facing Alexa Bliss and American Alpha is facing The Revival.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      No idea who they are, but have fun! PS, get some chicks while you’re there.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    More synchronized headbanging and classic Brazilian thrash:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBVLYunMKbM