Record Swap: Cybernetic Vs. MoshOff

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In this edition of Record Swap, MoshOff uploads a proggy, varied Dream Theater album to Cybernetic Organism’s neural net, and receives a bleak, droning Lustmord album in retaliation. Will MoshOff’s world darken as he submits to the endless void, or will the cyborg’s world brighten as he learns to love humanity? The rules for Record Swap are simple: no research, no foreknowledge, no mercy.

MoshOff’s Assignment: Lustmord’s Heresy (1990)

Heresy_cover

As a huge fan of Lustmord’s work, this album is in extremely regular rotation at my place. I love it for its innate ability to transplant you into another world with its unwavering low end and spacious, bleak atmosphere. It’s not for everyone though, so I’m interested to see if Mosh can find something to like in the dark. – Cybernetic

Full disclosure: I’ve only ever heard of Lustmord because of the remixes he did for everyone’s favorite Morbid Angel album. My understanding of the industrial genre is limited to Fear Factory and not much else, so naturally I’m expecting this to sound nothing like that. Let’s see if I’m right…

Right out of the gate, the first track sounds like it could be the soundtrack to a documentary about dark, desolate underground caves. Reading the album’s description, it turns out that it was actually recorded in mines, catacombs, etc. Screams end the track. I am now tremendously unsettled.

The second song is making me a bit drowsy, but I stay awake for fear of the images that my subconscious might conjure up while this aural despair seeps into my brain. Track three yields even more cavernous voices. I enjoyed sleeping while I could, I guess.

The rest of the album is basically variations on an intense feeling of hopelessness; let’s just say I wouldn’t ever jam this at the gym. I could see myself meditating to this if I didn’t have to periodically rear my head to make sure there’s nothing there. I guess that’s why they call it dark ambient. The more you know. – MoshOff

———    ———    ———

Cybernetic Organism’s Assignment: Dream Theater’s Falling Into Infinity (1997)

FII_cover

Falling into Infinity is a hard album to classify, even for the most diehard of Dream Theater fans. As my duty as a hopeless DT fanboi, I have tasked CyO with sifting through this varied and often overlooked album to see if he can find something worth his while. – MoshOff

Aside from some scarce knowledge about Mike Portnoy via countless Blabbermouth headlines and hearing a few snippets of 54-minute songs many years ago, I don’t know very much about Dream Theater, and I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the prog genre. Still, this listening experience wasn’t quite as painful as I was expecting, but I won’t be buying a Dream Theater album anytime soon. Sorry Mosh.

The opening track “New Millenium” has a decent driving song vibe, despite the presence of an “everything’s gonna be alright” in the lyrics and faux Axl Rose octave vocals. “You Not Me sounds” very eager to jump into the new (at the time) post-grunge rock sound, but the cheezy synths ruin its posturing like so many parents at their child’s first gig.

“Hollow Years” sounds like AM Gold, and I think James LaBrie is using a pitch-shifter on his voice. It sounds weird and I can’t get past it. Also, the lyrics “she’s not the kind of girl…” made my eyes roll out of my head and now I’m blind, typing purely on muscle memory.

Dream Theater are nothing if not multifaceted; they seem able to shift from rock to ballad to progressive to easy listening in a way that feels natural (most of the time), which is probably a large part of their appeal. This album sounds like a huge pastiche of Alice in Chains, Pink Floyd, Pure Moods, a bit of The Eagles and much more, which speaks volumes about their combined musical knowledge and technical ability, but, in my mind at least, makes them sound like they’re trying to get a little bit of everything onto an album in order to cast as wide of a net as possible in the interest of earning new listeners. It’s true that the more contact I have with humans, the more I learn, but I think I’ll hold off on further contact with these guys. – Cybernetic

___________

It appears that this week’s duel ended in a draw. Rumor has it that the Robot and the Spaniard are still slapping each other to this day, locked forever in an eternal melodrama. This is the essence of Record Swap. Want to get involved in Record Swap? Email me at toiletovhellwhiff@gmail.com.

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  • Max

    I’ve got two Dream Theater albums: Images and Words, and Awake. They’re both truly great, but I certainly don’t need any more.

