On The Road With Dischordia: Part II

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3/15/15

It’s day 164. We’re lost in the desert with no food, no water, and we ran out of gas three months ago. We lost our drummer and had to eat him last week. I don’t think we’ll make it much longer. We’ve played some shows for desert tribes in exchange for some sand to eat, but their sound guys suck and all they want to hear are bass drops and breakdowns. We haven’t seen another human in 6 days. If anyone is reading this, please tell Lady Stockhausen my final words, which will probably (definitely) be “lolbuttz.” 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before all that, we had a show in Glendale on the 15th. It was at a super rad venue called The Complex, and if you live anywhere near Glendale, you need to get your crusty butt to this place stat. It’s clean, it has great sound, the bathrooms work, the bar is awesome, the promoter is honest, and judging by the flyers I saw, intensely great shows go through there. IMG_6493We played on a Sunday night to a fairly sparse crowd, but they were really into it and we got a great response. The guy who mixed our full-length lives in the area, and after the show we hung out with him at an awesome (different) bar. Side note: I think the main reason I’m in a band is so I can hang out after playing a show. We’re always worn out, so relaxing with a beer and hanging out with whomever we meet is the best. If I could do something else where I travel around and drink beer while being tired at 1 am, I could probably do without the whole band thing. Then again, I’d be missing out on the massive payout from being in a low-level touring death metal band, plus all the babes. Tough choice.

Listening to:

Henry Rollins spoken word albums

GojiraL’Enfant Sauvage

RefusedThe Shape of Punk to Come

3/16/15

Day off! We initially tried to fill all ten days with shows, but stuff fell through and we settled on having a day off. And since we’re total rock stars, our distribution label, Rogue Records America, put us up in a hotel room in San Francisco. We drove overnight from Glendale, got to the hotel room, immediately filled it with hookers and cocaine, and threw the TV out the window passed out and slept most of the day. I slept almost the whole drive there, but no matter how much you sleep in the van, it never converts to more than four minutes of actual, regular person sleep. We did eventually get up and go for dinner and drinks with Dean, the guy that runs the label. He’s a great dude, and since the label isn’t a huge operation, it’s really easy to see how much they care about their bands. We had an awesome night and were able to get some real people sleep. Huh. I really thought that I’d have more to write about for our day off, but it turns out we’re really boring. Sorry guys, we’ll develop a lot of really deep personal issues and drug problems before the next tour.

Listening to:

Dischordia – farting and snoring a lot

3/17/15

IMG_6412

Majestic af

Since we were close to the venue already, we pretty much had another day off until the show that night. We got out for some walking along the piers where we got to take in some excellent views. We could see Alcatraz island along that whole stretch, and we collectively said “Alcatraz” like Eddie Izzard enough times to power a small country, however that conversion works. There was also an area off Pier 39 specifically designated for sea lions, and these motherflushers would flop up on these docks, all fat and happy, and just sit around sunbathing and bellowing. They have it made, man. Being St. Patrick’s Day, we also saw a lot of really great celebrations of Irish heritage and culture douchebags wearing huge floppy hats and green shirts that said “Team Drink All Day.”

So remember how I said I felt like we’ve had it easy, with getting paid and having good shows and all that? Obviously that streak had to end, and it met its noisy, chaotic demise in Oakland. Before the show (as we were having an excellent time at the nearby Telegraph Beer Garden), someone posted on the Facebook event page asking what he should call his newly formed improv band that was playing that night, since the band that was originally booked for the show had just split up. Red flag. The show got going with a couple of solid bands, and then these improv jabronis took the stage with their gear and a bunch of books. They proceeded to make a lot of noise while random people grabbed microphones and screamed words out of the books, cuz art, I think, lol. Look, I’m usually into that sort of thing, but they went on right before us, didn’t bring anyone, weren’t good, and drove away what was left of the already small crowd. We don’t expect a packed house at a place we haven’t played before, but it would have been nice to play to the people that were, you know, already there. Here’s the lesson: if you’re a local band that breaks up before a show with five bands on the bill, don’t worry about it. A four-band show is perfectly fine. If you picked up an especially awesome beret that day and really need to fulfill your artistic urges, talk to the touring band that set the show up. At the very least, that would have enabled us to work out switching set times so we could play to more people and potentially sell more merch.

