Rho Stone’s Audiovisual Adventures: AC/DC Drop the Ball

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Rho Stone is back in action, you cvnting trailerpants wearing daywalkers.

So it’s been a long time since the last article, and a lot of shit has happened to me. Since the last time I contributed to the toilet I’ve got a “fancier” job (less paying but with more ambitious projects and the promise of more paying later on [yes, I’m THAT stupid]) which made me very busy cleaning up the mess the last guys left. I was also hit by three cars going at 50 miles per hour which makes it the third time this year I looked directly at the Grim Reaper, smacked his lifelover face and said “not today.” Now my left leg makes cracking noises now and then, which is going to make it way easier for me to decide on switching it for a rocket booster implant once those nerds at Palo Alto stop trying to make the next app to hook up with random singles in your area and get back to making real science.

So what made me come out of my stasis? The new AC/DC video sucks balls and I’m here to make justice. All this new AC/DC stuff going on makes me realize something: AC/DC should’ve quit with Black Ice. Now, this is coming from someone who used to be obsessed with them. Let me ramble on about my relationship with this band. There was a period of time we’ll refer to “my mid-to-late teens” where I couldn’t get enough of AC/DC. I listened to this fucking band all the fucking time. All that dumb shit most millennials did with Korn or Slipknot, I did it with AC/DC. It wasn’t a “should I wear my AC/DC t-shirt today?”, it was more akin to “Which one of my AC/DC shirts will I wear today?” I could play the albums from beginning to end on guitar without missing a note. I bought all of their albums and with teenager spending money, mind you.

potato quality

I even bought the Iron Man “soundtrack.” The Iron Man “soundtrack” is supposedly the all AC/DC soundtrack of Iron Man II, which is a lie, as the movie replaces the songs for Queen and The Clash and other nostalgia dad bands. This soundtrack consists of:

1. Shoot to Thrill (from Back In Black)

2. Rock n’ Roll Damnation (from Powerage)

3. Guns for Hire (from Flick of the Switch)

4. Cold Hearted Man (bonus track from Powerage, then on Backtracks)

5. Back in Black (from Back in Black (duh))

6. Thunderstruck (from The Razor’s Edge)

7. If You Want Blood (from Highway to Hell)

8. Evil Walks (from For Those About to Rock)

9. T.N.T. (from High Voltage)

10. Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be (Let There Be Rock)

11. Have a Drink on Me (from Back in Black)

12. The Razor’s Edge (from The Razor’s Edge)

13. Let There Be Rock (from Let There Be Rock)

14. War Machine (from Black Ice)

15. Highway to Hell (do I really have to?)

I didn’t have to look those up. I can name all of AC/DC’s albums and songs in order by heart. When this was released, I already had the albums those songs belonged to. To be fair, by then I was starting to get sick of them, but still I went and bought it. That’s how into them I was. I’m so glad I didn’t get myself an AC/DC tattoo. I still like them a lot, but like a regular human being likes something.

Back to the present day, Malcolm Young is so old he’s at a nursing home with dementia. They’ve also kicked out Phil Rudd for pulling off a double Lambesis and, well, average rockstar behavior. I don’t blame Phil, there’s so many times you can repeatedly drum to songs about how rocking it is to rock before having a craving for meth and murder. They already got the Walmart endorsement deals, the grammies they once said they’d never get on the grounds that they rocked too hard for them, the guest appearances on Top Gear (best show ever, btw), the beer and the monopoly game.“Rock or Bust” is the least imaginative thing they could call their album. “Rock n’ Roll something” would be a better title. By now their naming of new material is akin to what Apple names it’s new products. They should just kick the bucket as a band.

Now the video, this caught me by surprise because I sincerely thought they were already done. If you haven’t seen it yet, here’s the video for “Play Ball.”

About the song: It’s AC/DC. What did you expect? Of course it sounds exactly the same as all their other songs. Of course is sexual innuendo written by geriatric man-children with the riff they’ve been abusing since 1985. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d rather literally kill myself than have to see AC/DC play a breakdown. Now they’ve cut the crap and released something that makes way more sense to be played at sporting events. I don’t even need to do research on this when I say I’m sure they already got at least one sports endorsement deal.