    • Guacamole Jim

      You’ve basically got the essence of Dream Theater in those two. Also, Awake > Images and Words.

      • Self-titled>>>>>>Everything DT made.

        • Guacamole Jim
        • Spear

          Brave words, Link. Most people I’ve talked to couldn’t stand it.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            That’s the most recent one, right? I thought it was a snoozathon.

          • Spear

            Correct. It had a few moments that I enjoyed, but I didn’t give it more than a listen or two.

          • MoshOff

            Self-titled was okay musically, but has the most abysmal sounding drums of any DT album bar none.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          Link pulls out the troll-inside.

          • Next week I will talk about nu-metal. Wait for me and jumpdafuckup meanwhile.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Yay! I’m so excited!

          • I knew that. Half-elves have good senses.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            You must if you could sense that.

        • DCLXVI

          why does everyone forget When Dream and Day Unite?

      • Max

        I dunno about that, actually. I think Awake drags a little between the first track and the suite, and one or two later songs on the album are a bit boring too. Whereas for me Images and Words is great pretty much the whole way through.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        If Awake didn’t feel like DT was trying to force it heavier than it was it’d be in their top3 anyday.

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      I own one Dream Theater album. It’s Once In A Livetime and I bought it for the album cover. I checked the CDs and one is signed by Portnoy and the other by some other member. I still haven’t listened to it.

      • Max

        You certainly don’t need to listen to it.

        • Don Henley’s Ego

          I’m not going to. I only liked the album cover.

          • Tyree

            I spend all my money on albums because of the album covers. Music sucks.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I listen to most of the albums I buy. This one is an exception because it’s signed.

          • Tyree

            See, I don’t listen to the albums. I just look at the album artwork for hours in silence.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            You should see the protective measures I use to protect my one Yes CD that’s signed by the band, including Chris Squire.

          • more beer

            I think you need to build a prison like wall with razor wire and machine gun nests with armed guards walking the perimeter of your house. It`s the only way you will know it`s safe. From the marauding hordes that robbing and pillaging all over Poughkeepsie.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            See also: badass beer labels

          • Tyree
          • CyberneticOrganism

            FUCK YES. Love this stuff.

          • more beer

            I`ve been to shows the have sponsored here. They have had their beer at those. But they don`t sell them anywhere in the state. I wonder If they brew their beers at Trve? When they sponsor shows with Trve here and their beer is available.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Back in ancient times (the mid 90’s), that was one way I found out new bands. I got into Sinister and Broken Hope that way.

    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      Same here. I love Images And Words, but past that their albums are mostly filler.

    • Lacertilinger

      Why has no-one mentioned Train Of Thought?
      It’s pretty much the only Dream Theater I can tolerate, I kinda figured it would be the most popular among the bowl as it is their heaviest (right?).

      @disqus_77PBSiK8Ug:disqus @moshoff:disqus @linkleonhart:disqus @disqus_4cmy05mgrZ:disqus I need answers!!

  • Lustmord vs. Dream Theater. We’re beginning to see the true potential of Record Swap.

    • Max

      I assume you’re gonna do a Taylor Swift vs. Katy Perry one with whoever is always backing her.

      • Nah. It’s pointless to try to argue with a philistine.

        • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

          I say it will all honesty, the new Carly Rae Jepsen destroys both. Many many many many times over.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Coming up next: Portal vs. Beach Blanket Bingo Soundtrack

      • Max

        Coming up after that: The Cult’s Electric versus the The Cult’s Electric that wasn’t produced by Rick Rubin and sounded more like The Cure or something.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Illud Divinum Insanus vs. Illud Divinum Insanus Remixes

          • Max

            That Ozzy Osbourne album (I can’t remember which) versus the same album but when Lee Kerslake’s and Bob Daisley’s playing were overdubbed so Sharon wouldn’t have to pay them royalties anymore.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            That was Blizzard Of Ozz and Diary of a Madman.

