Phone Stains: 1-900-Luv-Jeez

Saviors are waiting to hear your prayers. Call now!

Easter is just a few days away. You may have noticed, what with supermarkets trying to cram your face with hams and flavored Peeps or the random people selling flowers and balloons on street corners. For some, it’s an extremely important religious holiday where you put on your best clothes and go to chuch. For others it’s a fun day of egg hunts, dyeing eggs, and stuffing yourself with chocolate eggs. From what I can tell, Jesus was made entirely out of eggs.

When dealing with the world’s most popular religion, questionable products abound. They range from the relatively harmless to the cringe-worthyplease, God, don’t let this be real.” This being Shirt Stains, most might expect a slew of absurdly violent and/or sacrilegious merchandise. I decided to go a different route. Or perhaps it was divine intervention.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall use his image on their band’s cell phone cover. Christian metalcore band For Today loves them some JC. They love him so much that guitarist Mike Reynolds felt the need to go on a homophobic rant in his name on Twitter. The rest of For Today didn’t share his views (or had enough sense to shut up so they don’t ruin their gravy train) and kicked him out following an apology from the lead singer. That’s what happens when you cast the first stone, you hate-filled douchecake.

fortodayjesusiphone

Trying to cash in on that young, hip, Christ-loving crowd that needs to make phone calls, For Today decided to plaster their lord’s face, complete with crown of thorns, on a phone cover. As if he hasn’t suffered enough for the world’s sins, J-Dawg now has a crappy band’s logo emblazoned on his forehead. Why don’t you just put a “Romans Punch Here” sign on him while you’re at it, For Today? Is the trickle of blood necessary? Do we really need to know that getting a bunch of thorns jammed onto your noggin really hurts?

I find this illustration of Jeezy Creezy an odd choice. I can understand not wanting to go with a Weeping Christ image. A band like For Today doesn’t want to give people the willies. You can’t be moshing at the edge of the pit and Snapchatting the girl you gave a promise ring to if you’re bummed out about God. It’s hard to praise his name while hanging out in the food court at the mall when your phone reminds you that you’re a sinner. Jesus take the wheel and call back in 5, k?

Why not go with a Triumphant Christ? This version that For Today uses looks like he’s going to mug someone at the bus station so he can have enough smack money leftover to buy a slice of pizza at 7 Eleven. If a guy that looks like this says “Excuse me, Sir. Can I just ask you a question for a minute?” you say, “Sorry, can’t help you” and walk quickly to the nearest well-lit area.

Happy Easter to those that celebrate it. Happy Sunday to those that don’t. Just remember: All that candy will be marked down on Monday.

Written by:

Published on: March 25, 2016

Filled Under: Metal, Shirt Stains

Views: 1448

Tags: , , , , , ,

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      So, he’s Ronnie Coleman? It all makes sense now. All of it.

      • Ronnie Coleman is MY lord and savior.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Ahhhh, I got it now.

    • I forgot this existed, hahahaha

  • Jesus gave me the strength and discipline to pedal my way to work this morning. Praise the baby Jesus!!! Praise that mother fucker hard!!!

    https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/11219510_10154098833218338_4176560961879799005_n.jpg?oh=01925563b270dfcd2980bca21eddcd97&oe=574AB463

  • COAL ROLL

    I don’t care that this is someone else’s meme

    • Pro-tip: these things have enough paraffin in them that they can be filled with beer for a festive holiday mug.

  • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

    If I were running things Christians wouldn’t even be allowed to have phones in the first place

  • “Hey Peter, I can see your house from here!”

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    Without Easter, those delicious Cadbury Eggs might never have been invented. I’m just saying…

  • skip to 1:00 and stay for bonus Jon Benjamin.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRuUBxMk0Og

  • Spear
  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • King Shit plz! Don’t make fun of those who need an Invisible Sky Daddy to get through their day! They’re delicate flowers who must be kept!

