MSD & Friends’ RIFF OF THE WEEK 9/13/14

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Toilet, meet Riff.

Get a load of this big purple bastard. I don’t understand how this isn’t seriously traumatic for children. Still, the creep makes a good point in which we might find solidarity: RIFF IS FAMILY. And just like Barney, we explore our weird and deeply confusing (and doubtlessly inappropriate) relationship with it every single week, by force, whether it likes it or not.

Last week, W. barely edged me out with his pick and my panties bunched accordingly. So congratulations on your victory, you big ass.

Bush

The good news for all aspiring dignitaries is that a ToH Riff Overlord’s elected term is exactly one week. Today the polls are opening again and your big shot at making a real, significant change in the world is finally within reach. May the best riff beat all of the other ones in combat.

 

Masterlord SteelDragon

Here’s one from one of last year’s very best black metal releases. The muddier-than-actual-mud guitar tone and spoken word that kick off at around 4:39 lead into one of the most nefarious moments in the entire genre. When the drums finally kick in and “Mark of the Devil” holds out his unprecedentedly harrowing howl, you void your bowels, then your guts, then your soul.

 

Lady SteelDragon

The first riff from the new Orange Goblin song makes me want to headbang. And ride a motorcycle. Don’t tell husband.

 

Joe Thrashnkill

I’m pulling out the big guns. If you’ve somehow missed the many occasions I’ve publicly drooled all over this split, I’m doing it again. Every riff here is more headbang-worthy than the last, but I pick the riff on “Pulverizer” that hits at 0:36 seconds. If this does nothing for you, your primal instincts are DEAD.

 

W.

Earning the Riff of the Week Championship Belt last week was an even bigger honor than being elected President, and this time I didn’t even have to rig the counts! However, I knew I’d really need to pull out all the stops to win a second term, so here it is. This week I’ve chosen “Antioxidant” by Soilent Green. This whole song is more full of sweet riffs than Washington is with vipers and lickspittles, but that riff starting at 1:23 that picks up the bass groove is an absolute crowd pleaser sure to win over hearts and minds.


 

Leif Beariskon

This is definitely the best riff of 2014. It’s warped, trippy, crushing and catchy as all fuck.

 

Stockhausen:

The riff that kicks of Extol’s “Of Light and Shade” has always the perfect mix of odd-time flavorings and straight ahead smashy groove. The urge to headbang is irresistible, but you’ve got to be on your toes. You’ll never run out of awesome riffs as you work through Extol’s discography, so quit being a poser and listen to them.

 

Howard Dean:

As soon as you hit play, it’s upon you. The very first riff from the very first song on the very first Taake full length. Metal perfection. Known more for his excellent vocals and imposing stage presence, Hoest is an underrated and overlooked master of the black metal riff. And for a bonus, stick around until about the 1:00 mark to hear clean singing in Norwegian!

 

Tyree

Thank you KSOFM for making me listen to Dissection’s Storm of the Light’s Bane finally. This album is a fucking riff index! The first two riffs in the song “Thorns of Crimson Death” are just chilling and cold. Really every riff in this song is good but those first two just give me shivers.

 

Cybernetic Organism:

I learned about Teethgrinder from a fellow flushketeer and haven’t been able to get this menacing riff out of my head for days. Makes hunting Sarah Connor so much better.

 

365 Days of Horror

Starts at 0:12. Simple riff with a lot of groove and good for headbanging. Plus it was used in the soundtrack for Road Rash.

 

Pagliacci is Kvlt:

This song has a handful of outstanding riffs, including one layered on top of another (starting at 5:39). This is Neurosis doing what Neurosis does best: repetition/drone to create tension and release. For the sake of picking one to be the best though, I’ll go with the riff that begins at 4:10, after the lyrics have ended, dividing the song into two relatively different parts. It provides the base for the mournful riff that starts at 5:39. These two riffs devolve and break down for a short period at ~6:24, but then return at 7:54 with a surging swell, building up to the enigmatic, abrupt end of the song that I imagine convinced most people (like me) hearing this song for the first time that something in their stereo system was malfunctioning badly. The lyrics of this song are, I believe, intentionally vague. But the beauty of vague lyrics is that they are left wide open to interpretation by the listener. For my personal interpretation, many of the lyric phrases struck painful chords, reminding me of my brother’s struggle with opiate addiction. Even the second (instrumental) half of the song seemed to fit his narrative. Those riffs building like I imagine his final injection of heroin felt. Ecstatic at first, then numbing, then a breaking down, a sensation that something is wrong. The numbness then masks the pain as respiration and heart rate slows and muscles spasm and convulse, but does it numb the mind or did he feel the (rivers of) fear as he fully recognized (being a nurse) the symptoms of his own demise? And then, just like the end of the song, the abrupt breaking down and sudden end. Hopefully your interpretation is a brighter one.

