MSD and Friends’ Riff of the Week

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“Three things can not long be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the riff.”  — Gautama Buddha

I don’t know who this “Buddha” guys is, but I like to think that he was referring directly to this column when he had his scribe-servant pen that sucker. He foresaw the contents of the toilet and was glad in his cholesterol-laden heart.

So what’s going on this weekend? I’m moving my grandma into assisted living today. She went and fell on her head after I explicitly told her not  to do that shit. The good news is that I have all these killer riffs to box trinkets and lift furniture to.

 

Masterlord SteelDragon:

Hail of Bullets are the undisputed stewards of battle metal until the mighty Bolt Thrower returns to claim the throne, and what worthy stewards they are. 3:13 of “DG-7” starts building momentum for an absolutely tank-busting war machine of a riff,  and Martin van Drunen leads the advance with his legendary death roar. Forward march, grunts!

 

Lady SteelDragon:

3:16 — “Urrrrp. Slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slamslamslam, slam, slam.”

 

Joe Thrashnkill:

“For this week’s Riff of the Week I have to give more dap to Primordium for “The Incursion”. The riff that opens this song is like a Hall of Fame boxer; technical but still capable of knocking your ass out.”

 

W:

“The main riff in this song just oozes metal, and Matt Pike’s voice is just the right amount of sexy gravel in your ears.”

 

Christian Molenaar:

“This whole performance is fantastic, but sheeeeeiiiit. The whole sequence of riffs starting at 0:57 makes it. Child Abuse are masters at writing totally shredding, all-over-the-place riffs without ever overdoing it, placing every note right where it needs to be. New album coming in October! Get stoked.”

 

Howard Dean:

“Every second of this menacing serpent needs to be heard, but let the riff that comes in around 5:18 invade your brain stem and take over your id.* One of the grooviest yet most evil riffs this side of the River Acheron. Like Teitan come alive in sound waves. Katharsis are not to be fucked with. Indulge, or leave the hall, lifelovers! Valhalla is not for the weak! Byyaaahhhh! *Howard Dean and the Toilet ov Hell not responsible for the atrocities committed under the influence of this German horde’s music.”

 

Dan Burton:

“Pretty much the most technically crushing riff I’ve ever heard. Words don’t do it justice. It’s just a runaway steam train of crush. Go to 4:30.”

 

Pagliacci is Kvlt:

“The comparisons between this band and Ghost B.C. (are they still using that?) are undeniable. Their sound is certainly similar. The difference is, Noctum is no shtick, all kick with none of the pop and half the polish of Ghost, but with riffs from the school of Merciful Fate and Black Sabbath that will stick to your ribs all day. I had a hard time choosing between this track and “Conflagration.” Both are equally good. This riff in this track hits you right off the bat at :15 seconds in.”

 

RuIN?:

“Eric Peterson’s side project brings the heavy with a touch of the symphonic vibe. If there is such a thing as accessible when it comes to this sound, I think this is it.”

 

Jack Bauer:

“The riff that starts at the beginning. It just sounds so fucking alien and I can’t get enough of it. It’s what hooked me on them in the first place.”

 

How’s your neck, nerd? If you want in next week, make yourself known!

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  • Normally I’m too old and cranky for overly-tech-noodly music like Archspire but I must admit that they’re pretty good at what they do.

    • I confess to liking this riff. Tell no one.

      • You are infected now 🙂

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          I’m not going to listen to it. That sort of overly technical stuff annoys me. Anyway, I would say more but I’m going to be doing something so I can’t be using my phone to type this during what I’m doing.

          • None So Vile or leave the hall, Nash.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I love that album by Cryptopsy. I also love Carcass, even the album Swansong. Hell, I love Entombed with their two lineups.

        • Xan

          As far a tech death goes, Archspire are probably my favorites though Atheist, Gorguts, and Cryptopsy come pretty close.

          • I should probably listen to more cryptopsy, i only have their self titled.

          • Xan

            Listen to their first three albums at the very least. Most of the albums without Lord Worm are either terrible or very forgettable. Their 2008 album The Unspoken King has a lower rating than Morbid Angel’s Illud Divinum Insanus.

          • Will do.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I hated the Unspoken King so much more than Illud Divinum Insanus. I mean, even though MA were aping Marilyn Manson and Combichrist at least those artists were good at some point. Unspoken King was aping the worst possible metalcore bands and somehow outdid them all in terms of shittiness.

          • Xan

            I’ve never finished either album in it’s entirety.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I have finished them both and to listen to them in a row was horrifyingly bad .

          • If by “come pretty close” you mean “are way better,” then I agree.

