Mini-Reviews from Around the Toilet Bowl XVI


We are just flabbergasted at how mini these reviews are! You won’t believe it until you see it for yourself! PLEASE CLICK. PLEASE, GOD.


MOMidnight Odyssey – Shards of Silver Fade
I, Voidhanger Records | June 8, 2015

Dis Pater comes up with really great music. Like any musician, he also comes up with some not-so-great music. The key to the perfect album is separating the wheat from the chaff (i.e., not cramming everything you’ve ever thought of into a 2.5-hour “double album”). This is his second offense. Like the first, what frustrates me most about Shards of Silver Fade is that, at its best, it’s really, really, satisfyingly excellent. So excellent, in fact, that it makes you want to forgive him for all the excess and self-indulgence. To some degree. Trim the fat, Parker. You wonderful bastard. Listen to the whole thing at Bandcamp (clear your schedule first). — Masterlord


LLLord Lovidicus – Book of Lore – Vol. 1
Independent | June 3, 2015

Like my mom always said, “If you’re going to make an album about something, it might as well be about Tolkien. You little prick.” Lord Lovidicus is one of the heaviest hitters in the modern Dungeon Synth lineup and a man who understands. His newest offering is an homage to Middle-earth not just in name, but in the heart of the music. I’ve been following this dude for quite some time, and I continue to be blown away at how a single man with a single keyboard is able to evoke what he manages to evoke. His compositions are minimalist but powerful, his melodies as striking as ever. Listen here, and check out his impressive back-catalog here. If you don’t understand my erotic nerd-love for this micro-genre, read my primer here and then make fun of me. I fucking deserve it. — Masterlord


Miellnir – Incineration Astern
Stygian Crypt Productions December 31st, 2014

Nailing the debut album can be incredibly difficult. Attempting to make a splash in the bloated Viking/Folk metal subgenre can be even more tortuous. While some bands attempt to sail alone by flying a distinctive flag, others choose to plunder ideas from the bountiful shores of more established acts. Ukrainian longboatmen Miellnir are raiders of the second variety, opting to fire every type of cannon in the entire subgenre’s arsenal in the hope that at least one of the shots will land. Unfortunately, most of the tracks here are just poorly-charted maps lacking that buried treasure. You’d be better off dropping anchor with a band like Slechtvalk. Still, if you’re curious about what might lurk below the depths, check out “Prey” here. — W.


a2727321815_10Katechon  Coronation
Nuclear War Now!May 22nd, 2015

I’m not sure whether to label this blackened death metal or deathened black metal, but I’m not going to worry much about it. This album is is a hulking, hate-filled monster that simply does not let up. I don’t mean brick walled production (everything is clear, and dynamics abound) or monotonous blasting, what I’m getting at is that this album is never not mean. The memorable riffing and bestial, varied vocals should hook you right away, and the well-honed songwriting and excellent pacing will demand repeated listens. Get your hate on. — Stockhausen


Cyclone Empire Records | April 24, 2015

The Tunguska event was a catastrophic explosion in the Earth’s atmosphere over Russia in 1908, caused by an unknown piece of space debris. The object caused everything within 2000 to be knocked over and/or destroyed, leaving a barren, desolate, and lifeless landscape. On Tunguska, Germany’s Shakhtyor do the very same thing to your wasted optimism. The plodding instrumental band might not show the dynamic beauty of Toundra, but what they do have is a doomy, brooding atmosphere which grasps out and draws you in with each successive listen. With more Russia than Russian Circles, the methodical Shakhtyor lay down building sludge sections interspersed with gasps of bleak melody. The overall effect can be somewhat hypnotic and lure you into a trance-like state just before they pull out an anguish-laden rocking section to cap things off. If you’re into feeling more irrelevant than you already know you are, try Tunguska. – Lacertilian


Wicked Inquisition - STWicked Inquisition | Wicked Inquisition
Tridroid Records | May 8, 2015

Hey you; do you doom? You should probably doom. But how to doom, you ask? With Wicked Inquisition is how. Wicked Inquisition dooms. Specifically, they doom like the classics. I’m talkin’ ‘bout that ol’ fashioned midpaced Pentagram doom, with the riffs like MMMMMM and all the cool singing and stuff. This is doom your daddy can dig on, like, “Hey there, child of mine, these are some crunchy grooves you have me listening to. Is this Black Sabbath from an alternate timeline where Ozzy never got hooked on downers?” And of course you will say “Nah dad, this is Wicked Inquisition. They’re pretty righteous doom. I agree that the grooves are indeed crunchy, so let us doom together in harmony, and teach the world our dooming ways.” Every great journey begins with a single step, and every doom dooms with a dooming doom. So let’s doom until the doom dooms, with the help of Wicked Inquisitions self-titled doom debut. DOOOOOOOOOOM. — HessianHunter


Mur - AthabascaMur | Athabasca
Independent | April 19, 2015

Athabasca is comprised of three beauticious, minimalistic drone tracks meant to capture “the ecological relationship between the Northern grey wolf (Canis lupis) and the American bison (Bison bison)”. Imagine the dreamy, nature-minded black metal of Wolves In The Throne Room… but with none of the black metal. Well, almost none of the black metal; the lo-fi aesthetic, intimidating song lengths, and the occasional raspy voice still betray Mur’s Cascadian influences. Listen to Athabasca if you dig blackgaze aesthetics and like the idea of pushing this nocturnal genre so close to the light that it begins to evaporate like a dewdrop in the sun, leaving behind only a ghost and the sweet scent of rain. —HessianHunter


