Read An Exclusive Excerpt from Corey Taylor’s New Book!

Check out this exclusive and totally-not-made-up excerpt from the Slipknot frontman’s new book!

You’re undoubtedly familiar with Corey Taylor’s work as vocalist for long-running Iowan nü-metal act Slipknot as well as his hard rock side project Stone Sour, but you may be surprised to know that he’s also a published author! His previous titles include 2013’s A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven and 2015’s You’re Making Me Hate You. He’s an insightful, hilarious writer on par with Bill Hicks or even George Carlin. Why, just read a bit of the description from his 2015 opus!

Corey Taylor has had it. Had it with the vagaries of human behavior and life in this postmodern digital blanked-out waiting room that passes for a world. Reality TV, awful music, terrible drivers, megamalls, airports, family reunions, bad fashion choices, other people’s monstrous children, and badly-behaved “adult” human beings are warping life in the twenty-first century into an often-unbearable endurance test of one’s patience, fortitude, and faith.

Wow! Reality TV and airports are both awful! I had never realized this before purchasing his book! His latest book, America 51: A Probe Into The Realities That Are Hiding Inside The Greatest Country In The World, Fuckin’ Society, Man: It’s All Fucked Up and Shit, won’t be published until next Summer. That’s a long, long wait for this essential tome of controversial and subversive wit. Fortunately, we’re printing an exclusive excerpt from his book right here! Check it out:


Chapter II
You Don’t Have to Be Crazy to Work Here… But it Sure Helps!

I was sitting in a 787 on the tarmac out in Tuscon, Arizona when it hit me. The ‘Knot was on another grueling nationwide tour and I often found myself on airplanes surrounded by countless mouth-breathing conformists. There really ought to be a name for mindless sheep people. Anyway, even though my body was in the presence of the mindless masses, I could thankfully be alone in my head with my own deep thoughts. Soon, this bird would be up in the air and we’d be on our way to the next shitty destination, full of shitty people.

A part of me wanted the plane to crash. A part of me wants to cleanse this world of the disease known as “mankind”, kinda like that fuckin’ bad ass Rorschach character in that Watchmen movie. Holy shit, that guy was awesome. I imagined the aircraft taking a nosedive and crashing into a fiery but also bad ass explosion when it dawned on me, the answer that the government has been trying to keep from us since the dawn of flight. We’ve been lied to all these years. The FFA, “Scientists”, the fuckin’ PRESIDENT, man. It goes all the way to the top. We’ve been conditioned to watch these fuckin’ mindless Real Housewives reality TV shows, and listen to fuckin’ pop music from fuckin’ major labels that have never signed a cool and subversive band that wears bad ass masks, and then we die in plane crashes as a form of government population control. It’s all designed to placate you sheep people. But not me. I figured it all out, how to throw a wrench in their corporate fuckin’ system and give a big fuckin’ middle finger to The Man.

Y’know how every time a plane crashes, they recover flight data from the “black box”? Why the fuck aren’t we just building airplanes out of the same shit they use to make the black box?!?! It’s all so simple. Stop listening to pop music, take down your fuckin’ “Man Bun” and WAKE UP.


Corey Taylor’s latest book drops next June via Da Capo Press, publisher of Randy Blythe’s latest coffee table book Check Out These Filters That Came With My Phone.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

      good music of one of his best will always be alive still not as that shit slipknot group this group is famous for that or are with the devil in exchange for his talent limp bizkit is famous.

      -Henry SmitH, 3 weeks ago

    • My ex girlfriend LOVED The Office. It was her second favorite program behind Grey’s Anatomy.

      • W.

        You know who else loves The Office? Stockhausen.

        Let that sink in for a moment.

        • Sickening. I shook that man’s hand.

        • I thought he was one of the good guys 🙁

        • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

          Stocky loves The Office? How can he sleep at night? That show is so bad.

          • W.

            You like the Teletubbies.

          • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

            Dubs plz! That was a joke!

