New Music Roundup: Pseudogod, Piss Vortex, The Crown, Horrified & Aphonic Threnody


Who needs a break from listening to Taylor Swift’s magnum opus 1989 on repeat? Nobody, that’s who. But alas, the laws of trve metal require us to keep up appearances and faithfully replenish our vats of wimp and poser blood. So jump in here and brush up on some of the metal that’s been released over the past two weeks or so. Give each item a cursory listen, then you may return to shaking it off.

Pseudogod and bands of their ilk are under no delusion that their music is high art. They like to do to art what they do to pretty much everything else: gather it into a large pile, devote it to the pitchblack flame, and piss on it for Satan. They’re set to release a 7″ on December 31 called The Pharynxes of Hell. It includes “Awakening of Archdaemon” and “Diving Merging,” (two songs previously released on a 2010 split with TeitanfyreIll Omened, and Gehängter Jude) and a new cover of “Blood War III” by Antaeus. As of a few days ago, you can hear the whole thing on Bandcamp. I’m assuming you’ve been listening to the first two tracks every day since 2010 like the nonposers I know you are, so here’s the new cover.


My research has revealed that the frequencies at which the words grind and the unfortunately-coined skronk are mentioned in the toilet are among the highest of all (surpassed only be the usage of flushstay, three blocks from my house, cvnting, and to my chagrin, Archspire). It is for this reason that I fully expect Piss Vortex to be a toilet favorite today. The Gorguts-gone-Grind designations are wholly understandable and completely warranted, most notably in the presence of those sour chords found in passages like “Devouring Intent’s” midsection. Invisible Oranges hosted a stream of their debut full-length (out today!) days ago. Go there and bang your head at unhealthy speeds to 14 songs of 1-2 minute aggression.

Facebook | Bandcamp | Full Stream

The Crown (previously Crown of Thorns) have been sparking genre debates since their arrival on the scene in the early 90’s. They’re death metal. No, they’re thrash. No, they’re death thrash. No, they’re melodic death metal. No, they’re melodic death thrash. You get the point. My opinion? Shut the fuck up and blast Deathrace King, you genre-warring dorks. Less arguing amongst each other, more communal headbanging to “Deathexplosion.” The Crown have admittedly fallen off a bit since their seemingly unstoppable killing spree of lauded album after lauded album was proven mortal indeed by the meh-ly recieved Possessed 13 in 2003. But while it’s clear that they’re no longer in their prime, The Crown still have it in them to write some pretty savage tunes. Kind of. “Headhunter” is the single from a new 7″ just released by Century Media. It’s also going to be on their upcoming full-length, Death Is Not Dead, set for release on January 2015. Check it out.

U.K.’s old-school worshipping newcomers Horrified released their debut full-length Descent into Putridity over a week ago via Memento Mori. Now they’ve made the entire album available to stream on their Bandcamp. Isn’t that nice? Yeah, it’s derivative; they’re one of countless larvae feeding off the rotting carcasses of AutopsyPestilence,and the like. If done correctly, I typically consider that type of worship to be a good thing. In some ways they manage to capture some of that crass OSDM charm. In other ways (mainly clicky kick drum ways) they don’t. What do you think?

 Facebook | Bandcamp

Funeral doom fans use many words to describe the genre’s music: expansive, atmospheric, emotional, deep, crushing, depressing, evocative, etc. The list goes on and on. Funeral doom detractors use only three words: boring as fuck. If the words Mournful Congregation carry no meaning for you, you’re probably in the latter group and may benefit from turning back now. The remaining few of you will probably enjoy Aphonic Threnody’s full-length debut, When Death Comes. Last year’s EP, First Funeral, was well-received in funeral doom circles (which do indeed exist), and When Death Comes is a continuation of that beautifully morose (or is it morosely beautiful?) funereal death doom. Stream it below:

Facebook | Bandcamp

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  • W.

    1. That Pseudogod track ripped.
    2. I’m currently drowning in the Piss Vortex. I have accepted my fate.
    3. Death is Not Dead is only a slightly less stupid title than Death Is the Only Mortal.
    4. You’ve got my attention with Pestilence.
    5. SMOHLG approved.

