MSD & Friend’s RIFF OF THE WEEK 9/5/2014

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Any of you remember this?

With how much of my childhood was wasted wisely spent playing this game, I ended up getting pretty sick of that lick. She knows how to materialize a guitar out of thin air, you’d think she could have learned to play more than one thing, or at least to windmill that stupid, exaggerated pony-tail. Had she tuned in to Riff of the Week, she might have learned another riff or two and wouldn’t have been stuck playing the same thing at the end of every boss fight like a dork. That’s not you guys. You’re here every week, adding to your poser-crushing armory of deadly riffs.

“Daybreak. The rising sun brings mercy to those who fear the night, but time is the greatest innovator. For there always is a new riff just as surely as the day will succumb to the night.” — The Undertaker

We’re doing something a little different this week. Listen to every one of these riffs and vote for your favorite at the end. Winner gets a signed lock of my hair.

 

Someone once placed their shaking hand upon my shoulder and somberly asked, “what’s the aural equivalent of a thousand burning cloven hooves dancing on your face until there are a thousand burning cloven hoofprints on your face?” Skip to 1:37.

 

 

Lady SteelDragon:

“Melodeath makes me sad. This riff does not.” Go to 1:23.

 

 

Joe Thrashnkill:

“Evil seems like such a slog sometimes. It’s can get dull being serious and grim and frostbitten all the time. The riff that comes in at 0:30 reminds me that being evil should be fun.”

 

 

W:

“For those of you not in the know, prior to Queens of the Stone Age, Josh Homme was the guitarist in the quintessential desert rock band Kyuss. ‘Demon Cleaner’ is chock full of good riffs and tribal drums that slither and coil like a sidewinder tracking prey in Death Valley, but I’m electing the riff that kicks off at about 0:38 as my RotW. So fire up your generator, because we’re going to party.”

 

 

Christian Molenaar:

“The context of this riff is really what makes it so awesome. The song opens with some pretty standard grind/death metal drumming and unintelligible riffing (though the pull-offs around 0:41 are kind cool) before everything slows down into the most brain-dead sequence of mosh riffs of all time takes the whole thing to a new level.”

 

 

Leif Bearikson:

“I’m not typically one for violence (okay, maybe a lie) but then this riff comes on and I go all Seth Rogen at the end of Observe and Report on everyone.” 2:56

 

 

Stockhausen:

“The first riff in this song is nothing special, but when the snare goes to quarter notes in the verse, it’s exactly the sort of headbanging crusher you need to punch this week in the face. Look at that stupid expression on this week’s face. Punch it with Gortal!”

 

 

Howard Dean:

Bolzer. BOLZER. The riff that explodes at the beginning (and that returns periodically throughout the song) is yet another reason to believe the hype. Hail!”

 

 

Edward Meeehan:

Ornamental Headpiece is a black metal project featuring among other members A Pregnant Light’s Damien Master. Blacker and nastier than his “purple metal” project, this whole EP is chock full of riffs, but check out “Candle Holders,” the EP’s third track, this slow march is some catchy shit for black metal. Da da da da da dun dun dun da da da da da dun dun dun!” [FUN FACT: This was featured on our very first riff of the week. —MSD]

 

 

Guacamole Jim:

“The riff that comes in at 1:48, after an incredibly epic buildup, gets me every time. It’s immediately followed by an entire song of killer riffs, but that particular one stands out for me.”

 

 

Pagliacci is Kvlt:

“Here I go travelling in my WABAC Machine again. Stompbox is probably my absolute favorite band that should have gotten huge, but didn’t. Internal strife within the band apparently kept them from making another album after their major label debut Stress. This song is built on a simple riff that starts at 0:11 and provides the foundation under the verses of the song, which, like all of Stompbox’s songs, have absolutely nothing to do with their titles. If this song doesn’t make you want to jump up and down and act a fool, or possibly grow your beard out, you might want to check your pulse. You just might be dead. But if it does move you, by all means check out the rest of the album, it’s absolutely solid. Fun fact: Stompbox guitarist Jeff Turlik joined Blue Man Group in 1999 and has continued working with them in various capacities as a member, composer, music director, associate creative director, and live guitarist for their rock concert tours.”

 

 

Call the Slambulance:

“Before Katalepsy started being pussies and put out Autopsychosis, they made killer slam. This is kind of the middle ground for them; after the uber froggy vocals and before the lame ass riffs. Instead of just punching their guitars and making noises, you can tell that they actually WROTE this. Wunderbar! They are one of the first slam bands I heard and continue to make rounds in my headphones. Listen with me and bask in the jammage!”

 

 

Jack Bauer:

“That riff in the intro gets me beyond pumped. Great for powering through at the gym.”

 

 

Cock of Steele:

“I think this is on the road to becoming a classic Toxic Holocaust song, it’s just one entire riff machine. 0/5 Flushes, and 100/10 BYAAAAAAHS.”