So, where can I begin with this video? I mean, this is AC/DC, they’ve sold 200 million records. I can’t begin to imagine how much that is in dough. They could hire Steven Spielberg and film a video in outer space. AND INSTEAD THEY MADE AN INFERIOR VERSION OF THE “EATERS OF THE DEAD” VIDEO.

Normally on Audiovisual Adventures I have to reverse engineer the thinking and planning that goes into the video-making process to picture what kind of stuff they did on the studio, but this time around I don’t have to, because they did a behind the scenes of this travesty, which is like if Subway made the whole Jared got thin ploy and Jared was still fat.

Screen Shot 2014-11-15 at 3.02.33 PM

This is how Attack of the Clones was filmed.

The video begins with a bowling ball smashing a burning TV in slo-mo, which is the coolest thing they pointed a camera at in all the shooting. Then it dissolves into one of the worst green screens I’ve seen in my life. Seriously. I feel like they were like “we gotta finish this before lunch” and then gave editor duty to somebody’s nephew fresh out of watching after effects tutorials on Youtube. Apparently the editor is one Nick Morris, a man responsible for classics such as “Bill Bailey: Part Troll,” “Gabby Logan: Twins Results Workout,” and “Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of The War of The Worlds” (to be fair, I’ve also done a lot of laughable shit, but at least I go uncredited). What kind of artistic language can be justified in AC/DC floating behind stock footage of lights?

Screen Shot 2014-11-15 at 4.48.05 PM

Pictured: Every awful youtube video green screen ever

If you ever film a band video which is composed of the band playing, YOU DO NOT MAKE THEM PLAY IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. You need dynamics and interesting angles. One dolly going back and forth is not enough. Even if you’re lazy and want it done in an afternoon. AC/DC used to be kings of lazy, unimaginative but appealing videomaking.

The whole point of chroma keying is to make it look like you’re not doing it. This is done by:

1. Correctly lighting the people in the frame. Stage lighting doesn’t work on a green screen. You have to use light on the back and sides of the character in different strengths to separate them from the green background. The band looks green tinted on the video, also everything that reflects the green (like the metal on the drum kit) disappear once you color out the green. All this because they were to lazy to place lights on the correct places. They clearly know how to do this, because the behind the scenes interviews are correctly lighted. Let that sink in: THE BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO IS BETTER THAN THE ACTUAL MUSIC VIDEO. They also make the band look flat. They look like cardboard cutouts that move. That’s because the flat stage lighting erases the shadows. You need the damn shadows for the eye to understand something belongs in the third dimension.

2. If you received fucked up footage, you can always color it. Well not always, but this one was pretty easy to color. Selective coloring is a thing, you can pick and choose the greens and make them into a believable color. You can also add contrast and other stuff to mitigate the flatness of the lighting. One more thing, Mr. Nick Morris, once you apply keylight on after effects, there are some little numbers in the effects window.

Screen Shot 2014-11-15 at 4.45.44 PM

See all that crap, you’re supposed to move it around until there are no more green edges.

Still what’s the point of green screening if you’re just going to put them in front of lights? Why not just put them on a fake stage and put some lights in there, like in almost all their other videos? They have cool videos, like “Thunderstruck” or “Who Made Who,” why don’t do something like that?

The stock footage looks way better than the band footage, which makes it look like it doesn’t belong. It’s actually colored, but still, the colors don’t fit. Some of it is very warm and some is much colder. It’s unsettling, more so because the band footage has not been corrected at all. One more thing about that, it doesn’t matter how cool your footage is (yes all that black and white footage is pretty cool), you can only use it once. Repeating stuff is one of the biggest no-nos, it completely kills any immersion the audience had when they see the same stuff again.

To add to the wrong stuff going on, why does the frame get dark randomly from time to time? It’s like he left an adjustment layer there and never used it? Didn’t Mr. Morris looked at the video before rendering it?

Screen Shot 2014-11-16 at 8.56.43 PM

After that, here’s a bunch of times Angus Young or something else gets cut by the frame’s edge and they use the take anyway.