          • Max

            Correct. On a forum of metalheads, the correct answer is never far away.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I hate that Sharon did that. They’re much better albums without the overdubbing. I’m also a big fan of Lee’s work with Heep and Toe Fat.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            + maximum 30 year resentment butthurt…lol

          • KD Lang’s Watershed vs. Opeth’s Watershed

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        Homophobic Fecalpheliac vs. The New Beats.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5zWBtWnbKE

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      I want in on this. I’m sending an email so I can do one of these.

  • Tyree

    James LaBrie has a vagina voice.

    • Max

      Devin Townsend has an anus voice.

      • Tyree

        That seems accurate.

      • CyberneticOrganism
      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
        • Max

          Are the poozers going to march on me? Or is he just going to write an opera about how I don’t appreciate drums that sound like reverb of the drums?

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            No, Ziltoid will just analyze your poop to use against you.

          • Max

            The powers of my shit are useless against me.

            Why doesn’t he just use his music against me? I assure you that’s very effective.

          • …Gatherings In The Dank…

            Would listen to that/10

          • Max

            So would I, come to think of it. But I’d be very, very disappointed if I actually ended up enjoying the music.

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      That spoken-word think Portnoy was always doing was worse.

      • Guacamole Jim

        DAY AFTER DAY
        AND NIGHT AFTER NIGHT

      • Tyree

        Pretty much any thing Portnoy says is the worst.

        • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

          It’d be so much better though if Petruci brought him back, kicked out Labrie, broke up Dream Theater and made Liquid Tension Experiment a permanent thing.

          Lol, you missed Portnoy’s rants on the Blabbermouth comments section a few months ago and the ragging he got for it. It is the stuff of legends.

      • more beer

        Some people shouldn`t open their mouths.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS
    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      Slam has an anus gargling raw sewage voice. Ok, not an insult, actually, since that’s the intended purpose with most slam or pornogrind bands………….

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Good game, MoshOff. Good game.

    • MoshOff

      THE WAR HAS BUT BEGUN CYBORG

      • CyberneticOrganism

        JUDGEMENT DAY IS INEVITABLE!

  • First I was like.. how can this be true? Facebook, really? Then I saw then link.

    GL

    https://i.imgflip.com/pcfw8.jpg

    http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/facebook-discovered-ways-laugh-online/story?id=32988710

  • I feel dirty just thinking about listening to Dream Theater.

  • Stockhausen

    Cybernetic wins this round, because he didn’t recommend Dream Theater. Or maybe he loses, since he had to listen to Dream Theater. Either way, lol.

    • Maik Beninton™

      What’s wrong with DT?

      • Stockhausen

        Nothing really, they’re just dorky and really easy to make fun. I’m also the guy that squeals like a child when BTBAM so much as farts, so my opinions are probably not worth much.

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        I like them, but still can’t stand Labrie’s nasal whine and halfassed approach. He ruined ‘Metropolis 2’ for me on most of the songs.

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
  • I must say that this is the most disparate Record Swap. Good job, guys.

    Everytime MoshOff come with some crazy batshit, things go crazy batshit. Must be something on La Madre Tierra.

    • Yo Link. How are things?

      GL

      • Hey, GL.

        I think I’m doing pretty good over here, mate! Thanks for asking. I will get mini-vacations next week. So I will sleep a lot 😀

        • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

          And slay malandros and raid their toilet paper closets.

  • 365chaosriddendays

    Lustmord, a sort of a God of dark ambient, indisputable master in the creations of otherworldly atmospheres.

  • Is that a whale sound on that 1st Lustmord song? This is a serious question.

    • WHAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLES!!!!!!!!!!!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRR_pXJT0zU

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        DID SOMEONE SAY: GOOOOOOOOOJIRA!!!!!!!!!!

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        I gotta fever and there’s only one cure………….. MORE PICK SCRAPES!!!!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I think it’s a shofar

      • Lacertilinger

        I just googled that shit, now I want one.
        I’m enjoying Lustmord surprisingly. MoshOff called in Industrial (which is one of the few metal genres I don’t typically enjoy) but all I’m hearing is fucking cool ambient music that could work perfectly atop a bleak noir-video game.