Photo Chop: 12th Edition

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LONG LIVE THE NEW CHOP.

Infernal hails, disciples ov the flush. The old Photo Chop office scene you’re so used to seeing here has been destroyed in a furious kvlt attack of shadowfire and ashwind. Let us rejoice in the destruction of the old so we can revel in the creation of the new… and then destroy it all over again in a beautiful hatedeath cycle of burning shit down.

horse_ashes

But before we begin chopping for a new age ov darkness, let’s first congratulate W. for his well-intentioned campaign in the 11th Edition to rock the vote by recruiting a noted yeah enthusiast to help out a noted email concealer.

11thEditionWinner

Nicely done W., be sure to get in touch with Papa Joe to see if your victory has shaken anything loose from his magic prize desk, which may or may not have been the desk from the old Photo Chop office, in which case feel free to rummage through the ashes for a few melted & charred CDs.

hand_ashes

Now, on to your assignment for this edition: silhouettes.

Use only silhouettes or black shapes in the foreground to complete the ridiculously metal scene below. Extra points go to anyone who incorporates a mead horn. Or a ninja. Automatic win goes to anyone who ‘chops in a ninja drinking from a mead horn.

Stab to embiggen (via)

Stab to embiggen (via)

The rules:

  • Keep it safe for work
  • Be creative & use whatever tools you want; “talent” or “skill” is not required
  • Post your entry in a new Disqus comment below
  • Entries will be judged on the number of upvotes they receive
  • The winner will be announced in the following edition and probably won’t win anything

(images via via)

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • CyberneticOrganism

    *disqualifies self*

    • The W.

      Loki!

  • Killer time at the renaissance festival bro!

  • Howard Dean
    • CyberneticOrganism

      RIP Tiny Danzig 1983-2015

    • hold me closer Tony Danza

    • Óðhinn

      He’s cleaning up his motherfuckin’ tiny bricks, bitch!

    • CT-12

      Dank memes bro!

  • KJM

    Remember, the Washington Times was founded by Moonies.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unification_Church

    • FUKKBEARD

      zzzzz?

      • KJM

        Clinton did 7-11.

        • FUKKBEARD

          *george

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          Hillary did 311 at a 7-11.

          • KJM

            Behind the dumpster.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            She would do that.

    • more beer

      I used see them all of Westchester County on the side of the road selling flowers, when I was a kid.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      What the hell does Keith Moon have to do with the Washington Times?

      • KJM

        (facepalm)

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          I was joking.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I’m tired

    • EsusMoose

      Went hiking one day and saw a dickbutt spray painted on a large rock.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        DIKBUTT LIVES!

        • EsusMoose

          Let it be known the great glaciers receded and left the dickbutt as their message to the future.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I always vote dickbutt.

  • Howard Dean

    Editing on phones is hard. And krieg.

  • tertius_decimus

    Eh?

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Just vote Nuge

      • KJM

        Always.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Scott Steiner for president 2016.

        • KJM

          Scott knows that Canada is the true danger, not Mexico.

      • Kim Jong Un

        *gets the Volntary Rehabilitation Camp ready for you*

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Oh yah, eh? Dat’s a good one ‘dere.

    • There aren’t nearly enough Canadian jokes around here.

      • KJM

        I know. What’s that all aboot?

      • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

        Less small hands jokes, more Canadian jokes! Here’s one I’m jacking from a dude named Devin:

        Q: how do you tell a bunch of Canadians to get out of a pool?
        A: “okay guys, everybody get out of the pool!”

        It’s all good though, I’m half Canadian.

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          I’m part Canadian as well because one of my ancestors is from Canada.

          • That would indeed make one part Canadian.

          • FUKKBEARD

            One of my ancestors was part phytoplankton

          • One of mine was a nasty hairy monkey person.

          • Kim Jong Un

            I’m part amoeba and part mitochondria. It’s a Parasite Eve sorta deal.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            That’s generally how it works

        • Óðhinn

          “Soory”

      • tertius_decimus

        On a funny note, there are more Ukrainians in Canada than in Ukraine.

