Ministry to Release the Most Embarrassing Album of 2018

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It is with a heavy heart that I report the early 2000s are back.

You guys remember the George W. Bush administration, right? There was an illegal war or two pushed through with falsified evidence happily disseminated by the “liberal” media, the United States engaged in countless human rights abuses, spied on citizens, and required travelers to go through a demeaning experience every time they hoped to board a flight. In other words, it was the exact same then as it is now. At the very least, we all learned that technocratic policies and smug liberal platitudes are powerless to stop the advance of reactionary neofascism. Or did we?

Industrial fans will be thrilled to hear that Al Jourgensen’s long-running/oft-quitting band Ministry is making yet another return, this time to engage in the high quality political discourse we’ve been missing since Dick Cheney left the White House and ascended his throne built from the bones of half a million dead Iraqis.

“This album, ‘AmeriKKKant,’” said Jourgensen, “will provide FEMA-type relief for the devastation ‘Hurricane Cheeto’ has brought upon us.”

Setting aside the fact that FEMA is an absolutely vital resource for Americans displaced by disaster and that it saved members of my family from homelessness after hurricane Harvey this year, holy fucking shit UGH @ “Donald DRUMPF is orange like a Cheeto!” Donald Trump is a comically transparent grifter stuffed inside the obese body of a disheveled old man with a brain that’s rapidly degrading into a Brillo pad. You’ve got a lot of material to work with, please try a different insult. But I digress.

Al Jourgensen is no stranger to vitriol-laden industrial metal records directing their ire at a Republican president. He released his anti-George W. Bush trilogy of records, Houses of the Mole, Rio Grande Blood, and The Last Sucker between 2004 and 2007, at the height of Dubya’s power. Though the records had the artistic power of changing your Facebook profile picture after a tragedy, they must have worked because Bush stepped down in 2008. Their goals completed, Ministry called it quits. Then they reformed and quit and reformed and quit a few more times.

For the next 8 years, liberals continued about their brunch while the richest people in the world got richer on the backs of the poorest and drone strikes became ambient noise in the Middle East because Obama was #slay like a boss. But now things are bad again.

AmeriKKKant will be the band’s 14th studio album, and the nine songs it contains promise to be, “rooted in Jourgensen’s unadulterated anger for what’s happening in America today – the waning respect for the U.S. Constitution, the growing acceptance of one’s opinions replacing facts, the decline of our leaders’ sense of morals, ethics and personal responsibility to the country and to their constituents, and the mad man in the White House.” Surely this album will stop Donald Trump. 

Al Jourgensen is angry, as we all are. But my dude is angry at all the wrong things. This is hashtag Resistance nonsense about respecting norms and traditions instead of attacking the root causes of strife: inequality, the militarization of police, corruption. Instead, Al’s interested in protecting an ancient document written by slaveowners and jocking the slogan of neoconservative munchkin/pundit Ben Shapiro.

If you’re angry, consider working with local grassroots coalitions to help improve life for the people in your communities. One such organization is the Democratic Socialists of America. It’s worth taking a look imo.

You can watch the video for “Antifa” right here, but the definitive anti-Trump song was released last year. I’ve helpfully posted it below.

Ministry’s AmeriKKKant is out March 9th on Nuclear Blast.

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  • Dubby Fresh

    Vanquished, eh?

    • Look at you now, hotshot. From the queen of Raytheon to a lowly shit fetish blog editor.

      • Dubby Fresh

        I’d trade it all again to be free of Cheney’s curse.

        • Vault Dweller

          I love a good cliche mixing.

  • I thought these guys retired like four fucking times already. Ah well, there’s no denying “Just One Fix.” WHAT a killer tune.

  • Dubby Fresh

    Also that title is stupid as hell, Al.

    • GrumpDumpus

      YEAH THAT TITLE IS LIKE ONE OF MY RUN ON SENTENCE ‘JOKES’ BUT DOESN’T MEET MY NONSENSE GARBAGE STANDARDS

    • Nukenado

      ManUNkind levels of stupid.

      • Dubby Fresh

        To quote Dave Mustaine, “The U.N. is right; you can’t be any more ‘un.'”

        • Nukenado

          But you can be more KKKvlt.

        • GrumpDumpus

          THAT IS SOME DEEPAK CHOPRA LEVEL WORDSMITHING RIGHT THERE

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs
      • Now THAT is one entertaining rap album. The production, the lyrics/stories, the sound effects to go along with the stories, the dark humour, etc. So fucking good.

  • The comments in that Ministry video are cringe.

    GLC

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Even as a Ministry fam I’m not excited for this. I enjoyed their work from the 90s and their two cover albums from 2008 and 2010 but their political albums are not good.

    • Lord of Bork

      I thought Houses of the Mole was pretty good, and Rio Grande Blood had its moments. Were they as good as their glory days? Hardly.