    • EsusMoose

      Shall forever be one of my favorite gifs http://i.imgur.com/XNdHv.gif

    • Spear

      Jesus Camp is one of those things I’m okay with never seeing again.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        It was like watching the best car accident ever.

        • Spear

          Ha! That’s one way to put it. Seriously messed up.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Just so awkward and cringe-inducing.

    • Growing up a conservative christian, this movie had a powerful impact on me that I’m thankful for.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Great documentary. Terrible people.

      • I’ve seen this documentary used as justification for treating all Christians like shit, so I have mixed feelings on it. It’s good to expose extremely radical brainwashing like this, but for someone to lack the ability to distinguish between these people and every other Christian is absurd to me

        • Who decides what constitutes a “real” Christian?

          Most of what I say is just bleak humor. I don’t care if people can’t let go of the Santa Claus thing. Just don’t elect politicians & judges that affect MY life based on those fantasies.

          • Who cares what a “real” Christian is? People are people, let’s treat them with respect no matter how awful they are. You aren’t going to convince someone to respect your beliefs by shitting on theirs.

            But yeah totally don’t impose beliefs via laws

          • I don’t care if people view the world the same as me. I’m not going to wither and die if most people view my beliefs as bullshit. My only requirement of the world is stay out of my face and I’ll stay out of yours. However, if my opinion on the subject is the topic of conversation, don’t be offended when I’m honest.

            I think way to many people confuse “tolerance” with “acceptance”.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            if people never voiced an opposing opinion, then wed get run over roughshod by the majority

          • Is this a John Galt quote?

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            no?

          • Why would he be interested in quoting the words of a spoiled brat?

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            To be honest I don’t even know who that is

          • It’s a character from ‘Atlas Shrugged’. I guess that supposed to mean only Randian Objectivists are allowed to have issues with religion or some silliness like that.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            Sorry bro I’m an existentialist

          • “My only requirement of the world is stay out of my face and I’ll stay out of yours.”

            Randroids are also fond of this sentiment, as it interferes with their “rational self-interest.”

          • Strange, since I hate Randroids as much as I hate Abrahamics since they’re both cultists.

          • Sir Tapir The Based
          • I’m more in favor of treating people with respect if they aren’t awful, which, coincidentally, people are capable of being even if they have religious beliefs.

          • Rob M

            I think plenty of religious people would probably agree

          • See also: all the Muslims trying to get the fuck out of Syria who would like to not be blamed for bombings they don’t commit.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
        • CyberneticOrganism

          Yeah the people in the film are pretty deep into bible world; they don’t share much with regular ol’ people going to church once a week (or month).

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            Then you might want to come down to the mountains and see for yourself

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Mountains yes. Church no.

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            thats what it looked like this morning in the Smokies! just add a 30ft cross w “Jesus died for you” or “jesus saves” on the side of the road every 2 miles, right in between the church every other mile

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I think we need to have a TovH meetup in your area then… not for the jesus thing but for the foggy mountains.

          • ..and for Big Fuzz

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Odd, I’ve been to the Smokie Mountains several times and never saw any religious signs.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            i dont know hpw thats possible. would you like me to take pictures on this 30 minute ride to my next job? i bet theres at least 5

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Sure, baby, sure!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Just a regular day over at Grizzly “Uncle Blackbeard” Adams’ place:

  • Why do all the shitty bands make things that the rest of us might be interested in? I would be down for a Weekend Nachos, Magrudergrind or ANB case. Get on that Relapse.

  • 365ChaosRiddenDays

    Look at this, Jesus!

  • Then again if it weren’t for Abrahamic religion, we wouldn’t have SATAN.

  • Guacamole Jim

    This Easter, get ripped with Jesus.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q31CCDVdas

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Tom Araya? ^^^^^^^

  • Fuck this ‘eternal life in paradise’ shit. I take great comfort in KNOWING that someday my existence will end permanently.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Preach it, brother.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      KJM plz! Don’t say that!

