Photo Chop: 4th Edition

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Congratulations ov hell to MSD for winning the 3rd edition with his violently radikult creation (below): 

WINNER_MSD

Somewhere in the bowels of YouTube there has to be a video of this actually happening. I will not rest until I find it. Or until one of you finds it and shows it to me. I’m cool like dat. MSD, be sure to get in touch with Papa Joe for your copy of Opium Morals from Seven Sisters of Sleep!

For this edition of the Masterpiece Photo Chop Theatre, I present to you a shared experience that we’re all intimately familiar with: the Random Sweaty Concert Dude (RSCD). The typical RSCD is not so much a fan of music as he is of just getting buzzed and numbing out to some loud shit, often as closely as possible to the massive house speakers. “Whatever man, it’s all good…” is a common response to most statements or questions, such as “Hey stop flailing around and knocking into us with your sweaty back flab” or “Where are your fucking pants?”

The RSCD has poor coordination and balance due a constant intake of drugs and/or alcohol, experiences lapses in judgement, which can result in him hugging random guys in the pit and demanding burritos from the bartender, and has a loose grip on reality in the darkened environment of a concert venue, often resulting in cases of mistaken identity for an old high school classmate. “STeve! SteVe-O! StEVARiNO! BAbiNO! Remem*hic* rEMember mE?! It’Ss Mike! MIKe! Ohhaaha ha hAHa GoOd TimES!”

The rules:

  • Keep it clean & safe for work
  • Be creative & use whatever tools you want; “talent” or “skill” is not required
  • Post your entry in a new Disqus comment below
  • Entries will be judged on the number of upvotes they receive
  • The winner will be announced in the following week’s edition and will win some stuff from Joe’s desk like stickers and compilation CDs AN INCREDIBLY AMAZING PRIZE PACK INCLUDING MIND-BLOWING GLORIOUS STICKERS OF AWESOMENESS AND BRAIN-BLASTING FACE-MELTING COMPILATION CDs OF ULTIMATE METAL GODHOOD!!!

This week’s image:

4thEdition_otherimage
Click to embiggen (via)

So just, kinda… y’know, do whatever man, with the whole photo choppin’ thing… it’s all good. I’ll be right here, sweating all over these ladies’ arms.

  • Jefrey Waylon Mann
    • KJM

      And what exactly does he do for a living that he can afford to be at all those shows anyway?

      • I have a friend that goes to every damn show in a 50 mile radius of our city, and I always wonder the exact same thing. The dude works at a Batteries Plus.

      • more beer

        Spanges. With a sign that says bum gone wild!

  • Y’all better bring the dank memes. I will only accept the DANKEST.

  • Tyree

    I can smell that dude from here and it’s awful.

    • smell like onion.. oh, wait no.. It’s one of my shitty co-workers that it’s EATING in the OFFICE A FREAKING ONION SALAD FULL OF ONION -.-

      • Tyree

        At least it’s not fish dude. Any one that cooks fish in their work office needs to be throat chopped.

  • DDubya.

    I’m with stupid.

    • Jefrey Waylon Mann
    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I will not vote for this because I love Static X.

      • DDubya.

        But since it features Wayne, wouldn’t you vote for it.

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          That is a good point. RIP Wayne.

  • This is all I got.

    • “notice me, masterlord” o (◡‿◡✿)

      • Not The Ideal Tapir

        That’s kawaii

          • I uh, I am not sure if this is SFW.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            flag it and bag it

          • GL is the SEAL Team 6 of flagging, son.

          • DDubya.

            Yesterday was Chris Kyle Day here in Texas. I’m totally serious about that.

          • I heard about that. Ugh. Anyone mention how he bragged about killing two men that tried to carjack him at a gas station, and how he also bragged about sniping 30 looters post-hurricane katrina from the top of the superdome? Both which have absolutely zero evidence? Dude was crazy.

          • DDubya.

            I don’t believe either of those came up in the movie.

          • Did you see the movie? I was kinda interested in seeing it….