      • Waynecro

        My ex loved the US version of The Office but didn’t care for the original British one. I should have noticed the red flag at the time, but I didn’t.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I was gonna sey something along the lines of “Hey, I love The Office”. Then I relaized you sorry, sorry men are actually talking about the US version.
        *shudders*

      • Howard Dean

        “Program”?! Does your nursing home have a colored television set in the rec room?

      • RJA

        Joe – I’m heading to see Sturgill Simpson tonight – you’re the only person I know that will be excited for me!

        • Have fun dude! I caught him at Willie Nelson’s 4th of July Picnic last year and it RIPPED. His lead guitarist is a fucking superhero.

          • RJA

            I enjoyed the new album, but didn’t love it- excited to see how that material translates live

        • Howard Dean

          I saw Sturgill open for the Zac Brown Band a few summers ago. He put on a solid show.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        I wanna meet her and hang out.

  • tigeraid

    He’s kinda right about the man bun, tho. Just sayin’.

    • Max

      Every decade has one male hairstyle that inexplicably catches on despite being obviously awful. In the ’80s it was the permed mullet. In the ’90s it was the undercut. In the 00’s it was the fauxhawk. And today it’s the man-bun.

      And as with all of those hairstyles, it can be guaranteed that in ten years’ time, people will laugh uproariously at the mere thought that anybody could get away with wearing it. And despite the efforts of ironic frontrunners or the inevitably cyclical nature of fashion, that hairstyle will never come back again.

  • CRINGE. Man, the description of that 2015 book. Corey Taylor probably thinks God Bless America was a good movie.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    I went to a Slipknot concert in the early 2000s, someone threw a plastic bottle at the singer on stage, so he retaliated by pulling out his dick and waving it at the crowd.

    -Max Savino, 1 month ago

    • W.

      Depending on ol’ Max Savino’s age at the time, I think Mr. Taylor could get put on some kind of registry for that.

      • more beer

        He should only be on the registry after he gets out of general population.

  • Dental_Damnation

    Alright alright, this got me back. I’ll be back more frequently now.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Sentient Loose Turd Corey Taylor Pounds Fat Fists On Keyboard, Receives Book Deal

    • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

      WOT WRONG WITH POUNDING FAT FISTS ON KEYBOARD!?!?!?!?!

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Leafed through his first two at work. Have a proof copy of the first knocking around somewhere. More of a fan of free books than the ‘Knot, but they ain’t too bad. Cringey, sure, but not as odiously so as you might expect. Something oddly quaint about them actually. Almost charming.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Like an outhouse.

      • Joaquin Stick

        Those are as odorous as you would expect.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        In a world of books encouraging people to use homeopathy on their pets, of EL James and soon to be 60 something James Patterson titles a year, Corey Taylor is pretty much a hero.

      • Waynecro

        I have a painting of an outhouse hanging in my water closet. Try not to implode from all that meta.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          I have a shirt with an outhouse on it. It says something about a toilet and has a couple tentacles coming out. No idea where I got it.

        • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

          I forgot about the term “water closet.” It makes more sense than “restroom” or even “bathroom” (because the majority of them don’t have baths/showers) but it still sounds strange to an American.

          • Waynecro

            The house I live in now has a water closet on the first floor; all the full baths are upstairs. It’s great because nosy guests can’t snoop around in your bathroom drawers and medicine cabinets or pee in your shower.

          • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

            They could still pee in your sink, I guess. Unless you mean peeing while they’re in a shower, if they’ve stayed overnight or something. In that case, fuck it. Nothing wrong with that haha.

            But yeah that’s how my house is too. Half-bath downstairs, full baths upstairs. I gotta start having people over more, though.

          • Waynecro

            I generally assume that guests are peeing everywhere when I’m not looking. Or trying to sneak a fart into my pillow so I’ll get pink eye. These concerns may seem like paranoia; however, the only overnight guests I ever have are my brother and his girlfriend, and they’ve given me every reason to believe that these concerns are valid.