        • Kim Jong Un

          Chicago has a pretty large Ukranian population, over in Ukraine Village.

          • tertius_decimus

            You told me so some time ago. 🙂 Cool.

      • Kim Jong Un
      • FUKKBEARD

        We should do another of my nationality-themed ROTWs for Canadians

        • J.R.

          Thrawsunblat’s “Canada 2010” album comes to mind

      • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

        Here’s your friendly neighbourhood Canadian Spiderman.

      • Óðhinn

        True. Although, sometimes awesome things come from Canada, like my friend Mish and her band White Lung.

        http://youtu.be/BUIaj338JoE

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      Moose tend to kill a lot of people up there. Not just in the form of auto accidents either. They are the hippos of the Great White North, but deadlier; they can throw rocks with their antlers.

      And they are the best sports logo ever: http://content.sportslogos.net/logos/2/506/thumbs/uer2nv9y7m59z8xw9vcyhkfg5.gif

      • tertius_decimus

        In my country moose is a symbol of incredibly strong and enduring cyclist. If you can manage 2 hours at 40 km/h, you’re hell of a moose.

        • That’s a paddlin’

          In my country, we eat the moose.

          • tertius_decimus

            How does it taste?

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            We don’t eat moose in my area, we eat deer. It’s very good.

          • Kim Jong Un

            I had that way back when. Good stuff!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            It is good stuff.

          • That’s a paddlin’

            You must know how to cook it, but if it’s not dry it’s one of the finest meats there is. But then, I like all riista-animals a lot ( I think riista means game?)

          • That’s a paddlin’

            Similar to deer, but darker and stronger.

          • tertius_decimus

            M-m-m… I’m avid meat lover. If ever I’ll make my way to Finland, I’ll try it. Unless EU regulations wouldn’t ban moose hunting.

          • That’s a paddlin’

            I sure hope not, and don’t think they will. Not endangered.

          • FUKKBEARD

            Gimmie some reindeer meat

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Fukkbeard plz! You know how much I love reindeer!

          • FUKKBEARD

            Nom nom nom, I bet its gooood

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Stahp! You’re making Rudolph sad!

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Rudolph can’t be sad after he’s been eaten with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Yes he can! Stop eating Rudolph!

          • Rudolph

            JJD plz! I like it when the Finns eat me.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Rudolph plz!

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            You heard the man. Now start eating dat tasty reindeer.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Never!

          • KJM

            1 liek = 1 Rudolph

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            What if I ate tapir with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam? Would that make up for you eating reindeer?

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            We tapirs would hunt you down and eat you with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            No you wont.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Wanna bet m8. We already have the potatoes and lingonberries ready. Kevin Nash the Tasty Meal.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            You’re going to have to find me first.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            No we don’t. We’ve already found you. We have an elaborate map of your every movement.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            No you dont. You can’t stop me and my security force composed of members of Coliseum and Curved Air as well as the Kliq. Try getting me when Xpac is shooting you!

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            We ain’t scared of your security force. If we want to, they’ll be dead before they can touch their dicks.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            You wouldn’t kill Eddie Jobson. You wouldn’t dare!

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Dunno who that is, so I definitely would. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go make a grilled cheese sandwich.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I’m going to go eat tapir burgers with french fries now. You insulted my favorite prog rock violin player and now I’m sad.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Thank you for eating tapir burgers. You’re helping me “purify” the tapir society.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Why do you want to purify your race? Do you not like your race?

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Because at its current state it’s imperfect. After I’m done, tapirs will be übermensch!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Will the new tapirs still like prog rock and jazz fusion?

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            The new tapirs will only like post-avant jazzcore.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Nope, wrong answer. It’s time to make the tapir go extinct!

          • Sir Tapir the Based

          • Kim Jong Un
          • Kim Jong Un
          • Kim Jong Un

            I’m gonna eat some Cocoa Puffs and take a dump at the same time..

