Real life examples of MSD’s real life hypocrisy as a real life metalhead.
At once both master and lord, Masterlord stands for all things metal and loathes peasants. It is said that he bibs from the cloven skull of a slain poser as if it were a goblet.
Hey there kids! How many of you like black metal? What about Romanian black metal?
Duh this band rules!
This is a fact.
PS. This is indeed their best album.
I liked that band Shining. Sarah didn’t really get them. I would say more but Sarah just came in wearing a black cocktail dress and just said that she wanted to be with me sexually. I like having her here as we have sex so often at this point.
This has got to stop. It’s not appropriate for this page.
Does this site have some kind of morals? I have to clean up my act.
I usually just open up another tab.
I don’t understand.
Moral 16: Understand, or die.
Moral 17-ish: Speak English or Die!
Moral 18: Trucknutz or die! http://tinyurl.com/qb5wf
Great web design, guys.
Moral ???: In 1999 this site would have been perfectly acceptable but a decade and half later I feel like I have a virus just for looking at it.
Moral X: I want this to end now!
Moral XXX: It will never end
Moral 19: COAL ROLL THE NON COAL ROLLERS TILL THEY CANNOT BE COAL ROLLED ANYMORE THAN WHEN YOU HAVE JUST COAL ROLLED THEM.
AND THEN COAL ROLL THEM AGAIN BRO, WOOO!!!
*high fives truck*
*coal rolls self in face*
I used to coal roll in one of these.
THEY ALSO SELL BIKER BALLZ
Is it over? I think it’s safe now.
Moral 43: IT’S NEVER OVER.
Moral Shrek: It’s never ogre
Moral hunger: I’m going to go eat lunch right now. Asiago steak sandwich, bitches!
Moral society: I’m gonna go pay my taxes.
Moral Orel: Jam WASP all day err day.
fuuuuuuuuuuuck, no food is going to sound good now.
Today’s Monday lunch meeting catered by Panera! Asiago steak and mac ‘n’ cheese! Byaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Moral 44: STAY TECH
FUCK!!!! That’s one of my namesake’s best quotes and there’s no youtube video! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Moral 23 and a half: ‘Arry://image.blingee.com/images18/content/output/000/000/000/772/751462135_2096672.gif
Moral 1: Listen to power metal.
And that’s why I chose moral nihilism.
Moral 2: Listen to OSDM.
Moral 3: Love DsO
DsO refers to both Diablo Swing Orchestra and Deathspell Omega at the same time
It does. I’m a clever girl.
How about when people don’t specify which “DT” they’re referring to.
They get Devin Townsend and they will love it or else.
I get DsO, but I’m completely incapable of coning up with a DT that’s not Devin Townsend.
Should I? Or is this like how only knowing the tunes by the ‘Device’ that’s from Canada is a good thing.
Well there is Dream Theater, Dark Tranquility, and Darkthrone (kind of), but only knowing songs from Canadian Device is still a good thing.
I see two right there I have no excuse for not thinking of this morning.
I blame lack of coffee at the time.
Moral 4: Love DsO some more. Love it more than your family.
Moral 5: DsO is your family.
Moral 6: If DsO is not your family, abandon your family.
Moral 7: If someone dislikes DsO, kill them without remorse.
Moral 8: Killing is my business, and business is good!
Moral 9: Listen to Jag Panzer to learn how to slay posers with spiked bats.
Moral 10: Harry Conklin has actually killed people with his voice. True story.
Moral 11: How is that a moral?
Moral 12: Stop asking questions?
Moral 13: We’ve gone too deep, turn back while you still can!
Moral 14: We’re too deep already!
MORALS 15 – ∞: LISTEN TO POWER METAL.
Moral 14: Listen to power metal
Moral whatever: Randall Thor is not a person with authority
Moral 16: Do not test the Car’a’carn
Moral 15: yolo
Moral 22: How does counting work?
Moral (unspecified): We’re into the Deep Web. We are lost. Woe.
Moral 666: Don’t make my traumas come back.
Moral 12: Do not question the morality of Harry Conklin’s vocal slaughter, or be vocally slaughtered by Harry Conklin.
JAG PANZER OR DIE POSERS!
No worries, you have my word that it will stop.
Which Shining? The one from Norway is better. MADNESS… AND THE DAMAGE DONE!!!
I was supposed to see them in Charlotte, but they cancelled 🙁
Must’ve been a bummer.
Yeah, I was like 🙁 🙁 🙁 for a few days
I believe that. At least you weren’t >:( >:( >:( for those few days.
I was like >:( when I missed the MDF early bird ticket sale
I was also disappointed by the cancellation.
Nice, reminds me of Semargl a bit (before they turned into the ridiculous Eurotrash club/dance/metal combo of shit they are now). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XvmWLujq_4#t=46
But does Semargl have xylophones? I don’t think so.
Nope, but they DO look like this now.
This is so metal.
This looks like a sci-fi (SyFy) remake of Burlesque. I would so watch this.
Oh my. What happened? This is what they should look like.
I would very much like to go to the arcade with them.
Why the fuck did that post three times goddammitsomuch disqus
No, no. It worked out perfectly.
They have such an extensive touring schedule, they used the power of metal to clone themselves thrice to effectively handle the pressure.
The discolove or whatever is the name of that video is an inifinite source of Lulz.
Though the redhead is amazingly hot.