          • Xan

            It’s the classics versus the new shit argument. I don’t think I could actually really compare the two as they don’t sound anything alike. The three aforementioned bands shall always have a special place in my heart.

          • Xan

            I was inspired to listen to None So Vile again and based off the first song, I redact my comment. It has been too long. That shit rips face off.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m listening to it right now and it’s ripping not only my face off but everyone I’m with is amazed by how good it is.

          • Cock of Steele

            I jammed None so Vile on my morning run. Now I only jam tech death on my runs. Plus it keeps the hawks at bay.

          • W.

            Beware the hawks!

        • The Bestest Death

          Here’s some shit that you may or may not like.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uURSZfjZaf4

      • Side note: I played rapid elemental dissolve in audiosurf. It was ridiculous. Got a fuckton of air.

    • Negrodamus

      I’m playing this Defeated Sanity track before I need to go take a shower and do productive things with me life lol

      shit is *tight*.

      • The Bestest Death

        Productive things are for nerds. Don’t go, my love!

        • Negrodamus

          I’ll be back, don’t worry Death. I’ll always be back, lol

          • The Bestest Death

            But what if you come back as a nerd? Productivity does that to people.

          • Negrodamus

            For some reason I thought it would be the opposite, but / and that we were already nerds?

          • The Bestest Death

            I’m not a nerd *drops nerdy stuff*. YOU SAW NOTHING! NOTHING!

    • Howard Dean

      Y’all ain’t gonna like this, especially Monsieur Bauer, but…

      … I don’t like Archspire. It sounds like a computer game for Windows 95 with blast beats.

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    Here’s my Riff Of The Week. I would say more, but I’m in M&Ms world with seven people and I have to pick up an M&Ms dispenser with two pound of M&Ms for my house. I’m also picking up M&Ms dispensers and two pounds of M&Ms for the people I am with as gifts since one of them is paying for everything and I’m going to be going to SummerSlam and getting backstage there on the WWE’s dime because of another.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJoTxywiRG0

    • The Bestest Death

      Rush is fucking great. Neil Peart was one of the drummers that got me to start drumming.

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        I saw Rush last year and they were amazing. It was the second best concert I’ve ever seen. UFO was the best. UFO played the best possible set ever played live by any band and when they played Doctor Doctor I wept tears of joy it was so good.

        • The Bestest Death

          My favourite live concert is a new one. I saw Ulver earlier this year and it was so fucking good.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      Second rock album i ever played, i was visiting at my parents friends house and their older son was nice enough to hand me some headphones and let me go through his albums. Before that the heaviest thing i knew was hall and oates. The first album i pulled out was zenyatta mondatta which was ok, but wasn’t anything special to my ears. But when i pulled out MP and the needle decended on tom sawyer i had a favorite band instantly and i still love em to this day. I sat pondering the album cover for quite some time as well. He also had kings so i listened to that. The next day i went to the store and got exit stage left on cassette because its all i could find in my small town. I think that is why i am such a fan of live albums.

    • Mother Shabubu III

      Can we all take a minute and bask in the glory of Neil’s awesome drum kit? Specifically the cymbals.

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        It is an insane drum set. I’ve seen Rush live and they are amazing.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          I’m just impressed with the craftsmanship of that kit and the detail put into it, as well as the cymbals. If only DW drums didn’t cost an arm, a leg, a torso, and three years off your life to get the good stuff.

  • Xan

    Not really heavy but makes me tap my feet quite a bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYipjSjKBuE

    • The Bestest Death

      It reminds me of Iron Maiden.

  • Ded @ Lady SteelDragon’s comment. You’re a lucky man, MSD.

    • W.

      That band is nasty levels of heavy. She’s more kvlt than most of us.

    • Howard Dean

      Seriously. Naraka is probably the most slamming tracks off their new(est) album. I actually almost submitted a Defeated Sanity riff this week, too (different album, though).

      • Fromwisdomtohate29

        I’m going to take a guess and assume it was a riff off of Engulfed in Excruciation? Song goes so fucking hard.

        • Howard Dean

          No shit! That’s exactly the track I was going to pick. The monster riff that closes out the song. That riff is pure slamming moshery.

  • MoshOff
    • MoshOff
      • Negrodamus

        None So Vile is my braincrushing jam.

        • The Bestest Death

          I would make love to None So Vile, if I made love.

    • Fromwisdomtohate29

      Nice. I thought I was the only one who remembered these guys.

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    Primordium is so good it’s like if you were to get a pizza and when you were done with it you were still hungry and there was another pizza.

