Mini-Reviews from Around the Toilet Bowl XII

2020
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Metal bloggers wondered what would happen if they took a review and made it smaller. We were completely floored by what happened next!

 

LFLord Fist – Green Eyleen
Ektro Records | February 2o, 2015

I fell in love with Lord Fist through a mutual friend (Molenaar) last year when all they had out was their Spark for the Night EP. I kept a keen eye on them and dreamed erect of a debut album each night. Green Eyleen is everything I’d hoped it would be, and the most fun I’ve had with an album all year. Their fast-paced force of epic heavy metal recalls Manilla Road in all the best ways, and they hit you with more driving riffs, impossibly catchy leads, and speed-limit-breaking, wind-in-your-hair solos than is even remotely reasonable. Vocalist Perttu Koivunen perfectly channels the early 80’s, and hooks just spill out of the dude’s mouth. I know, I know, I review a trad metal album almost every week, but this one is something special. Listen to – “Rainbow Eyes“, “Who Wants to Live Forever“, pretty much anything. — Masterlord

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Kamelot | Haven
Napalm Records | May 5th, 2015

With Kamelot you will get what you expect: a healthy dose of progressive influenced power metal. But this time, with Haven, the renowned band backed-up by vocalist Tommy Karevik revitalized their formula and injected more focused energy in the compositions. In this new record, Kamelot proved that they really know what they’re doing, because the record is a roller coaster of emotions, running through melancholic afternoons and energetic boosts in the middle of a fight. I’ll recommend to you their most anthemic songs from the album, “Veil of Elysium” and “Insomnia“, for a great display of catchy melodies and speed. — Link D. Leonhart V.

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Captain Cleanoff Rising Terror
BLASTASFUK | April 25th, 2015

Unbeknownst to moi, Australian grind moguls Captain Cleanoff have recently released their long overdue follow-up to 2008’s Symphonies of Slackness, and it’s a definite bingo. Complete with Entombed-like buzzsaw guitars, vocals that sound like a pissed-off Donald Duck and everything louder than everyhting else, Rising Terror is an extremely satisfying 20 minutes of no-frills grind that knows exactly what it is and isn’t apologizing for it because THIS IS GRIND DAMMIT. I think I even heard a couple of riffs that are pretty obvious throwbacks to Terrorizer‘s World Downfall, FFS. Get Rising Terror here, out now on BLASTASFUK. – MoshOff

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civil warCivil War – Gods and Generals
Napalm Records | May 8th, 2015

Everybody and their mother knows what this band is about. After most of Sabaton got booted they formed Civil War with superior vocalist Nils Patrick Johansson. At times Gods and Generals sounds like Sabaton, but for the most part it has its own identity and offers less of that annoying cheese-melt. If you have ever heard the band vefore you know you’re going to get catchy trad/power metal with more-than-slightly-inaccurate war themes. The guitar-to-keys-ratio is well balanced, the rhythm section wanders little outside keeping the beat, and Johansson actually has the pipes and skill to lead the songs. The sound is – as expected – very clear, and apart from the inaudible bass, nothing is out of balance. Hardly the best album you’ll hear all year but a good and well-produced melodic metal record all the same. Stab here for “Bay of Pigs“. — Nordling Rites ov Karhu

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GDP-17-001.pdfRadioactive VomitRatsflesh 7″
Iron Bonehead Productions/Vault of Dried Bones | April 27, 2015

Radioactive Vomit’s Ratsflesh is wholly repulsive music, and I mean that in the best way possible. Not a single track extends past the three minute mark, nor do any need to. Radioactive Vomit draw heavily on the traditions of both black and death metal but their final product is arguably closer to crust punk than any kind of metal. Constant, flaying d-beats and incessant feedback push Ratsflesh into grindcore territory, but a notable influence from early war metal bands (especially some of the Brazilian masters like Sarcófago and Holocausto) tempers the filth with riff-driven bombast. — Christian

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SewercideSevering The Mortal Cord [EP]
Infernal Devastation Records | February 24, 2015

A select few of the depraved loners around these parts have already witnessed the fierce barrage that is Australia’s Sewercide, for those who haven’t, the time is now. This EP of thrashy death metal was released back in February and has been on heavy rotation ever since. Featuring prominent basslines, mid-range OSDM vocals, vicious yet catchy riffing and relentless percussion with enough variance to keep it interesting, Severing The Mortal Cord is an imposing bevy of the wretched you so crave. While some contemporaries demonstrate their chops by letting one instrument take turns to shine over the others, Sewercide consolidate their individual roles into a unified attack, giving each track a sum greater than its parts. Now is the time to let this EP into your playlist before it unceremoniously breaks in and takes up residence. — Lacertilian

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thebodythetearsofjobThe Body | The Tears Of Job
Self Released | April 2015

