Novelists – Voyager: A Video Breakdown

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What a novel concept.

Dickens. Austen. Hemingway. Arising Empire/Nuclear Blast Records djentlecore band from France. Yeah, one of these is not like the other. That fact is really driven home when you consider this naked bass solo from the band. I don’t think too many novelists would do that. Hmmm…maybe Hemingway, but that’s a different story.

Check your weedilies, oil your deedilies, and pack some extra chuggity chug chugs. Here’s Novelists‘ new video for the song “Voyager”.

0:01: I had to double check that I had not mixed up the band name and song title because, of course, there’s a prog metal band named Voyager.
0:04: Ewww bugses!
0:06: Mortuary Drape cameo.
0:10: Ummm he was like that when I got here.
0:16: Novelists don’t play around. They go right into the weedilies.
0:21 Nice to see Powder still getting work.
0:24: That kind of dancing needs a name like the “Nae Nae” or “Whip”. How about the “Djork”?
0:27: “Aw, man. I fell on my keys!”
0:33: I’d wager that most fans of this band have no idea what a map is.
0:36: “Ok, now just a few Nutrigrain bars and we’re all set.”
0:43: If you lineup all the members of the band, it looks like the evolution of patchy facial hair.
0:47: Djustin Bieber.
0:48: I apologize for nothing with that previous comment.
0:52: Yeah, I pretty much feel the same way.
0:57: The vocalist has already been pre-approved to join Aversions Crown with those gauges.
1:06: “Trees n shit” metal this is not.
1:09: “…I have no idea where I parked my car.”
1:16: Like sand in the hour glass, so are the diddilies of our lives.
1:22: He has all the flow of a radio being dropped into a bathtub.
1:26: “Guys, we’re going to shoot our video in a warehouse, but don’t worry! It’s a fancy warehouse!”
1:33: Turn this scene into black and white and you’ve got yourself a bedroom black metal album cover.
1:42: This video is all about the tiny orange flags. Get yours today!
1:48: I think the guitarist bouncing away in the background counts as an Easter egg.
1:57: Seriously, the band is in serious need of Beard Completer.
2:04: His locket has a picture of Tosin Abasi in it.
2:09: New Sleep album cover?
2:13: “I wuz heer n now I amz heer.”
2:18: “Abasi give me strength.”
2:23: Blessed chuggities.
2:29: They needed to call the fire department to get him down.
2:38: “Soooo Tosin…you like, seeing anyone and stuff?”
2:48: Now is the finger-pointing part of the song.
2:52: SUNNO))) solo concert already in progress.
3:04: That’s where brains go.
3:08: Soulful Djent Merol Face.
3:11: You know it’s soulful because he has his eyes closed.
3:12: Or he’s just a sweepy wittle guy.
3:14: Eating sand was a bad choice.
3:19: Bounce ya French fries!
3:24: His feet must be killing him, but damn is he still fashionable.
3:31: “It’s time to spinkick the shit out of this lake.”
3:37: Gross. He’s totally going to get warts.
3:48: Keep working on that exploding heart technique. You’ll get it eventually.
3:59: This video is just ripe with bedroom black metal imagery.
4:08: You accidentally got weedilies in my deedilies.
4:19: “Not my sand! Noooooooooo!”
4:23: “Hate you sand! You never let me do anything!”
4:31: I get it now. Sand was setting him up this entire time. It makes so much sense.
4:38: A member of Portal gets to the venue too early.
4:43: He died doing what he loved. Walking around and putting markers in the ground for some reason.

 

Novelists’ album Souvenirs is out now via Arising Empire/Nuclear Blast.

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    The plugs in the lifelovers ears said enough.

    • ┼yree

      Ear plugs/gauges: Still one of the dumbest things ever.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I used to work with a stoner kid who was in the process of stretching his out, with their disgusting infections and swell-ups and everything. Gah.

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          Im almost willing to bet we have a commenter with stretched lobes

          • aside from Link Leonhart?

          • Stanley

            Not it!

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            For the record, I don’t even have a single piercing or tat never mind a gauge.

          • Waynecro

            Also for the record: I have one piercing, no tats. My brother used up the family’s allotment of body modifications.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            I had all my visible piercings sewn shut years and years back.

          • Max

            Me neither! And the only jewellery I wear is a watch.

            It’s funny; I almost think of tattoos as like a “feminine” thing now; in the sense that it’s one of those things that women seem to get away with more than men do.

          • Óðinn

            Can you ever have enough tribal tats and gold jewelry? 😉

            But seriously. Me too. I only wear a field watch. No tattoos.

          • more beer

            The only time a tribal tattoo is acceptable. Is if you are one of these guys.

          • more beer

            I wear no jewelry and no piercings. I do have some pretty evil tattoos. So I don’t see my ink as a girly thing.

          • Max

            Well, it isn’t, really. In fact, back before tattoos became so mainstream, it was definitely a more masculine thing for sure. Few men had them – mainly just sailors, labourers and bikers, pretty much – and still fewer women had them, even among the womenfolk of those particular social groups.