We finally got on stage to play for about 10 people (almost everyone in the opening bands left), and we had a somewhat rough set. It probably wasn’t noticeable to new listeners, but there were some moments of sloppiness that were very unlike us. There’s no real excuse for that; the situation wasn’t ideal, but it’s still up to us to bring our A game no matter what. This show was sort of an EP release event, because it was the official release date of our four-song covers EP. We have our cover of Dillinger Escape Plan’s “Sugar Coated Sour” in our live set right now, and I guess the improv band set a precedent of people being able to grab a mic whenever they want. During the Dillinger cover, some kid in the audience hijacked our guitarist’s mic and butchered all of the lyrics while I tried to actually do them, and then near the end of the song he took my mic and I had to stop playing and grab it back from him. I know there are a lot of different opinions on audience members getting on stage (and feel free to discuss in the comments!), but don’t take BOTH MICROPHONES THAT ARE BEING USED BY THE BAND. If there is a standalone vocalist, he or she can move around and actually hand the mic out if he or she chooses. I do lead vocals while playing bass, so that pretty much cuts off any invitation to take my mic. Would you jump on stage and take my bass or the guitarist’s guitar? No, so don’t take our mics. Every band has a different idea of what a live performance is, and unless you know for sure that there’s an open invitation to join the band onstage, don’t make assumptions. I realize we were covering a song from a band that exists in the realm of audience participation, but we’re not that band. And you’re not in my band. Don’t force your way into my band.

The night wasn’t a total loss (we got 35 bucks from the door! *sob*), Dean came out to the show, along with another guy who’s working on a documentary on Rogue, as well as Jared MacEachern, the current Machine Head bassist. Hanging out with all of them was really cool, and Jared ended up buying a shirt. So if you see Machine Head live and the bassist is wearing a Dischordia shirt, you can forget that you read this, completely ignore the shirt, and enjoy Machine Head.

Listening to:

This American Life podcast

Thaw – Earth Ground

3/18/15

The next day, we checked out of our hotel room and headed down for our show in Ventura, CA. The drive was mostly along theIMG_6442 California coast, and we pulled over at a scenic turnout and took in this excellent view for a while. Important lesson: when you’re on tour, take a few moments every now and then to enjoy where you are. Being from a very flat and boring state like Oklahoma makes that really easy for us, but no matter where you’re from, it’s interesting to “be in the moment” while on tour. I’ve had countless musings in random gas stations, Denny’s, on stranger’s couches, scenic turnouts, venue parking lots, or seedy hotel rooms along the lines of “I’m some random dude from some random place, and I’m hundreds/thousands of miles from home, and the only reason I’m here is because of metal and a band that no one has heard of.” That typically spins off into a thousand different deep, philosophical rabbit holes and usually ends up at “Who am I and what is anything?”

Anyway, we eventually got to our venue in Ventura. I’m writing while still on the road, but I’m pre-emptively giving the Best Show Of The Tour award to this one. The venue was this big, old house that was converted to a tavern with wood floors, dim lighting, and a ton of stuffy armchairs. The whole place had a really cool speakeasy vibe, and it was way better than the dive bar we played last time in Ventura. The crowd went absolutely nuts for us, with high-energy moshing and demand for an encore. The dudes in Stronger Than Machines put us up for the night, and made us waffles, sausage, potatoes, and eggs in the morning. Hospitality on the road is the absolvte best.

So to wrap up, there will always be ups and downs on the road. Whether it’s been our longer tours or shorter runs, there are always great shows, terrible shows, great shows where we get ripped off, awesome bands, or horrible bands full of children. When you step back and allow yourself to be in the moment, a lot of the garbage that clutters itself around those ups and downs doesn’t matter much. It’s all a part of the experience, and a “perfect” tour wouldn’t give us the same opportunity for growth. You learn a lot having those crappy experiences. If you find yourself in a band on tour, be in the moment, and let yourself learn.

Listening to:

Between the Buried and MeThe Great Misdirect

Black Crown Initiate – The Wreckage of Stars

Deftones – Koi No Yokan

Things to Remember:

­-Enjoy yourself. Stuff will suck, don’t worry about it

-If you’re opening for a touring band that isn’t huge, don’t leave and/or drive away the whole crowd

-Set aside time to get out and enjoy the scenery, do stupid tourist things, whatever. You’re essentially on a weird vacation, so take advantage of it

The last installment is coming soon!