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD
      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        The shittiest Watain cover band.

        DOWNVOTE

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          srsly?

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Nah, I’m only joking. They often get thrashed for supposedly “ripping off Watain”, but in all honesty I don’t really mind them.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            i dont even see them in the same subgenre

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            YAITW is much crustier. The only thing they might have in common with Watain are the pig blood spraying live shows.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm
        • I don’t hear the similarity

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            i tip my fedora to thee

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          I hate their name.

          • They used to be way more punk based, which explains the (awesome) name

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            im in both camps with the name

            they are much better than they were before tho

          • No comment

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            have you ever booked them?

          • They’re hard to get, since they’re pretty huge around here.

            Also their crew comes and tries to fight/pull knives on people, so no thanks.

            I’d love to see them out of state where their crew isn’t around!

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            i saw them in 2014, here in AVL. they were . . . quite rowdy

          • That they are, which is why I’d love to see them in a different setting

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            a couple o my friends were pissed they got blood/spit on

            no real violence to speak of tho

          • Oh no I got dirty at a metal concert

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            lol right

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Their name does sound a bit deathcore-ish.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            It just doesn’t match the music at all.

          • Rob M

            I think its a take off of “Old and in the Way” which was a pretty kickass bluegrass supergroup

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Jerry Garcia?

          • Rob M

            Yeah…vocals and plays a pretty badass banjo

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Haven’t listened to them, but I’m familiar with the name. A biker dude living in my area is the country’s biggest Grateful Dead and in turn Jerry Garcia fan. Rambles on and on how Grateful Dead is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Anybody who claims otherwise in his presence…

          • I like The Dead and they’re a favorite of mine, but I won’t go that far.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            His love for The Dead gets deeper than your usual fandom. It borders on obsession. Still gets tears to his eyes when he thinks back to the “Grateful Dead Happenings” he went to in the past.

          • Rob M

            Yeah..Im not a big Dead fan…but I can dig some bluegrass..those guys can shred

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            My dad is a giant Deadhead as well.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Yeah, I like them too. Of course, I don’t listen to them extremely often, but my dad has a good amount of Grateful Dead stuff as well, so I’m quite familiar with them. In fact, I enjoy a lot of the rock stuff from the 60’s and the 70’s.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            My dad has quite a bit of their stuff.

          • can i interview your dad for the toilet

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t know how he’d feel about that because he has no clue I comment here.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, he’d take one look at our comments on here and wonder “where did I go wrong? He was so full of hopes and dreams”.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            My dad absolutely hates them.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            GAHHHHHH!!!!!!

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Loved their last album, despite the complete Gorgoroth ripoff song.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      U don’t know tho.

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        when i die, i will ascend to Finland

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Mine’s gonna rot and burn in Detroit.

      • When you’re dead, you’re dead. You go into the ground and rot. Anything beyond that is pure mythology.

        • Given that it is basically unprovable or disprovable, speculation would be the less pissant term.

          • Gurp, you have just proven that Agnosticism is the only watertight belief system. (right?)

          • I’d like to believe so, even though there’s a pretty large war of semantics that seems to pretty consistently follow the use of the term.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            Pick a side

          • good point. i choose… SATAN

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            The only real choice

          • Since I’m a pissant(obviously), I’ll stick with mythology.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            Agnosticism the only way for you to be non-committal

          • Who needs to commit?

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            Well if you believe you’re going to be saved you have to be a Christian

          • Because Christianity is the only religion in the world that deals with an afterlife, amirite?

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            That’s not the point I was trying to make

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
        • Sir Tapir The Based

          U have died? U know?

      • EsusMoose

        Tapir god best god

    • you gotta admit: eternal life in paradise makes a great sale, whether it turns out to be true or not.
      this is the closest thing to religious debate i’m going to offer.

      • Perhaps to you and others it seems attractive. To me it does not.