 

 

Renan:

“You can never go wrong wit da classics, and this shit right here is the stuff that made me love stoner metal.”

 

 

Johnny Crunch:

“This song is rifftastic from start to finish. This band is the soundtrack to the most awesome 80’s movie that was never made.”

 

 

MoshOff:

“0:24. Stay away from anything you care about, it will probably be punched.”


 

WHO'S RIFF JAMMED THE HARDEST?

 

  • Metaphysical Anus

    I still have no fucking idead how to take part in this

    • Send an email to the site before Friday with “Riff of the Week” in the subject line.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Thank you, good sir.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        Anyone can send a suggestion? Even me?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Well, we’re imaginary, so maybe not.

          • W.

            Both of you can!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Fantastic! Nowadays even imaginary people have rights!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Ah, ’tis true. Only an imaginary fool I am, And for this I weep

        • Anyone with the power of the riff in their heart (or something. Where’s Randall when you need him?)

          • Edward Meehan

            SMITE POSERS WITH FIRE AND STEEL

        • Totes brah. But If anyone sends me weak riffs I’ll either ignore the email or make fun of them publicly.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ll sue your ass.

          • Don’t send weak riffs, poseur.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How do I know what you think are weak riffs? Send me a list.

      • Mook Styfawker

        Sweet. I already have something to submit for next week.

        Also, hey guys. Sorry for being AWOL.

        • W.

          Hey Mook

          • Mook Styfawker

            ‘Sup Dubya?

          • W.

            What cha been up to?

          • Mook Styfawker

            Work and working on music and art. You?

          • W.

            Work and playing in the toilet.

          • Mook Styfawker

            I hope you washed your hands.

          • W.

            With bleach.

        • Stockhausen

          Hey dude!

  • Anyone who gets more votes than me is disqualified.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Is that one vote from you to you?

    • Stockhausen

      How do we vote for Dixie’s riff? That was basically the only reason I played that game. And sometimes the game would glitch and she would stay stuck in the air after her siqq jump, and I wished I could be that extreme.

  • Edward Meehan

    I made it on ToH’s RotW. Life, complete.

    • …with a reposted riff. Disqualified!

    • Metaphysical Anus

      ‘Twas a food riff.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I’m going to have to do this next week. Also, how do you submit Whiff of the Week? I have a very good one and I’d like to see it show up on the post.

        • W.

          Send it to the gmail with whiff o the week in the headline.

      • Edward Meehan

        A food riff, like a good riff?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          My fucking keyboard is playing this shit again!

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    “Did I vote for KYUSS?”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIV2zvhre5U

    • W.

      Thanks for the vote, pal.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I love the band Enforcer and the fact they showed up here makes me very happy.

  • Hayden Clifford

    Did anyone else notice that the Stompbox riff sounds a lot like Down With the Sickness?

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      It’s a bit dated, but I’m guessing PAG’s is in his late 30’s like me-I just rocked that STOMPBOX cd in my car last week-it’s 20 years old! Here’s another BOSTON riffa-riff for all the HELMET lovin’ peeps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyf3wyCfNVI

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt

        Mid 40s actually. And yeah, more than a few people have noticed the similarities between those two riffs, to the point where they’ve accused Disturbed of ripping it off.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    Here’s my riff of the week. This song to me is like sex because of how good it sounds.

    tps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICnlyNUt_0o

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      I don’t know how you feel about DEFTONES, but I’ve always enjoyed their version of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMs2SYAq08Y

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Probably the best cover of the song I have ever heard. It’s miles ahead of Adrenaline Mob’s cover of Come Undone with everyone’s least favorite female rock vocalist in Lizzy Hale

      • Further Down the Metal Hole

        I’m a Deftones fan and appalled that I did not know of its existence. Is it off that b-sides and rarities album? I forgot about getting that.

  • W.

    By the way, I know a thing or two about rigging votes. Ya boy W will win, one way or another.

    • Xan

      Well, you certainly won the comment award from Lord Xan today.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You give out comment awards? I need to step up my game.

        • Just remember, quality, not quantity.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I have been commenting less on the newer posts. I’m trying dude!

          • Bözlinger©

            try less, that might work

        • Xan

          I give them quite sparingly. They are the most coveted of all Toilet ov Hell awards except the seal of approval from CROM.

          • Edward Meehan

            The most prestigious award given to mankind.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            More coveted than a flush from RiotAct666?

          • We don’t speak of such things. They are sacred.

          • no. that is the Gold Trophy

          • Xan

            Damn, I forgot about that. A “cunting lifelover” from King Shit of Fuck Mountain is also better. I’m no longer the big cheese. My life is desolate.

        • Edward Meehan

          If that were trve I would already have a massive golden toilet in my home.