The Body are not a band who are comfortable resting on their laurels. Last month they released The Tears of Job for “supporters of their crowd-funding campaign to purchase a new tour van” – their twelfth release since 2010. It’s standard fare for fans of the group: spazzed out noise, pugilistic sludge, an all consuming sense of despair, and a cover, this time of Jane’s Addiction’s “I Would For You”. The cover is a surprising highlight. A soulful female voice sings Perry Farrell’s lyrics as the background noise builds in volume, until the vocals themselves are lost to infinity. The drums on “Pillar of Lightning” sound like some Frankenstein creation, pursuing you tirelessly. “The Seventh Day” opens with rumbling from Earth’s core, before remnants of their collaboration with The Haxan Cloak enter the fray. The Body aren’t reinventing their sound on The Tears Of Job, but do you really want them to? — Edward

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Void KingZep Tepi
Independent | April 30, 2015

Oh, man. This is tasty, tasty doom. Not once does the band sound like it’s dragging or droning. Instead, what you get by listening to Zep Tepi is three songs that capture the essence of genre stalwarts like Saint Vitus and Reverend Bizarre and instills in the mix a large dose of Void King‘s own flavor. Namely, a boisterous, powerful vocal delivery; an equally robust guitar tone that delivers the riffs and the leads and finally, a rhythm section that is leaps and bounds above other independent doomsters. All of these elements are wrapped up in an old-school production that is beyond spot on. — Dagon

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  • Thanks for doing these masterloaf <3

    • Guacamole Jim

      Masterload rocks my jocks.

  • The amount of power metal satisfies me.

    Also seriously Lord Fist yes

  • Before May 4th I unashamedly loved Kamelot. After this display of maximum dankness, I very, very, very ashamedly love Kamelot.

  • The Beargod

    It figures that no one cared when I showed them Lord Fist, a month later – however – when fucking Molenaar does it…

    • Yeah I thought you showed me

    • That’s not true. I constantly ignore Molenaar.

      • who?

        • this isn’t a really oblique reference or a shitty photoshop…

          • I’m going to call him egg from now on if I ever find out who he is.

          • MoshOff

            You know, the one with the… face.

      • Keegan Lavern Still

        I don’t know what that is, but it sounds disappointing.

    • All I know is Molenaar set up my first kiss with Lord Fist.

    • Diarrhea

      That’s because nobody listens to the Finns (unless they’re playing metal themselves).

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      I still have no idea about Lord Fist, if that helps. Lol

      • I listened to it, the vocals kind of annoy me if I’m honest.

  • If you rep World Downfall, you have my blessing. Definitely got that vibe from Captain Cleanoff.

    • Scrimm

      I dug those guys years ago, didn’t know they were still around.

  • Scrimm

    Payday, Trying to decide what to pick up from the record store today. Leaning toward thishttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6L3tcBjjY

  • Celtic Frosty

    I would love that Captain Cleanoff record if it wasn’t for those godawful vocals. Can’t handle it, y’all.

    • I kinda like it. Getting a Seth Putnam vibe.

    • I didn’t like them at first either, they may be a shade too shreiky but not enough for me to avoid listening to it.

    • The Beargod

      It’s veryvery good me thinks.

  • Tyree

    Radioactive Vomit is certainly repulsive.

    http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6b2bdC8Rd1qdx4k4o1_500.gif

    • Maik Beninton

      It’s a very fitting name.

    • Dagon

      I am eager to get into that. I’m all about that crunchy toasted crust on the border of my metal.

  • Stanley

    I thought that Michael Jackson was dead until I watched that Civil War vid.

  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    I’ll give these a listen when I get home from work, especially Lord Fist because I love Manilla Road.

  • Hey, this Civil War song sounds fun, Karhu!

    Also, I’m jamming Lord Fist.

    Thanks roundup, people!!

  • Natas Kaos

    Thanks for the review of the Void King Ep. We definitely appreciate the kind words.

    • Dagon

      No problem, man, just keep the music coming.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    times change—as people begin to talk about “discrepancies” in what the govt has been telling people –about history—on more conversational levels

    the strangeness of roman Polanski/Charles manson/west coast 60s—-as a child molestor is praised on cable tv—-

    laurel canyon California—there is a govt film studio –from ww2—that was ran by frank zappa’s dad (!)—which became a pro u.n. center for propaganda/chemical warfare—against the u.s-…after the war
    —adherents of east European gypsy kabbalah–mixed with modern times
    —and govt funding/Hollywood influence

    creator of “the hippie movement”—and supporter of the west coast music scene in the 60s—as a fake anti war movement–to smear the anti war protestors—with a “bad” appearance in the media

    still active today—-with many fringe connections—like manson hippies,,fox media,the eagles—and Hillary Clinton
    also they did 911—-“Rockefeller controlled”

  • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

    Not a big Power Metal guy, not a lot of this appeals to me.
    Sigh, I’ll hand in my membership card after my exams.

    • Sir Tapir the Based™

      Not being a big Power Metal guy, that’s not a paddlin’.

      • Dagon

        The antithesis of a paddlin’

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          Not liking Power Metal, that’s a lovin’

          • Dagon

            Worthy of a sexin’