        • hrm, i see what you are saying. i should have prefaced that it doesn’t seem attractive to me either. but for most…

        • more beer

          Yea because this life isn’t hard enough. You should suffer for all eternity. Fuck that.

          • KJU gone again?

          • more beer

            He was pretty pissed we shall see.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Huh, wha? Sure you guys mean KJM, and not me? I’m confused now. Moooooooooooooooommmmm, there’s a glitch in the Matrix!!!!

          • more beer

            yea he got pretty pssed this morning.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Huh? I never left. *scratches my head*

          • The Shake guy. There are too many of you to keep track of. He had a K in his name too.

  • Spear

    I’m not sure how I can live knowing that somewhere out there, somebody actually paid good money for a Jesus Christ body pillow.

  • D. Lee

    Whoah, that Jesus is ripped

  • Lots of edge up in the comments this morning.
    http://images.wisegeek.com/bandaid-applied-to-finger.jpg

  • Dubs

    Happy Good Friday to those who celebrate and those who don’t. If you aren’t working today, enjoy your day off!

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      i took easter monday off

      SO I COULD SEE BONGZILLA ON EASTER SUNDAY

    • Coincidentally, about half my team is taking the day off for various reasons related to vacation time, and there was like no traffic on the highway today getting to work.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I have to do stations of the cross tonight and i cant eat meat today.

      • Put your right foot in
        Put your right foot out

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I’m confused.

          • It’s okay, My Son, all will become clear to you after you die.

          • more beer

            Doing the hokey pokey is what it’s all about!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    This Easter, please consider the approaching end times and purchase freeze-dried garbage food in bulk.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyxTG1mucfs

  • If my mother’s pain and suffering is part of some Sky Daddy’s all-knowing plan, then fuck that plan and anyone who goes along with it. Come at me.

  • I have to work on easter and I’m not getting holiday pay. Fuck this company.

  • Rob M

    Man..two things that should never be discussed around the dinner table…or in this case the toilet..politics and religion

    • I’d like to think political discussions can be productive if cooler heads prevail.

      I mean,they often don’t, but still.

      • Rob M

        If people going in can agree that they’ll disagree than yeah, I think it could be productive..too often it falls into “My side is right and just, your side is wrong and evil”…nothing good comes out of that

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          It can’t possibly get much worse than it does at two well-known other places 😉

          • Rob M

            Ugh..the people those places can attract make my skin crawl

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’m semi-done commenting over there. Place has been looking like this all week…

          • Rob M

            Once in a blue moon I’ll post something, but after someone got ass-bent when I pointed out their comment sections tends to attract racists assholes to certain articles I was pretty much done…

            ..plus Im tired of Conan repeating the same 5 jokes over and over again

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            just make fun of the girl who charles manson killed and he will go away

          • Rob M

            …and where the hell were you when I really needed to know that?

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            here

          • Rob M

            …so this is my fault, is what youre saying?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            She was pretty though.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            pretty dead now

            (looks around for conan)

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Y u do dis? Terry Melcher might have been the victim instead but he wasn’t home so he didn’t get killed.

          • more beer

            No they all would have been victims.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            to cast a spell and set wards about this place against conan

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Works quite well.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            This comment ripped off Akercocke.

          • Rob M

            Gah…even if I had been into Akercocke before hand, I officially hate that band because of him

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Hating Akercocke is a crime.

          • Rob M

            I know plenty of dudes who are into them, but they arent really my thing

          • I’m with you on that.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Y’know, you could just say ‘Oi shut the fuck up about Akercocke we know you like them’

          • Why? I don’t mind you talking about your favorite bands.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Well in that case, I hope pissgrave do a mini tour of the U.K. when they come here for Temples fest. Would love to see them at Damnation.

          • Fuck yes! I need to catch them live myself.

