Record Store Day 2017: Every Punk & Metal Release Ranked

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So it’s come to this. Despite the best intentions of your parents, you’re a metalhead. Despite a decent public school education, you’re a record collector. Somewhere along the way you’ve made some extremely questionable decisions with your life and now you find yourself on a toilet-themed metal blog, reading about the exclusive records that will drop on Record Store Day. No one can truly help you now, but at the very least I can guide you to make the best purchases possible on this annual day of collector culture gone wild. These rankings are highly scientific, and as such, not open to debate. For further enlightenment, please see the 2015 and 2016 editions of this handy guide.

1.Coheed And CambriaGood Apollo I’m Burning Star IV (2xLP)

Available for the first time on a pristine splatter 2XLP set, Good Apollo I’m Burning Star IV, Coheed and Cambria’s colossal 2005 album is as good as it gets this year. And it’s pretty good! The C&C music factory hit their stride on this record with a mixture of noodly prog dork riffs and pure, sugary pop sensibilities. My only concern is that picking up this record will cause me to regrow the acne and virginity I was afflicted by when I first bought it.

2. IntegrityHumanity is the Devil Remix & Remaster (LP)

Does Humanity is the Devil need yet another re-release? No! Am I going to pick it up because the Integrity skull seizes my brain in the same way seeing a shiny rock or a boob does? Maybe! If you need savage metallic hardcore with the most unintelligible vocals this side of Rick Ta Life, put this record on your shopping list.

3. RushCygnus X-1 (12″ Vinyl)

This 12″ collects “Cygnus X-1 Book 1” from 1977’s Farewell to Kings and “Cygnus X-1 Book 2” from 1978’s Hemispheres for a double dose of ultra nerdery. Does it need to exist? Not even a little! But this is a fun collectable for the Rush aficionado in your life. Just don’t let them know you fell victim to the sounds of *Geddy Lee voice* SALESMEN!

4. Today is the DayHow to Win Friends and Influence People (10″ Vinyl)

Today is the Day, Steve “Stone Cold” Austin’s long-running exercise in wicked bad vibes, is getting a deluxe vinyl reissue of the band’s demo, previously available only on completely-impossible-to-find cassette. This is surely a landmark in noise rock history so good on RSD for reissuing this lost 1992 document.

5. VenomAt War with Satan (Picture Disc)

I like Venom even though they objectively suck, and At War with Satan is plenty of beer-soaked, devil-worshipping fun. BUT FOR REAL THO, why is this being released on picture disc? Are there Venom diehards out there that just can’t get enough of that artwork? A picture disc would make sense for artwork as iconic as Welcome to Hell, but At War with Satan is just a brown-ass record. This thing looks like a sheet of dookie with a Venom logo stomped in it, so of course I need in on picture disc.

6. The Dillinger Escape Plan Instrumentalist (7″)

“Limited edition white 7” featuring instrumental and remix versions of songs from their 2016 release, Dissociation. These versions have never been released and will be exclusive to this Record Store Day 2017 piece.” Hey, have you listened to the podcast episode I recorded with Liam Wilson of the Dillinger Escape plan? It’s a good one. You should listen to it.

7. EnslavedRoadburn Live (12″ Vinyl)

It’s a vinyl copy of Enslaved’s performance at 2015 Roadburn Festival, which I’m sure was awesome but I didn’t get to go. Did you witness this show and want to relive the memories? Holy shit, are you in luck Extremely Specific Music Fan.

8. KylesaLive at Maida Vale Studio (CD, Cassette, 12″ Vinyl)

Just as their counterparts in Baroness recorded a live performance at BBC studios in Maida Vale, Kylesa followed suit. In keeping tradition, it’s probably a perfectly serviceable set that makes me wish I was listening to Baroness instead.

9. KatatoniaProscenium (10″ Vinyl)

It’s four songs performed at something called a Plovdiv. Limited to just 300 copies because most Katatonia fans are far too depressed to leave the house.

10. MDCMagnus Dominus Corpus (12″LP)

As long as Beer City Records keeps re-releasing MDC abums I’m going to keep putting them on the top 10 of this list, even if it’s a lackluster record.