      • Óðinn

        Yeah. Those two albums are pretty good.

  • Dubby Fresh

    Check out this siqqq tatt Al got.

    http://i.imgur.com/k7Z3fjU.jpg

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    For some reason I thought Al Jourgensen had shuffled his mortal coil, so this is a nice surprise. But musically and politically I’m not enthused. Great article.

  • “Though the records had the artistic power of changing your Facebook profile picture after a tragedy…”
    ^^^ this

  • ResonanceCascade

    Make Ministry synthpop again

    • GrumpDumpus

      TOO LATE STRIBORG GOT THERE FIRST MINISTRY CAN BE SECOND WAVE BLACK WAVE

      • ResonanceCascade

        Ulver is the greatest dark wave band of all time.

        • GrumpDumpus

          AINT YOU GONNA LET ME FINNISH

  • Nukenado

    The only two left-leaning political metal bands I found that are nicely written are Anaal Nathrakh and Vulture Industries.
    Fighting for freedom against the evil, dehumanized system is quite enough for me.
    I think it’s time to face the fact that the machine is not the end-all of what we have to rage against.

    • GrumpDumpus

      THERE’S PLENTY MORE I THINK THEY JUST HAVE A SENSE OF HUMBLE ARTISTIC RESTRAINT SO THEY DON’T TURN THEIR PLATFORM INTO A CARTOON GIMMICK

      • Nukenado

        I couldn’t find them 🙁
        Restraint is one thing, the other is that… These guys just know how to write lyrics. Dave Hunt is going for a philosophy PhD and it shows.
        Metal bands aren’t known for good lyrics though.

        • GrumpDumpus

          PYRRHON, DAWN RAY’D AND SKYCLAD COME TO MIND

          • Nukenado

            Oh shit, forgot about Pyrrhon. I haven’t heard of the other ones, so I’ll go check ’em out.

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus
          • Nukenado

            Sweet!

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

            YEAH THIS WAS PROBABLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE DISCOVERIES WHEN I ORDERED ONE OF THOSE “3 RANDOM ALBUMS FOR 10 DOLLARS” THINGS FROM A LABEL 20 YEARS AGO

        • GoatForest

          I dunno. I don’t think that’s a fair stereotype. I can think of a lot of metal bands with great lyrics. Aside from the afore mentioned bands, Acid Bath, Nightbringer, Glorior Belli, and even Cradle of Filth (despite their cheese, there is no disputing the high level of technical poetic skill involved) all come immediately to mind.

          • Nukenado

            For every good lyricist there’s a whole lot of terrible instead of mediocre.
            I do generalize a lot when it comes to metal lyrics… might be because the shit I listen to aren’t known for good lyrics.
            Shamefully, I have never heard of any of the bands you listed bar Cradle of Filth. Will be checking them out.

          • GoatForest

            Cool. I gotcha. The garbage definitely outshines the gold.

          • GoatForest

            Of course, my experience could be just skewed the other way. I listen to a lot of 2000’s orthodox black metal. Those bands often placed a premium on quality lyrics. They are certainly not representative of the black metal scene as a whole.

          • Nukenado

            I started my black metal journey with Mgla. Hard to top that!

          • GoatForest

            That is a pretty high summit.

          • Nukenado

            I feel ashamed knowing that M is ESL like me.
            Writing in a foreign language is tough, much less write good lyrics.

          • GoatForest

            ESL?

          • we require GL’s help for this one.

          • GoatForest

            Apparently. Too many initials.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            English as a Second Language

          • GoatForest

            Ah. Well, respect then.

          • GoatForest

            Shit. Anybody that can speak more than one language is impressive to me.

          • Nukenado

            Well *technically* Tony Kakko is bilingual…

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

            I DON’T LISTEN TO THAT SO I WILL DEFER TO YOUR JUDGMENT HERE JUST DON’T FORGET THAT ‘LONG LATIN WORDS’ AND ‘ARCHAIC SYNTAX’ DOESN’T NECESSARILY MEAN ‘GOOD’

          • GoatForest

            Of course.

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

            NOT TO HARSH YOUR MELLOW BUT JUST FYI AT LEAST ONE MEMBER OF NIGHTBRINGER IS DEFINITELY A VIP PASSENGER ON THE ALT-RIGHT TRAIN TO MENINISM DO WITH THAT WHAT YOU WANT

          • GoatForest

            That does harsh my mellow quite a bit. Well, let’s just hope it stays out of the lyrics…

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

            IT COULD BE ONE OF THE FORMER MEMBERS WHO STILL DOES GATHERING OF SHADOWS I CAN’T TELL BECAUSE OF ALL THE KOOL NICKNAMES BUT EITHER WAY SORRY ABOUT YOUR MALLOW https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3f481a28dd95b122da5f03491bbe520df1ff5cd54c87bfb8a647698af13c8f09.jpg

          • GoatForest

            Ah, the Gathering of Posers…

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

            YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS YOU DIDN’T QUALIFY FOR AN ELITE INVITATION TO THE ANNVAL TRY HARD PICNIC OV SODOMY

    • GoatForest

      I’ll see you on that, and I’ll raise you Napalm Death, Carcass, and, maybe, Cattle Decapitation.