 

Boz:

Slow and steady wins the race sometimes. This riff works well with a little herbal essence, but also without. At the 7:50 mark it starts to kick off, then continues to do so for a very long time.

 

Jack Bauer:

After seeing them live last night, the riff that starts at 2:26 absolutely destroys.

 

Rho Stone:

I wrote a review of this album but it’s probably never going to be approved because it’s two paragraphs of me jizzing on the beautiful riffs this band makes. Might as well nominate it for riff of the week.

 

Cock of Steele:

Starting at 1:10, this was hard because this entire album is packed full of awesome riffs, but it’s hard not to get this one out of your head. Like trudging through miles of sludge in a hot desert-like place.

 

Thaedra:

Okay, this one is kind of a two-fer. The haunting melodies of Paul Kott and Andy Christ’s dual guitars always get me, but around 1:18 on this track I start to feel like I’m having an out of body experience, and by the time I get to 2:04 I’m pretty much astral projecting across the universe. (It might have something to do with the fact that this is the one song Matt Pike lays down some guitar on as well, instead of just doing vocals like the rest of the album.)

 

Cockypock Aioli

I know it is ‘riff’ of the week, but between the verse, chorus and breakdown riffs, I honestly don’t know which rips my face off the hardest. The song’s siren sounds (aside from the lyrics) are a relevant motif because the searing sharp rock of this song will leave you hopelessly bleeding out. The verse riff is funky and makes you wanna shake your money-maker, the chorus is catchy enough to sing along to, and the breakdown is not only heavy as shit but also serial-killingly stabby. Nils has a lot of genius work but he really nailed it on this one. (Verse riff starts right away, taste of chorus at 1:25 and breakdown at 3:14)

 

heyaqualung:

Check out 1:42 to hear a breakdown that doesn’t suck.


 

NOW CHOOSE.
This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 09-12-2014 21:43:10
end_date 14-09-2014 09:00:00
Poll Results:
And the winner is...
  • Metaphysical Anus

    Neurosis tickles my special place in a very good way.

    • W.

      Mine too, mate.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Yea boiiiiiii!

  • Xan

    Fuck yeah, I love Dissection.

  • Ferris Mueller

    This will take a while

  • Bözlinger©

    You fuckin’ weed smokers better back me! ….btw, anyone sell weed around here?

    • Paris Hilton

      I used to sell weed to buy textbooks in university. Nothing beats a good education.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      I heard a guy named blake judd does. You have to pay upfront. He’s a good guy, how can he not be, he plays metal for chrissakes.

    • more beer

      What kind of shitty place do you live in that you try to cop weed in the toilet? Or are you cop? I live in Colorado weed is never an issue!

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    ORANGE GOBLIN? MONSTER MAGNET? NEUROSIS? SOILENT GREEN? Who am I, fucking KING SOLOMON? >Reluctantly chops baby in 4 pieces, keeps the NEUROSIS portion<

    • W.

      Yeah, I didn’t vote for myself this week. So many good riffs.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You did last week? Damn you! *shakes fist in the air*

        • W.

          No, I voted for someone else last week too, haha.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I may belive you. The former president of USA would never lie to someone.

          • W.

            Never!

          • Politicians are always honest!

        • more beer

          Every good president vote`s for him self in the U.S.A.!!! You people vote for your opponent in that imaginary land of your`s. I guess that`s why it`s an imaginary place because no one in a real place would do that.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            No, we vote for the candidate that we think is the best. And we have more than two big political parties.

          • W.

            I’ll go on the record as saying that the US needs more than two.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            For that I’ll give you a pat on the back.