    • #CommentOfTheYear

      • The Bestest Death

        #JoeOfTheYear

    • The Bestest Death

      Now I want pizza, but I’m sick. Damn you!

      • Negrodamus

        Order one anyways and just smash as much as you can.

        • The Bestest Death

          Shit doesn’t work that way. I’m gonna throw it all up or shit it all out after a few minutes. Or both at the same time.

    • Xan

      I got pizza because of this comment. It was delicious.

      • Sponge Of Mystery

        just doin ma job

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        And I’m sitting here baked as fuark with no cast to order one…

        It’s a good idea for a new Necrophagist song: Mutilating the hungry one.

      • TrickleDownTacoRiff

        get one more (per earlier suggestion)

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    Am I the only person who thinks that Entombed is the LA Guns of death metal considering their multiple lineups?

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      the multiple entombed’s make better music though, which is a key component.

  • The Bestest Death
    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      I love you for mentioning Gentle Giant. They are so underrated as a progressive rock band. They’re more underrated than Magma, that’s how underrated they are.

      • The Bestest Death

        It’s sad to see that Gentle Giant is underrated. Such a great and gifted band.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          I love them. Anyway, I’m at the restaurant and I can’t talk at the moment. We are all deciding what we’re going to order and we’re having some good conversation about our lives and wrestling and such. I’ll be back here later.

          • The Bestest Death

            Have a good time friendo.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Well, we are getting what we ordered. I ordered a giant steak and Torrie ordered a burger I got last time I was there. The burger was two giant burgers combined into one. It has to be held together via a giant plastic toothpick with their logo on it. After we get dessert we’re all heading to Torrie’s place to chill and Trish invited Lita and two other WWE divas whose names escape me to join us. After dinner, we’re going to be going to this bar I love on the upper east side and we’re going to stay there for awhile or at least until me and Chris have to get to Stamford which is a far drive. I’m not going to be drinking because I’m the designated driver to get me and Chris to Stamford.

    • Wizard Aura

      Ever notice how Gentle Giant’s drummer looks exactly like their logo?

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        It is uncanny how similar they look. Maybe the logo is based off him.

        • The Bestest Death

          They had the logo before he joined.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I see.

          • The Bestest Death

            Good, that means that you’re not blind.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m not blind. In fact, I have 20/20 vision and I see that at the moment the person who I think her name is Kaitlyn, she’s associated with AJ Lee and they’re both in the WWE, is going down on me as well as the woman Matt brought who I know is named Madison. She’s hired by the WWE’s competition Impact Wrestling which might not be a company much longer. I love my life. Life can’t get much better than being part of whole social circle that wrestlers are connected in by being wrestlers. Oh shit, someone’s knocking at the door. I gotta see who it is. Somebody, I think it was either Ric or Bret said they invited some other people from WWE and WCW to come on over here. I wonder who they invited.

          • The Bestest Death

            I said that you’re not blind

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Exactly and at this point Torrie’s apartment is filled with wrestlers and divas and myself. When I went to get the door Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, Buff Bagwell and Shawn Michaels as well as whoever the women they brought here were at the door and someone else is knocking at the door. How many more people are going to show up here? At this point there are over 30 people in this apartment. At this point it’s a party. The orgy basically was over by the time Hulk and the others showed up and Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, CM Punk and AJ, Brock Lesnar and his wife, John Cena and his girlfriend, Daniel Bryan and his wife and the fucking Undertaker and his wife just walked through the door. This is insane. Torrie just came over here and whispered in my ear that this party was to celebrate our relationship even though it just started. I am in a room with basically all my favorite living wrestlers and divas. If Randy Savage and the Ultimate Warrior’s ghost show up I wouldn’t be surprised at this point.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            What started off as me and Torrie has turned into over 100 people. Vince McMahon made a call once we got out of Central Park and made a reservation at Plataforma for an unspecified amount of people. Booker T just came up to me and congratulated me like everyone else here. I asked him what he was congratulating me for and he asked if I knew what the surprise was. I said no and he said that I’m going to find out soon because Asia’s set is almost over. He said that the next song was going to be Heat of the Moment and after that I was going to find out the surprise. I have no clue what is going on.

        • Cock of Steele

          How tall is he, when he’s not sitting on a drumkit?

      • The Bestest Death

        ….

  • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

    You guys hear that? It was the sound of conan’s head exploding when he read the Hail of bullets segment.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      hahahhaha, yea that’s about right ! I hate to say it, but MVD is the MVP of death metal Vokills. And the guy is an old man already, hahahahahhah. Bolt thrower are never going to be able to make anything as good as the last 3 HOB albums. Not that BT aren’t one of the best and the originators, the fury of the HOB is unstoppable at this point.

