Check out this exclusive and totally-not-made-up excerpt from the Slipknot frontman’s new book!
You’re undoubtedly familiar with Corey Taylor’s work as vocalist for long-running Iowan nü-metal act Slipknot as well as his hard rock side project Stone Sour, but you may be surprised to know that he’s also a published author! His previous titles include 2013’s A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven and 2015’s You’re Making Me Hate You. He’s an insightful, hilarious writer on par with Bill Hicks or even George Carlin. Why, just read a bit of the description from his 2015 opus!
Corey Taylor has had it. Had it with the vagaries of human behavior and life in this postmodern digital blanked-out waiting room that passes for a world. Reality TV, awful music, terrible drivers, megamalls, airports, family reunions, bad fashion choices, other people’s monstrous children, and badly-behaved “adult” human beings are warping life in the twenty-first century into an often-unbearable endurance test of one’s patience, fortitude, and faith.
Wow! Reality TV and airports are both awful! I had never realized this before purchasing his book! His latest book,
America 51: A Probe Into The Realities That Are Hiding Inside The Greatest Country In The World, Fuckin’ Society, Man: It’s All Fucked Up and Shit, won’t be published until next Summer. That’s a long, long wait for this essential tome of controversial and subversive wit. Fortunately, we’re printing an exclusive excerpt from his book right here! Check it out:
You Don’t Have to Be Crazy to Work Here… But it Sure Helps!
I was sitting in a 787 on the tarmac out in Tuscon, Arizona when it hit me. The ‘Knot was on another grueling nationwide tour and I often found myself on airplanes surrounded by countless mouth-breathing conformists. There really ought to be a name for mindless sheep people. Anyway, even though my body was in the presence of the mindless masses, I could thankfully be alone in my head with my own deep thoughts. Soon, this bird would be up in the air and we’d be on our way to the next shitty destination, full of shitty people.
A part of me wanted the plane to crash. A part of me wants to cleanse this world of the disease known as “mankind”, kinda like that fuckin’ bad ass Rorschach character in that Watchmen movie. Holy shit, that guy was awesome. I imagined the aircraft taking a nosedive and crashing into a fiery but also bad ass explosion when it dawned on me, the answer that the government has been trying to keep from us since the dawn of flight. We’ve been lied to all these years. The FFA, “Scientists”, the fuckin’ PRESIDENT, man. It goes all the way to the top. We’ve been conditioned to watch these fuckin’ mindless Real Housewives reality TV shows, and listen to fuckin’ pop music from fuckin’ major labels that have never signed a cool and subversive band that wears bad ass masks, and then we die in plane crashes as a form of government population control. It’s all designed to placate you sheep people. But not me. I figured it all out, how to throw a wrench in their corporate fuckin’ system and give a big fuckin’ middle finger to The Man.
Y’know how every time a plane crashes, they recover flight data from the “black box”? Why the fuck aren’t we just building airplanes out of the same shit they use to make the black box?!?! It’s all so simple. Stop listening to pop music, take down your fuckin’ “Man Bun” and WAKE UP.
Corey Taylor’s latest book drops next June via Da Capo Press, publisher of Randy Blythe’s latest coffee table book Check Out These Filters That Came With My Phone.