Record Swap: Boss the Ross Vs. Karhu

Greetings and welcome back to another edition of Record Swap. In today’s match-up, we have mountain of man-meat and possible Manowar affiliate Boss the Ross facing off against furry welterweight veteran Nordling Rites ov Karhu in what should prove to be a competition of girthy proportions. Will fleshy riffs prevail against sadboy lyrics? Find out below? – W.

Boss’s Assignment: Mokoma – Elävien kirjoihin (2015)

I haven’t been a big fan of Mokoma. Going from a horrible alt rock-band into an iskelmä-ish, thrash- (and Lord knows what else) influenced metal band, they’ve only managed to make a few better songs per album. Or so it was until Elävien Kirjoihin was released this year. Finally they’ve balanced all their influences with consistently good songwriting. Top that with one of the better metal lyricists out there (not that you’d understand a word) writing a concept album about his depression, and you’ve got yourself a gem. – Karhu

Upon receiving my album assignment my first thought was, “what the hell is a Elävien kirjoihin?” Turns out it means “Living Books” in Finnish, and is also the name of an excellent Heavy Metal album. My second thought was, “That is one gnarly looking dragon, but what’s up with those colors?” I don’t have spotify, so off to youtube I went. I found the album on a playlist, hit play and was invited with a delicate clean guitar intro. Honestly, I thought this was going to be a black metal album of some sort. Then the riff hits. Definitely not black metal. Let the headbanging commence. I was immediately digging this. Hard.

Completely floored after the first song, I was eager for the second. On youtube the second song yielded a music video, allowing me to put a face to the music. And then the vocals kicked in. Wait, what? Is this the same band? The shouting harsh vocals gave way to clean singing. Took me a bit, but I grew to like it. The next few songs zigged and zagged, alternating between the clean and harsh vocals. I’m not gonna lie, the pattern bugged me a bit. It just seemed too forced; the songs were good, just not in the order they appeared. Luckily, halfway through the album the pattern was over. But it was followed with, in my opinion, a lull. Songs 7 and 8 just don’t do it for me. It picks back up with the last 3 songs, ending triumphantly with the heaviest song on the album. And holy hell, what an outro. I could not keep my body from moving and my head from banging. YES!

Overall I enjoyed the album quite a lot. My only complaints would be the on/off pattern with the first several songs. Also, I believe the language barrier is the cause of my disinterest in songs 7 and 8. Perhaps understanding the lyrics would help me understand the two songs’ tones. I am definitely a fan though, and will be looking into Mokoma’s discography, perhaps with a Finnish dictionary next time. – Boss


Beargod’s Assignment: Sergeant Thunderhoof – Ride of the Thunderhoof (2015)

I first tasked the Mighty Beargod with a tasty slice of grim atmospheric black metal; much to my dismay, I was informed he had already listened to and enjoyed the album. “Very well”, I said to myself, “time to go in the opposite direction.” With that in mind I chose a tasty slice of psychedelic spaced out fuzz rock in the form of Sergeant Thunderhoof’s Ride of the Hoof, a personal favorite of mine from this year. – Boss

When I first saw the name Sergeant Thunderhoof, I expected either crappy dad rock-revival or equally crappy third-rate stoner. Luckily I got neither, although the latter does come close. Sergeant Thunderhoof is stoner, but it doesn’t fall into any of the three “major styles” within the genre. There’s not the slowburning, heavy as heck groove of Monolord, nor the dirty, sludgy riffing of Dopethrone, nor the airy psychedelia of Acid King. Unfortunately for them, those three are what usually draws me to the genre, and with what is left, they might as well be a third-rate band. But Sergeant Thunderhoof has got few things going on that set them apart. Firstly, even though variation is scarce, it is there. The first half of the album may mostly move on the same mid-paced tempo, a few riffs per song, occasionally settling into a slower groove for a moment, but “Reptilian Woman” is a rocking piece that turns into “War Pigs” worship.Compare those to “Enter the Ziggurat”, the album’s best song, which plays with a calmer mood, almost devoid of the doom. In the long run, both are quite different from the psych-doom that opens the album. Secondly, the band plays well together. They’ve constantly got a good groove going on, no matter what they play. This ought to be a standard, especially in this kind of music, but unfortunately it isn’t. And thirdly, the band doesn’t lock down into one riff or soloing for too long.

Unfortunately, not all the songs work as well. “Goat Mushroom”, despite sporting some good riffwork, goes on for way too long. and the shorter “The Staff of Souls” fails to save the album, despite returning to “Ziggurat’s” mood – too little, too late.
All in all, despite being one of the better bands playing this kind of stoner, Sergeant Thunderhoof is still representative of why I’ve turned my back on the majority of stoner doom altogether. I don’t think I’ll be playing this a lot in the future. – Karhu


Like the evil warlock Neff, Boss the Ross surfaced at the end of the level to steal Karhu’s Spirit Balls. Karhu returned with a furry fury in the final round, though, and rescued Athena from Boss’s hammy clutches. Never fear, friends, for it all turned out to be a play in the end. Whew! Want to get involved in Record Swap? Email me at toiletovhellwhiff@gmail.com.

