Periphery – Alpha: A Video Breakdown

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Peripher-you, Peripher-me.

For me, Periphery falls under the “I think I’ve heard their songs before, but I’m not positive” category. The Contortionist, Animals As Leaders, Tesseract, Monuments and about 30 other djenty proggy noodle bands also fall in this category. They all just kind of blend together in a thick stew made of guitars with too many strings,”dreamy” vocals, and flannel shirts. If that description bothers you, write a 12 minute song about it. Don’t forget the chuggity chugs and “pretty” parts. People seem to really like them, so, in the interest of fairness, I will give them a chance by breaking down the video for their new song “Alpha”.


0:04: Rainbow Gravity sounds like a Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie
0:08: Aww, he sleeps like a 4 year old.
0:13: Someone spiked his Monster Java – Kona Blend.
0:18: This guy doesn’t wear socks? His shoes must stink.
0:20: Of COURSE he has a flask.
0:35: “Da fuk iz dis?”
0:41: “She had ‘Man hands’”
0:48: Oh, so he’s playing a survival-horror game.
0:56: And he’s losing badly.
1:00: Not his “Participation: 2nd Place” trophy! Noooooooo!
1:03: Apparently that trophy was made out of bad special effects.
1:14: And now he’s on to “Suburbia Simulator 2000”.
1:20: Level: Prefabricated Las Vegas Neighborhood.
1:26: I’m guessing a lot of people have that look right about now.
1:32: Trick or treat, bitches!
1:49: Looks like someone’s parents found his “N00dz” folder.
1:54: “I was just holding them for a friend!”
1:58: That’s the same strategy amateur hackers use when the police find them.
2:05: Hahaha woooow on all levels.
2:20: This guy just barges into houses.
2:26: Municipal Waste must live here.
2:35: Easy on the Peppermint Schnapps, pal.
2:48: This is where a chest burster pops out of him.
2:51: Stupid fuckin’ hood!
3:00: Texts “Hey baby wanna f000korz???” to everyone on his contacts list.
3:11: Aw, it’s that friendship bracelet Lindsay Lohan gave him.
3:16: Dude, have you ever heard of knocking?
3:23: The crappy video is filming from inside the house!
3:38: Sure, why not?
3:47: They’re wearing the same thing. Awkward!
3:54: The same thing happens when you walk across a rug wearing socks on a dry day.
4:01: Without his keys, how will he ever be able to ride his skateboard?
4:07: Mwwwwwwah!
4:19: They really ran out of ideas when they made Grand Theft Auto 19.
4:25: It was so good the first time they just had to show it again.
4:28: Inception, bitch!
4:39: Hmmm, now where did I park my skateboard?
4:53: It’s possessed! Smash it!
5:05: Not my Hyundai Elantra!
5:11: Heavy Metal 2015
5:20: I’m lost. So the CIA knew Internal Affairs was setting them up?
5:39: So it was all a dream.
5:40: A stupid, stupid dream.
5:51: A stupid, stupid emo-bro dream.

That sure was deep and introspective. Or something. And those special effects were really…something…yeah. Here I was thinking they were a metal band. Silly me. I want those 6 minutes of my life back. I’ll be sending Sumerian Records a bill in the mail.

(Photo VIA)

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  • Between The Buried & Smee

    Animals As Leaders are very different from and better than those other bands. Tesseract is good too, but AAL is something else entirely.

    • Dagon

      Rings of Saturn is where it’s at bro

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Don’t you say that… don’t you ever, ever say that.

        http://youtu.be/rr9_EgFKr1Q?t=3s

        • Dagon

          Everyone here loves RoS, as evidenced by our passionate participation in recent online contests.

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      Whoa, that is 100% my opinion too. I knew I could always rely on Smee.

  • Tyree
  • EsusMoose

    how did he got a Pono player if he’s under house arrest.

  • Buttzocles, Ignatius’ Disciple

    wherefore ruin’st thou my day?
    an err that I didst check
    for this I paused my metal black?
    demandeth I those minutes back
    the hateful rope I slip about my neck

  • I think what he really mean to say was “This song is amazing and I am now a huge Periphery fan. I’m off to ask Misha Mansoor really creepy, personal questions on his ask page.”

    • And don’t forget the mustard ship ._.)

      • Yes. That is almost as important as the ketchup ship.

        • if you’re in chicago, there is no ketchup ship.

          • EsusMoose

            Thank god I don’t consider Chicago a place then

          • if you’re in Venezuela, there’s no mustard ship (for real, we can’t fin mustard since 6 months ago ._.)