      • Nukenado

        The thing with Carcass and CD is that they’re focused on a small political niche though-_-
        Not sure if they count. I definitely forgot about Napalm Death.

        • GoatForest

          Fair enough. I think I get what you’re saying. Those two focus on very specific issues instead of a more general ideology.

      • Nukenado

        Speaking of Napalm Death and political grindcore, check out Heathen Beast. Their lyrics are very country-specific, but hit harder as they seem personal and relevant.

        • Slimylimey

          Love ND. I would second Dawn Ray’d. Excellent music and seriously political lyrics. Great live and fun to talk to. Not sure I get the idea of anarchism, but they seem to walk the walk and not just talk about it which I respect.

      • Morbidly Obese Angel

        Not sure that’s the case with Cattle D. I distinctly recall Travis Ryan saying in an interview that he doesn’t consider himself a far-left liberal

        • GoatForest

          Hmmm. I guess you learn something new every day.

  • David Lee Hrothgar

    i wish my local dsa chapter were worth half a sorry shit, but all they do is upper middle class nice polite white people stuff like folk choruses and charity bowling leagues

  • Frank Rauen

    I know you probably said it as a joke, but if we are going to do away with everything owned by slave-owners, that also includes things like astronomy, the number zero, the scientific method, and a good chunk of the basis of our knowledge. Something being created by slave-owners does not in and of itself reflect on what they created.

    • Óðinn

      Well, it’s 2017 now. If neo-Confederates discover dark matter, I’ll be very surprised.

      • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

        THEY ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH FINDING WHITE MATTER

        • Óðinn

          Haha! Nice.

    • True, but when the invention in question is the grounding for our government, maybe we ought to reconsider the entire thing structurally. These old dudes were writing about governance from the perspective of someone who could own other people.

      • Frank Rauen

        Which amendments to our constitution do you take issue with in particular?

        • Article 1, section 3. The senate giving equal representation to Montana and California is hella undemocratic. tbh, I don’t think we should have a presidency either because the executive branch has proven time and time again that it has too much power.

          • Frank Rauen

            So how is a senate uniquely the idea of slave-owners? That was your initial dislike of the constitution that it was created by slave-owners. One issue with that is that you would guarantee that policy would be made for the relative idiosyncratic needs of coastal states. Corn farming subsidies would be gone, which would actually have a deeply detrimental effect on world hunger. You also lose a large incentive to remain in landlocked states which could create overcrowding in California and New York.

            Do you just want an executive and legislative branch?

          • The U.S. founding fathers fetishized the Romans, who pioneered the senate (also populated by slave owners). I’d prefer a parliamentary system that would better represent the will of the people. Your choice of corn subsidies as an example of what would be lost by abolishing the senate is an… interesting one. Most corn subsidies go to ethanol or livestock feed or high fructose corn syrup. Also, if we’ve learned anything from the continued degradation of poor lives in rural states, it’s that people in mass don’t really just up and leave to a new state.

          • Frank Rauen

            Except that in a parliamentary system you have little choice ultimately in your executive head. Remember that the PM in Britain is appointed based upon the Majority government’s wishes. Also, how would a parliamentary system really work in a where 99 percent of votes go to two parties? Wouldn’t that just be removing the direct vote for the executive branch from the people?

            There are other examples, but from a “flyover” state perspective, that would be the most economically damaging. Also, just as a Coloradan, I would rather California not have plenary rights over water distribution and control of runoff as they take plenty as it is.

          • GrumpLumpusCrumpus
      • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

        ALSO INFORMATION COULDN’T GO FASTER THAN A HORSE

  • Óðinn
    • Dubby Fresh

      My lawyers will be in contact.

  • SomeGuyDude

    “Setting aside the fact that FEMA is an absolutely vital resource for
    Americans displaced by disaster and that it saved members of my family
    from homelessness after hurricane Harvey this year,”

    That was his point, bucko. The album is the FEMA to the disaster of Trump.

    • I got that. His point is fucking stupid. This album is not gonna stop Donald Trump. It’s not going to give anyone material relief. It’s a fucking CD. It’s not gonna do shit for anyone except maybe make a few bucks for Al.

    • GrumpLumpusCrumpus

      THAT’S AWESOME THAT THE ALBUM WILL DROP EMERGENCY CIVIL LIBERTIES FROM A HELICOPTER OF REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS INTO A STADIUM OF SCIENCE-BASED DISCOURSE

  • Eliza

    This will be cringe af. I can’t wait.