11. Damnation A.D.Pornography (LP)
25 years ago the hardcore dudes in Damnation A.D. secretly recorded a cover of the entire stone-cold classic 1982 record by sad boi kings The Cure. This one has the potential to be either rad as fuck or super cringeworthy. I’m waiting for the YouTube rip.

12. DarkthroneArctic Thunder (Picture Disc)
A vinyl release of a PS2 snowmobile racing game soundtrack.

13. SaxonInto the Labyrinth (Picture Disc)
I don’t mean to imply that Into the Labyrinth is a bad album. It’s got everything that Saxon fans demand of the long-running trad metal Brits, but I’m having trouble believing that  1500 people purchase a picture disc of Saxon’s EIGHTEENTH studio album.

14. WarbringerWoe to the Vanquished (Picture Disc)
A new record of perfectly decent thrash on a picture disc that looks like a pretty siqqq doodle I did in the 8th grade.

15. Against Me! – Stabitha Christie (7″ Picture Disc)
Included this on the list because it’s a really slow year and I needed more entries.

————–The Mendoza Line————–

16. White ZombieGods on Voodoo Moon (7″)
Before they learned the marketing power of shouting “YEUHH”, White Zombie used to be a post punk band. Relive those pre-Ozzfest days with this 7″ if you must.

17. The SwordLow Country (LP)
Oh hey, it’s The Sword’s worst record, now played on inferior guitars.

18. Darkest Hour – 7″ (7″)
Darkest Hour boldly flout decades of metal tradition by covering Judas Priest and Minor Threat.

19. ThriceSea Change (7″)
Record Store Day is exhausting.

20. Motörhead : Clean Your Clock (2xLP)
Some record company ghoul decided that there isn’t enough marketable Motörhead junk, so they packaged a performance from Lemmy’s last complete tour before his death, wrapped it up in a collectable package and expect you to pay for it like there aren’t already TWELVE other live Motörhead albums you can buy instead.

21. Avenged SevenfoldWaking the Fallen (2xLP Picture Disc)
More like Waking the Sleepin’ cuz this record is snoozeville, baby! But seriously, folks, I’ve never heard this and I don’t plan to change that.

22. The OffspringThe Offspring (12″ LP)
The debut record from Guy Fieri’s first band finally gets a reissue.

23. HalestormReAniMate 3.0: The CoVeRs eP (12″ Picture Disc)
hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <— me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!
love and waffles,
t3h CoVeRs eP oF d00m
24. Bullet For My ValentineDon’t Need You (10″ Vinyl)
This is one song on a 10″ record. Spinefarm pressed 1500 10″ records for a single fucking Bullet for My Valentine song. Time, money, and the natural resources were pissed away forever just for this horrible little song to exist on the shelf of your local record store where it will be marked down for years before being tossed in a dumpster and left to rot in a landfill until the sun finally expands and consumes the planet stupid enough to press FIFTEEN HUNDRED RECORDS WITH ONE GODDAMN BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE SONG ON THEM.

BEST IN SHOW AWARD

TotoAfrica (12″ Picture Disc)

Now THAT’S a picture disc worth your hard-earned dollar! Included are the absolutely timeless jammers “Africa” AND “Roseanna” all wrapped up in a vinyl package shaped like fucking Africa! I MUST HAVE IT.


Record Store Day is April 22nd. You should probably skip it.

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  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    Most important release this year isn’t metal or punk. Its the Czarface comic book read along. Gonna be freaking rad.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    Although, the Cygnus Duology record is pretty bad ass.

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Will buy the Toto, Saxon and Venom record.

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      VIC RUSH!!!!!!

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Shit, I forgot that one. I already own A Farewell To Kings and Hemispheres though.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          BUT YOU DON’T HAVE THE GREATEST DUOLOGY IN MUSIC HISTORY ON THE SAME DISC!!!!

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            That is a good point

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Also Boss plz! You unintentionally used my real name!