          • Rob M

            Even if youre not going to MDF if youre in the area,get a ticket for the MDF pre-fest…its like $25.00

          • Good point.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Went on a tour of the university damnation is at, they didn’t even mention all the metal bands that played there. Just the usual Rolling Stones etc. Shit, they could at least have namedropped cannibal corpse.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I hope Immolaton do more dates than just Incineration fest as well. Fuck, the south shouldn’t have all the good metal shows. I might be able to catch Gorguts on Monday.

          • I haven’t listened to them since I encountered Conan. Some fans just leave a bad taste in your mouth.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I have no problem with Conan. He’s a nice guy.

          • I can’t say I miss him.

          • I completely forgot about him honestly. I just remember all of the NSFW images he posted.

          • I guess we have to thank him, in a way. If his shitposting didn’t get Axl and Vince to turn the embedding off, we probably wouldn’t have this blog.

          • Does he still comment?

          • I think he does over on MS still, and I know he has a FB profile.

          • more beer

            He commented here last week or the week before.

          • Who do you like better, Pissgrave or Akercocke? Just curious is all.

          • Rob M

            Pissgrave x infinity

          • Same. He just brings up both bands so often I had to ask.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            SATAAAAAAAAAAAAN

          • I never took you for a NWOBHM fan.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m a fan of that movement.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm
          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’m going to be completely stereotypical here; the song that got me into Venom is…

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc7xLNR97YM

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Mine was At War With Satan. Such a good album.

          • Do you prefer Black Metal over Welcome to Hell? I’m more of a Welcome to Hell kinda guy my self.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Probably Welcome To Hell. Imagine what a fucking furor that caused when an album that evil came out in Conservative Britain.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Phahahahahahahah. Fuck labels.

          • Rob M

            “Welcome to Hell” is the better album, but the title track on “Black Metal” is un-fuck-withable

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Im a fan of a lot of NWOBHM. Persian Risk and Tigers Of Pan Tang are favorites as are Praying Mantis and of course the classics.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            If t makes any difference I don’t actually listen to bandwagon bands exclusively.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I listen to all kinds of metal, except things MS describes as ‘beautiful’ or a ‘gem’

          • more beer

            Or any album they give 5 horns up to. If they are saying it is that good it is probably shit.

          • Rob M

            Phil Boozeman…need I say more

          • more beer

            Nope!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            The 5/5 rating for that Fit For An Autopsy album still cracks me up. Phil Boozeman…fucking hell hahahahahahaha

          • more beer

            In this moment got 5 what the fuck!

          • no i figured that one out day one. they created a fake WordPress author who praised nu-metal a few weeks prior to that review being published.

          • more beer

            I just figured money talked.

          • in a sense, yes. they didn’t want a major band who brings in lots of clicks to get upset at a low review of their shitty nu-metal experiment. think of how many times they make fun of nu-metal on other articles…

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Rob M

            Boozeman strikes me as a kid whose new to metal and tried to jump into the deep end without learning to swim..

            ..terrible taste though

          • more beer

            Well someone should help him out by throwing him an anvil.

          • Rob M

            Nah..dudes like that are still salvageable, if someone would actually talk to him. Unfortunately hes on MS, so his chances are pretty much nonexistent

          • more beer

            So then he should be put out of his misery. I see Rhombus all the time since he moved here. He really doesn’t know what he is talking about. I have read reviews of shows he has done. That I have been at. I always end up wondering if he was even really there. They are so off target.

          • Rob M

            Thats right…he’s in Denver now isnt he? He seems to have decent taste in metal, but I wouldnt be surprised to find he was just grabbing it off of more informed sites

          • more beer

            Yes he is. The Denver Black Sky review is a perfect example. There are 2 stages. In between Skinless and Pig Destroyer. A very popular local doom band played the second stage. Every hot chick in the place was dancing and shaking their ass. They played a killer set might I add. But he couldn’t figure out why they played in between. those 2 bands. Well someone had to play the second stage. Then I saw him the next day at the after party. I was talking to Sherwood and Joe from Skinless. He just sat around looking lost. He just strikes me as clueless.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • more beer

            Yep that is the right guy for the job.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            He probably isn’t a bad kid, but it feels like he doesn’t really has any business writing “objective” reviews.