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iPQGxnb5kg

          • KJM

            I’ll eat pretty much anything if it’s grilled or deep fried.

          • Óðhinn

            Deep fried Mars bars?

          • KJM

            I like to think I wouldn’t eat it given the opportunity…

          • Óðhinn
          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Deep fried syphilis dicks?

          • FUKKBEARD

            better than the herpes dicks

          • Kim Jong Un
          • KJM

            I’ll think aboot it.

          • Kim Jong Un

            No, but Scott Weiland would!

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Vem är det?

          • Kim Jong Un

            Que?

          • Kim Jong Un
          • Kim Jong Un

            Get in my belly, you fucking reindeer!

            https://lizgalvao.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/bumble2.gif

            “If it’s slower than me, dumber than me, and it’s tasty, that motherfucker’s going in my belly” -Anthony Bourdain

          • FUKKBEARD
          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Vittu mää tungen perunan syvälle sun paskaseen perseeseen.

          • FUKKBEARD

            boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I feel like something is going over my head.

          • Kim Jong Un
          • KJM

            Mash ’em
            Boil ’em
            Stick ’em in a stew!!

          • Kim Jong Un

            Damn, you beat me to it.

          • Kim Jong Un
          • Kim Jong Un
          • KJM

            Damn, that sounds good.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            It is.

          • KJM

            Some gravy on those potatoes…

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Gravy isn’t a part of it, you infidel.

          • FUKKBEARD

            I dont accept this.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            It’s our meal, our rules.

          • KJM

            Gotta have either gravy or butter on mashed potatoes. IT IS WRITTEN.

          • cosigned. season them, no gravy

          • FUKKBEARD

            respectfully, and living in the south, I challenge anyone to needing more than butter, salt, pepper, and a little whole milk for their mashed taters

          • last year my g/f [now ex] made me mashed cauliflower. if not obvious, it was amazing. (and she claimed healthier, so yay)

          • FUKKBEARD
          • FUKKBEARD

            Did you donate? You should have.

          • oooooof cooouuurse! (Bane)

          • Óðhinn

            I used to put cauliflower in my mashed potatoes when I used to run a kitchen many years ago. It adds a really nice flavor in my opinion.

          • Kim Jong Un

            Couscous also works really well with them too.

          • Lacertilian

            boil cauliflower florets, drain, put into food processor with some crushed garlic cloves, add dashes of milk while blending until creamy. Done.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            A pinch of garlic works wonders too

          • Kim Jong Un

            And sour cream.

          • KJM

            Yummy.

          • That’s a paddlin’

            Nope, I’m keeping all that delicious reindeer for myself.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            No reindeer meat for militant atheists!

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            I’ve had moose jerky before. It was really good

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            In Soviet Russia, moose eats you

          • In “México” we don’t have moose.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I think you mean “Portugal”

          • No, it’s serious. Last time a moose entered Maracaibo it dissolved into a sticky goo in matter of minutes because all the heat, humidity, smog and bad reggaeton.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Millennia ago, when I was in third grade, a moose broke through our school’s fence at night. It managed to get away and the next day the fence had blood and moose hair on it. It was pretty cool.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            That poor moose. He probably died because of his injuries.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            We probably ate him.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            As long as it wasn’t a reindeer I’m fine with it being eaten with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I’m gonna eat some reindeer tonight, just for you.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            You evil, evil tapir.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I’m necessary evil *Bane voice*

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

            Pffffffft, Bane didn’t sound evil. He sounded like a gay art professor talking though a tin can.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            gay art professors talking though tin cans are pretty evil tho.

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs
          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I’m the necessary good though. For every evil force there is always a good force and that is me.

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs
          • That’s “rad” (like the US guys says over here).

            How’s the taste of moose meat?

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            It tastes like moose. It tastes like a good.

        • Óðhinn

          I think I like your country based on their positive cycling stereotypes alone.

          • tertius_decimus

            Amsterdam and København: many cyclists on cheap city commuting bikes.