      • Scrimm

        MVD is completely unflushable, I need to see him live before he gets too old. My favorite vocalist next to this guy.

      • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

        When are you going to join RHRC?

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          it that the facebook page ? I am pretty busy on the toilet & stirring up shit on FAILURES FOR BLOGS, it’s all i have time for.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            You may change your tune when you’re there. Find Lamentationsof thewomen (cut and paste) and he can get you in.

  • Cock of Steele
    • Oh man. TSOL has the WEIRDEST career. From OC hardcore to goth rock to hair metal BS. That would be an interesting post…

      • Cock of Steele

        Lol I know, and some of the band members still think “Hit and Run” was their best to date.

  • The Bestest Death

    How could I forget this classic song.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QC5ux44Bxog

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      That whole album is like shaven and lubed up mental patients kicking your head around like a meat football in the best possible way.

      • The Bestest Death

        Is there a bad way?

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          When they don’t wear steel toed boots.

          • The Bestest Death

            You like what I like. I like that.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            We’re clearly both pretty awesome.

          • The Bestest Death

            Awesome is an understatement.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Gnarly, fearsome and boss would also apply I think.

          • The Bestest Death

            And the bestest.

      • W.

        That’s an oddly specific description.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          Well, they say to write about what you know…

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I’m not a geolomogist but I’m pretty sure this is how continents are made: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWrJGqz6nZ4

    • The Bestest Death

      I’m pretty sure that the correct term is “geolomolomologist.”

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Wow, Archspire are quite something. And by something I mean brain-snakes.

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    He’s not playing a slug on this tune, but it’s still a favorite. Phil Lynott Power +100.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsTyF9iQeLI

    • The Bestest Death

      While I mostly dislike the 80s, there’s some good stuff there.
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr_yDyhv0kc

      • The Satan ov Hell
        • The Bestest Death

          This is just for you, baby.

          • The Satan ov Hell

            Hahaha

        • Negrodamus

          SWANS

          • The Satan ov Hell

            Didn’t enjoy them on my first listen, but I gave The Seer a chance, then got into the older stuff like Filth

          • Negrodamus

            So far I prefer The Seer to To Be Kind but I have had way way more time to listen to and take in The Seer. My Father Will Guide Me A Rope Up To The Sky is tight too!

          • The Satan ov Hell

            Got a love for The Great Annihilator here

    • Cock of Steele

      This was basically how I discovered Thin Lizzy. HEaring this collar and then looking the both of em up.

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        i had already heard gary moore when this song came out in 85 but this was the first time i saw phil too.

    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      I love Thin Lizzy. Live and Dangerous is one of my favorite live albums ever. Strangers in the Night by UFO is my favorite live album. That album also has amazing riffs.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCWLM4U6vwg

      • Cock of Steele

        Emerald or Cowboy Song?

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          Emerald. I love Thin Lizzy. Whatever they call themselves these days, I think it’s Black Star Riders, came nearby me but I didn’t go.

          • Cock of Steele

            No Phil, no go.

    • Guest

      I love Thin Lizzy. Live and Dangerous is one of my favorite live albums ever. Strangers in the Night by UFO is my favorite live album. That album also has amazing riffs.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCWLM4U6vwg

    • RuIN?

      This sounds great. that headstock solo shot is lightyears ahead of its time.

  • B00mhauer

    Tellyeewhat dang ol’ Matt Pike a dang ol’ modern riff god man. Dang ol’ Pike riffs kinda like’a dang ol’ tater chip can’t have just one. Yo.

    • W.

      Matt Pike is a riff machine.

      • Mr.CustodialArts

        Matt Pike is so fat because his tummy is full of riffs.

        • W.

          I wonder if he’ll shred even harder now that he’s off the sauce.

          • Mr.CustodialArts

            If he shreds any harder he’ll crack the Earth’s fuckin’ crust.

          • W.

            They were one of the most fun bands I’ve seen live.

          • Occams_Razor_Ramon

            I saw them live once and Matt Pike puked mid song and didn’t even flinch. Me and my friend were right up front and the scent was so pungent my friend had go to the back of the crowd for fear of vomiting.

      • Howard Dean

        Matt Pike never rests. But he will SLEEP.
        #PikeFacts

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      ^ True story.

