Record Store Day 2017: Every Punk & Metal Release Ranked


So it’s come to this. Despite the best intentions of your parents, you’re a metalhead. Despite a decent public school education, you’re a record collector. Somewhere along the way you’ve made some extremely questionable decisions with your life and now you find yourself on a toilet-themed metal blog, reading about the exclusive records that will drop on Record Store Day. No one can truly help you now, but at the very least I can guide you to make the best purchases possible on this annual day of collector culture gone wild. These rankings are highly scientific, and as such, not open to debate. For further enlightenment, please see the 2015 and 2016 editions of this handy guide.

1.Coheed And CambriaGood Apollo I’m Burning Star IV (2xLP)

Available for the first time on a pristine splatter 2XLP set, Good Apollo I’m Burning Star IV, Coheed and Cambria’s colossal 2005 album is as good as it gets this year. And it’s pretty good! The C&C music factory hit their stride on this record with a mixture of noodly prog dork riffs and pure, sugary pop sensibilities. My only concern is that picking up this record will cause me to regrow the acne and virginity I was afflicted by when I first bought it.

2. IntegrityHumanity is the Devil Remix & Remaster (LP)

Does Humanity is the Devil need yet another re-release? No! Am I going to pick it up because the Integrity skull seizes my brain in the same way seeing a shiny rock or a boob does? Maybe! If you need savage metallic hardcore with the most unintelligible vocals this side of Rick Ta Life, put this record on your shopping list.

3. RushCygnus X-1 (12″ Vinyl)

This 12″ collects “Cygnus X-1 Book 1” from 1977’s Farewell to Kings and “Cygnus X-1 Book 2” from 1978’s Hemispheres for a double dose of ultra nerdery. Does it need to exist? Not even a little! But this is a fun collectable for the Rush aficionado in your life. Just don’t let them know you fell victim to the sounds of *Geddy Lee voice* SALESMEN!

4. Today is the DayHow to Win Friends and Influence People (10″ Vinyl)

Today is the Day, Steve “Stone Cold” Austin’s long-running exercise in wicked bad vibes, is getting a deluxe vinyl reissue of the band’s demo, previously available only on completely-impossible-to-find cassette. This is surely a landmark in noise rock history so good on RSD for reissuing this lost 1992 document.

5. VenomAt War with Satan (Picture Disc)

I like Venom even though they objectively suck, and At War with Satan is plenty of beer-soaked, devil-worshipping fun. BUT FOR REAL THO, why is this being released on picture disc? Are there Venom diehards out there that just can’t get enough of that artwork? A picture disc would make sense for artwork as iconic as Welcome to Hell, but At War with Satan is just a brown-ass record. This thing looks like a sheet of dookie with a Venom logo stomped in it, so of course I need in on picture disc.

6. The Dillinger Escape Plan Instrumentalist (7″)

“Limited edition white 7” featuring instrumental and remix versions of songs from their 2016 release, Dissociation. These versions have never been released and will be exclusive to this Record Store Day 2017 piece.” Hey, have you listened to the podcast episode I recorded with Liam Wilson of the Dillinger Escape plan? It’s a good one. You should listen to it.

7. EnslavedRoadburn Live (12″ Vinyl)

It’s a vinyl copy of Enslaved’s performance at 2015 Roadburn Festival, which I’m sure was awesome but I didn’t get to go. Did you witness this show and want to relive the memories? Holy shit, are you in luck Extremely Specific Music Fan.

8. KylesaLive at Maida Vale Studio (CD, Cassette, 12″ Vinyl)

Just as their counterparts in Baroness recorded a live performance at BBC studios in Maida Vale, Kylesa followed suit. In keeping tradition, it’s probably a perfectly serviceable set that makes me wish I was listening to Baroness instead.

9. KatatoniaProscenium (10″ Vinyl)

It’s four songs performed at something called a Plovdiv. Limited to just 300 copies because most Katatonia fans are far too depressed to leave the house.

10. MDCMagnus Dominus Corpus (12″LP)

As long as Beer City Records keeps re-releasing MDC abums I’m going to keep putting them on the top 10 of this list, even if it’s a lackluster record.

11. Damnation A.D.Pornography (LP)
25 years ago the hardcore dudes in Damnation A.D. secretly recorded a cover of the entire stone-cold classic 1982 record by sad boi kings The Cure. This one has the potential to be either rad as fuck or super cringeworthy. I’m waiting for the YouTube rip.

12. DarkthroneArctic Thunder (Picture Disc)
A vinyl release of a PS2 snowmobile racing game soundtrack.

13. SaxonInto the Labyrinth (Picture Disc)
I don’t mean to imply that Into the Labyrinth is a bad album. It’s got everything that Saxon fans demand of the long-running trad metal Brits, but I’m having trouble believing that  1500 people purchase a picture disc of Saxon’s EIGHTEENTH studio album.

14. WarbringerWoe to the Vanquished (Picture Disc)
A new record of perfectly decent thrash on a picture disc that looks like a pretty siqqq doodle I did in the 8th grade.

15. Against Me! – Stabitha Christie (7″ Picture Disc)
Included this on the list because it’s a really slow year and I needed more entries.

————–The Mendoza Line————–

16. White ZombieGods on Voodoo Moon (7″)
Before they learned the marketing power of shouting “YEUHH”, White Zombie used to be a post punk band. Relive those pre-Ozzfest days with this 7″ if you must.

17. The SwordLow Country (LP)
Oh hey, it’s The Sword’s worst record, now played on inferior guitars.

18. Darkest Hour – 7″ (7″)
Darkest Hour boldly flout decades of metal tradition by covering Judas Priest and Minor Threat.

19. ThriceSea Change (7″)
Record Store Day is exhausting.

20. Motörhead : Clean Your Clock (2xLP)
Some record company ghoul decided that there isn’t enough marketable Motörhead junk, so they packaged a performance from Lemmy’s last complete tour before his death, wrapped it up in a collectable package and expect you to pay for it like there aren’t already TWELVE other live Motörhead albums you can buy instead.

21. Avenged SevenfoldWaking the Fallen (2xLP Picture Disc)
More like Waking the Sleepin’ cuz this record is snoozeville, baby! But seriously, folks, I’ve never heard this and I don’t plan to change that.

22. The OffspringThe Offspring (12″ LP)
The debut record from Guy Fieri’s first band finally gets a reissue.

23. HalestormReAniMate 3.0: The CoVeRs eP (12″ Picture Disc)
hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <— me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!
love and waffles,
t3h CoVeRs eP oF d00m
24. Bullet For My ValentineDon’t Need You (10″ Vinyl)
This is one song on a 10″ record. Spinefarm pressed 1500 10″ records for a single fucking Bullet for My Valentine song. Time, money, and the natural resources were pissed away forever just for this horrible little song to exist on the shelf of your local record store where it will be marked down for years before being tossed in a dumpster and left to rot in a landfill until the sun finally expands and consumes the planet stupid enough to press FIFTEEN HUNDRED RECORDS WITH ONE GODDAMN BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE SONG ON THEM.


TotoAfrica (12″ Picture Disc)

Now THAT’S a picture disc worth your hard-earned dollar! Included are the absolutely timeless jammers “Africa” AND “Roseanna” all wrapped up in a vinyl package shaped like fucking Africa! I MUST HAVE IT.

Record Store Day is April 22nd. You should probably skip it.

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