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  • The God Emperor of Mankind

    Loyal servant Stockhausen, or should I say Rockhausen, I hereby order you to rock on and to continue to do so until the entirety of holy Terra has bowed down before the undeniable might of dischordia’s Blitzkrieg of mighty metal mightiness.

    • Stockhausen

      Your command shall be kept, mighty Emperor!

  • Dr. Dubz

    Happy birthday, deadcomposerman

    • Dagon

      87th and still touring? That’s commendable.

    • Stockhausen

      Thank you Dr. Dude. I feel as young and fit as if I had a non-decomposed body.

  • Tyree

    Farting is the best.

    • Dr. Dubz

      It’s amazing when some young lady you fancy becomes part of your fart circle (i.e., when you’re comfortable enough to rip em around her). That’s when you know she’s a keeper.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        Do you let loose around your wife on a regular basis?

        • He must. A couple must be intimately aware of one anothers butt-funk-ability to be married. That is my opinion.

          GL

        • Dr. Dubz

          I still get looks for it, but you better believe it.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Doc got the game on lock.

          • My wife’s whole shtick is saying “Aren’t you going to say excuse me???”. Upon which I reply “No, I am in the bathroom. This is a safe zone.” No apologies are required in safe zones.

            GL

          • Dagon

            No machine gun farting in safe zones, tho

          • What do you know about farting anyway? All you do is make bubbles.

          • Dagon

            Have you ever burst a fart bubble? Imagine one coming from a 50,000 year old colon.

          • Sounds dank as fvck.

          • Tyree
          • Dagon

            Entranced by the thumbs-up

      • Tyree

        That’s adorable.

    • Stockhausen

      There was so much farting, as I’m sure you experienced. One night we had this insane Greek food, and our butts were on fire the next day.

      • Tyree

        Ooooooh yeah. Lots of windows down.

        • Stockhausen

          Thinking back to that food makes me all tingly inside. It was sooooooooooo good.

  • EsusMoose

    Fun read as I await tendies!

    • Quite fun indeed! Thanks Stocky!

      GL

      • Stockhausen

        Thank you GL!

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    The Shape Of Punk To Come!

    • MoshOff

      CAN I SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    the young man;s journey–part of life

    to roam the earth as lion men–bards–and adventures–planned by the celestial–yet only partially known by its mortal participants–

    timeless quest–as quasar particle/non time implements–

    manifest thru guitars–or train hopping–or far off music show–taverns of the new countries–and ocean ports–

    and the art of manned flight continues

  • Dagon

    You should do a 4th installment where you continue the desert tour storyline.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      Or one where Stocky has been sent back in time to the rise of the Five Families in New York.

    • Stockhausen

      *eyes glaze over, vague smile forms*

  • Dr. Dubz

    I get all twitterpated when Stocky starts waxing philosophical.

    • Stockhausen

      Your twitter is going to get real pated in the last installment.

  • I know most of you will not be interested in this band – but their release came out yesterday.I bought and listened to the album a few times through yesterday and it is pleasing to my lifelover ears.

    Take a listen if you have not already!

    GL

    The Gentle Storm: Heart of Amsterdam
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2q2Wx5H6wkg

  • Tyree
    • DARKBEARD

      Oh snap, dixie dave

    • DARKBEARD

      This is dank shit, weedeater back to basics

    • KJM

      I can scrape resin off my speakers after listening to this.

      • Tyree

        Haha! Yeah cup.

  • Spear

    Good stuff, Stockhausen. Makes me want to go on tour even more.

    • Waiting for the Toilet Trinity to pull a Toilet ov Hell tour!

    • Stockhausen

      Do it dude! Even if it bombs and goes horribly, it’s an incredibly valuable experience.

      • Spear

        I’d like to, but between our lack of time, experience, and fans, it’s not really feasible right now. =/

  • Nice write up. Sounds like the tour is going well for the most part. People grabbing your mic is frowned upon if you don’t have a frontman. The guy could’ve at least shouted into the mic with you rather than try and make a spectacle of himself.

  • Don’t grab any sort of band equipment unless you’re CLEARLY offered it. Don’t jump on stage unless you’re planning on jumping off after 5-10 seconds. Don’t be a fucking prick. Also, don’t jump on stage during a song to try and take a selfie with the vocalist because you’re a vain fuckwad. Awesome write-up! It’s fun to get an inside view of the glamorous side of touring life.

