Photo Chop: 14th Edition

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"...America."

Thought America‘s explosion birthday would escape the Almighty Chop? Think again.

Let me explain… no there’s too much, let me sum up: I live in a cheap town that decided to save some money on its fireworks show by blowing shit up this weekend instead of last weekend. I get double the America days and the rest of you can suck it. So stop infringing on my freedom of patriotic hyperbolizing and let’s get to choppin’.

Congrats to our resident Based Tapir (or whatever he’s calling himself today) for winning the 13th Edition by accurately portraying his insane tapir-thoughts, brought on by a lifetime of living in the torturous natural beauty of Finland.

13thEditionWinner

Let’s also congratulate Óðinn for meeting the challenge set forth last time and gracing the sausage fest with some ripe melons.

13thEditionRunnerup

And now, let’s turn our attention to fireworks, something the US couldn’t get enough of last weekend, and my cheap town can’t get enough of this weekend. Don’t let anyone fill your head with that tired old nonsense that the Chinese developed gunpowder back in the pre-America 9th century days. I know the real story.

Fireworks were invented by Teddy Roosevelt in 18 aught 6 to fend off Canadian troops riding battle-bears into Montana. George Washington liked this strategy so fucking much he started shooting them into the sky to burn down entire forests of cherry trees, and that’s how Abraham Lincoln found his wooden teeth that freed the slaves and won WWII. To this day, we still jettison thousands of tons of explosive, sulfuric freedom bombs into the air on or around the 4th of July to celebrate our history and honor whatever bald eagles are still alive, even though they’re immortal and only take orders from Jesus.

14thEditionImage

Stab to embiggen for America (via)

The rules:

  • Keep it safe for work
  • Be creative & use whatever tools you want; “talent” or “skill” is not required
  • Post your entry in a new Disqus comment below
  • Entries will be judged on the number of upvotes they receive
  • The winner will be announced in the following edition and probably won’t win anything

Challenges:

  • Add someone to this scene whose name rhymes with “Vavid Dincent”
  • Awful back tattoos

(header image via)

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