          • Howard Dean

            Wait, what happened to all your mustard? Is someone holding it ransom? Trade embargo?

            My internal enterprising self is trying to figure out a way to export you guys some mustard. How are you supposed to keep up your energy for crazy street fights?

          • I don’t know! T_T I have months without eat my hot dogs with mustard!! T____T

  • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

    Oh look it’s the same spaceship as the terrible Scarlet music video. Look, I love you Periphery but you suck at Music Vids so stop making them you fools.

    • It was a mustard ship too? o.o)

      • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

        Look up the video for Scarlet if you want to (I’m not linking it because it sucks). There’s a mustard and a Ketchup ship.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Everytime I listen to this band I become less ignorant towards them.

  • JWG

    Kona ‘blend’ is a crime against good coffee.

    And using it as an energy drink flavour should be against some sort of Geneva Convention analogue.

    • Howard Dean

      That Monster Kona Blend Energy Coffee thing is like liquid genocide (that is not at all a compliment).

  • tertius_decimus

    Rainbow gravity? Physicists are crying.

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    I had to stop the video and just read the breakdown

    • i swear the song is great

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        My ears disagreed. Sry mcnutty

        • das okay. at least we know this one fact: if some supreme beings wanted you and me to fight to the death, they could not accomplish said task by putting us both into a small arena and dropping one Periphery CD and one Deafheaven CD in the middle.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Maybe if there was beer

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Deafheaven is the best.

      • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

        This song IS great. I haven’t listened to the album yet because I don’t think I can handle 80 minutes of Periphery, but this is exactly Periphery with better songwriting.

        • it’s pretty much perfect. they do a fine job of changing things around enough that 80 minutes of it doesn’t get old.

          • but, do you think that’s a record FOR fans? Because I feel like Hubert. I would think that’s too long. Same thing happened for me with the last Soilwork.

          • soilwork’s double album was just a collection of songs. Juggernaut has segues, interludes, and recurring sound in a few places (that hook from “Alpha” comes back at the end of the 12-minute “Omega” on side two). the structure and flow make it a proper double album, in similar to some of the classic doubles like Quadrophenia and The Wall. (i’m not saying the quality is as good, but structurally yes)

          • wow.. you buyed me with that description 🙂 I’m now curious, to be honest.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            That’s how they get you Link! McJenga is like a siren!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Meh, The Wall isn’t that good.

          • agreed. Animals is def. best Floyd

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Animals and AHM are my favoruties.

          • ditto. i’m also the odd bird who quite enjoys The Division Bell…

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Ew ew ew ew! That’s disgusting! Well, atleast you don’t like The Final Cut *vomits*. I feel like I’m the only one that likes Ummagumma.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Curse you! I love the Final Cut and The Wall!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            *sigh* you would love The Final Cut, and it makes me saaad.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I sure would.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Dis the only Final Cut that matters
            http://youtu.be/OrU3Y6si4Sk

          • Guacamole Jim

            The Final Cut is an abomination. ASfoS is a great album, though.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You’re correct on both parts, pretty lady,

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Why Jimmy? Why? Why have you done this?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Jimmy plz!

      • Tyree
  • CyberneticOrganism

    I didn’t know Rhys Darby was in a Periphery video.

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/874865/murray-hewitt-o.gif

  • Stockhausen

    ONG i luuuuvs teh PERPHY,,,misha pls sign my v nekk

    • Stockhausen

      By the way, not knocking anyone who likes Perphy. I just can’t not think of rabid internet perphans when they’re mention. <3

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      Why have vnecks gotten a bad rap? Are all the faux hipsters not having enough chest hair or muscles to pull it off?

      • They make you (yeah, you) look like a douche.

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          You say that while envying my bristling chest fur

          • I’m imaging your beard intertwining with your chest hair and vomiting.

          • Tyree

            Maybe one day intertwine with his pubes.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            We can only hope

          • Lacertilian

            Only then @blackbeard_s_ghost:disqus can strum it like a harp.

          • BLXKKBEXRD
          • I just had to watch a 20 second commercial to watch a 1 minute video. FUCK.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Ad block, brah

          • I made the toilet an exception so Joe could reap them big metal blog bucks. I DEMAND REPARATIONS.

          • Stockhausen

            The two hair areas (haireas) intertwine and then they vomit? That’s brutal.

            By the way, hairea=new worst word.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            *best

          • Herr Schmitty

            How would you react to the knowledge that on a few occasions, my mustache has intertwined with stray nose hair?

      • Tyree

        Hey now.

      • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

        The great pirate Captain Blackbeard wears a V-neck. Life is full of surprises.