(Photos VIA and VIA)

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Published on: December 15, 2015

Filled Under: Record Swap, Reviews

Views: 1086

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  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Mokoma is fucking terrible, like most things from Finland.

    • I challenge you to a record swap.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        I don’t want to ruin this site by doing that.

        • Guacamole Jim

          I would (read: wouldn’t actually) pay money to see you swap records with Joe.

        • IT’LL BE FUN!

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            So not for me

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            DO EET.

          • I mean, uh, it’ll be miserable and you’ll hate it.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Too late.

          • Go to hell, KSOFM.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Hugs and kisses.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Get a room you two!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            A dirty room, filled with dirty stuff and things.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Where you do dirty stuff

          • ┼yree

            John Wayne Gacy’s bedroom.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Clown makeup and dirty and sadness.

          • ┼yree

            And a ground full of children’s corpses.

    • ┼yree

      Man, it seems a lot of the quality black metal I find any more is from Finland. I truly have bad musical taste.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      You’re fucking terrible, like most things from Finland.

      The again, it has been well established.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        You like Mokoma, pleb. Your words mean nothing to me.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Seriously. What do you mean?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK_0jXPuIr0

    • ┼yree

      Wow, look at that human.

      http://i.giphy.com/Fs8pXeLXuKUGA.gif

      • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

        Did Joe just punch his face so hard he deleted the comment?

        • Boss the Ross

          Impressive.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          So it begins. This place has become MS. What a fucking joke.

          • Sorry for deleting your fucking Justin Bieiber video that had no relevance to anything going on. If you like the Biebs so much, I’m sure you can find another place to gush all over him.

          • Boss the Ross

            You tell him Joe!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yay for the real Shit King!!

          • Boss the Ross

            Yay!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            You’re not sorry.

          • #sorrynotsorry

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Wow a hashtag. Now you’re scolding me.

          • No self-upvote on this comment?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            No fucks. And wow, thanks for talking to me.

          • you’re welcome bb <3

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I love ya bro, but I gotta side with The Joe on that one.

          • love is for posers, let the hate flow through you

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Full of shit, The Jedi are.

          • dark side master race!

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            DARK SAYYEEED!!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            The hypocrisy is rife around here.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            No it ain’t. I’d rather see 1000 of KJU’s Anime posts that that disease.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Oh, I see how fast everyone turns on me. It’s cool and was expected.

          • Stanley

            What did I miss? Was it really a Bieber link?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yes it was. I made a no-no all over the floor.

          • ┼yree

            Oh peanut butter farts. Video No-no’s.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cqOEr_yfak

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
          • ┼yree
          • Stanley

            Cricket fans, hard as nails.

          • I have never seen cricket played… but from this picture I realize there must be more than just hitting a ball.

            http://media-2.web.britannica.com/eb-media/95/74895-004-EA148B02.jpg

          • Stanley

            Crowds can get a little rowdy, especially during 20/20 or around 4pm during test cricket when 20 pints have done the trick.

          • At what time do they put another shrimp-on-the-barbie?

            That is what I really want to know.

          • Stanley

            In the future.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            It’s not a real sport if they’re wearing all that padding just to run around, and it’s not a real sport if there’s not horrifying injuries on a constant basis. Now rugby or polo on the other hand……………

          • Stanley
          • Lacertilian

            Use your pal google to look up what happened to Phil Hughes last year, even with padding.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Sure baby suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            According to Wikipedia, he got hit in the neck “Hughes was wearing a helmet, but the ball struck an unprotected area just below his left ear.”). And doesn’t look like they wear padding around the neck in cricket. Sounds more like a freak accident than a common occurrence.

          • Lacertilian

            Sounds like you have no idea what you’re on about.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Read the Wikipedia article, mate. Hit in an unprotected area right below his left ear, in the neck area.

          • Lacertilian

            I rest my case.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            And agree that I’m right? Woohoo, victorrrrrrrrrry!

          • ┼yree

            Melissa Rauch >>>>>>>>>

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Now now, it’s not like that at all. Would you like one of my Klonopins so you can calm down?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            You gotta any glue, bro?

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Fresh out. You don’t want the woodworker’s stuff.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Whatever kills my brain.

          • just visit metalsucks for a bit then. should do a fine job of slaughtering brain cells.

          • ┼yree

            Spending time on Metal Blogs and such will do that fast.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            You’re a real hero for saying that.

          • ┼yree
          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yes!

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            You’re gonna kiss away his pain and be with him forever?

          • NO ANIME

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            NO SCRUBS!!!!!!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Now now.. everyone stay calm.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            It’s all good. I couldn’t possibly be calmer right now. Trust me.

          • ┼yree
          • Sir Tapir The Based
          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Um, thanks, I suppose?

