• Review: Weird Al – Mandatory Fun

    For a parody artist to succeed in the music industry is a genuine feat. Even before the rise of the internet, pop music has always moved in such fast waters as to keep parodies from gaining popularity distinct of novelty. This is where the brilliance of an artist like Weird Al truly shows itself. While best known for his direct parodies like “Eat It” or “Smells Like Nirvana,” Yankovic shines brightest on his original songs. Songs like Alpocalypse’s “CNR” and “Craigslist” (stylistic parodies of the White Stripes and the Doors, respectively) showcase his ability as a gifted songwriter in his own right, a talent he flaunts in perfect form on his latest album, Mandatory Fun, with hilarious send-ups of artists like Cat Stevens and the Pixies.

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    July 18, 2014 • New Stuff, Nostalgia Boners, Reviews • Views: 1412

  • Let the Beatdown Commence!

    Hello, fellow metal nerds! Let me start by saying that it’s an honor to be able to write for you all and follow in the footsteps of the folks that have led me down the godforsaken path of heavy music. It’s gratifying in a very sad way.

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    July 18, 2014 • Uncategorized • Views: 2091

  • Chelsea Grin – Ashes to Ashes: Masterlord SteelDragon’s Decree

    Upon finding a suitably steamy batch of manure (preferably fresh from the bowels of an herbivore), the dung beetle will fashion it into a ball and roll it forward in a straight line over any and all obstacles. I recently watched a video in which a number of rather ambitious dung beetles pushed their respective fecal orbs up a small sand hill. Mysteriously, only one was able to conquer the dune, and it arrived at the peak swelling with pride in its feculent creation. With shining carapace it looked down at its beetle brothers – all pushing identical dung balls, but for some reason failing to clamber to the top.

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    July 18, 2014 • Metal, New Stuff, Reviews • Views: 1674

  • New Slug-Wrasslin’ Tunes Incoming

    Two slugs were sliming down a street…

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    July 18, 2014 • New Stuff • Views: 1216

  • Vintersorg – Naturbål: Masterlord SteelDragon’s Decree

    Masterlord SteelDragon has some time on his iron hands, and instead of searching for new employment or helping Mrs. SteelDragon out around the house, he’s been putting it to good use: sitting atop his skull-throne with nations as his footstool, and his dominion stretching ever before him. It’s given me the opportunity to listen to more music than usual, and one album in particular has been monopolizing my time. I don’t like waxing poetic because real men don’t wax anything ever, but Vintersorg‘s Naturbål is so deserving of your attention that I’m going to review it.

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    July 17, 2014 • Metal, New Stuff, Reviews • Views: 1456

  • The Guide to Hip Hop for Metalheads

    The late 90s were a rough time for music. Nü-metal left a bad taste in all of our mouths. Floridian rednecks rhyming over mook rock ruined rap and metal for a lot of people. That’s a shame because hip hop and metal have so much in common: Continue Reading

    July 17, 2014 • Metal, Uncategorized • Views: 5230

  • Why It’s Important For You to Listen to Noble Beast

    When your favorite genre’s subject matter typically alternates between death, dying, killing, Satan, and dying, you need something to remind you that there are good things left in this world – like imagining a fantasy world that actually has good things in it. Where the winged dragon roams the skies above castle-crowned hills and everflowing streams. Where valor is prized above all and conflicts are reduced to the glorious simplicity of steel versus steel. Where climbing your staircase doesn’t make you gasp for air and you can hide your frankly impressive acne under an iron crafted helmet. Doesn’t that sound nice? Well, my bummed-out brethren, Noble Beast can take you there. Continue Reading

    July 17, 2014 • Metal, New Stuff • Views: 1942

  • Lovecraft and heavy Metal: A Macabre Love Story (Part I)

    “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”

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    July 17, 2014 • Metal, Nostalgia Boners • Views: 3101

  • Popular Band’s Twitter Briefly Hacked By Unpopular Man

    In news that has shaken the metal blogging community to its very foundation, the Twitter feed of a popular band was temporarily compromised by a man with poor priorities.
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    July 17, 2014 • Metal, News • Views: 1878

  • Mutilation Rites Stream “Harbinger”

    I really appreciate it when a band writes lyrics unique to their own experience rather than simply vomiting the tired themes of their target genre; especially when those themes don’t apply to them in any meaningful way. For example, there’s something about a Brazilian Viking metal band that feels inauthentic to me. NYC-based black metal outfit Mutilation Rites seem to understand this, and their music comes off as honest and sincere because of it. Maybe they don’t need to write about Satan because they’ve seen true evil deep within the dead eyes of the good people of New York. And you know what’s more depressing than frostbitten Scandinavian winters? Trying to park your fucking car in New York City.

    July 16, 2014 • Metal, New Stuff • Views: 1478