          • W.

            Only because you stole those comments from a previous post 😉

          • Edward Meehan

            Ouch, lol, again!

    • Stockhausen

      ManBearPig will win, and he’ll give the trophy to Stockhausen.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      I ALMOST picked a Kyuss riff this week. That would have been awkward.

      • W.

        Awkward and beautiful, just like prom!

  • Jormungandr

    I really liked the one with the guitars

  • KJM

    Shining & Toxic Holocaust are the shizzle, and Sleep of course but that’s almost cheating.

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      Were you at the BOSTON show?

  • Stockhausen

    My riff should definitely win. I bet Christian has never even heard of Gortal.

    • You really want to do this right now?

      • Stockhausen

        BRING IT

        (pls dont)

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I have their debut album. It’s a ok album, nothing special to me.

      • W.

        What subgenre?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Death metal.

          • W.

            Gracias

      • Stockhausen

        I definitely like this album better than the debut. Nothing I’d get tattooed on my forehead, but good solid death metal when I’m feeling the urge.

  • Bözlinger©

    The Cock gets my vote….not the first time I said that, huh?

  • IronLawnmower

    IronLawnmower’s riff of the week is the only valid answer

    http://youtu.be/KHQBxbcK3PU

    • Metaphysical Anus

      GG Allin had the nicest live shows.

      • IronLawnmower

        He was truly ahead of his time.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        His live shows are the best things I have ever seen on Youtube. He was more abusive to himself than Iggy Pop was in his prime.

        • IronLawnmower

          I’ve never seen the audience so far away from the stage at any other concert ever.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            His shows are like showcases of brutality that Exodus could only dream to speak of in their songs. I love Iggy Pop and The Stooges are amazing but GG Allin could put on a live show. If Tipper Gore saw this it would make metal the best thing she had ever heard.

          • IronLawnmower

            http://youtu.be/QMSWRT6ynhs they just stand progressively further and further back from the naked shit covered lunatic.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            He makes the MC5 look normal. Also, his lack of clothing and his abuse of the audience will never be topped and it will never be seen again.

          • IronLawnmower

            At least until my band start playing live.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            when you do give me a call. I’m having a hard time staying in my pants just waiting already

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’ve been thinking about trying to do live performances for my album but then again it’s computer generated noise that would be hard to duplicate. I thought of doing performances involving my music, bizarre performance art, use of vinyl as frisbees and as an encore a cover of 99 bottles of beer on the wall. I was inspired to make that an encore after I saw this band called Dance Club Massacre did a cover of it on one of their albums that was almost half an hour long.

    • I’m partial to this one. It’s catchy af.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYGcr8643bk

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    223 views,18 votes…I am obsessed with numbers and riffs…which probably explains my MESHUGGAH love.

    • W.

      Catch 33?

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        I see what ya did there.

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Probably my riff of the week
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1jSdTBGhDSg

    • This is an 8 minute song. I ain’t clickin’ it unless I know where the riffage is.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        It’s all over the song mate!

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        It’s a Swans song, click it. NOW!

        • Man, you can’t tell me to jump on some artsy meandering track. Not today. Today is Riff of the Week and I will celebrate with riffage.

          • DEATH TO ART AND POSERS

          • Put that shit on a tshirt and I’ll buy it!

          • @Tyree make us whole!

          • Stockhausen

            Let’s just man up and get ToH forehead tattoos.

          • crazytaco_12

            Should put that on the TOH tshirts

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Michael Gira will come down from the heaven and split your asshole in half.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Michael Gira lives in the great Spacecunt in the sky. At least that’s what I gathered from “The Apostate”.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            you mean this guy ?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Why would you do this to someone?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            The song IS the riff

          • Mr.CustodialArts

            With SWANS you kinda-sorta have to sacrifice an evening/your happiness-it’s not fun, but your soul feels like it’s been through something worthwhile Also, I’m convinced critics write about them more than they listen to them-WHO HAS THE FUCKING TIME, BRING ME THE GRINDAGE!
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ansBui-_w80

          • IronLawnmower

            HUUUAAAAAGH

          • Somehow translates to “You suffer, but why?”

          • Mook Styfawker

            I agree fully. Swans is probably one of the biggest “edgy, underground” bands that pretentious schmucks jerk off about. And I say that as fan of the band.

          • welcome back! did you enjoy your month off??

          • i said “boo-urns”

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      You don’t just “listen” to SWANS…YOU SUCCUMB TO THEM.

    • Mook Styfawker

      Oooooo… So good. Shame the rest of the album isn’t nearly as good as The Seer.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        U wot m8? I liked this album better that The Seer.

        • W.

          I liked the Seer more.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Opinions man. Soundtracks For The Blind is still their best imo.

          • Edward Meehan

            See also; Movies For The Blind.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t know about this. It’s rap.