          • Rob M

            Exactly…I just dont think he’s got the depth of knowledge about metal to draw on yet to really write reviews

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            ‘Check out this retro-rock gem’
            Nah thanks, I’m good. If I want to listen to a 70’s band I’ll listen to an actual 70’s band.

          • more beer

            Or join us for more adventures in pedophillia and watch this video full of kids.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Or join us on a witch-hint of an entire fucking band because own member did something stupid which doesn’t actually matter. I think a lot of metal’s bullshit drama comes from that tumour of a site.

          • Rob M

            Nailed it…

          • more beer

            They ruined one guy with Oteps accusations and even her band didn’t back her up.

          • Rob M

            Whose got time to fact check..theres clickbait to be posted

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            And now the readers have to stomach an article about her every time that twatwaffle opens her mouth.

          • more beer

            Like anyone cares what she has to say besides them.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Metal Injection did exactly that as well with the whole Otep thing. I quit going there after they posted an article where a band member was accused of rape, and the fucking idiots put her Facebook address and email up on there. And the comments section definitely got nasty, as in “bitch fucking asked for it” comments.

          • more beer

            They are sister publications so they do the same things.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I figured as much. Back when I did go on either one, it seemed like they traded off trolls most of the time.

          • more beer

            Both part of the Blast Beat Network.

          • more beer

            But you know they will only talk shit and bring the drama online. In person they probably just bitch up.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Yeah, exactly. ‘I’m gonna fucking kill that nuclear Hellfrost guy if I see him!’
            No you aren’t.

          • more beer

            Yea right. That guy would take one step towards them. They would be begging for forgiveness while balled up on the floor in the fetal position.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            ‘YEAH BRO KILL HE ASS’
            ‘SHUT UP MOM BRING MY CHEETOS DOWN BITCH’
            *Walk plays on repeat in background*

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            There and Blabbermouth. You can practically play Bingo with the comments section on BM, it’s that predictable.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I like Conan. I don’t always agree with him, but I always got along with him quite well. I’m more tired of those asshole guest commenters and failed trolls/obnoxious douchebags who always appear to harass you with every fucking comment you write.

          • Rob M

            He’s not an asshole or anything…I just find him to be one of those guys who dosnt know how to let a joke go. He just keeps beating the same horse into mulch long after anyone stopped caring…

            …but yeah, the biggest problem is definitely the people pop up and feel the need to twist everything so they can act like completely dick-weasels for no reason

          • Conan is on FB, and he really is a sincere dude. (sorry for doxxing, whatever). he’s like anyone else, he likes to take jabs at people… something that’s very difficult to interpret on Disqus (as we’ve proven here today)

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Conan was always one of the guys on MS I got along with the best. Of course I don’t always agree with him (mostly when it comes to Behemoth’s music), but at least you can discuss music with the guy. There’s one guest commenter on there who’s always shit talking him. Even when said guest commenter starts talking to me he takes jabs at Conan. I always end up ignoring him. Don’t want any of that childish schoolyard crap.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I’ve been friends with him on FB for quite a while, and he’s never taken any jabs at me. He comes off as very polite to me.

          • i mean jabs like you and i throw at each other. somebody might step in and think we are enemies, which couldn’t be further from the trvth

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            You and I always just settle our differences with some good old fashioned friendly grease wrestling and pal-ing around like the hotel fight scene from Borat.

          • now that was a good one

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
    • in all seriousness, i imagine everyone in here has the ability to get along after riling each other up. it’s fun to take jabs at people, but there’s literally not one soul i dislike in here

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        How HUMANE of you, Jimmy.

      • Rob M

        Just an old saying my father would sometimes throw around. I assume most people here have gotten to know each other long enough that its not really a big deal

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        There’s literally not one soul I like in this place.