Screen Shot 2014-11-16 at 8.55.47 PM

Screen Shot 2014-11-16 at 8.54.59 PM

Screen Shot 2014-11-16 at 8.52.10 PM

There are a lot more times of this happening, but I guess you get the point. Also what is this?

Screen Shot 2014-11-16 at 8.51.22 PM

A motherfucking watermark? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? The stock footage of the dumbass meadow on a rushed juice commercial costs 500 bucks. This is AC/DC, the second best selling band that still plays (first one is Pink Floyd in case someone is interested). Were they really making this on a shoestring budget? Did Phil Rudd steal all the budget to buy meth and murder? If we can take anything from this, is that you and your buddies on a garage can make a better music video than one of the (financially speaking) biggest heavy rock band of all time. Congratulations.

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  • The watermark kills me. Didn’t have $10 bucks in your shutterstock account?

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Even worse, I am pretty sure I could make that repeating background in MS Paint in about 3 minutes.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      It reeks of “my nephew made this!” syndrome

      • I was surprised to see this was directed and edited by pros. I figured out that since Angus Young fills gaps in the lineup with other family members, he must’ve got his snot nosed nephew to make the video.

  • David Vincent on Tinder

    Great, I’d really like to know which album Highway to Hell is on.

  • This is the longest I’ve ever paid attention to AC/DC.

    • Stockhausen

      It was harrowing, right?

      • It was an excruciating 14 seconds.

        • i lolbuttzed

          • The Dreaded Laramie

            I lolbuttzed on principal!

        • Count_Breznak

          Took you a while, but at least now you know all of their song.

          • Guacamelee Jim

            #wellplayed

  • wow WATERMARKS? good article.. hope you’re alright with your little encounter with Death :/

    • Guacamelee Jim

      We’re never the same once we’ve met @metaphysicalanus:disqus

    • worst part now is that my leg makes noises in the most unnecessary situations. Like I’m trying to be serious and then it goes “tee-crack”

  • HessianHunter

    The nicest thing I have to say about AC/DC is that they’re not KISS.

    • Xan

      This has to be the most true statement to ever be said about anything.

    • Gvrp

      I’m not KISS. Do I get a medal? 😀

      • you do! you get a babymedal.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

          Damnit Jimmy!

        • Gvrp

          OH FU-

      • Howard Dean

        You get a *metal. Inner-transitional. A heavy, unstable one. A radioactive isotope.

        • JWG

          ‘Topes Rule! Woo!

        • Gvrp

          I’m not sure how I feel aBoUt ThIs PrIzE, hOwArd…

      • more beer

        No participation medals you gotta earn it!

        • Gvrp

          Crap.

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        HAVE AT YOU!

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      AC/DC were the template for all metal and rock to come in the late 70’s and early 80’s. The classic five man band, drums , bass, 2 guitars and a singer. No bullshit. But not just any singer, bon fucking scott, he could work the stage like a magician, he had the good humor of roth mixed with the swagger of plant & a lascivious mean spirited streak all his own. And i am not even talking about his vocals, could brian johnson do a song like ride on justice ? Never, he has no shade to his voice. It is one dimensional but it suits the band. He is a good frontman, does his job. Its like CC – george is a genial nice guy but he is a dull frontman, watching him is like watching a large sofa with a speaker in it. Barnes like bon, has that factor you cant buy or teach. He has charisma.

      • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

        “Large sofa with a speaker in it” lol

      • Pagliacci’s Nordling EdPants

        Brian Johnson always looks like he’s struggling to pound out a log.

        http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6538/1881/1600/brian01.jpg

      • HessianHunter

        I think rock music would have been just fine without them, honestly. I doubt 70’s/80’s greats David Bowie or Talking Heads were heavily influenced by them, for instance.

        As for heavy stuff, MC5 kicked more ass a decade before AC/DC existed, not to mention Judas Priest or Black Fucking Sabbath. I’m glad they make you happy, but I personally don’t find their “no bullshit” legacy particularly compelling.

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          certainly not bowie or talking heads, that arty new york scene was the birth of hipsterism. I don’t think we will reach an agreement on the topic of AC/DC.