          • Edward Meehan

            You are absolutely correct.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Hello friend, I just read on yahoo news that Putin just kid napped by gun point some government official from Estonia. This happened after Obama said NATO will defend Estonia. What his he now a Mexican drug cartel?
            I like To Be Kind better myself, but My Father…. is my favorite Swans album so far.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I read about that. Shit’s going down!
            While I enjoyed My Father… it’s not even close to my favourite Swans album. It’s still a great album.

        • Mook Styfawker

          This album is good, don’t get me wrong, but I find the Seer has more meat to it with the 10+ minute songs. Though, A Little God in My Hands, Oxygen, and Screenshot are some of the best latest era Swans tracks yet.

      • Edward Meehan

        I agree. To be fair to To Be Kind (lol) I had much more time to dedicate to The Seer than I have so far this year to listen to their newest two hour album. It’s still awesome though and it grows on me with each limited listen.

    • Edward Meehan

      A Little God In My Hands is the cut, too.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Also She Loves Us!
        YOUR NAME IS FUCK!

  • Tyree

    Bolzer for the riff gold metal.

    • Howard Dean

      Tyree knows what’s up! Byah!

  • Hey man, let me tell you something. I love you.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BqTIHM2IEAAY1l_.jpg

    • Leif Bearikson

      Ghostbusters 2 is underrated. there, I said it.

      • omigosh yes, it’s great! sure the first one is like a 10/10, but GB2 is easily a 7/10

  • Scrimm

    The fuck is wrong with you people? Joe should have every vote here, It’s KING DIAMOND!!! If it wasn’t for that MSD would have this thing wrapped up, that Necromantia is so good. I miss that album.

    • YEAH, LISTEN TO SCRIMM

      • Scrimm

        You heard the man. I am old and wise.

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          It’s the clash of the musical titans on here today ! As far as film goes i prefer the 81 clash.

      • listen to Scrimm’s bands demo songs!!!

        • Scrimm

          You are forgiven.

    • psh, king diamond is overrated.

      • SAYS KING DIAMOND IS OVERRATED. LIKES THE PRETTY RECKLESS.

        • ARE YOU GUYS ALL BORED THIS SATURDAY MORNING TOO???

          • Edward Meehan

            I have to work at my second job today, long drive, long shift.

          • crazytaco_12

            Shitty man, I almost melted down at work today myself. Right when I got off I peeled the fuck out and blasted some Cattle Decap, bout the only thing that kept me sane this morning.

          • Scrimm

            NOT BORED ENOUGH TO INSULT THE KING!

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          just for that ! a double insult of My man McNulty & my queen taylor !.
          It’s difficult being the legal guardian of a 21 year old girl. I said ” sweetie, a t-shirt isn’t a dress, there is a lot of strange men out there” You’re not my dad she said, and stamped her little feet. I can’t be mad at my little raccoon. If anyone touched her i would kill them anyways.
          #CTMK

      • Scrimm

        OK, OK, now we’re even for my VH comment. Jimmies rustled so bad right now.

        • okay kids, let’s take a moment to get serious. his vocals drive me nuts (and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t give a shit about vocals). a lot of people praise those riffs (andy larocce or something?) but to me they’re nothing special. i feel like i’ve heard them all from judas priest or other 80’s hair metal bands.

          i’ll see myself to the door…

          • W.

            Look at McNulty swinging his nuts around.

          • Scrimm

            Oh man, we’re about to go to war here..

          • i wish i liked them! i don’t enjoy rustling jimmies… i’m not like that Finland guy.

          • Scrimm

            It’s Ok Mcnulty, I still love you. I’m just so Happy the King is still with us.

          • Guest

            Just so you know, I’m standing besides you 100%

          • WHOA, epic validation!!!

          • Scrimm

            That’s actually proof that I’m right.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How is that proof?

          • HE JUST CALLED YOU A POSEUR!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I have accepted that fact a long time ago. You guys accepted that you guys are posers in the pop article, so I’m not the only poser here, mate.

          • KJM

            I am the Gorn Lord, chosen to ascend Hair Metal Mountain and rule like a mighty God Of Rock.

            I see through all you posers, for I am the Trve Detective.

          • W.

            True Detective, Mastodon, and Aqua Teen in one comment? This guy gets it.

          • KJM

            My brain is Pop Culture Stew.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I agree that I am a poser. I love nu metal, 80’s pop, quite a bit of hair metal and some bands that are scene metal. I followed Motograter on Twitter which depressed me as they had less followers than I did.

          • Scrimm

            You’re from an imaginary place, therefore you must be imaginary, therefore it’s the same as no one standing beside him. Also, Joe’s comment below!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You should attack the argument, not the people supporting it.

          • Scrimm

            I did not attack you.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You kind of implied that Jimmy’s argument has no ground because I’m supporting it. I may have misunderstood you. If so, I’m sorry.

