How to be Really Cool and Kvlt and Tuff on the Internet

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lol u nerd

Are you familiar with Recluse? I wasn’t either because I am a big lame poser nerd. Fortunately, I got hip to the tr00 underground thanks to the TOTALLY SIQQ opinions the band has been throwing around on the Internet (Which is on a computer. Which, according to the band, is for uncool people. There’s a little cognitive dissonance there but I’ll just shake it off because I want them to notice me, senpai).

A couple of months back the band really showed the Internet just how #hard they could be by posting some #edgy thoughts in the form of a picture on Facebook that they created using a Gothic typeface in Microsoft Word (take notes here if you want to be kvlt). In this short and hate slur-laden manifesto, Recluse let it be known that they refuse to make their music available for streaming online because [Note to self: try to find a way to make sense of their stupid bullshit]. In short, only the trvest may listen to the band’s music and ONLY by purchasing it on outdated physical media. Got it.

Fast forward to last night when the band carefully addressed fans that had purchased their music on outdated physical media but had yet to receive these musical gems. Screenshots are below if you wish to take a lesson in BADASS 101. 

nerds

Customer Service

nerds

This vegan black metal blog doesn’t give a fuck about your cassette.

nerds

smdh

I am of course just kidding. The amount of try-hard coming from the band and their sycophantic nerd fans makes me feel a little bad for everyone involved. Then I remember that the band lists their genre as “HATE” and their interests include “MURDER” and then I laugh myself to tears.

Go find them on Facebook if you wanna say a bunch of swear words in agreement with them so they’ll know you’re cool too. I’d include a link but that would be for POSERS.

edgy brah

(Photo VIA)

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