          • HessianHunter

            If you’re not into “hipsterism” that’s fine, but I just wanted to point out that there all MANY kinds of “rock” music, and not all of them have the same forebears. Cheers, mate.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            i see your point now, my apologies.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    The video and song both suck, so there’s that.
    I have always and always will be a Bon led AC/DC fan.

  • Nordling Rites ov Steele

    This is tied with Jailbreak and Let there Be Rock for best “music video” they’ve ever done. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=868Daj-ys40

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Let there be rock is pretty sweet as well.

      • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

        Man, hope you are a voice of reason on here. I am a huge bon era fan and i will not have that classic era condemned. The johnson era ? yea, it pretty much sucked after flick of the switch ( that is a HEAVY album though). But i have to say everytime ac/dc release a new single i am into it for a certain period of time. It’s catchy shit.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

          I respect AC/DC for their impact on rock but they need to give up. The Bon Scott era was an awesome era for AC/DC and the first three Brian Johnson albums were very good. After Flick Of The Switch though AC/DC started writing the same album over and over again. They should have quit after Black Ice.

          • KJM

            I think this should be their farewell. With Malcolm & Phil down in less than a year, they’re falling apart at the seams. Tour during 2015-16 and then stop.

        • The Dreaded Laramie

          Flick of the switch was a giant riff bible.

          • Such a good user name, dude.

          • The Dreaded Laramie

            Thank you. My lame dad didn’t think so.

          • He’s just jelly of that stunt you pulled with the whale.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            Yet their poorest seller overall. I actually like FTATR as much as if not more than BIB too. The metal public buyers taste is not easily understood. Every album cover they have done has been sub par starting with fly on the wall.

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            Is this the one you like as much as Back In Black?

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            NO, i like this far more now that i have seen it. Seriously though, i hate the parody of classic album covers bands these days do. All it is a form of coat tail riding, knowing a potential buyer will subliminally recognize this and buy it because of the iconic AC/DC album cover.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Ha ha ha ha nice

        • FeelTheDarkness

          They lost me after Switch. They just put out the same record over and over. But I am happy they are still around.

          • Nordling Rites ov Steele

            Blow Up Your video was a motherfucking abomination.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

            I hated that album so much. The only good thing about it was the album cover.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          Never huge into Johnson era, but I can’t really bring myself into saying they should’ve quit before Blow Up Yer Blu-Rays even if they had become equally as boring as they stand today already. Ballbreaker also had some best moments of their career since BiB

      • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

        ………..

    • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

      Nothin’ like a school girl with prison tatts

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    I am willing to be Tommy Wiseau had something to do with this.

  • Tyreeling in Titty Fish

    Oh goddamn, I’m craving some meth and murder.

  • I just want to say I hate this band.

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    Much agreements on a great article. But FOR THOSE ABOU TO ROCK AND EVERY ALBUM SINCE ARE EQUALLY AS BAD AND BORING AND STALE AS THIS.

  • Ancient Wind rockets, and I hope to hear more from them in the future!!
    BTW, Rho Stone I want to state how happy I am to read your articles again!

  • VV.

    It has a good stiffness to bounce ratio.

    • Tyreeling in Titty Fish

      These are important things to know.

      • Fuck mobile. I accidentally deleted your glorious, veiny comment.

        • Tyreeling in Titty Fish

          WOOOO!!!

  • Gvrp

    So, uh, if anyone wants to do some coal rolling, our friend from yesterday popped up…

    http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/11/20/365465034/takata-quality-official-apologizes-over-air-bag-defect-linked-to-deaths

    Y’know, unless that would be crossing the line.

  • JWG

    I’m definitely not pausing Evoken for this, but I can pretty much imagine every bar of the song and every bit of the video anyway (though the latter owes mostly to your detailed description).

    I had friends who were way into ACDC once. We were all 10 though.