          • Scrimm

            Just humor, my good friend. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id81zYPkH2g

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Just so you know, I’m standing beside you 100%

          • Mr.CustodialArts

            UPVOTED FOR BLATANT HERESY. Next up, Jimmy walks into a church and calls Jesus a Homo.

        • KJM

          Roth era VH over Mercyful Fate/King Diamond anyday!!

          Rustlemania: The Showcase Of The Immortals

    • W.

      But, but Kyuss

      • Scrimm

        Sorry Dub, But I cant go against that.

        • W.

          Time heals all wounds.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu
          • W.

            Gene Hoglan ftw

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            He’s the man. I hate to disappoint you though, this one’s from Sweden

          • W.

            Oh sorry, I didn’t actually see the video. I thought you linked Dark Angel.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            No need to be sorry, one can go no wrong with Dark Angel

          • time waits for no slave

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            I’ve had 3 comment/photos removed on the TOH, i think i am in the TOH record books. hahahhhahahhahh

          • if anybody deserves it… it’s you!

          • Scrimm

            It is a very good pick.

      • that may have been the first Kyuss song i’ve heard. thoroughly enjoyed!

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I have never like Kyuss. Sorry big man.

      • KJM

        I’m more of a Fu Manchu guy myself.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        But, but Shining

        • Stockhausen

          But, but buttz. lolbuttz.

        • W.

          I actually voted for Shining…

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Maybe I was wrong about you, Dubya.

          • W.

            Maybe you were wrong about all men.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            But, but Tumblr told me all men and whites are the epitome of evil incarnate!

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      I shamelessly suck the cock of HOMME as I cupeth the balls of BRANT.

    • crazytaco_12

      I ain’t voting for any of the obvious shit homie. I’m all about MF, Kyuss, and Sleep, but I know that shit like the palm of my hand.

      • Scrimm

        You have a point there.

  • Mook Styfawker

    My riff of the week right now is at 0:56, but the one at 0:27 is great too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SD7kp0_8fJU

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Gotta be Demon Cleaner, that riffage makes me love life.

    • W.

      Yes! Thanks, pal. Have you heard the Tool live cover?

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Yeah, it’s pretty great. Fragility of Maynard’s voice brings out a whole different kinda haunted side to it.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    This week I’m going to go with this 0:07 into the song and you’ll embark on your Final Journey

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lynDo2iuwKc

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      You must accept accept or you will not be accepted as true metal fan. You do not however have to accept the album with daved reece on vocals.
      Happy for tornillo, 50 years old and finally gets his big break !. That’s awesome in my book. It must be destiny. Accept with UDO = dissapointing albums since russian roulette.
      Enter Tornillo – 3 classics in a row.

      • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

        Hahaha. You’re so punny.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    My riff of the week comes from Embalmed. The song Regiment of Death from their new album Brutal Delivery of Vengeance. The riff at 2:05 makes me want to beat the paint off of a brick wall with my head.

    http://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=Q1iAF-s1jFw

    • crazytaco_12

      this just links you to youtube’s homepage, but I searched the song anyhow

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        Odd. It works for me…

        Hmm… ok I think I fixed it. Thanks for the heads up.

  • Cock of Steele

    Should’ve had this best riff contest up 2 weeks ago.

    • crazytaco_12

      Saw you posted Toxic Holocaust, you ever heard this song? Probably my favorite by them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9X7qoHVtjo

      • Cock of Steele

        I love that whole EP. Top tracks would be this, and Mourning Sex.

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        these 80’s throwback covers are fucking great on their own.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    Why did every song in the post just become Gallows Humor?

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      False alarm just my computer playing tricks on me, the bastard

      • misery index is saying, “vote for me…”

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          So it is true, they’re all conspiring against me

  • God

    @Joe Thrashnkill gets my vote. You can never go wrong with the king baby.

    Side note : https://youtube.com/watch?v=R0ddwdF3KAs

    • Stockhausen

      Dude, Soul Embraced. Nice.

      • God

        They are my go-to band whenever I’m confronted with “all Christian metal sucks”

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Doesn’t change my opinion.

          • God

            Well pooh

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Oh bother!

          • God
          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’d rather take Lucifer.

          • God

            Where is the devil anyway? Did he change his disqus name?

          • I think he’s a pretty busy dude.

          • God

            Gotcha.

          • God

            Hey joe question for you. Are we still working on a new logo for this site or are we gonna stick with the one we got at the top up there?

          • I’d like to update it. Tyree has been helping out with some new designs. I need to ship him a crate of beer in exchange for a new header.

          • God

            Awesome. I don’t know how easy it is to change (zero knowledge in web design) but I thought it would be fun if every few weeks or so we could change it by having people who want to participate submit their designs and we can have it up there for a week or something. Just an idea I had that I thought I’d throw out there.