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    Also, Neil Young has some amazing riffs like this one. I grew up on his music, so I love and respect him and his music.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxUMJ3Wy53M

  • Scrimm

    Hail of Bullets was the perfect soundtrack this morning for me while I, well, Unleashed a hail of bullets with my new sidearm. Not like they have a bad song, but this is one of there best. there verse riff is so simple, yet so crushing. Guitarists, this one will make your nuts rumble. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vRg039MTQg

    • Our previous conversation about van Drunen inspired this pick.

      • Scrimm

        You cant ever go wrong with him. I almost never leave the house without at least one of his albums.

  • W.

    At this point, I’m not convinced that Jack Bauer isn’t a Matt Damon-esque novelty account that just says “Archspire.” 😉

    • Archspire

      Archspire

      • Mr.CustodialArts

        HAHAHAHA!

      • Win.

        • W.

          Yah, this pretty much takes the day.

      • M Shadows!

        M Shadows!

    • The Bestest Death

      Look at what you’ve done!

      • W.

        Mea culpa.

  • JWG
  • NefariousDude

    Yall probably know of this band but the riff at 35 seconds makes me want to pump iron until my arms explode and my pants are shat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4_7peU2RUU

    • God this band goes so hard it’s ridiculous.

      • M Shadows!

        A7x goes harder.

        -M Shadows!

        • I don’t even….

          • The Bestest Death

            Jack, please! Take me back.

          • Only if you watch Game of Thrones.

          • The Bestest Death

            Jack, I can’t do it. I can get into Archspire, but game of thrones? I just can’t break my promise.

          • Dr who then.

          • The Bestest Death

            Jack, that means that I would have to start all the way from season one. Do you know how much time and money that will take?

          • It took me a few weeks. Use netflix.

          • The Bestest Death

            But it costs money. Plus I have a busy year at school this year.

          • Not that much money. I’m sure you have some ways of acquiring money

          • The Bestest Death

            Yeah, but time is the bigger problem. I have to grade essays, grade tests, grade other course works and teach. Then I have to have time to listen to music, play games, read the news and play drums. Father time is not on my side, Jack!

          • Excessive peasantry.

          • The Bestest Death

            AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            At this point Death, what started out as me and Torrie and a few other people has turned into over 100 people. Vince rented out the entire restaurant and basically the entire WWE roster is here. I’m at a table with Torrie, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Triple H and Stephanie, Shawn Michaels, Sean Waltman, Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner and that’s just 1 table of 10. There are what appear to be 10 or more tables of 10. Every single person here has come up to me and congratulated me for something, but I do not know what as they won’t tell me. Apparently Scott Steiner told me Torrie has a surprise for me, but he won’t reveal what it is. Asia, yes the band Asia is performing and after them is Styx who is opening for a surprise performance. Vince McMahon is saying something is going to happen when Asia’s set is over. Something involving me and Torrie. I have a feeling I know what’s going to happen but I’m unsure and scared if it is indeed what I think it is.

          • The Bestest Death

            Styx and Asia

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Asia’s set is just ending. They’ve started playing Heat of the Moment and after that I’m going to find out the surprise Torrie has for me. After Styx there’s a special performer. No one knows who it is.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            I always thought asia was great since day one, although i don’t like their stuff with john payne at all. I have also been listening to the new opeth and i even more agree with you about the ELP influence. In fact the whole album sounds like it was ghost written by ELP circa 1974.
            Maybe the surprise with styx is dennis de young coming out for an encore.

          • The Bestest Death

            Except ot doesn’t have the same level of moog and hammond wankery.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            that might help liven it up though !

          • The Bestest Death

            I like it without it. That wankery is the reason I don’t like ELP. Here’s an old joke. How do you spell pretentious? ELP.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            But Death, ELP rules! I have their triple live album, Pictures at an Exhibition, the reunion one with Cozy Powell instead of Carl Palmer and their debut on vinyl!

          • The Bestest Death

            I love prog rock, but I dislike ELP. It’s just keyboard wankery with a great drummer and a great vocalist.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            The keyboard wankery is awesome though! I would say more about them, but me, Torrie, Trips, Nash, Hall, Steiner, Bagwell, Michaels, Waltman, Stephanie McMahon and Trish just got to the 24 hour wedding chapel. I don’t know how quick this will be, so I’ll be back when the ceremony is over. This is the last comment I’m leaving while unmarried! The next comment will be the first comment I leave while married! When I get back in Triple H’s jet though it will just be me and Torrie as Trips is going to be going with Stephanie in McMahon’s private jet and Nash, Hall, Steiner, Bagwell, Michaels and Waltman are going to be staying in Vegas for a few hours before they come to SummerSlam. Trish is going back to Canada as she has a family thing up there, so she won’t be joining us at SummerSlam.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I love the keyboard wankery though! It’s so excessive! The jet took off about 15 minutes ago and the ceremony was half an hour, so this is the first comment I am leaving while married! At the moment, me and Torrie are about to have some fun in the jet which means I am going to be joining the mile high club. My life cannot get any better than it already has gotten since Thursday.

