Photo Chop: 14th Edition

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"...America."

Thought America‘s explosion birthday would escape the Almighty Chop? Think again.

Let me explain… no there’s too much, let me sum up: I live in a cheap town that decided to save some money on its fireworks show by blowing shit up this weekend instead of last weekend. I get double the America days and the rest of you can suck it. So stop infringing on my freedom of patriotic hyperbolizing and let’s get to choppin’.

Congrats to our resident Based Tapir (or whatever he’s calling himself today) for winning the 13th Edition by accurately portraying his insane tapir-thoughts, brought on by a lifetime of living in the torturous natural beauty of Finland.

13thEditionWinner

Let’s also congratulate Óðinn for meeting the challenge set forth last time and gracing the sausage fest with some ripe melons.

13thEditionRunnerup

And now, let’s turn our attention to fireworks, something the US couldn’t get enough of last weekend, and my cheap town can’t get enough of this weekend. Don’t let anyone fill your head with that tired old nonsense that the Chinese developed gunpowder back in the pre-America 9th century days. I know the real story.

Fireworks were invented by Teddy Roosevelt in 18 aught 6 to fend off Canadian troops riding battle-bears into Montana. George Washington liked this strategy so fucking much he started shooting them into the sky to burn down entire forests of cherry trees, and that’s how Abraham Lincoln found his wooden teeth that freed the slaves and won WWII. To this day, we still jettison thousands of tons of explosive, sulfuric freedom bombs into the air on or around the 4th of July to celebrate our history and honor whatever bald eagles are still alive, even though they’re immortal and only take orders from Jesus.

14thEditionImage

Stab to embiggen for America (via)

The rules:

  • Keep it safe for work
  • Be creative & use whatever tools you want; “talent” or “skill” is not required
  • Post your entry in a new Disqus comment below
  • Entries will be judged on the number of upvotes they receive
  • The winner will be announced in the following edition and probably won’t win anything

Challenges:

  • Add someone to this scene whose name rhymes with “Vavid Dincent”
  • Awful back tattoos

(header image via)

  • KJM

    So glad that Somerville has it’s own fireworks display now. The thought of going to the Charles Esplanade for 4th Of July makes me cringe.

  • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

    ‘Murica, in all it’s glory!

  • KJM

    I am this close to unfollowing Chuck D, of all people. He’s picking the wrong mountain to die on this morning(i.e. Cosby).

    • Le Tapir The Based

      What did he say?

      • KJM

        Actually he’s making a good argument but choosing a clumsy, ham fisted way of saying it. He’s saying Cosby’s past accomplishments shouldn’t be erased because of his current crimes and I agree, to a point.

        • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

          Ummmmmmmmmmmm, don’t think that will bowl over too well. Is Chuck D catching the crazy bug from Flavor Flav?

          • KJM

            No, he just thinks people are more willing to throw Cosby under the bus for obvious reasons. He also has a misogynistic streak a mile wide but just won’t admit it. He thinks the solution for women being drugged and date raped is for women not to go to clubs or parties.

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          I agree on the whole not erasing his accomplishments but he’s still a serial rapist.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Chuck! How low can you you go?

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            Yo, Chuck, you’re losin’ em, man! You gotta slow down, man, you’re gonna break down!

  • The W.

    Luigi, we’re-a gonna win this year, for sure-a!

    • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

      Perfectly accents his borderline plumber’s crack.

    • Nineinchneurosis

      Glorious.

      • The W.

        New here?

        • Nineinchneurosis

          Been lurking awhile but just signed up, yeah.

          • J.R.

            Welcome!

          • Nineinchneurosis

            Thanks man

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Welcome! Tight handle.

          • Nineinchneurosis

            Danke, couldn’t decide between the two, sooo.

          • The W.

            You picked two of my favorite things. A winner is you.

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            Welcome to the toilet, where men are men and chicken tenders are afraid!

          • ¡Bienvenido!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Vibrant tramp stamp colors.

  • The Chode Is Red…

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Brilliant.

    • Zlayer>>>>>>>>>>>>Slayer

    • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

      Lol, gotta love the Human Centipede diagram on the buttcheeks.

      • The Chode Is Red…

        Human Centipede 4: Three Drunk Guys & A Sowing Kit…

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Human Centipede 5: Duct Taping My Face To Yo Bootay Cuz You So Fine, Girl

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    Here’s mine.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      *slithers in*

      • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

        Into his plumber’s crack?!?!?!

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Uh, no

  • Fireworks N’ Freedumb

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Nugent = ‘Murca

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Agreed

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I feel a sense of obligation to vote for this one

  • KJM
    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      I prefer his solo work over his work with the MC5. I just cannot stand the MC5 for some reason.

      • KJM

        They’re okay and I appreciate their place in Rock history, but I’m not a huge fan by any means.

  • Fierie is tired of your shit.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      What do the bombs say?

      • “I’m a five-seasons griller! Did you know I added a new season? Living in Cali, I’m cooking in the yard all the time. I don’t care what the weather is like. My hair is impervious to any kind of dampness, so I don’t have too much to worry about.” – Guy Fieri

      • Stockhausen

        The bombs say thank you so much for subtley quoting The Princess Bride.

    • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

      Guy’s checking out that guy’s pecs out pretty hard. “Bro, how’s about I put on some Smashmouth and lick my Donkey Sauce off of ya?”

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Donkey sauce has always meant cum.

  • J.R.

    I think I did too much.

    If there is such a thing.

    Have good days today!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      THE CONSPIRACY IS REAL

      • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

        *as Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz appears in a cloud of smoke from the WTC*

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Also is that Guac Jim’s butt wound?

      • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

        I think it is! I know that Brazil-shaped (when he first showed it) butt wound anywhere!

      • J.R.

        Aye!

        • Stockhausen

          You have truly ascended.

  • pïgchop™

    ummm…America, Fuck Yeah?

    • CyberneticOrganism

      GAH!

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      This is NSFW.

      • pïgchop™

        You think so? the ‘naughty bits’ are covered up. Seems SFW to me.