          • That’s a cool idea. I think we could do that without too much trouble if I give out the necessary dimensions.

          • God

            cool. I’m not the best artist but I have a few lined up if you ever decide to do that sort of thing.

            (p.s. I love having a site mod that actually converses with their users. Really fucking cool. Thank you for my favorite time waster!)

        • Scrimm

          There’s a lot more good stuff than there used to be. I use Extol as my example lately. Jamming Vials of Wrath right now.

          • God

            Extol is love, extol is life. I have been jamming some DivineFire, Antestor, and Living Sacrifice lately.

          • Scrimm

            LS is my all time favorite. Sporting one of their shirts today actually.

          • God

            I’m sporting my Believer shirt. Awesome Christian Prog-thrash

          • Scrimm

            I’ve been meaning to get the Believer albums again. Good stuff.

          • crazytaco_12

            FUCK YES, God knows what’s up! Believer fucking kill it dude

          • W.

            I love Living Sacrifice!

          • Scrimm

            Bruce is one of my favorite vocalists. I was supposed to see them years ago, but they split up literally the day before the show here. So glad they are back, I think their last two albums are their best.

          • God

            Man I don’t know if you are good at writing at all or anything, but I suck at it and wish someone would make an article about religion (not just Christianity) in metal and it’s impact on culture. Oh how the ideas crystallize inside my brain but turn to shit on paper.

          • W.

            We’ve talked about that idea, but it would have to be very well-written and thought out.

          • God

            I wish someone could write it (hell I wish I could but I cant write worth shit). Always thought it would be a fun read and lead to good discussion.

          • W.

            I think the Masterlord and I might tackle it sometime in the future.

          • God

            You have my blessing.

          • Scrimm

            That would be hell of a lot better than me. I have so much writing on my plate right now anyways. Almost 1000 pages of revising.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I’m curious, what do you write?

          • Scrimm

            Fiction. So far It’s all been horror. I love it, so I don’t see it changing anytime soon, but you never know. Holding of trying to get anything out there until I really feel I’m doing stuff that’s good enough. but I have three novels in draft form and several shorter pieces.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Is that a hobby and do you work in literature somehow?

          • Scrimm

            It is a hobby that I would like to make something more someday, but I’ll keep doing it no matter what. Right now I am looking for work, just left my job of ten years, probably looking to go into something different.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Good luck. I’m in a similar situation. So I understand that. Here’s to success.

          • Scrimm

            Thanks and you too.

          • Scrimm

            I write fiction but my article writing skills leave something to be desired. I could give it a try sometime.

          • JWG

            On this note, last Summer my University held a two-day colloquium on Religion and Religious Imagery in Heavy Metal called “South Of Heaven” (http://web.uvic.ca/~soh13/).

            Because obviously – what else COULD it be called?

            This Winter with the help of the English department, it’s going full-Conference mode and expanding beyond just Religious Studies. I’m definitely keeping tabs on it (maybe for an article?): https://onlineacademiccommunity.uvic.ca/triberite/

          • God

            This looks right up my alley

          • JWG

            I’m hoping that the presenters from #SoHev (yes, even the abbreviation was a pun) have papers ready for Tribe & Rite, even (maybe especially) if they’re ‘just ‘ expansions of the prior research.

            In case whoever read my last post didn’t have a look at that first link, because I kind of botched the URL (edited now), the other presentations included:

            – Religious Imagery in Metal
            – Unblack Metal
            – Searching for a Metal ‘Orthodoxy’
            – Middle Eastern Metal vis a vis ‘Existential and Political Struggle and Aspiration’
            – Heavy Metal, Satanic Folk Culture and Evangelical Parody

    • Scrimm

      Upvote for both the King support and the video. I still need to get this album.

      • God

        It’s amazing. I funded the kick starter when it was announced so my alias is in the liner notes!

        • Scrimm

          That’s awesome. I would have done that had known about the kickstarter.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I have never heard this before and am instant fan. THANK YOU LORD

  • JWG

    I’ve already mentioned Sequester, Ryan Boc’s one-man Progressive Power Metal project. Here’s another tune that opens with Serious Riffness and just takes off from there…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhzo3sl6D84

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Progressive makes me want to listen to it, but power metal makes me not want to listen to it.

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Yoooo, Finland gets some recognition from you Americans!
    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/06/opinion/americas-debt-to-the-finns.html

  • guest

    That riff mentioned in the Shining song reminds me a lot of the intro to Muse’s “Hysteria”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7la0SndoCI

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Pretty much the only Muse song I like.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Totally man. It was actually one of the things that grabbed me about it–it was like a heavy Muse. I love Muse.