    • I am overcome with the urge to track down the kid that grabbed the mic and punch him in the chest.

    • Tyree

      Kirk Windstein will just kick those fuckers in the face.

      • The Beargod

        And Fat Bob will kick you until you havr brain damage. I’d like to deal with both of them. With a baseball bat.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Some bands are totally cool with having people milling around on stage (Warell Dane of Nevermore used to pull people up with him), but most don’t want some weirdo just headbanging on stage for an entire song.

      • Stockhausen

        When it’s a clear invitation/opening for it, it can be a really cool experience even if you’re just watching and not on stage. I can’t find the video, but dredg had the whole audience crowd up on stage for a song once and it was really awesome.

        • PLEASE COME TO VENEZUELA!

          • get the Orangutank shirt, Joe and i both have it

          • this one?
            http://dischordia.bigcartel.com/product/orangutank-shirt

            WOAH! I want that shirt ._.)

          • that one!!

          • Stockhausen

            Holy crap I had no idea that site was still up.

          • Stanley

            So where do we get one of those shirts?

          • Stockhausen

            If you have a PayPal, you can pay for the shirt and we’ll send you one.

          • Stanley

            It says “Coming Soon” so it’s not possible to add to the cart.

          • Stockhausen

            Sorry, I meant you could PayPal one of us personally and we’ll just send you one.

          • Stanley

            Alrighty. Send me the e-mail address of the PayPal account (you can use FB Messenger if you want) and the amount + shipping and I’ll get it sorted out. How do they fit? I don’t want big baggy sleeves. I’ve got thin arms!

        • Stanley

          And Wehrmacht https://youtu.be/nh6kej0IaSc?t=38m7s

          And for added lolbuttz, check out the dude getting the ass to the face treatment at 37:40. (Look to the left of the singer and you’ll see a dude on stage doing a moonie and then shoving into some stage diver’s face). I don’t think that I’ve ever witnessed this particular form of choreography at a show before.

          • Tyree

            I want to go to the festival so goddamn bad.

          • Stanley

            Why’s that? You want to have some sweaty dude rubbing his arse in you face? I’m going to have to practice this maneuver for the next show that I got to.

          • Tyree

            It’s seriously the biggest grind/crust festival around.

          • Stanley

            Yeah, I just looked at the lineup and tbh, I’ve not heard of half the bands playing, probably more. A trip to Czech would be cool though.

            http://www.obsceneextreme.cz/en/bands/actual

        • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

          Cruxshadows did that when I saw them (I was there for Bella Morte and Mira). Lol, no way my pasty white ass was about to get up there and dance, even if all the goth kids and their goofy dancing would’ve made me look like Usher in comparison!

      • Entombed-like?

    • Stockhausen

      We’re totally on the same page. Thanks dude!

  • WHOA I just caught that Dischorida’s distribution is through Rogue Records America. They are have Humanitiys Last Breath too. SICK. I love Humanitiys Last Breath. Don’t you like them Ann?

    GL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPAIYLK3HtI

  • I remember reading one of the dudes from Demolition Hammer say that playing covers is a great way for an unknown band to turn heads. They’d open shows with a Slayer cover, and that usually got people into them.

    • “Calibrate that shit”

      hahahaaa he he

      GL

    • Stockhausen

      We definitely got the most crowd response from our Dillinger cover, it was a lot of fun.

  • Tyree
  • Guacamole Jim

    Hearing about the “improv” band and your shitty night made me all sad for you. Glad to hear the rest of the tour is going better!!

    • #staydepressed

    • Stockhausen

      Those friggin’ jabronis nearly ruined that night. It was only saved by some excellent beer we had, and being able to go back to a hotel room.

  • J.R.

    “We’ve played some shows for desert tribes in exchange for some sand to eat”

    My body was not ready

    • Stockhausen

      Hahaha. I need to save this picture.

  • Stanley

    That’s a bummer about the Oakland gig. It is a bit of a hole though. Lot’s of “bigger” bands are choosing to play at the Fox Theatre over somewhere in SF which sucks cos I hate crossing the bridge.

  • CT-12

    Very fun read Stocky, looking forward to the next installment! Lemme know if you guys are ever in Washington!