          • more beer

            We actually do it`s just the 2 major parties overshadow every other party. I always vote for whoever else is running I know it`s a waste of a vote. But my integrity and hate for the powers that be stays intact.

          • W.

            Right. We do have more, but the others are insignificant.

          • more beer

            That is pretty much what I said. If most Americans would pull their heads out of their asses and decided to vote for the parties that are insignificant and shook things up things would start to change.

          • W.

            Yep. Just agreein’ witcha.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      the ghost of Borg9 approves of the goblin.

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        …….

  • Sir_William_Whalus

    Even the dullest fish sometimes have bright scales.

  • Scrimm

    Damn this was a tough decision and I can’t believe I’m picking against Thorns of Crimson Death. I love that song, and we’re working on covering it. But my Vote goes to Stockhausen. Extol is awesome, and so underrated. I actually thought about contributing them myself this week, but It’s been busy couple of days.

    • W.

      Yah but you’re hanging out with the tall man. You have an excuse.

      • Scrimm

        This place is amazing.

        • W.

          I’m glad you’re having such a good time, dude. srs

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          did you see caroline munro yet ?

          • Scrimm

            Yes. She has not aged very well.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            somehow i had a suspicion that would be the case. Time is truly the most unstoppable monster. My theory is if you really love someone no matter how many years go by you will always see them as when you first met them. I’d like to think that anyways. These conventions probably keep some these older actors alive, to know that they have not been forgotten even though they never won academy awards.
            Maniac Factoid – the reason caroline appeared in the film is because her husband invested money into the film with the stipulation she would star. Luckily she had acted before and did very well i thought. It has been said how could someone as beautiful as her (at the time) be interested in joe spinell. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy who wasn’t a male model could get a beautiful girlfriend. Plus it showed the dynamic of the character , going from rocking back and forth on his bed muttering to going out for a meal with a beautiful woman. Probably couldn’t have turned out better. So did you get autographs from a few people as well. This kind of stuff is more interesting to me than someone explaining what they did on a date.

          • Scrimm

            Yes I got the whole Phantasm cast and director Don Coscarelli. I’ll tell you what, the lady from Phantasm looks awesome for her age, I heard several people say she looks better now, and they might be right.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            yea, i looked her up, beautiful then and now. Couldn’t find a wiki on her so don’t know her age. First movie is 35 years ago so must be close to 60. Didn’t know coscarelli did beastmaster, i loved that when i was kid, it was rated R when my dad took me to it 82. The first nudity i ever saw in a movie. Later on it was played almost every other day on cable with the short scene removed. Classic movie too. Kind of a conan light. Forgot about that masters of horror episode he did incident on and off a mountain road. One of the best of the series.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah I grew up with Beastmaster as well. I actually haven’t seen the masters of horror episode, they talked a little about it at the Phantasm panel they did today. I also enjoyed Coscarelli’s latest movie, John Dies At The End. Not as good as the book, but close. Has a cameo from the tall man.

          • Scrimm

            Damn Wifi in this hotel is horrible. I was going to say how great they all were, Angus especially. The guy was so nice, he talked to me for a very long time, kept his arm around me the whole time, Telling me stories of his dogs and travelling through AZ as a child. He is pretty frail, but hi mind is still there. So much better than I expected from all of them.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            That sounds cool, looks you made the right choice going. I think the thing with horror conventions is that the actors are really cool people who appreciate the fans where as musicians can be really rude and dismissive. Yea the MOH episode has an Angus cameo too. Actually the whole 2 seasons of masters of horror are worth watching. There are a few duds, but even those aren’t bad when compared to most modern horror stuff. Argento even did some of his best stuff in years with his 2 segments.

          • Scrimm

            I’ve seen a few, pretty good for the most part. Most of them are great at the cons, but not all> Tom Savini has been at both I’ve been to and the guys kind of a d-bag. Also Kane Hodder walked around the one in phoenix all puffed up like he was king shit, and at one point I walked by his table and he was telling some chick to take her pants off. And he wanted more for an autograph than Scrimm!