      • guest

        I love everything up to Black Holes & Revelations. Resistance was a huge disappointment for me and I haven’t even bothered with 2nd Law

        • Guacamole Jim

          That’s fair. To be honest, I hadn’t listened to BH&R or 2nd Law at all. I heard the singles and wasn’t interested.

  • crazytaco_12

    Gotta have the bass turnt up for this one! Such a fatass riff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT-uU-dsQag

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      King’s X are like a texan Rush junior.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I love Kings X. They’re very underrated, almost as underrated as Chilliwack.

  • crazytaco_12

    Some great picks this week, cool new finds. Man, that singer for fucking King Parrot goes hard!

    • God

      Im so divided on king parrot. I feel like his vocals are goofy and brutal at the same time and I both love and hate it.

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Guys, get your wallets ready! Debemur Morti has a great offer. 10 CD mixed box for only 15 Euros.
    http://www.debemur-morti.com/en/12-eshop

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Distinctly tempted by this, although as far as I can tell I’m not really too familiar with their output. Their bands are mostly black metal or thereabouts though, right?

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Yes, their most known one is the mighty Blut Aus Nord.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          Ahah. Coincidentally I just ordered a couple of theirs earlier today. Great, great band.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            The pre-order for Blut Aus Nord’s new album should be out soon on their label’s shop.

      • W.
    • W.

      I’m quite tempted by this.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I already ordered my box. Now I just have to wait.

        • W.

          Poop, the shipping itself would cost more than the box.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Yes, the shipping. With shipping I paid around 3,20 euros per album.

  • FeelTheDarkness
    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      The neglected 80’s era, no one wore ramones shirts back then, you would be ostracized if you did, plus it would be hard to find one, i used to look through the ramones lp section at the record store and the dust that flew out burned my eyes and choked me.

      • FeelTheDarkness

        What was great growing up was I had friends who would bootleg shirts. We made shirts for bands we liked. Metal and punk rock/crossover.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I never knew bootlegging shirts was a thing. Also, among everyone I know I am the only person who has seen Asia perform live as well as being the only person who knows who they are. Most of the people I know like crappy metal or don’t like music in general.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            I have almost the full asia catalog as well as john wetton solo albums and the ones with him and geoff downes. Plus a 3 dvd set of old shows , one with john payne which is really bad.

  • Paris Hilton

    The only source of light in a lonely New York parking lot was the burning embers of Axl’s cigarette. He was so anxious that he was on his 6th one. Coming out here was a dumb idea. It was a mistake to even be here.

    He flicked out the rest of his cigarette and made an approach to leave in haste. In that moment a large hand on his shoulder and a voice as smooth and masculine as finely aged whiskey stopped Axl abruptly. “Not so fast now” the tall, dark figure said as he turned Axl around, “we had a deal, partner. Give me the money and the mark.” Axl thought of the betrayal, the hurt, and the humiliation. He took a deep breath then spoke, “I need a hit put out on my partner, Vince Neilstein. He needs so much control over our relationship and our blog. That bastard pulled the last straw when he smashed a bong over my head, stole my blog, and left me for dead. Here’s $500 in advertising revenue. Cash. I need you to put him down.”

    The eyes of the dark figure reflected sternly on Axl. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? “That would best,” replied Axl regretfully, “please just make it quick. No pain.” Axl handed the man the cash.

    “Consider it done.” The dark figure said as he raised is hand for a deal. Axl grabbed his hand. In an instant much faster than a blink of an eye or the bat of a hummingbird’s wing the man pulled Axl towards him and stuck a hunting knife in-between Axl’s left 3rd and 4th ribs. Axl fell to the ground, bleeding profusely in his shirt that’s he’s been wearing for a week straight and his mouth. “Vince found out you hired me online because you used his laptop to do it, you stupid asshole!” The voiced howled with laughter. “He paid me $700 to hit you first and take whatever your broke ass gives me.” Axl was looking up at the man and finally mustered the strength to speak, “But, why!?”

    The man took off his hat and coat. He revealed himself as a young, very muscular, young man. He was covered in tattoos and had thick, dark, beautiful long hair, even in test moment Axl still found him quite dashing. The man smirked, “Why? Because it ain’t easy, being Tim Lambeezy.” He gave Axl one last devil horns and then disappeared into the shadows, leaving Axl a bloody mess to disappear into the shadows from this mortal life.

    (TBC)

    • Howard Dean

      One time Axl was stabbed by Tim Lambesis. In the asshole. #AxFacts

      • Scrimm

        Dammit Howard this is like the fourth time I’ve spit my drink out laughing at one of your comments.

        • Yea Howard stop being so funny, some of us are trying to be all serious and shit!

      • Mother Shabubu III

        With his dick-knife.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I love this. It made me give a hearty laugh like a sea captain would do.

    • Xan

      I love you.