            Kyiv: many cyclists on helluva expensive MTBs and road bikes. Given how expensive fuel became lately, many people have switched from cars to bicycles and that is a good thing.

            I’m roadie as well.

          • FUKKBEARD

            Cyclists are a big thing in my city (hippies/hipsters). They are a dangerous phenomena.

          • tertius_decimus

            Where do you live?

          • FUKKBEARD

            asheville, nc (us east coast, mountains)

          • Óðhinn

            How’s the mountain biking there? Any good XC trails?

          • FUKKBEARD

            That’s why all the cyclists are here, bro

          • Óðhinn

            That would make sense. 🙂

          • KJM

            There are 4 bike shops within a 5 minute walk from my apartment.

          • FUKKBEARD

            I almost kill nearly 5000 cyclists every day at work.

          • tertius_decimus

            Keep it at “almost” level, please. In Kyiv, we get the news about fatal accidents from time to time.

          • FUKKBEARD

            I do my best. A lot of my friends are cyclists (mostly of the ‘motor-‘variety). In the mountains, cyclists tend to end up in some very unforgiving places.

          • KJM

            I always thought the object of “the game” was to avoid the cars, not play Chicken with them.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            My town is not safe for cyclists. Fucktards don’t know how to drive here.

          • FUKKBEARD

            I thought everyone still rode horses in Funland.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Our cars are like the ones in The Flintstones.

          • FUKKBEARD

            Probably very hard to steer.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I dunno, never got a driver’s license.

          • FUKKBEARD

            (i also inadvertently made a horse joke)

            You not having a driver’s license makes sense, somehow.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            How the fuck am I gonna use a steering wheel with my hooves?

          • FUKKBEARD

            I donno. That is a cute mental image, though.

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

            You don’t need hands to drive. Here’s proof.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_hwerqogzQ

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

            I thought Finns rode donkeys like Don Quixote.

          • Óðhinn

            I’ve always found it a bit odd that he people who drive around in 4,000 Lb vehicles call cyclists dangerous. 😉

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Sorry I missed this convo, I love taking my road bike out but there’s a shit ton of hicks in giant F-150s that bro all over the road.

          • Óðhinn

            Sorry to hear that. I’ve actually found that the biggest douchebags on the road seem to drive full-size Ford pickups too. It must be the douchebag vehicle of choice.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            It most definitely is, hence the affinity for them that the bdubs bros display.

          • KJM

            I have a mountain bike with slick tires.

          • tertius_decimus

            I have rare Italian steel short-wheelbase racing steed. Love it to death.

          • KJM

            This bike with slicks, exact color and all.
            http://static.specialized.com/media/2003/bikes/hr_blue.jpg

          • tertius_decimus

            26″ tires?

          • KJM

            Yes. It was on the clearance rack at Ace Wheel Works. I would’ve bought a hybrid with 700cm had there been one there.

          • tertius_decimus

            I guess, if you’re using slick tires, wouldn’t be better to buy road bike? Or maybe you have some safety concerns regarding riding on public roads?

          • KJM

            I would’ve got a hybrid if one had been on the clearance rack(priority number one) because I want something a little more solid with more choice in terms of gear selection

          • Óðhinn
          • Óðhinn

            Sweet.

          • Óðhinn

            I use to commute on a Yeti MTB with road tires too. I now commute on a custom-built Salsa La Cruz most days. I use Schwalbe Marathon Supreme tires for commuting. They are the best, and most durable, tires I’ve found for commuting.

            http://www.schwalbetires.com/marathon_supreme_home

            http://www.ecovelo.info/images/marathon-supreme.jpg

          • Óðhinn

            I agree with that. As a commuter cyclist myself, I can attest that there are a few benefits to cycling vs driving. Better health, more alert in the morning, no money spent on fuel (thus none given to oil companies, other than chain lubricant), no money spent on parking, less wear on your car if you own one (less mechanic bills), better for the environment, causes less traffic, and I’m happier when I arrive at work.