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
      • cmon frank, don’t be the only person who dislikes toto

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          I thought disliking Toto was enshrined in law?

          • NDG

            A mate of mine took my younger sister on a date to see Toto. He hadn’t eaten all day, had a couple of drinks and fainted.

            It was the only date they ever went on but I think this story clearly illustrates the power of Toto. I bet you never knew smooth music could rock so hard.

            https://www.youtube.com/embed/6Lnt0h7P-Uk?ecver=2

    • GL

      I made a joke about a joke and the joke ended up not a joke.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    You done got harsh on some of these, Joe!

  • Jack Rabbit

    Definitely some cool stuff, like today is the day and Dillinger. I also saw Danny brown had a picture disc for “aint it funny” and some other stuff.

    Oh, and rush!

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    it’s amazing how many posers there are out there to support RSD

  • Howard Dean

    Not sure if it’ll be available for Record Store Day: Apparently Blake Judd isn’t dead yet and is doing a Nachtmystium reunion show at Louisville Deathfest as well as releasing a new EP (through Earache, I believe). Unbelievable. I honestly can’t believe any labels will work with this dude. You are just asking for trouble when you get involved in anything this junkie touches.

    http://i.imgur.com/ASYARZfl.jpg

    • Óðinn

      He’s jumped the shark anyway. I genuinely like some of his earlier albums, but I don’t think he’s going to release a masterpiece any time soon. I guess he could prove me wrong by releasing a killer album, but I doubt it.

      https://youtu.be/NOgx_Gc-MeM

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    There’s a lot of good ones that aren’t punk or metal. Vigil by the Easybeats, Brian Salad Surgery on 7 inch by a band in the spam filter and an album by The Turtles.

  • RJA

    “Despite a decent public school education, you’re a record collector.”
    The truth hurts man!

    • NDG

      Even though I own 1,000+ LPs as well as a bunch of 7″ and 10″ vinyl I do not consider myself a “collector”. I don’t know if I’m in denial but my justification is that I won’t pick something up for the sake of completion…having all the shit a band has ever released.

      I have never purchased a RSD release.

      • RJA

        I have never bought a RSD release either – I guess most of it feels too forced to me.

  • GL
  • Rain Poncho W.

    Joe, only the mighty volcel is fit to claim that C&C record. You abandoned the path to true enlightenment long ago.

    • I’m pretty sure I was on the path of the lowly incel when I bought that record.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Quit throwin’ your tumblrcore words around

  • RJA

    The Africa picture disc has Roseanna on it too – I kinda want that! Nothing much else here that interests me although I’d like to hear that Damnation A.D. “pornography” record.

  • GL

    Sad Fact: I do not even own a record player.

    GL

    • Rain Poncho W.

      You have a baby. About the same cost overall.

      • GL

        She is cute af, too.

        🙂

        • GL

          Which I realize is not what we were talking about. I was browsing pictures of her and could not help myself!

          • GoatForest

            Hey, I have a wee one and do the same thing when I am not careful.

    • RJA

      My honest opinion as someone with almost a thousand records is don’t buy one! I was able to quit tobacco but not record buying!

    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

      GORAK IZ WORSE, ME OWN RECORD PLAYER BUT NOT BEEN HOOKED UP IN ALMOST 3 YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Eschew records. Seek farms.

  • Friends of mine have referred to Integrity as “Pantegrity”. Don’t know if I could get down with that if the description is true.

    • Earth Crisis sounds closer to Pantera imo

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        But not as close as Throwdown!

        • GL
          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            LMAO I remember this song. It’s rather enjoyable as a bit of dumb, knuckledraggerish fun to be honest.

          • GL

            “If your knuckles ain’t sore, the music must be a bore. “

          • CyberneticOrganism

            AAAHHH… … STAND ALOOOONNE

        • Depechemodeisgangsta

          I believe this band wins, i think the guitar player, even has like a dimebag nickname. (BTW i just spend 20 minutes searching for this band)
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5COr0GD6GM

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Haha! There are a few local bands here that are basically Pantera-clones. I saw one as an opener once and kept waiting for the riff from “I’m Broken” to start playing.