            GL

          • DDubya.

            I did. I didn’t dislike it, per se, but I’m a little sensitive about media depictions of the Middle East. ultimately, I think people are going to walk away from that movie with whatever views they hold about the Iraq War, Islam, and war in general reinforced. The movie is made in a way that I think people will see exactly what they want to see in it.

          • Hmmm noted. I am just a small fan of Eastwoods directing/acting, I will just wait until I have a hard copy in front of me.

          • DDubya.

            I like several of his other movies. I’m admittedly a bit touchy about the war on terror.

          • We watched Escape from Alcatraz Sunday during the SuperTurdBowl. Clint is totally awesome in that movie. Have you seen that?

          • DDubya.

            I believe so. Many moons ago. Fun fact: Roland from the Dark Tower is at least partially based on Clint Eastwood.

          • Why that is fun!

          • Where’s Jim Gordon when you need him?

          • CyberneticOrganism

            FLAGGED FOR WEEABOO

        • Konnichi-wa, Tapir-San! *read it with high pitched annoying voice*

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Itadakimasu

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Related to our yesterday’s discussion. (Almost) my name could cause hilarious misunderstandings in Japan. It’s not only my name, but also Jaoanese for husband.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Will you be my waifu?
            Oh god I hate weeaboos

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I don’t know you well enough, even if I hate weeaboos too

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Fine. Haz u heard Solefald’s new albuum. Me digz itz

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Not completely. But what I have heard I like. Lazare>>>>>>>>>> JAG knows.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            I’ll get my hands on the physical copy this Friday. It’s on spootifyy. Btw, what does JAG know?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I’ll check it. JAG knows that Lazare>>>>>

    • MoshOff

      Is that Wes Borland???

  • “Training & Keeping Your Ideal Tapir… A Guide!”

    • <3 #TapirFanClubActivated

    • The Bestest Tapir

      One can’t keep me, I’m a wild beast.

      • you’re not our ideal tapir!

        • The Bestest Tapir

          :'(

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            You’re an ideal tapir. Don’t listen to that mean man.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Jimmamoosh McShumimam has spoken. I cri evritim.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Don’t believe that mean man’s words.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            We should start an anti-McNutli alliance

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Why?

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Because he’s mean

          • Eddie plz.

      • So.. You’re a wild tapir, uh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (sorry, I need to paste that face, jajaja)

        • Not The Ideal Tapir

          ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
          ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) All around me are familiar faces( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
          ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

          • DDubya.

            This is perfect

      • *pets you as you sit on my lap and purr*

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Who knew that book even existed?

    • Jefrey Waylon Mann

      Dis a winner.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      This wins.

    • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

      Dank as fuck. You win.

      • It’s against the rules for me to win. I’m just entering for the love of the ‘chop.

      • KJM

        Diggity dank.

    • Well maybe he likes broccoli! Wait, oh….

      GL

      • Dangit. I am not good at Paint.

        • If it makes you feel any better, it’s way funnier if he’s eating broccoli out of a butt.

          • Cosigned!

            GL

          • CyberneticOrganism

            He’s pulling away slightly like he’s had enough.

    • Scrimm

      I DIDN”T SEE THIS BEFORE I POSTED>>>>> Joe has my vote.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Ha ha ha ha *FRRRRP*

  • Eh

    • CyberneticOrganism

      The postures are uncanny

  • Oh my god I have no idea how to use pixlr.

  • Scrimm

    All I have is shitty paint and zero talent, plus I’m in a rush, but you get the idea.

  • Tyree

    Best I could come up with.

    • Tyree

      Spelling error. FUCK!

      • Scrimm

        Makes it even better.

    • God ov All

      This is LITERALLY, the best one yet.

    • Lord Ov Kapsko

      Damn, my nicca Rob has some god like facial aesthetics. He could literally choke a bitch in front ov cctv and nobody wovld give a shit.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Oh shit.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Head First Into The Void: My Story

      • I am stilling laughing at the

        Covered in Vaginas: My Story

        ahahaha!!!