            Northern Europe is well ahead of the curve regarding cycling culture. I’m in the minority when it comes to North Americans. Although commuter cycling is on the rise in progressive urban areas, many people still feel it’s their “God-given right” to destroy the planet with the largest pick-up trucks they can find. They even think it’s funny.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            In Australia, cyclists are a bunch of entitled arseholes that need to be run off the road. They have no regard for the rules of the road yet expect motorists to accomodate them.

          • On The Sundae Of Life…

            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
            TRUTH!!!

          • Óðhinn

            Are you sure it’s not the exact opposite of what you say?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            100% positive

          • Óðhinn
          • CyberneticOrganism

            Good article, very interesting point.

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs
          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

            Being against coal rolling? Oh, that’s a definite paddlin!

            http://i.minus.com/i95hI02AaYkQO.gif

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

            Sadly, I still don’t know how to ride a bike.

          • tertius_decimus

            Now is the right time to make it happen. You’ll never be happier.

          • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

            Perhaps. It’s not exactly on the top of my bucket list.

      • Óðhinn

        It’s true. Little known fact, a “moose” is actually just a Canadian mouse. It’s a fact. My Canadian friend told me all “aboot” it.

      • Kim Jong Un

        What, they chew you to death?

        • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

          Ram you. Kick you. Attack you.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      Here’s a good joke about Canada:

      How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

      2: one to screw in the lightbulb and the other to apologize for taking a little longer than expected.

  • Kim Jong Un

    • FUKKBEARD

      all the classiness we’ve come to expect from you KJU

      • Kim Jong Un

        *takes a bow and squeezes a loaf*

      • Kim Jong Un

        For some weird reason, they’re showing downvotes on that one.

        • FUKKBEARD

          Straight to the gulag

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      KJU plz!

      • Kim Jong Un

        Who dares say Supreme Leader’s name without fear?!

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          The shitty violin player from Curved Air who isn’t Eddie Jobson. I don’t know his name off the top of my head.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    (all 3 at once–1st vid mute-2nd vid mute(or with vol)-3rd vid full vol)
    https://youtu.be/0Xo6FaypcpY

    -https://youtu.be/O5RdMvgk8b0

    -https://youtu.be/njGnOV3A04Q

  • KJM

    A friend in need, is a friend with Kraft Dinner.

    Is that Canadian enough?

  • KJM

    Iz very tempting to make cheap joke about moose and squirrel, no?(said in cheap Soviet Bloc accent)

  • J.R.

    Just got back from spending my day on the lake. Gotta watch game of thrones and then that mead ninja is yours

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Looking forward to it.

      • J.R.

        It’s up mayne
        BASK IN ITS ETERNALITY

    • KJM

      Seems like there’s still a lot of ground to cover and only one episode left for the year.

      • J.R.

        I have no idea where they will end it, but I’m feeling they are done with Dany and her arc for the season. Probably more Stannis/ Night’s Watch stuff.
        Also I deleted my recording before I saw the “Next time on…” so.

        • KJM

          Hopefully it will be a longer than normal episode. They haven’t done that in a while though.

  • J.R.

    RUDIMENTARY CREATURES OF BLOOD AND FLESH. YOU TOUCH MY MIND, FUMBLING IN IGNORANCE, INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING.

    AS I HAVE ONCE CHOPPED SO NOW DO I CHOP AGAIN

    • CyberneticOrganism

      On the one hand, huzzah and well done! On the other hand: NO SILHOUETTES

      Fuck it, let’s feature this comment.

      • J.R.

        Oh fuck. Lemme get home and fix it.

      • J.R.

        I have altered my image to better fit the silhouette theme. should I resubmit as a response to my original image or as I new comment altogether?

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Make it a response plz

          • J.R.

            done!

    • J.R.

      Now Silhouette-ified for closer subject compliance.

      WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW

      • CyberneticOrganism

        FLAWLESS VICTORY!

        • J.R.

          YUSS!!

  • Óðhinn

    ~~~