This is pretty boring. Seriously, I can imagine me and wifey sway grinding on each other at a show when this plays… The EDM material might be somewhat more interesting?
Just youtubed some and… nope, not any better. There is literally ZERO consistency from song to song. Why the fuck do these guys even exist and who is this band for? Maybe the inspired The Browning?
They apparently released a new album this year.
This is really good, but it needs some xylophone.
I’ve been thinking about writing an article mentioning some lesser known polish bands. Maybe someday…
I would do the same with lesser known Finnish bands, but I’m not that good of a writer.
Also compare the amount of metal bands in our countries. Finland has got more metal bands than saunas.
Well, I don’t know about that. We do love our saunas. Hopefully our saunas won’t be ruined when Putin attacks.
You’re worried too!?
Kind of. Russians have interfered our airspace many times recently.
I use John Frieda Brilliant Brunette so that when I slay posers, the last thing they see is the brilliant shine and natural highlights in my hair
I windmill with glorious sheen as a distraction directly before I feed them steel.
d00d, bro, i was tossing around the idea in my head about writing a haircare article. maybe have a few people discuss haircare tips, akin to the Mighty Riff article?
A) sounds helpful
B) sounds dumb
If you want to make me shut up, make that article. I have short hair that needs no care.
A. x 1,000,000,000,000,000.
EDIT: Also, C.
Would go great with neckbeard upkeep tips.
Gotta go with C.
A, for sure dude. I’ve had a hell of a time navigating having long hair for numerous years, it’d be helpful. Also, lolbuttz
I cut my hair at the beginning of the summer, but some grooming tips would have been great.
Combover tips would be more beneficial to me
“Which one? … Which one? … Which one?”
definitely A. but definitely C.
When you windmill at shows it also masks some of the booze and sweat aroma and replaces it with a lovely lavender smell breezing towards people in the near vicinity.
Lies. Your locks aren’t that beautiful and silken
You know better than to lie like this.
I’m just jealous I can’t windmill while I slay with steel 🙁
Careful lest the last thing you see before being slain with steel is a golden windmill.
Smite him down!
I wear v-necks and have short hair. Come at me bro.
1 sec let me finish my coconut mask then I’m gonna beat your girly ass.
Wouldn’t that ruin your manicure?
I wear V-necks and have no hair.
If my older brother works as a gauge, I’ll be there in about 10-15 years.
Masterlord Steeldragon like Korn’s cover of Another Brick In The Wall parts 1, 2 and 3 more than the Pink Floyd version.
I liek dis. Was this because I called you out for calling “Stay Tech” lame?
It really effected me, you penis.
I prefer to be called by my full title: His Majesty Overlord of the Pure Blackness of the Void, Sir Floppy Phallus of Ann Cvlter IV.
I’m not a person that should be doing this, but isn’t it “affected?”
Awwwww, that’s so adorable!
Ugh. Anything “Keep calm” related makes me rage aneurysm-level hard.
this might help you blow off some…smoke
You’re just a bad person for doing this.
I know, that’s why I made it.
YOU BIG ANUS YOU
You’re totally not being biased.
I disagree. He’s a good person for stating the greatness of technical music such as prog and tech death. Comparing King Crimson and Cryptopsy to Manilla Road is like comparing Hulk Hogan to a jobber or comparing Led Zeppelin to Trapt. Remember Trapt? Here’s their big song.
Hey isn’t that axls song?
What song? It better not be King Crimson.
No that crappy trapt song
I never really liked them. I liked that song and that was the only thing that ever did of worth.
WORLD’S BIGGEST DOWNVOTE
Tech death and prog for the win!
liek dis if U crai everytiem
The quality of images on these ToH articles is increasing like crazy. Well done, all.
Love my Emperor shirt.
The last picture looks like Conchita Wurst.
Lol. Dude my hair is so pretty. No split ends. No shame.
i’ll give you some of mine. i have plenty to spare.
Is it a contradiction to play guitar and do vocals in a death metal band and also be a kindergarten teacher?
Nope, it just means you’re a radical dude!
Actually it would have to be used to be. I quit due to a severely toxic work environment with my bosses, among other political BS.
Being a teacher, especially in the public sector, is a tough, thankless, yet necessary job, totally Metal imo.
Sockweb comes to mind… but yeah you’re good!
I too am in Academia. There is no sector more brootal.
Agreed. I miss the kids and a lot of other things about it but I doubt I would ever go back at this point.
A long time ago I had a biology teacher who said there was no band heavier than pantera. I proved him wrong with an Obituary tape. Regardless, he was a really cool dude and liked pantera
I consider it such. I also consider it a contradiction to say In Flames’ new album is their best album.
I wish I could grow my hair long again, but my profession demands that I be mostly clean-cut. I’m already defying full convention by having as metal a beard as possible while I have reasonable job security.
Any time I have an interview for a new job, project or commission the beard has to go too. Then I feel beardless and sad, which affects my ability to interview at my full potential.
It’s a vicious cycle.
it’s pronounced Gor-Don
Here’s a contradiction of metal in my opinion: Calling Korn’s album from last year Album Of The Year over Behemoth’s The Satanist. Also, saying In Flames is heavier now than they’ve ever been.
My hair dreads up naturally, I hate waking up and having to undread it.
Sometimes when I take my ponytail out before I take a shower, my hair stays in the same ponytail form.
>tfw I got a haircut about a month ago and don’t have to worry about spending so much time on it in the morning