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            i just looked up hodder on wiki and get this – Hodder is a noted juggalo. To refllect this he has, he has a custom charm of the groups hatchetman logo holding a machete instead of a hatchet, a reference to his role as jason. That does it right there, no wonder the guy is an asshole with that much bad taste in music. I would have thought he would be into some mortician or something. He doesn’t really do shit in the films anyways. Guy should be lucky he was born so tall and big and got a lucky break because there is hundreds of other stuntmen who could replace him. Little dissapointed to hear about savini, last picture i saw of him it looked like he was pumping the roids pretty hard. Plus he thinks he is a movie star because rodriguez puts him in every film. Man, you look like a real metalhead !

          • Scrimm

            Haha yeah I keep thinking it’s time to grow up and try to look my age but it’s all I know. I just threw up a little bit at the mention of Juggalos. That explains a lot. The guy acts like he’s so great and no one else could put a mask on and run around pretending to stab people. I read in an interview once he wanted to play Myers and I am so damn glad it never happened. I think Savini has short man syndrome. Its funny watching lines at every guests table but his and he’s sitting there with his arms crossed glaring at people while all his overpriced merch sits unsold. Too bad.

    • Stockhausen

      BRO FIVE.

  • IronLawnmower

    This new site design is slick as fuck. Well done!

    • W.

      Thanks to Nina!

  • MOSHOFF WAS THE REAL WINNER

    THE PEOPLE WILL NOT BE SILENCED

    EXPOSE THE TOILET’S 1% AND THEIR WAR ON RIFFS

    • W.

      But…but… I’m a man of the people.

    • Stockhausen

      We want equal opportunity! The rich should pay more taxes on sweet riffs! That may or may not mean anything!

      • more beer

        The rich would steal the riffs like everything else.

    • MoshOff

      It’s funny because I just realized it’s true.

      9/11 WAS OBAMA
      THE ILLUMINATI RUN COCA-COLA
      VINCE PROFITS FROM THE TOILET
      etc.

  • KJM

    Orange Goblin, with Cultes Des Ghoules in 2nd.

  • Gonna have to vote for Leif because Artificial Brain. Joe’s was great too but there’s no option to vote for him?

    • THE CONSPIRACY DEEPENS

      • LMS if joe should win this dog and pony show election! The people will not be silenced!

      • IronLawnmower

        It’s a kingdom of conspiracy!

    • What the hell MSD? This competition is rigged!!!!!

      • I am deeply sorry for my foibles. The poll now includes Joe. Now we have a decision to make. DO WE RESET THE VOTES??

        • Nah, sounds like a pain in the ass.

        • Stockhausen

          Here’s what we do: you slip me a briefcase full of cash, I drop out of the race. It’s that easy.

    • W.

      That one’s practically cheating.

      • Edward Meehan

        I’m still out of town and leaving for the day any second, so I had to cast my vote, so I went with an obvious choice. Next week I’m coming back after last week’s disgraceful riff choice by me.

      • more beer

        It`s those fuckin hanging chads tell em W.

        • W.

          You see, this guy gets it!

  • KJM

    And now I’ll get back to the Witch Mountain show from Thursday night I was watching and/or listening to.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpjZhXhus2c

    • Lady SteelDragon

      Yes.

  • http://youtu.be/Q8UiMy3oyC0 the riff at 1:35 makes me want to scale the Murderhorn on nothing but powersauce bars.

    • W.

      Hey, that’s the SCP image!

  • Spear

    ARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSISARSIS

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Shouldn’t it be “whose riff” instead of “who’s riff”?

  • Renan Ribeiro

    I couldn’t get mine in time. I’ll give it to ya next week, fuckers!

    • Did you get my email?

      • Renan Ribeiro

        Yes, I’m working on it right now 🙂

      • Renan Ribeiro

        It’s done, homey

      • JWG

        [I couldn’t help doing this]

  • God

    Arsis’s cover of “I wear my sunglasses at night” was hilarious and admittedly rips. Love that whole album.

    • Hail and Kill

      They did a good job of making that their own. Wouldn’t have known it was a cover without the lyrics

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      being corey hart was canadian and the canadian content rules force so many songs an hour to be homegrown that song was played non stop on tv and radio. When i heard the cover i recognized it right away, more for the lyrics i think which never left my head.

  • Mr. Joe Bangles

    Cousin Riff reminds me of my cousin Mr. Bojangles! Except skinnier LOL!