    • W.

      3. Boring.
      4. Didn’t do much for me.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      But Death is not Dead. He’s alive and well here in the toilet. Surely you remember that.

      • Death

        What if I am dead? You are not me. You don’t know me.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          What makes you think I don’t

    • SMOHLG


  • Scrimm

    I can’t concentrate on much but King Diamond today, I’ll have to come back to this stuff. Tonight is going to be awesome.

    • W.

      Have fun, dude!

    • Edward

      Work is grinding me into dust as we speak. I am becoming the Void.

    • Cock ov Steele

      I’m super stoked.

      • Scrimm

        Me too. It’s been way to long since I’ve seen him.

    • crazytaco_12

      Have fun man, saw him last week, completely unflushable.

    • more beer

      Saw him last week awesome show!

      • Scrimm

        Aaaaand he cancelled.

        • more beer

          That sucks!

          • Scrimm

            yes it does

  • Thumbs up for Pseudogod and Aphonic Threnody.

  • Beunhaas

    Skronk is the best description of anything ever. STAY VOID
    PSEUDOGOD: Quite brutal indeed. Will check this one out.
    PISS VORTEX: Sounds great. What do we call this? Skronkgrind? Grindskronk? Skrind? SGROND?
    THE CROWN: B0RING *flush*
    HORRIFIED: Meh. Production is awful. Songwriting is not much special.
    APHONIC THRENODY: I should like this, but I don’t. It’s kind of bland really. It’s like I heard these melodies before.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    Pseudogod: That Russia’s very own Archgoat
    Piss Vortex: It Skronks, but is it any good
    The Crown: That Lemmy-worshipping bass isn’t gonna make this any better. But it ain’t bad
    Horrified: I’m getting Narcoleptic
    Aphonic Threnody: Yes, I require more of this.

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt

    For some reason, that spoken word intro from Aphonic Threnody reminded me of Winnie the Poo.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Oh bother, Winnie FTW

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    I think I love life just a little too much for most of these bands. *Sighs and listens anyway*

  • Cock ov Steele

    You know a band with the name of piss vortex, it’s gonna be a grind band, and it’s gonna grind hard.

  • Link D. LeonhⒶrt V.

    First time listening The Crown, thanks for the recommend.. sounds nice!! 😀

    • Be sure to check out their older material. It’s much, much better.

      • Link D. LeonhⒶrt V.

        sure, bro!! 🙂 hey, you’re the same writer of Angry Metal Guy?..

        • If I said no would you still like me?

          • Link D. LeonhⒶrt V.

            well.. you bring some good music shares and have a rhapsody cover art.. so that’s fine for me.. 🙂 we can still be friends, jajajaja..

          • Hell yes. And if it helps at all, while I may not be the Angry Metal Guy, I’m definitely an angry metal guy.

          • Link D. LeonhⒶrt V.

            awesome, dude!! this, Heavy Blog is Heavy and the AMG blog are my primary source of news/reviews of good music.. thanks to you I discovered the Dynamic Range in music.. And now i’m more picky with my listens.. Thanks (or should I punch you for hearing the music in another way? jajajajaja, jokes)

      • Further Down the Metal Hole

        Any particular recommendation?

  • Tyree

    Killer round up! New Nekrofilth is out too.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu
    Lord of Pagathorn’s Nekros Philia is just out. Some cruel Black Metal.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu
      We might not have had a new Neurosis this year. Or a new The Ocean, or Cult of Luna. But we had this. A few days ago Nero Di Marte released Derivae. And it’s definitely on my year’s end list.

  • Gurp

    Awesome, new Pseudogod! Deathwomb Catechesis was a sickkkkk record.

  • Xan

    “Gorguts gone grind.” Yes plz.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I hope to see more use of the word chagrin. It’s a pretty radular word.

  • JWG

    To be fair, you can’t really say Archspire just once. That artificially increases its frequency.

  • Simon Phoenix



  • CyberneticOrganism
  • Sponge Of Mystery

    when i saw the title of The Crown song i was hoping it was a cover of this