        GL

  • this is all I could think..

  • still figuring out pixlr…

    • CyberneticOrganism

      BYAAAH!

  • Stockhausen

    Douche

    • Tyree

      HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      BRILLIANT!

  • Tyree

    Off topic here, but on my way out the door to my car this morning I slipped on ice and fell right on my ass and my thumb. The right ass cheap is pretty bruised and I got a pretty nasty blood blister on my thumb and wrist. Great start to the fucking day. Advil!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quPliK3eAy4

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      Life is hard, tyree

    • Scrimm

      Hahaha I miss that part of living in the cold

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Poo(h) ist Krieg.

        • Not The Ideal Tapir

          How about some scat you little twat.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            No thanks, Tom Hanks.

    • I fell down the stairs over the summer and my entire right butt cheek was black and blue. Took a couple of weeks to heal. Good luck with that.

      • I bet that made it hard to…. *wait for it*….. DEUCE!

        GL

        • Yes, you need 2 functioning butt cheeks for that.

    • more beer

      The up votes for death not slipping and busting your ass. Since I did that yesterday on the steps of my back deck. I smashed my rib cage and can barely move. Everything i do causes excruciating pain. Advil doesn`t help luckily I have some friends with some good pain meds.

      • Tyree

        Fuck dude, the only cure for that is MORE BEER!

        • more beer

          Morphine seems to be working ok. I have no beer in the house right now but there is a big bottle of vodka that will have to do.

          • Tyree

            You are not living up to your name here, but Vodka will do wonders. Especially with Morphine.

          • more beer

            It hurts too much making left hand turns to go to the beer store. So sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Wait THERE’S A TAPIR NOW!?!?!?!

    • Not The Ideal Tapir

      We are everywhere. Soon all your base are belong to us.

      • WE ARE TAPIR.

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Are friends with Gaahl’s friend?

        • Not The Ideal Tapir

          Wouldn’t call him a friend. He once invited me to drink coffee and all he talked about was satan. He seems like a nice guy.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            So… uh… can you… like… introduce us?

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Why should I do it? Give me a reason.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Karhus and Gaahlians mix better than Tapirs and Gaahlians.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Any evidence to support that? You have never done anything for me, so why should I help you? You suck my dick and I’ll suck your dick.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            O Reilly? Forget Gaahlians, I’m on my way to your place.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            No plz stay away!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Too leit m8

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            Fine. But wash your mouth first!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Gon gurgle mayonnaise.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Kill it, with fire. And take her too, please god take her too.

          • tumblr is really a deposit for insecure and awful teenagers and young adults, then… it’s settled.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            And SJWs

          • more beer

            you can`t offer to suck a dick and then say stay away it doesn`t work like that.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            I ain’t afraid of a dirty dick, but a dirty mouth is nasty.

          • more beer

            For all you know you could be getting some surprise ass to mouth.

          • more beer

            You couldn`t just scratch each others backs? You had to get right down to sucking dick.

          • Not The Ideal Tapir

            I can scratch my own back, but I can’t suck my own dick

          • more beer

            But your comment was we can suck each others dick. If I was you I would be more worried about him washing his dick. Instead of his mouth.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I love your name change today, lolz

        • Not The Ideal Tapir

          I wish that someday I will be the ideal tapir for McNulty

  • I hope my post Taco-Bell lunch toxic fart plume graces its presence on my cubical neighbor.

    *please dear God let this happen*

    GL

  • So….you guys blew the next post prematurely, then cleaned it up before anyone would notice?

  • I will try and do one when i get home from work. You guys are giving me some good ideas.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Alright, broken butt cheek or not let’s see it

      • It has been submitted, hope you guys enjoy

  • As promised

  • Is this the first time a contest is done within submissions in disqus comments and use upvotes to determine winner?

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Not the first time, we’ve done a couple other similar entries, but yes we use upvotes to choose the winner.