    • Well the rest here on the Toilet remain steadfast in our dismissive attitude.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        I’m not trying to break up the party or anything.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      First two Slipknot albums feature some genuine rippers.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FEfRgMHg44

      (I guess I’ll start developing my action plan to recover my lost kvlt points)

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        I’m with you on that score actually.

      • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

        I never got into Slipknot myself (even though I would’ve been the perfect age to when I started getting into heavier stuff, it just kinda worked out that way), but I don’t hate on people for admitting they like some of their songs. I’ve heard a few that certainly weren’t bad. I don’t know from which albums, or whether they were departures from their normal sound or not, but they do have some decent stuff.

        Sorta like A7X. It’s the image and a huge chunk of the fanbase that makes it so cringey. If it weren’t for that, it’d be a lot more tolerable for most.

  • “People man, they equal shit” – Corey Taylor

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
  • Abradolf Lincler

    Stay Woke, Corey

  • Waynecro

    would read super ironically in a hip gastropub/10

    • Óðinn

      Gastopub. Gah! Pub food isn’t supposed to be for “foodies”. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good micro-brew (or a few). But “foodies” need to keep their octopus and kale bisque away from the pub.

      • Waynecro

        I don’t go to pubs often, but when I do, I do so to eat Scotch eggs.

        • Óðinn

          Sounds good. I like an Irish Breakfast at the pub.

      • Al Bundy

        If my pickles havent been at least triple fried in truffle oil i send them back and demand an apology from the chef.

        • Waynecro

          Bro, come on: Everyone knows that truffle oil is a finishing oil, not a cooking oil. But I get what you mean. I once berated a chef for garnishing my seventh foam course with olives that had actual pimentos rather than brine-gelée cubes.

          • Al Bundy

            Sir, i doth my cap to thee.

          • Waynecro

            These are the kinds of things you overhear when you live in the Bay Area for several years. I’m not a foodie at all (I eat baked chicken, broccoli, and rice literally every night), but I’m fluent in their language.

          • Al Bundy

            Ha! I live in a highly populated muslim Indian/Pakistani city so all i hear is, ‘is the meat Halal?’ or in the case of non muslims ‘Do you serve booze/can i bring by own?’ id kill for a bit of Hipster foodie speak.

      • W.

        The food at the Gastropub here is so dank tho

      • more beer
        • Óðinn

          That does sound good. I’ll have to go there is I ever make it to Denver.

          • more beer

            One of my favorite places.

  • Eliza

    Some Nobel prize material here.

  • Joaquin Stick

    I never would have thought the Slipknot/Stone Sour crowd was ripe for book-buying.

    • You think he narrated his own books on tape?

      • Óðinn

        Probably. Taking away jobs from real voiceover talent. And at the same time, ironically saving that voiceover artist from being subjected to his incoherent ramblings.

  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    I’m laughing like a hyena as I read this.

  • “There really ought to be a name for mindless sheep people” cracked me up.

  • Al Bundy

    Corey Taylor has had it with awful music but he fully supports ‘Ironic’ christmas singles. Only 51 shopping days left!
    http://youtu.be/od7GUy9XS7c

  • more beer

    Corey Taylor and his shitty bands are one of the things wrong with fucking society!

  • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

    So I thought the ENTIRE article was a joke, not just the excerpt, but then I remembered this isn’t MS, so there’s got to be some truth this is parodying. Holy shit, I had no idea Corey Taylor actually had multiple books. I’d have believed he had one, maybe, but he’s got at least 3 that I saw upon a quick Google search.

    Holy fuck, why is that a thing!?

  • mother☆shabubu

    Rejected titles for this book: IoWOKE

    • Óðinn

      Iowhuasca, Iowronic

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      IoWANNAREFUND

  • Óðinn
  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    id read this book in the bathroom at Bdubs

    • Óðinn

      They hand them out along with your menu. “For your shitting enjoyment sir. We find that Corey Taylor’s musings help the bowel to move.”

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Is…. Is this real?