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            I thought gushing all over him was Floyd Mayweather’s job.

      • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

        Oh, that never gets old! It has a hypnotizing effect after a while.

  • ┼yree
    • Boss the Ross

      After checking out the cover art for Mokoma i thought the same thing when I sent him Sergeant Thunderhoof.

  • Boss the Ross

    This was a lot of fun, Beargod. Thank you.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      While I wasn’t super into ST, I too, enjoyed this

      • Boss the Ross

        And that’s the thing, you don’t have to. All part of the experience

  • RustyShackleford

    Damn Thunderhoof has me rockin! Tight riffs, but the vocals are the best part for me, a bit of a grunge vibe there in my opinion. Stoked to try Beargod’s pick next. Thanks homies! Yup.

    • Boss the Ross

      I’m glad to hear it! The vocal style is perfect for the vibe, soaring over the low rumbles.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        They’re pretty good. I’ll have to give them a more detailed listen.
        Did you check out that Throne EP yet? It’s one of my top faves from 2014. I still bump it several times a week. It’s a serious keeper for me.

        • Boss the Ross

          There stuff is NYP of bandcamp, they have another EP as well.

          Holy shit yes I did! I finally got around to it last night, it was bad ass.

          Did you give the Warchief a listen?

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            It might have been that, but it wasn’t recent. That’s why I gotta give it a second shot. Right now I’m too loopy on Flexiril to do much besides take a nap really.

          • Boss the Ross

            Ha, alrighty then. Hope you’re feeling better!

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Pulled a muscle in my neck, no biggie. Thanks for the happys.

          • Boss the Ross

            Ugh, neck injuries are no good. Restricts head banging

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Up and down is just fine. It’s side to side that sucking much ass right now.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I’m on the Thunderhoof train as well. This shit is jerkin my gherkin.

      • Boss the Ross

        Right on!

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • ROSS ROSS ROSS – ROSS IS THE BOSS

    m/m/

    • Boss the Ross

      GL!

        • Boss the Ross

          Also Pertinent:

          • My poserdom is restricting me from knowing who this is :/

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Green Lantern, classic DC superhero.

          • Boss the Ross

            KJM knows!

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            My brain is a pop culture sponge.

          • Boss the Ross

            You the man.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Thanx. Spent way too much time watching TV and reading books/comics as a kid, or maybe the right amount depending on your perspective.

          • Boss the Ross

            Same here. The right amount.

          • ┼yree

            At least it’s not a political sponge.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I only know that crap as a survival mechanism from growing up poor.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Aw, not everyone is a total geek. Being a music nerd is geeky enough!

          • Boss the Ross

            Green Lantern, often referred to as GL.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            No anime

          • Boss the Ross

            Not anime. I would never break that rule

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I trust you ♥

          • Boss the Ross

            Thanks man.

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        GORAK!

        • Boss the Ross

          GORAK! BEST CAVEMAN! BEAT ALL REST!

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
      • ┼yree
        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Hahaha. God damn it.

          • ┼yree

            Horrifying!

        • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

          Bath salts. Not even once.

  • I’d like to check all this out right now but I’m stuck in a boring “shit I already know workshop” for today and tomorrow. I see Beargod is being consistent with swapping music from his homeland.

    • Maybe one day he will tell us where he is truly from since we all know finland isn’t real

  • Frickin loving the vocals on Sargeant Thunderhoof! Killer killer chin chiller

    • Boss the Ross

      I’m glad I’m getting some positive feedback on my pick.

      • To be honest, when I first turned it on, I still had Sanzu on in the background and I was like “Holy Fuck, these dudes are WAY heavier than their album cover suggests”. Then I… ya know… realized I had two different things on.

        Do these guys have any other LPs?

        • Boss the Ross

          They have an Ep. Check out their bandcamp, all name you’re own prove

      • The first track kinda sounds like Warrior Soul (I think it was Guppus that showed me this).
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT-DBDhEBCE

  • Eliza

    Seargent Thunderhoof is great, I don’t know how come I haven’t heard them before.

    • Stanley

      Maybe because there are one trillion and seventy two metal bands as of 10:07am 12/15/15 listed on Metal Archives.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    It’s actually more like “To be counted among the living”

    • Boss the Ross

      In reference to the translation?

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Yah.

        • Boss the Ross

          Okay, cool. Much appreciated. I blame google translate for my misunderstanding, hahaha. Also, knowing now that the album is a concept about depression helps me understand some of the musical “peaks and valleys” they decided upon. Thanks again for sharing the album.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            You’re welcome.
            I’m gonna nitpick a little more and say I’m not sure if my translation 100% correct, because I suppose it’s meant to reflect “return to life” after depression.

            Personally, I really dig the variety with a big W.

  • Waynecro

    Neither band really does it for me, but it was a fun Record Swap as always. Thanks, bros!

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

    With all that purple on Thunderhoof’s album cover, I’m amazed it’s not D-jent.