    Kids in Nanaimo, Canada (where I lived in 1990) had three sources of rock music:
    1. MuchMusic on TV, which hadn’t yet abandoned music videos (like MTV was already in the process of doing) but was still heavily Canadian Content-oriented. Although that was only because only one of us actually had Cable Television
    2. Our one and only Rock Radio station at the time (which was fixated on the 70s and 80s, and still is, though at least it has a 90s sister station now)
    3. If we were feeling lucky we could go to the one record store in town and buy a cassette tape because the guy at the counter said it was good (they didn’t have listening stations)

    My friends, clearly, got the idea that AC/DC was the greatest thing ever from Option #2

    I was never quite convinced, though I do occasionally jam “Thunderstruck”…

    • KJM

      I was 14 in 1981 so I was the perfect target audience for AC/DC. I was already huge into Zeppelin, Ozzy, Van Halen, and Sabbath so it was natural that I would like them too. I’ve seen them 3 times and they were great. I’ve had my fill of them at this point.

      • Guacamelee Jim

        You are much older than I.

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          there is a lot of metal heads pushing 50 on here, more than let on i suspect. With great age comes great metal wisdom, i am 46 myself but i have never met anyone with as much sheer knowledge of hard rock and metal than KJM.

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      For me , the razors edge was unlistenable. Thunderstruck had a 5 minute intro and by the time the song got swingin the fucking tune was over. Mistress for christmas. I wasn’t offended by it but it angered me because it is just the kind of thing only bon could do. It was a paint by numbers attempt to be outrageous and it falls flat.
      One of the biggest selling rock/metal albums ever, that is in reality piss poor.

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      Do you remember that show good rockin tonite ? . On fridays on cbc , would play metal/rock videos. Hosted by terry david mulligan.

  • Tyreeling in Titty Fish
  • Whoa this article went from Voidscience to Richard Dawkins science in a hot minute. That was awesome Rho.

  • Tyreeling in Titty Fish
  • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

    If Phil Rudd got kicked out who is the new drummer? Has it been announced yet?

    • anybody who spends two hours learning all their songs.

      • more beer

        Would it even take that long?

        • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

          more beer, always a good idea.

          • more beer

            Always a good idea!!

    • KJM

      I hope it’s Simon Wright (although Chris Slade is far better) just to make life tougher for Geoff Tate.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

        I hope it’s Chris as I liked him better than Simon. Chris is also on good terms with AC/DC and is not doing anything big so he will probably be offered the spot.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Given Chris’ status as a session player Simon’s a more likely choice (and seriously give Geoff a wedgie somebody, and photograph it.)

        • KJM

          Was lucky(and old) enough to see Chris with The Firm, great show.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

            I wish The Firm would reunite. I have both of their albums and all of them are still alive so it could happen.

          • KJM

            Relax the set list rules of their previous tours so they can play some Zeppelin and Bad Co tunes. Paul can still easily handle both. It’s uncanny how good he can still sing.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            You make me jealous! You silver-tongued devil, you!

      • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

        Simon went on to rhino bucket which are ac/dc clones of the first order, i like them though. When i am tired of ac/dc i turn to RB, dirty looks and the ever reliable krokus who have made better albums than ac/dc lately.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Paul Rudd, his son.

      • maybe all of AC/DC will be renewed with their offspring, who will go to recording the same album over and over again for generations til the sun goes supernova.

  • The Dreaded Laramie

    This is a thing now.

  • Xan

    I dislike AC/DC severely. There is something about these old rock bands that made it big (KISS, U2, Aerosmith, every Glam band) that I cannot stand. There be no riffs there, captain! (This is to be read in a Scottish accent)

    • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

      Finland for some reason has always welcomed old style hard rock (70s worshio) with open arms. Right now the hip band is most likely Rivak Sons. As a Finn with no fins, I too sometimes welcome that particular kind of music into my home. And am ready to say this is a boring album for AcDc or anyone but still better than the Great Western Valkyrie.

      • Xan

        Strangely enough, I quite like Rival Sons (I’m assuming you just misspelled it). Though I thought the newest album wasn’t particularly amazing, I still enjoyed it. My problem with bands like AC/DC is that every piece of music they release sounds like ever other piece of music released by every single band from that era.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          I agree with sounding the same. But that ain’t gon redeem Rival Sons, they became big here by doing what LedZep did, stealing too much from too close. They sounded like a retro band trying to sound like Zep and looked like one two. And their song was a 99% a LedZep song (Celebration Day). AcDc has always been what they are now and have never pretended to be else. In a way they are less chained to past (cept maybe their own) than RS and that’s why I don’t like RS much. They are too much trying to be 40years ago, when compared to AcDc that is maybe dependent on that time but not trying to be there.
          Still AcDc is not the best (retro) hard rock band out there now.