    • Ellipsis

      Dear Ms. Hilton,

      It’s probably not my
      place to question such a revered and up-standing public figure such as
      yourself, but I fear you have left me no choice. I’m shocked, nay appalled that
      you, a published author, would stoop so low. I’ve put in a backbreaking 20
      minutes each week to gift the world with my Vince and Axl fan fiction over on
      MetalSucks for the last six weeks and I’m absolutely crestfallen, nay morbidly despondent
      that you have co-opted my trolling style as your own. All I can ask is why? Is
      it money? Fame? Validation? You have all these things and more. What do I have?
      Little. Just the faint warmth I feel every week when I think of a new way to
      mock Vince’s obsession with BabyMetal. Do you wish to take that from me as
      well? How dare you have the audacity to improve on my buffoonish Axl antics by
      actually have the fucker stabbed! You’ve made a dangerous enemy my friend. One
      that wields punctuation like RiotAct666 wields flushes, unnecessarily frequent and
      with abandon.

      Insincerely Yours,

      Ellipsis

      TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED…

      • Paris Hilton

        Ok

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Axl was on his couch. He was watching a football game where the Jaguars were trouncing the Seahawks 28-0. Suddenly he hears his home phone ringing. He says “Aw damnit, couldn’t this call happen once the game was over?” He goes into his kitchen and picks up the phone. The call was from an unknown number. “Hello, who is this?” he says and then a voice comes over the phone that fills him with joy. “Hello Axl, this is Steve Howe from Yes and Asia. I am retiring from the band and I have heard you are a good guitar player. Would you like to join the band in my place?” Axl was elated that some nobody like him had gotten offered to join a band as well known as Asia. “Yes, of course I shall join Asia!” Axl says. Before he can hang up the phone though he sees a red dot on his chest. A shot is fired and Axl falls to the ground. As he lay dying, he sees someone come into his kitchen. The face fills him with fear as it is none other than Jonathan Davis, backed by Dave Mustaine and the members of Mushroomhead. Dave says “The countdown to your extinction is over Haxl.” Before Axl can reach the phone the members of Mushroomhead start kicking him over and over again until he begins to see a light. He sees Jeff Hanneman and Cliff Burton beckoning him to follow the light. As he lies there, dead as a doornail the sky gets dark and it begins to rain. It was as if the heavens were weeping for the death of Axl. His last words were “I should have guessed this would happen. Why didn’t I give Mushroomhead praise for being different?”

        • Ellipsis

          *standing ovation*

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Thank you. I thought it up and I feel it was really good.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            If you think that one was good, wait until you hear the one with Axl and Vince going to a concert of the MC5 with Iron Butterfly opening for them. Hilarious shenanigans will happen.

        • Lol I couldn’t read further than “jaguars trouncing the seahawks”

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            You should read the rest of it. It gets much better after that line.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            I stopped reading at Janitor

      • Paris Hilton

        Honestly everyone should get on the Axl bashing, man!

        “Everyone. And I mean EVERYONE!!! Has a story to tell. All you need to do is take the time to listen.” -Paris Hilton

        • Ellipsis

          I completely agree. Maybe we can do a Vince and Axl anthology, with the proceeds going to a Victims Of MetalSucks charity. And what an insightful quote from Paris, beauty, brains and the voice of an angel…

          • Paris Hilton

            An anthology of ages!

          • Ellipsis

            Indeed. Some title suggestions:

            The Stonerillian
            How To Lose Commenters And Influence No One
            To Kill A Mocking Turd
            Blubbering Slights
            Moby Dicks
            Axl’s Adventures In Blunder Land
            All Quite On The Comments Front

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Make sure to put mine in. I have even more ideas that I can write as time goes along.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I wonder what would happen if Tim made “It ain’t easy being Tim Lambeezy” his catch phrase. I could see that being a successful shirt if it was made.

  • old_man_doom

    Good call on Kyuss and Sleep. They are my “riding through the desert on a harley while being chased by demon bikers into a fiery sunset” bands.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      I am picturing you as ghost rider now and it’s cool although i am hearing desert plains by priest figuring in somewhere along the way.

      • old_man_doom

        Absolutely, Crom be praised.

  • http://youtu.be/IFFV_QmPCqc

    That riff around the 1 min mark.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      That riff through their whole discography and the ones that they are thinking of for new songs right now. DD verni and frank bello, the best bassists in thrash & the only ones i can ever hear on any metal album !

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    Here’s a riff of the millennium. This is an epic at the levels of Freebird or Stairway to Heaven. This makes all other epics inferior.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT0cQRUpJ3M

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    The Asia album that came out this year was terrible, almost as bad as the new Yes album. I love this riff fest from Asia though. Also, this is their last album with Steve Howe who retired from Asia last year.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BnTSkqNG_o

  • Scrimm

    Sometimes I wish we did downvote in here…

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    Haven’t heard the rest yet, but Sylosis always wins. Right?!?! Right?!?!?