          • The Bestest Death

            Now that you’re married, remember this

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Why the hell wouldn’t I? It’s even better that tomorrow we’re going to be going to Universal Studios in Hollywood, the theme park that is. We still have to decide about if I’m going to move into her apartment or if she’s moving into my place. I want her to move into my place because it’s near my job and even though it’s not in the city it’s also not far from the city and because now that I have three cars I’m going to need to have a place to park them and I am not paying to park them in a garage. I might sell my Jaguar or my 1994 Dodge Viper so I have room for the car Trips gave me as a wedding gift. It’s more likely the Jaguar is going because I barely use it except to drive to work.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m lucky I got a vasectomy because I am not having kids. I got a vasectomy just for that purpose.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            The spectacle of emerson standing up on his banks of keyboards is awe inspiring and hugely entertaining to me. He is also the best at what he does, the soundtrack he did for dario argento’s Inferno is one of my favorite soundtracks. I listen to the Basil Poledouris score for Conan quite often as well, very epic stuff.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Remember at California Jam when he was playing the keyboard 30 feet in the air and it was spinning end over end? I watched footage of it and it was the spectacle of spectacles.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            They don’t have John Payne. They haven’t had him since 2006. It was the original lineup until last year when Steve Howe left. I saw them in 2012 with the original lineup. They performed the first album in its entirety.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            I bought the phoenix album when it came out, but nothing since. I liked mandy meyer’s guitar work on astra ( he is in krokus now), but the constant game of musical chairs with asia guitarists is distracting at least to me.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I saw them on their tour in 2012 and they ruled. Never seen Krokus though, I wish I could. After Styx performed, there was a performance from the original lineup of White Lion. The original lineup had not performed since 1991 and their set was amazing. Vito Bratta can truly shred live. They also did a great cover of Radar Love and amazing covers of Twilight Zone by Golden Earring and Faithfully by Journey

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Also, Styx did perform with Dennis DeYoung and all the other original members except John Panozzo because he died. They played Grand Illusion and Pieces of Eight in full.

    • Cock of Steele

      That riff made me shit my pants

      • NefariousDude

        Diapers not included*

  • Howard Dean

    That Noctum riff is fucking choice. Nice pick.

  • M Shadows!

    THERE IS A SERIOUS LACK OF AVENGED SEVENFOLD HERE!

    • The Bestest Death

      Youuuuuuuuuuuuu!

      • M Shadows!

        Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

        • The Bestest Death

          Aren’t you usually at that one site? What brings you here?

          • M Shadows!

            Because that site has the most half assed clickbait please for the love of god like us on facebook and twitter, ooh babymetal is sexi im a stupid duck hey look what king 810 did lol @ground zero articles and the mighty M Shadows is sick of it! To show my respect for this wonderful toilet I shalt not reply to myself here.

            -M Shadows!

          • The Bestest Death

            They’ll get some half assed clickbait here soon, don’t worry. Glad to see you leaving that place. I might consider buying your album.

          • M Shadows!

            You should not buy it. It is terrible. Nightmare is the best.

          • The Bestest Death

            I didn’t like it. The music wasn’t for me and it had Portnoy in it. Everything with Portnoy or some dream theater guy is a “no no” in my books.

          • M Shadows!

            Well you are a stupid face then!

            – M Shadows!

          • The Bestest Death

            Pretty fucking rude, mate!

          • KJM

            “ooh babymetal is sexi im a stupid duck”

            Comment of the week

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I know. The ground zero thing really insulted me because I’m from New York and my dad was supposed to go to a building right next to the World Trade Center but luckily did not go to. That’s more unforgivable than the suicide jokes.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w39lD283KEk

    The intro riff. The main riff . Just all the riffs

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Matt Pike the God-King of Riffs! Fact! So sayeth his totally unbiased left nipple!

    • The Bestest Death

      What about his right nipple?

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        Wouldn’t know. Me and Righty had a falling out years ago, long story. Fucker still owes money.

        • The Bestest Death

          What a greedy bastard! I can kill him for you.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            I don’t want him to die, I just want my money and maybe an apology.

          • The Bestest Death

            I can’t do that, I can only kill. You might want to get a lawyer.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Dat riff. Puts “Remission” era Mastodon to shame…almost.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Inl6TpgbOM&feature=youtu.be&t=2m32s

  • The Satan ov Hell

    I could probably bring you somethin’ next week. Poke me masterlord!

  • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

    …….

    • ……..

      • The Bestest Death

        Jack, if you’re not gonna take me back, I’m ok with it. I have to spread my wings and fly away. It feels like you were always holding me down, limiting my potential. Goodbye Jack, I will never forget you. If you ever want me to return, you know how to do it.

        • You sound like I’m breaking your heart or something lol

          • The Bestest Death

            Jack, I don’t have a heart. I’m death. I have to define myself and not let you do it for me. I never even knew what the position was, but I didn’t care. Those were good times Jack, damn good times indeed.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m getting married to Torrie if you didn’t read my comment about what the surprise was. We’re getting married in Vegas before SummerSlam tomorrow.

          • Cock of Steele

            Rocket

          • The Bestest Death

            I didn’t see it because I’m arguing with the heartless bastard called Jack. You deserve to get married to her. Job well done buddy.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I agree. This day cannot get any better. I have to go to my house to pack for the trip to SummerSlam tomorrow and then I have to get to Stamford by 10 AM tomorrow. I’m going to be flying into Las Vegas on McMahon’s private jet and Torrie is going to be flying in on another private jet owned by Triple H. It’s a jet that used to be McMahon’s until he spray pained his group’s logo on it, so now Triple H owns it. Trish is going to be Torrie’s maid of honor and Kevin Nash is going to be my best man. I’m not going to be back here until Monday due to the whole marriage thing tomorrow. Have a good rest of your weekend everybody.

          • The Bestest Death

            I hope that ACFP can do the job well.

          • I’m sure acfp Will make a great grim reaper.

          • The Bestest Death

            Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there buddy! I’m death in flesh. Death is not a job that can be taken away from me. I am death. Without me there is no death. I am not just the grim reaper, but death.

          • But u said u didn’t want the position

          • The Bestest Death

            I didn’t know what the position was! I was never told what it was! I thought that it was your secretary or assistant!

          • Assistant? You already took chloe….

          • The Bestest Death

            Because you forced me to! That thing is giving me nightmares!

          • NO TAKE BACKS

          • The Bestest Death

            Jack, let this video explain something to you.

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ee925OTFBCA

          • Can’t watch it right now

          • The Bestest Death

            Then I shall explain it. Somewhere deep down in my heart I still love you!

          • U said you don’t have a heart! Liar liar

          • The Bestest Death

            Dammit Jack, don’t be pedantic!

          • The Bestest Death

            That’s not the point. I don’t have a heart, but I don’t need one to love you. This argument is making me emotional,

          • The Bestest Death

            Don’t leave me, Jack… I don’t want to be alone……

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m here and I always will be Death. Anyway, I have to go back to my house in Mahwah and pack for the trip. I’ll see you all on Monday.

          • The Bestest Death

            You’re a great friend, but you just ain’t Jack.

          • Archspire

            Archspire 🙁

          • Sylosis

          • The Bestest Death

            Well, it’s time. I guess we were never really ment for eachother. I’m still keeping the damn position!

          • nope it’s acfp’s now

          • The Bestest Death

            It doesn’t work that way. I’m still death. Acfp can be your secretary, assistant or butt wiper for all I care.

          • It does though

          • The Bestest Death

            No it doesn’t! Only I can be death.

          • I will be all of the above, as well as Taker of Lives.

          • The Bestest Death

            You damn people don’t know how this shit works! Did you go to college for beign death and killing stuff. I got a phd in that shit. It took me 666 years to complete the studies. Nowadays they don’t teach that shit anymore. I was the only one that completed those studies.

          • I could probably get that degree online in like 3 hours, brah.

          • The Bestest Death

            Fine take my job! I’ll become the fucking Groke.

          • I gotcho back, Jack.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends
          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            KN, have you ever seen saxon ?

            HAS ANYONE ON THE TOV SEEN SAXON LIVE ?

            JUST INTERESTED.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I did a few years ago at a festival, am ashamed to admit that I didn’t really know who they were at the time. They were pretty great though.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            No, and I would love to. Saxon came to the city last year but I didn’t find out until it was too late. I would have gone automatically. I did see Toto last year in Westbury and they were amazing. Steve Lukather is the most underrated non metal shredder ever. He can shred with the best of them.

    • The Bestest Death

      ….

    • Scrimm

      There does need to be more Iron Maiden here in the toilet.

      • Cock of Steele

        I’ll get right the fuck on that, in fact that’ll be my next week’s riff of the week.