      • Stockhausen

        Both, for me. They’re one of those things that are fine, but easy to make fun of.

      • Totally not God

        My wife buys me vnecks because she likes running her fingers through my chest hair. Living the dream baby.

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          Upvote to infinity.

          If only these scrugs knew, Ungod.

    • Stockhausen

      Also, I don’t know how a picture of my cat ended up on there. Disqus image uploader is the douches.

      • JWG

        See also: intentionally adding a picture, changing your mind and deleting it, only for it to appear anyway. Also double-posted images because the first successful attachment didn’t show up when you added it.

        Lets see if I can make either of those happen.

        • Stockhausen

          I was scrolling my phone’s pictures and accidentally tapped the cat pic (I way too many pictures of my cat), then tried to delete it. You get partial credit for your first assessment.

          • JWG

            I have lots of pictures of my cat, and I take every possible opportunity to show them off. It’s totally acceptable, and not at all like young mothers oversharing pictures of their kids on social media. Really.

          • Stockhausen

            I’m with you. Cats are cuter, lower maintenance, and less horribly needy.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            I’ve posted pics of Big Fuzz. She’s lost weight. Went and had her rabies shots and she’s only 11lbs now! And, in comparison with the most needy dog ever, she’s a saint!

          • Stockhausen

            That’s a hefty cat! And I was comparing cats to human babies. If I were to compare them to dogs, I’d go with dogs.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            You lost me.

          • Stockhausen

            JWG compared our amount of cat pictures on our phones to young mothers showing off their offspring on social media, and I was saying that cats are better. It sounds like you thought I was comparing them to dogs. However, it is a fact that both dogs and cats are better than human babies.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            That last point is the crux. Human babies are much like dogs, though. Either way, everyone should get a vasectomy.

          • JWG
        • 64 Crayons!

          That adorable, little rascal got a name? Cats are the bestest!

          • JWG

            THOR. And yes, the capitalization when in print is completely necessary.

        • Max

          Oh, it’s the return of the corpse-painted cat! Where’s the scratching post?

          • JWG

            Still have it. It’s in a much more ragged state, but I’m saving toward a big multileveled replacement rather than just getting one of the same size and shape.

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          Dat cat so cute, here’s big fuzz being cute earlier

  • i wish Misha would jump in the tarlet and comment, like he does elsewhere…

  • I really dislike Periphery.

  • Akercocke ov Steele

    In all fairness when that riff started out I was all like “Oh snap bruh this might actually be a cool song” Too bad the vocals ruined my hopes and dreams.

    • Same. Every time.

    • Stockhausen

      *panting, doubled over while trying to catch breath* I…I made it (wheeze) ab-b-bout….(gasping)…1:45 in, but…but just, just c-c-couldn’t go any farther…(wheeze)”
      *collapses*

    • Their songs are decent, but goddamn, the vocalist sounds like a nasal version of the guy from My Chemical (B)Romance.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    “A stupid, stupid emo-bro dream”

    THUS A NEW SUBGENRE THEN WAS SHAT OUT OF THE CLOACAL VENTS OF SUMERIAN. RAISED BY THE HANDS OF THE HIGH PRIEST, PRESENTED TO ALL, LIKE A FECULENT SIMBA. AND THEE WAS ANOINTED “EBRO”, AND PLACED ASIDE ITS RIGHT AND LEFT HANDS, “SCREABRO”, AND “EBRO REVIVAL”. AND THY MUSICAL LORDS SAT AROUND THE HEAVENS, STROKING THEIR BIG GRAY DICKS…I MEAN BEARDS, AND MURMURED “THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO!”.

    • JvRv

      bruh

  • 64 Crayons!

    If this band was a colour, it’d be… SHIT BROWN!!

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    OT: Shoring up the questions for the Ghost Bath interview and, as always, I’m going to give you guys a chance to get a question in if its good. Any takers?

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Coming soon: My first article. It is a Porcelain Throne article about one of my favorite bands.

    • Dagon

      Cool. Those are always interesting even when you do not like the featured band.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I just finished writing it.

    • The Bestest Tapir

      How 80s or 60s are they?

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        You’ll have to wait and see.

    • Submitted mine about the more angry and aggressive side of electro-industrial.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    1st vid muted
    2nd vid 100%vol
    both at once
    http://youtu.be/6WGTroJ2FGw

    http://youtu.be/j3QLFFVFpp0

  • I’ll leave this one here for you guys to dissect.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brBtb5ykIoI

  • JamesGrimm

    sssoooooooo bland….