  • Mother Shabubu III

    I’ve been on a Nathrakh binge in preparation for their new album. The melodic end to such a violet album is where I found my R.O.T.W. http://youtu.be/dnooidoSBBo?t=2m36s

    • old_man_doom

      The new song, “Idol,” is damn good.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        Indeed it is. Dat chorus…

  • Renan Ribeiro

    I can’t vote for someone other than Thaedra ’cause I’m a Matt Pike fanboy myself.

    • W.

      His left nipple thanks you.

  • I was torn between Mammoth Grinder and Soilent Green but I gotta go with W. The band is downright masterful when it comes to riffs. Mammoth Grinder are no slouches either.

    • W.

      I tip my turkey to you.

  • Jormungandr

    Well it’s not even noon and my neck hurts already. Thanks guys!

  • FeelTheDarkness

    Pagliacci for the win!!
    Excellent description of Stones. Better than I could ever describe the awesomeness of that song or that album for that matter.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Fine time for my goddamn glacier of a network to slow to a trickle. Fuck off, AT&T.

  • Cockypock Aioli

    Man there are so many amazing songs on here. How can anyone even win at all?

    • JWG

      Everyone wins.

      • Cockypock Aioli

        Trophies and juice boxes for all!

    • W.

      I voted for you, dude!

      • Cockypock Aioli

        Aw thanks dubya. That song rips the rock pretty damn hard. SGM was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. How do you compete with submissions like neurosis and dissection though?

  • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell
  • Cockypock Aioli

    I apologize for providing a low-quality link. I was on the phone and didn’t realize it. Here’s a hq for your comment viewing pleasure.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meCuZqN7pFo

  • Poseur Diposeur

    Man I love this feature

  • WHERE IS MY RIFF, MASTERLORD STEELDRAGON

    • Metaphysical Anus

      It ended up in the gutter.

  • crazytaco_12

    Da fuck bro, my submission didn’t make it up?! Oh well, hopefully next week or something. In other news, I went to a bud’s show of his band last night and as they’re covering “Damned in Black”, all these college brahs came in and one literally had a BDubs moment where he was trying to mosh (shirt already off) and then his pants (and boxers) fall down, trip him, lands on his face, proceeds to push off the rest of pants, ends up completely naked and kicked out of the bar. One of the weirdest, most hilarious things I’ve seen in quite some time.

    • Whoops. Looks like I forwarded the email to the wrong address. This will be resolved next week!

      • crazytaco_12

        Thanks man!

  • Can confirm, Taake is master of all things. So many good riffs. Neurosis isn’t even fair to use, as they are monsters at creating wonderful musical experiences and are on a different level than most bands

    • Howard Dean

      Byah! Randall knows what’s up! TAAKE MASTER RACE

  • Simon Phoenix

    Damnit Stockhausen. I was going to pick an Extol song.

  • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

    Let’s not be to hasty on this whole gun control thing…………….

  • Hail and Kill

    baring teeth for revolt off the new goatwhore album opening riff is gonna get me speeding ticket

  • NefariousDude

    How do I become riff master? What do?

  • JWG

    Hints for what to expect before you start the following video:

    – I found Slomatics via their split with Conan
    – This album (and the following one) has a 12″ release on Head of Crom Records

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa3XViNxrUs

  • Jointsalot

    Another week of great riffage and selections. Wallets about to get lighter again.

  • old_man_doom

    Man, that Teethgrinder riff fucking destroyed me. Pure evil.

  • Hail and Kill

    All my instincts tell me not to vote for W for the re-elect, but that is a tasty riff…

  • Howard Dean

    If the winner isn’t crowned from Dissection, Cultes Des Ghoules, or Taake, my black heart will cry and I will have lost faith in the ToH’s potential for blasphemy, apostasy, and glory. Think of the children!

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Blasphemy is nice, but so is Neurosis.

  • Link D. LeonhⒶrt V.

    i’m digging up Orange Goblin in that Eulogies for the Damned record..good band, love that stoner meets heavy melodic guitar driven music a-la Spiritual Beggars/Firebird.. also Soilent Green grabbed my attention with that bass groove riffing.. that’s one of my soft spots in heavy music, bass guitar melodies