            But as they’ve become more prevalent among both sexes and beyond the lower classes, it definitely feels to me like the practice has been feminized somehow. Or perhaps more accurately, it’s a practice which seems to be gauged more towards female appeal than it was – kind of like when a style of music becomes mainstream and you notice that the bands in that style who make it big seem to be the cuter ones who write songs with more hooks. (Think Green Day vs Black Flag.)

            I’m probably not making much sense with this.

          • more beer

            You are making total sense. Back when I started getting tattooed. It was actually against the law in NYC. Back then the only people who had tattoos were bikers, outlaws, and sailors. It wasn’t until about the late 90’s that it became legal in NYC. It is was all underground before that. With time it has certainly gotten more acceptable and mainstream. But for myself there is nothing cute or cuddly inked into my skin. A lot of them have to do with music and darker things. The few tattoos I truly hate are. Nautical stars and other stars in general. Some white guy with a bunch of tribal tattoos. I always like to ask them what tribe are they from. It is question they can never answer. I can see that if you are Maori Warrior. But since non of them are why get that. But for the most part I don’t care what anyone chooses to do or not do.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            No piercings, just a tattoo of Gonzo from the Muppets on my dick. Take a guess where the nose is.

        • ┼yree
        • Waynecro

          I knew some folks who were stretching their earlobes, and the smell that came out of the holes was beyond disgusting. It was like a combination of dirty genitals and infected wound.

          • more beer

            This is the kind of thing you can not do yourself. You need a professional piercer to do this kind of shit.

          • Waynecro

            They were lucky their ears didn’t rot off or something.

          • more beer

            I have a friend who is a professional piercer. He is good at it and those types of things don’t happen too his victims oops I meant clients.

          • Waynecro

            Heh. If you want to put large holes in yourself, seek professional help.

          • more beer

            Yes this is sound advice. Infections and nerve damage are no joke.

          • Max

            Did you ever see the guy with cheek-tunnels? What a fuckin’ idiot.

            I could supply the image but I’d have to look for it, and I’m afraid of what else I’ll Google.

          • more beer

            That guy certainly has a bright future ahead of him.

          • Max

            A bright future of involuntary constant drooling, I suspect – since his mouth wouldn’t be able to hold too much saliva with such a large hole on either side.

          • more beer

            There are just some things you don’t do to yourself. That is one of the. But like everything else in life. If you do stupid things you pay the consequences.

          • Waynecro

            I’ve seen that. It reminds me of the cannulae they install in cows to study their digestive systems. Except cannulae serve a purpose.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            No you don’t. Just give me a sharp screwdriver, $15000, and a tow truck with a solid hook and I’ll happily stretch it for them.

          • more beer

            I prefer to use a jackhammer and a rib spreader and a chain fall hoist myself. I will do it for free because I am sadistic like that.

      • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

        Unless they’re doing it like the inventors of the whole thing and adding some mouth plates. Which in the case of the hipsters, would make it even more tempting to land a good solid haymaker in their mouths.

        http://www.piercingtime.com/images/331/left-ear-stretching-lip-plate-piercing.JPG

    • Óðinn

      Yeah. I have to admit, as soon as I saw that, I knew it sucked.

  • ┼yree

    Looks like Genocide Shrines is doing their first tour outside of South Asia. They are planning on doing a European Tour for 2016 (Damn you Europe). Check out their album from this year if you have not already. Absolutely savage.

    https://vaultofdriedbones.bandcamp.com/album/manipura-imperial-deathevokovil-scriptures-of-reversed-puraana-dharmurder

    • RJA

      Alright, I’m going to buy the album already. Been putting it off.

      • ┼yree

        Good call! This album is still one of my favorites and most played from this year. Would love for a vinyl release but I’ve heard nothing about it.

        • RJA

          Yea, the digital is $8 but the actual CD is $9. So of course I’m now looking at Vault of Dried Bones store thinking of ordering that along with some other stuff.

          • ┼yree

            I made a pretty big order from them at the beginning of this year. I was not disappointed. Enjoy your heavy metal shopping extravaganza.

          • RJA

            I’m sampling some stuff on you tube – that Baphomet’s Horns is pretty sick.

          • ┼yree

            YES!!!

            Perpetrators of Genocide >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

            That fucking snare drum.

  • “Ummm he was like that when I got here”.

    That’s what we say when we found a dead malandro on the way.

    • Djustin Bieber will be a great addition to the collection of Rare Justins.

      • What’s wrong with that vocalist? He sounds like he’s being drowned.

        Also, I need to collect all the merol faces, too.

        • Stanley

          Why are you talking to yourself?

    • I can’t stand this song. I paused at 3:10. My ears are bleeding.

  • Waynecro

    “He died doing what he loved. Walking around and putting markers in the ground for some reason.” Dude, your Pulitzer Prize is in the mail.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I see djent as a whole is sticking with that same BPM for every song now.