          Whew, that turned out longer than I thought.

          • Kim Jong Un Pardons A Turkey
          • CT-12

            What in the fuck haha

          • Since when did the Finns learn Southern colloquialisms!? What happened to you, Mr. Bear?! You didn’t get Deliveranced on some trip over here, did you?

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I confess nothing!!!!

            (What colloquialisms?)

          • “But I ain’t gon'” is something I didn’t think you would hear much outside the southern us

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Learning language from movies/games has apparent downsides.

          • CT-12

            I’ve heard some of the Sheepdogs stuff that I thought was going for the same old school rock feel, but not just playing off of nostalgia, Black Mountain too though they can go all over.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Not heard Sheepdogs, giving them a try.

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      As a Scot, I uploaded just for the accent. I love reading it in the comments!

    • they have some worthy riffs though http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPG5ASujyZg

  • Xan

    Also, on a completely unrelated to the article topic, I am heartbroken to find that the song I was going to choose for this week’s “Whiff of the Week” is not on YouTube. It was going to be The Portent by Christopher Lee. The dude they hired to “scream” in that song sounds like someone a ninety-year old man would hire because he wanted to be hip and cool with the kids and he knows that they like those screamy vocals.

    • without even hearing it, i know it stands a good chance of winning! can you find it on soundcloud or grooveshark?

      • Xan

        I couldn’t find it on anything that didn’t require you to make an account to listen to it. It’s on Spotify and Rdio. I have it on my computer that is in the shop getting repaired. Providing one of the sectors on my hard drive didn’t fail and I get it back tomorrow, I could upload it to YouTube just for the Whiff (also providing YouTube doesn’t content ID me and ban me).

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          Its christopher fucking lee, anything he does is going to be the best. I am voting in advance.

          • Xan

            Not to disagree with the mighty CROM, but, his music career is fairly lackluster. Love him as an actor.

          • KJM
          • KJM

            Yeah, Sir Dracula gets an eternal pass from me no matter how painful it is.

          • Lacertilian

            You mean Scarasaurula?

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    • I wish we could know his identity…

      • KJM

        Who was that masked man?

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          ………..

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            red fox replies to bill cosby from the afterlife.

            RED FOX > bill cosby

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      Linda Fucking Carter – this was the poster to have in the 70’s .Beats the farrah one in my opinion.

      • Scrimm

        Easy.

      • Lacertilian

        Who’s your favourite Bond girl?
        Does not have to be the main femme fatale, just anyone.
        Seeing as though you have lived through more Bond-years than most here I’m sure you will need some time to consider all the options.

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          hmmmmm, tough one. Some wild cards no doubt. Will put down pictures of my list.
          britt ekland – the man with the golden gun – 1974
          ursula andress – dr. no – 1962
          diana rigg – on her majestys secret service – 1969
          lana wood – diamonds are forever – 1971
          barbara bach – the spy who loved me – 1977- married to ringo star !
          caroline munro – the spy who loved me
          tanya roberts – a view to a kill 1985

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            The bottom one was in That 70’s Show

          • Lacertilian

            Most of my faves are there too.
            Although I would sub Ekland for Maud Adams.
            Rigg for Daniela Bianci.
            Bach for Famke Janssen.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            Famke is popular with a lot of fans, perhaps more for her x-men appearances. She is aging well too. Probably the best looking of the latter day bond girls.