SeizuresSeizures The Sanity Universal
6131 / Melotov / STR Records | October 7th, 2014

A Frankenstein’s monster that appears to have received organ transplants from Gaza, Botch, Converge and The Dillinger Escape Plan with post metal phrasing sprinkled throughout is a an overview of what California’s Seizures bring to the table. Sporting 14 tracks with no filler and a running time of about almost an hour, this is almost a double album for this style of music. It will probably take about ten spins for it to finally click, but there’s enough there to keep you engaged as they shift speeds and repeatedly pull the rug out from under you without warning. Keep Seizures on your radar for their future output because there’s a lot of promise here. If they can put it all together for their next release, they’ll be invited to pull up a chair alongside their contemporaries. — Ron Deuce


akitsagrandstyransAkitsa | Grands tyrans
Hospital Productions | June 2nd, 2015

I have written about Montreal black metal outfit Akitsa before. I have a feeling I will do so again. They have appeared on my radar with the release of a new album Grands tyrans (“great tyrants”). Grand tyrans is very lo-fi and bleak. Praise is due on the vocal end; Akitsa have not released music with vocals this deranged and desperate before. Clean French singing is also featured throughout, generally during the bands catchier tracks, check out “Le feu de l’abîme.” The variety of singing expands with each song: early punk on the third track, soulful singing on the self-titled. Akitsa display remnants of their members’ past in noise, and even approach a straightforward stomp on “Naufrage contemporain”. I doubt Akitsa will be darlings of the metal world with this release; fans of black metal and lo-fi music should flock to yet another solid release from them. Don’t forget to check out a recent Noisey interview with Outre-Tombe. — Edward

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  • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

    First post (WOOHOO)! Definitely checking these out after my Summoning binge.

  • Tyree

    Finished Tortorum’s “Extinctionist” just in time for this. Looks like some jammy shit.

    Midnight Odyssey is really great, I gave in and got that shit Masterlord. Make sure you listen to the whole thing if you decide to hit play. Also, you better make an hour and 15 minutes of time to listen to all the album (Shit is long).

    Edward, that Akitsa album is tits. I was skeptical at first but, I accually really enjoyed it.

    Masterlord, Lord Lovidicus is some nerd induced jester tunage. You would totally be into that majestic shit.

    Stocky, I’m going to listen to that Katechon album here. I’ve heard good things about it.

    • Howard Dean

      Akitsa is just the raw, tremolo-riff heavy black metal I need. Great stuff.

      The new Katechon is really good, too. I bought their previous album Man, God, Giant a little while back, but from what I’ve heard of Coronation, it’s a step up.

  • JamesGrimm

    Mur has like 7 other bands with the same name lol. Listening to one that sounds like euro Danzig on Spotify.

  • KJM


  • Katechon is beating my ass.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Midnight Odyssey is rocking my socks, O Handsome One. It’s a patient album, but it’s great to put on and just plug away at work to.

    • Tyree

      Katechon is beating my decaying soul. I feel there will be nothingness after all is done.

  • JamesGrimm
  • Spear

    Wicked Inquisition >>>>>>>>>>

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      DEM SOLOS…

  • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS
    • tertius_decimus

      Is it that band that features a parrot as their vocalist?

      • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS


  • The W.

    If, for some strange reason, you want to hear pig squeals in Viking Metal, Miellnir have just the song for you.

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

    Wicked Inquisition dooms my doom just like good doom should doom a doom.

  • I’m digging Miellnir, the final part is more folky that viking berzerking. Reminded me of Finsterforst. Good stuff, Dubz.

    Hessian: this Wicked Inquisition is the stoney doom I like: with serious riffing. Good stuff.

    Shakhtyor is very textured and got some good flavors. Good stuff, Lizard.

    Katechon is interesting, it’s blasty but it have a dynamic songwriting. Good stuff, Dead Composer.

    I’ve already listened Lord Lovidicus and I have to say to Masterlord that it’s a fine pick. Good stuff, Masterunderwear.

    Great roundup, people!

    • Lacertilian

      It took me a bit to appreciate Shakhtyor because I’ve been spoiled with some great instrumental stuff lately but I wanted to write about it anyway because I figured some others here would dig it more than me.
      The thing that made me check it out in the first place was seeing the album was called Tunguska, I needed to see if it was about the meteor/comet (no-one knows).

  • That’s a paddlin’

    This majestic album by Lord Lovidicus has already received more plays here in the Cave of The Bear, in the Hallowed Forest of Gods than one would think is possible in so short a time. It is indeed great.

  • Sir Tapir the Based

    Akitsa is really doing it for me.

    • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

      I tought you weren’t even allowed to like music.

      • Guacamole Jim

        That’s Christian Molenaar.

        • I wonder if he is still a “teenager”. That could explain some of his angst he has for everything….

          • It’s just the hormones. When he gets a balance he’s the most huggable person here, and I like him for that.

      • Sir Tapir the Based

        And I thought that my parents were castrated, but I was still born (or was I a stillborn child?).

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Yo fam I’m sitting in an airport!


    Unrelated: just got a two dollar raise and a new company car today

    • tell them you want it in dogecoins

      • KJM

        Such money, very currency. Wow.

  • tertius_decimus

    Y’know, Midnight Odyssey somehow brings me back to 90’s, when doom metal was kinda lyrical rather than over-the-top-depressive and this is pretty rare example when too plastic-sounding synths work well, they create that special mood when you feel low but still relaxed.

  • OldMetalHead

    Thanks for the Wicked Inquisition HH. That shit is right up my alley.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff


    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      The way the review was written almost has me sold without even hearing it

  • Disgustache
  • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))