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Its tru, dat tempo.

      Its pervasive as hell

  • If we can take djent, metalcore and deathcore and collectively label them all as genericore, we will have eliminated 3 subgenres in one shot.

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    Totes forgot to deride the singer for his button up shirt coming out from under his hipster longsleeve

  • WTF Gurp, did you see into the future? (RFI)

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Praise be to the Prophet Gurp

  • lost it with the Tosin comments! and GAH! at the three little pics for related content

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      “Abasi give me strength”

      I lold phard

  • BEARD-SPLITTER
  • GUIZE. NEW MOON TOOTH COMING FEBRUARY OF 2016. YUP.

    https://moontoothny.bandcamp.com/album/chromaparagon

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Sry sexy ann, i tried. Protest the Hero wannabes. First thing my lady said was “is this incubus?”

      Plus a quote from MS on their bandcamp = fail

  • I had no idea the Masterpants was appearing in music videos now.

  • Óðinn
  • KJM, Shake Zula

    Todd, a riffmaster’s riffmaster

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcoFlzwaC2s

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Im surprised you dont listen to more jam bands, kj

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        I do! I’ve seen Grateful Dead w/Jerry 3 times, twice without. I’ve seen Jerry Garcia Band twice, and I’ve seen Phish 5 times(including 2 NYE shows).

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          Man, you and some of my friends would have a lot of shit to talk about. Half of the people i know are deadheads and shit. Thats huge around here

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I’ve only spent 4 days “on tour”( Boston to Buffalo and back) If I’d had a little more pocket cash I would’ve gone on to Deer Creek, IN that year. I tend to get skeeved out if I go for more than 1-2 days without showering so heavy touring wouldn’t have worked for me.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            My cousin has a baby with some dude named “Tree”, and if i hear one more conversation ab Phil Lesh and Friends, or which keyboard player is best, i might mess somebody up.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Brent! Pig Pen!
            Brent! Pig Pen!
            Vince! (dodges tomatoes)

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Fucking pigpen, jesus

            TRIGGERING

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            For the record, imo Pig Pen has the soul and feel and is my favorite of the two. However, Brent is more versatile and knows a wider range of styles, and could freebase more rocks in one sitting than 10 Charlie Sheens.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            TRIGGERING INTENSIFIES

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Heh. Just thought you might be curious where I weighed in on this. One of my best friends has seen The Dead over 200 times including the closing of Winterland.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Sees “paddle faster, i hear banjo music” bumpersticker

            Murders someone from Vermont

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Excellent! Perhaps you’d care for a few excerpts from my essay “Myth & Metaphor In The Drum Techniques Of Hart & Kreutzmann”? Be right back!

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            I ban you from listening to Wo Fat again. Role an agility check. If you fail, the mountains inevitably crit for 200 stoner damage

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I roll my saving throw, +250 against bad trips. Wo Fat & Purple Hill Witch are returned to the playlist.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Crypt Smokemonster casts Debilitating High. Unless fortitude higher than 15, player remains baked for two turns

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Player possesses God like tolerance. 18(00) Constitution. 16 Stamina. Saving throw made.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Monster reserve. Critical charge. At 2x str rate, crypt smokemonster

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Fuck this, im drunk.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            ha! The ‘Divine Intervention’ roll worked!

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            The bourbon gods decided to smite the DM last night

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            My old DM refused to game unless smokes and beer were on hand.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            That sounds very much like our sessions, except add benzos etc

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I always made sure we had plenty of smoke. Occasionally coke would find it’s way into the mix too.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Like I told ya, what I said
            steal your face right off your head

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Hampton is practically flooded with them when Phish comes to town, which seems to be every time they tour. And, unsurprisingly, the cops are around Hampton Coliseum in droves when they do come, waiting for that guaranteed and easy pay raise.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I remember playing ‘Spot The Fed’ at many Dead shows.

    • RJA

      I always loved “A Wizard, A True Star” which is the opposite of riffmaster version of Rundgren.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        He’s a very versatile musician, doesn’t even need a guitar to be a genius.

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    No one wants to hear me say this but Tosin is better than 99% of guitarists out there. I remember seeing him playing in Reflux before AAL existed

    I mean, really?
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bt-RoSzsEKA

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      And not djent, as least as we name it now

    • i liek him and AAL is a sight to behold, live.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Ive never seen AAL, but i know he was incredible when i saw him with Reflux way back in the day.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Tosin >>>>>>

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    Warning sign #1: shit band name

    #stopdjent2015

  • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril
    • more beer

      Only the Japanese could find a way to sing a song and make pissing out of your ass happy experience.

      • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

        I’m more than sure that frat boys have been trying to replicate that success for decades.

        • more beer

          Yea but not with this much success.

      • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril
  • Eliza

    The vocals kinda feel out of place given the lighthearted feel of the instrumental part.