          • Lacertilian

            Xenia Onatopp for me.
            Daniela Bianchi is 72 and still looks ok.
            Maud Adams will die hot.
            As far as recent Bond girls go, did you see Quantum Of Solace?
            Gemma Arterton was amazing in it.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            The last bond i saw was casino royale. I saw an old movie with maud adams called tattoo co-starring bruce dern, dern was some kind of stalker who wanted to tattoo her. Haven’t seen it for a long time but i remember that it was good.
            Worst james bond ? Whats your pick – mine is timothy dalton. I leave out george lazenby because he was only in one film ( he wasn’t much better than dalton though)
            Best villian-

            christopher lee – man with the golden gun

            jaws – spy who loved me, moonraker

            odd job – goldfinger

            Worst bond film ever for me – License to Kill (dalton – although to be fair the screenplay and other actors were shit )

          • Lacertilian

            My least favourite Bond would probably be Dalton or Lazenby.
            OHMSS is my pick for a remake.
            Lee is awesome as Scaramanga.
            Michael Lonsdale is especially menacing as Hugo Drax.
            Donald Plesance is my pick as Blofeld.
            Walken is nuts in a good way.
            Yaphet Kotto is probably my overall pick though from Live & Let Die.

            Worst Bond film for me is Tomorrow Never Dies, close 2nd & 3rd go to Die Another Day & License To Kill.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            I think it its about time plesance be recognized as a an important player in the history of horror.
            halloween ( basically the black sabbath of american horror film)
            phenomena
            prince of darkness
            escape from new york
            dracula (79)
            thx-1138
            circus of horrors
            eye of the devil ( little known gem from 1966 in which he played a satanic priest) Also starred the lovely sharon tate in one of the best of her few roles.

          • Lacertilian

            I’ll have to take your word for it.
            I don’t do horror.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            I forgot that, yea, he is pretty good in every movie he did. One of those overlooked actors who is integral to a film but gets no praise because of his low key acting style.

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            but she ruined conan the destroyer along with wilt chamberlain, the script, the director, fuck, everyone involved in that production dropped the ball and ended the franchise which could still be going today.

          • It’s still going. Don’t remember the train wreck that was the Conan remake?

          • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

            yes, i refused to watch it. On principle that it was so poorly cast.

          • It was bad. Not like El Santo or Rock N Roll Nightmare, or Over The Top kinda bad. More like Green Lantern kinda bad. Not even the void demands that kinda punishment.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            I couldn’t finish it. It was just so bad.

          • I dunno if I’d put it on par with Gigli years and years ago, but it was bad. A film that was even more torturous after a fifth of gin and some southside kush with a friend than it was sober. That bad! Same with Suckerpunch.

        • Oh, and Berenice Marlohe:

          http://i.imgur.com/pII9Q.jpg

          • Yo, don’t post porn in the comments. A lot of us use the site at work.

          • Paris Hilton

            We can’t even post pictures of porn!? This is why I need #Men’sRights

          • That’s why it’s under a cut and I said NSFW (not safe for work). Either or, I’ll keep that in mind and I apologize.

          • SYL!’s 7 Year Old Son

            My Dad likes the boobies.

          • Nordling Rites ov Pagliacci

            That NSFW tag kind of only works with links. With auto-loading pictures, it’s too late. Thanks for the porn at work. :/

          • My goof. I did forewarn though, but I’m keeping this in mind, and my sincerest apologies. 🙁

  • Kim Jong Un Pardons A Turkey

    This reminded me of this (at least purposely) low budget terd from back in the day:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIoafYpHeYs

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      Here is another old time classic by canadian rocker kim mitchell, This looks cheap out of neccessity, it was 84 and the guy was not a millionaire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXnTbmPxv5g

      • Unholy macaroni, look at that skullet! He looks like if Devin Townsend and Bad Boy Bubby had a kid!

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          that dude had a skullet from the late 70’s through the 90’s. Usually wore a ball cap.

    • Lacertilian

      Just seeing that picture reminded me of this tops Primus song…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbrC0HIsTrg

      SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

      • Kim Jong Un Pardons A Turkey

        Damn, haven’t seen that in about 18 or so years!

  • Love the “double lambesis”

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    I’m so glad pretty much everyone has at least a dislike of AC/DC. I always get slightly butthurt when average radio music listeners proclaim their love for them, it’s just so disappointing.

    • I like ’em (their old stuff), but it’s hard to name another group that brings out the knuckle-dragging meathead troglodyte in male fans.

  • Paris Hilton

    Ballbreaker is such a fucking underrated album. Fuck what all y’all gotta say about AC/DC!!