        • Scrimm

          Good man.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            great news about WM getting caught. Now i hope his celebrity doesn’t get him a lesser sentence. The police should have shot him on sight intead of shooting all the african american kids they have been murdering for the last few months.

          • Scrimm

            Exactly what I was thinking.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I agree. Scott Steiner had some choice words for him that were filled with expletives and threatening to murder him. Besides his hatred of that man he was a great guy. People say he’s a dick and they couldn’t be further from the truth. We had a great conversation about his work in TNA and his work in WCW on top of talking about music and bodybuilding. Scott is a huge fan of stuff like Journey, Foreigner, Toto and REO Speedwagon if you didn’t know.

    • Cock of Steele

      I feel like the British Big four are Maiden, Priest, Sabbath, and Motorhead,

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        I would agree with that, off the top of my head i can’t think of another combination, of course purple and zeppelin but that definitely falls into the hard rock category.

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        My opinion on that is different. My Big 4 are Maiden, UFO, Zeppelin and Deep Purple.

    • Scrimm

      In case you didn’t see they caught that fuck war machine.

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        That news made me very happy. I found out about it after I got home from the restaurant I was at, which was not only Torrie proposing, but a wedding reception for a wedding that would happen today. That news made me happy as well as everything else that happened yesterday.

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    Well, today has been the greatest day of my life. After Asia’s set ended, Vince told Torrie to come get the microphone and she did. She went into a story about the first time we met. She said when she met me, she knew she was going to marry me someday. At that time I still had a gf. She said that when she saw me on Thursday she was going to act fast and not let this opportunity pass her by. She said that in between the first time we met and Thursday she had been trying to find me for 4 years and that when she found me on Thursday she was the happiest person on Earth. She then told me to come to her. She knelt down and asked if I loved her. I said yes. She then asked and I quote “Vic, will you marry me?” Of course I said yes. So, me and Torrie are getting married. We decided to do it quickly, so we’re going to be stopping in Las Vegas to get married before we go to SummerSlam. I am going to be married before tomorrow is over! There is no way today could get any better.

    • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

      Is she 38 and you’re 26?

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        She’s 39 and I’m 25. We’re on our way to Las Vegas to get married in one of those 24 hour wedding chapels out there. Triple H and Kevin Nash are going to be my best men and Trish Stratus and Stephanie McMahon are going to be Torrie’s maids of honor. I’m just happy that the jet I’m in has wifi because I wouldn’t be able to type this at 35,000 feet in the air without it. I could care less about the age difference, I’m just happy that I’m getting married.

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        Also, Trips gave me a great wedding gift. It’s a car called the Vector W8. There are only 22 of them on Earth and he bought one of them and gave it to me. I didn’t take a picture of it, but here’s one I found online. It’s a car straight from the early 1990s.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    Martin Van Drunen would make the most perfect serenade. I am sure of that.

  • Xan

  • Renan Ribeiro

    When the Primordium song hits 2:50, the jizz starts to flow

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    Well guys, I’m going to be married in 45 minutes. We’re about a half an hour from Las Vegas and once we get there I’m going to be getting married and after that we’re going to be flying to Los Angeles for SummerSlam. I’ll be back in about an hour and a half and in an hour and a half I’ll be married. Wish me luck!

    • Scrimm

      Here’s a wedding band for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knC743Nds4Q

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        Even though we just got married about an hour ago the reception was yesterday and she also proposed yesterday during the reception. If you’re wondering, the bands we had were Asia with their original lineup, Styx with Dennis DeYoung and all the other living original members and White Lion with their original lineup. For Christmas we’re thinking about having a party where UFO with their classic lineup and Uriah Heep with their current lineup because most of the original lineup people are dead perform. We want UFO to perform because they are our favorite band and if we could get the classic lineup to perform we would be so fucking happy, especially if we can get them to perform the set off the Strangers In The Night album with an encore of Lonely Heart and some stuff off their current album Seven Deadly.

  • FuzzyWookie

    I’ve actually never heard Hail of Bullets. Thanks, guys! They’re great

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    I read this and it made me say “Goddamnit Buff, really?” I like the man, he’s a nice guy but this angers me and depresses me.

    http://www.wrestlezone.com/news/497183-buff-bagwell-does-porn

  • Guppusmaximus

    How can you use a picture of the Mighty Gary Moore and not include “The Messiah Will Come Again” as one of the Riffs of the Week?! BLASPHEMY!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k07j7LcLqw

  • Jason Menstruosa

    BTW: I haven’t read anything on your blog about this fantastic new album from Abigor.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMBroW-_rJs