      • Really, I don’t hear it. Which album? I like most of their albums except for some of the early stuff.

        • Destroy the Machines and Gormorrah’s Season Ends sound hella similar to these ears. Those riffs and the lack of mids is pretty close.

          • I can hear where one might make that distinction. I’m not getting the pulls from it myself.

      • Count_Breznak

        Soyboys from hell.

  • Eliza

    Your Halestorm fan impersonation is great.

    • Dumpster Lung

      Holy shit, I missed that completely the first time I read the article. I think I just subconsciously block out that kind of typing to shield my brain from people like that. He did a really good job on that one haha.

  • Grvm Spectre ov Derth

    That is by far my favorite Carheed and Combria album. Also, that Dillinger instrumental should be an interesting listen.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    I was cool until you mocked Synyster Gates. When you mocked The Rev I loosed it. YOU SIR CAN FUCK OFF! YOU KNOW NOTHING! DO YOU HEAR ME!? NOTHING ABOUT MUSIC! Have you tried to play what Syn does? Well I have and it’s a piece of FUCKIN’ ART! Not only is he a skilled shredder. He also knows how to write? things that no one else can do. The scales he uses, the way he plays is amazing.
    You. Know. Nothing.

    -CrisRon2000, 4 hours ago

    • Joaquin Stick

      “loosed it” My god. That is the craziest abomination of that common error I have ever seen.

    • GL

      You have been doing this awhile! I would love to see your spreadsheet/andor/whatever you use to keep track of all these things.

      https://i.imgflip.com/1lwakz.jpg

      • Dumpster Lung

        Holy shit, these are actually real!? I thought @RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2:disqus was just making up hypothetical posts that sound believable. If those are actual real posts, that’s blowing my mind. I love the concept, and the dedication to it.

        • GL

          5 years worth of trolling and still rolling!

          • Dumpster Lung

            I thought it was an entertaining enough concept when it was just the thought of coming up with fake comments and usernames to go with them, but if they’re genuine posts pulled from some Avenged Sevenfold forum, that’s just genius.

  • Joaquin Stick

    Hit the nail on the head with Kylesa.

    • I would love to meet someone that says Kylesa is their favorite band but I don’t think it’ll ever happen.

      • Rain Poncho W.

        Kylesa was always just “that other Georgia sludge band with two drummers” to me.

      • Dumpster Lung

        I couldn’t see calling them a favorite, but I do like them a lot. Seems like the songs range a lot though, from killer to filler.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Picture discs that are just the album art and not something cool like the Satanic Warmaster/Mutiilation/Drowning the Light split <<<<<<<<<<<

  • CyberneticOrganism
    • GL

      /not enough F150/truck nuts

    • Grvm Spectre ov Derth

      That scowling dude on the left clearly hates his current life.

      • GL

        Them first three are… uh… kinda close to each other?

      • CyberneticOrganism

        😐

      • GoatForest

        I hate his current life.

    • Waynecro

      The dude to the left of the lady looks like a studly version of famous YouTuber PeanutButterGamer.

  • Waynecro

    COHEED AND CAMBRIA!!! Thank you, Uncle Joe, for this comedy gold, which has significantly improved a real shit show of a day.

  • JWG79

    Did anyone already make a skidmark (+/- gif) joke with respect to “brown-ass record”?

    If not, there it is. If so, point me there so I can upvote.

  • Old Man Doom

    That Low Country slam was savage.

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      So true though.

      • Old Man Doom

        You might even say that it’s sad…….but true.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          I would say.

  • Guppusmaximus

    Sure, but is it 180g Vinyl??
    *smirk*

  • Guppusmaximus

    That Toto picture disc would make a great clock. As a pre-teen, I constantly stared at the Live Undead picture disc that my brother made into a clock.

  • Elizabeth Short

    Quetly looks around…nods approvingly at Toto. God, I hate myself.

  • GoatForest

    It’s too bad about Waking the Fallen. It’s the only album I’ve ever heard by AX7 that didn’t make want to jam a pencil in my ears.