        • the yin to my yang <3

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          here is your honorary fedora

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I haven’t been to r/atheism enough to deserve a fedora

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            thats why its honorary duuuh

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        There’s only 2 people I don’t like on here, and I simply just ignore them.

        • KJU and Princess Poopypants? jaja

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, I don’t like myself? I heard you and Gorak have been having a lover’s quarrel.

        • RJA

          ignoring is a very effective and underused method.

    • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

      Even the Toilet is being pretty tame about the whole thing, haven’t seen anyone calling each other names yet.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • If you don’t believe in an Invisible Sky Daddy and object to having religion pushed on you, you must be a fedora wearing Randian Objectivist. What a fat load of happy horse shit.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      KJM plz! I’m very religious and I had religion pushed on me!

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        .. . wut

      • I’m very sorry for you.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          It’s fine. I have no problem with it.

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      i dont know how many times i gotta say it: DONT WEAR HATS

      • Although I dislike the band, I am a man without a hat.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Can we still dance if we want to, and leave our friends behind? Because they don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, they’re no friends of mine.

    • False, dichotomy, much? No one here cares if you have religious beliefs or not, but this infantile r/Atheism euphoria rubs people the wrong way.

      https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/671421190007746560/1AM-dJf6.png

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        just because our unbelief is just as fervent as the opposite doesnt mean were trying to be “edgy.”

        • KJM definitely is. Also you don’t get to make comments like ‘throw them to the lions’ and try and play that off as not-edgy.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            well, lions probably cost a lot of money, so we can just use mountain lions or bears around here

          • Bah, land mammals. Mix it up and try crocodiles or something.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            no crocodiles in nc

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Put a few tapirs in there too.

          • Nasty bite on those things.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            We just feed people to my dog around here:

            http://www.baxterboo.com/images/breeds/medium/pomeranian.jpg

            That is the face of a true, untamed savage killing machine!

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    I would laugh, but I’m still looking for a Howl Mockery at the Cross sticker to put on the back of my phone case.

  • let me divert your attention for a moment and share with you a tune that @Lacertilian:disqus #gifted me
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYcZmDwnnWM

  • Stanley

    Just chill and make love on Sunday morning.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXdvCE5T5I8

  • RJA

    Do you fuckers not need free music – no one took me up on my offers. Here the info.
    Hexer – Self Titled http://www.gileadmedia.net/redeem RELIC46YGEXARQS
    Aevangelist – new one http://www.dropcards.com/vinyl 6D9V77DD9G
    One of these is new Horrendous other is new Grave Ritual – don’t know which.
    http://xvinyx.com/download/ AA3Y4URX7M / 9HWDSUX6BM
    enjoy the day folks.

    • Dubs

      I’ll take dat AEvangelist

    • Dubs

      And nabbed. Thankee kindly.

    • tried to get that Horrendous, but link didn’t work. perhaps somebody scooped her up

      • RJA

        could be man, sorry. there are 2 codes there for that same link – you try both?

        • i did a bit of googling, your link maybe should have been to xvinylx.com. but both codes are invalid so no worries m9! as they say “it’s the thought that counts”.

          • RJA

            yes, I missed a L there! somebody must have snatched them already.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    That Jesus in the header really does look like he’s made out of eggs.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Happy Easter/Good Friday/Eggs n’ Candy day to all.
    Also- For Today is a terrible band, but not because they are or claim to be Christians. Their terrible-ness has nothing to do with their religion or their somtimes-preachy lyrics and image. They’re terrible because the MUSIC they play is unimaginative, by-the-numbers metalcore circa-2004. Flush.
    There’s plenty of legitimately awesome Christian metal music/bands. Crimson Thorn would be a good example.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    I thought Jesus was made out of wine and crackers, actually.

    http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/446/1980/1600/jesus%20created%20ritz%20copy.0.jpg

  • BobLoblaw

  • Guppusmaximus
  • Guppusmaximus
  • Mark Hunt’s Cardio

    gg