Mini-Reviews From Around the Toilet Bowl V

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Do you have any idea how many records there are? Why, there must be dozens of records! Maybe more! That’s why we’re breaking them all down into bite-sized mini-reviews so you can get a taste of everything without overloading and bursting like Mr. Creosote.

Barren EarthOn Lonely Towers
Century Media | March 24, 2015

Do you like longer songs with intricate musical passages that vary in rhythm and intensity? Do you like interchanging death vocals and lighter clean vocals? Do you like ample helpings of melody to balance out the more extreme moments? Then have I got the album for you! Barren Earth have returned with their third full-length release, and this time they’re adding hints of jazz with a very sensual saxophone. If you like your melodic death metal more on the progressive side, make sure you check out the title track. If you answered no to any of the opening questions, you’ll probably find little to enjoy here. This is a good album, but it’s appeal will likely be lost on many of you toilet dwellers. – W.

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BalmogNecroangels’ Revelations
Black Seed Productions | February 5, 2015

I know what you filthy sewer urchins like. You dig rawness, scathing tremolo chords, and festering, oozing black metal. Necroangels’ Revelations is a blistering throwback to straightforward and infernal black metal concocted by a malevolent group of illuminados in Spain. I have no idea what a Necroangel is, but if I had to guess based on the unholy orthodoxy and eerie clanging bells ringing out from some corrupted steeple evident in these three tracks, I’d guess it is probably a servitor of Old Nick. This EP is a pagan speed ritual laced with enough fuzz and venomous solos to get even the most jaded of you banging your heads. Unconvinced? Check out “Second Revelation” on Bandcamp. – W.

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Enforcer – From Beyond
Nuclear Blast | February 27, 2015

Perhaps the most renowned product of the hard-working Swedish trad metal throwback machine (and also one of the best), Enforcer is back with another plate of high-speed, hot-footed ham. From Beyond is teeming with just as many ball-busting power-wails and earworm choruses as you’ve come to expect from Enforcer (for those new to the band, it’s like, a shit ton), fantastically overblown solos, and riffs that will possess your neck. Olof Wikstrand‘s voice is shrill and nasally as all hell, but it’s always been weirdly irresistible to me; listen to the beginning of “Below the Slumber” and admit that you had to try pretty hard not to sing along and move your arms and hands around in stupid, melodramatic gesture. Just admit it, dude. Fans of Skull Fist will find plenty here to tickle their fancy, among a number of other tickle-able things. Listen to “Undying Evil“. — Masterlord

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PyramidsPyramids – From Beyond
Profound Lore | March 17, 2015

Pyramids’ self-titled 2008 debut was the sound of a band that had yet to discover their identity. Strong songs were surrounded by filler and the album felt uneven as a whole. Subsequent collaborations with artists like Nadja and Horseback saw the group indulging their drone side, but A Northern Meadow, their Profound Lore debut, showcases R. Loren’s masterful grip on songwriting. The Coldplay-by-way-of-Ved Buens Ende sound of tracks like “In Perfect Stillness, I’ve Only Found Sorrow” and “I Am So Sorry, Goodbye” are miles ahead of the band’s first album, instead sounding like a less shoegazed-out version of Loren’s other project Sailors with Wax Wings. Picture Blut Aus Nord’s Cosmosophy with catchier hooks and you’re about there. — Christian Molenaar

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Battle HagBattle Hag Battle Hag
Self-Released | March 5, 2015

Battle Hag just released their self-titled demo, and it’s a great surprise. The songwriting is akin to Acid King‘s latest album, yet the atmosphere and sound turns this into an entirely different animal. Stoner/Doom riffs and rhythms are joined by guttural vocals that revel in filth. My favorite aspect of this release is definitely the beautiful lead guitar tone, which greatly enhances the entrancing effect of this music. Shamanic Metal – the way Battle Hag describes their sound – is indeed a perfect fit for this slab of ceremonial sludge. If you’re looking for something straight out the swamp, stab below and travel through the murky waters of your own brain. — Dagon

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Riff LordRIFFLORD – 26 Mean and Heavy
STB Records | February 1, 2015

If you have the nerve to call your band RIFFLORD in all caps, you need to be able to back it up. Better believe that is the case here, because this band delivers plenty of riffage. Gear worship is obvious in 26 Mean and Heavy – even if you don’t pay attention to the lyrics, the stellar production will be pleased to inform you. The guitar tone ranges from dark and fuzzy to high and piercing, at times shimmering with reverb. The bass is fat and warm like a G-Funk sample, perfectly paired with the excellent drumwork. The vocals are very dynamic, ensuring that no moment in this LP feels dull or repetitive. On top of all that quality, a sweet Hammond organ provides that extra flair that elevates this album to the next level. This is no cookie-cutter fuzz band – RIFFLORD makes music that is bluesy, soulful and unique. — Dagon

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EnethosEntheos Primal
Self-Released | March 15, 2015

Six years after the demise of the now-legendary Animosity, guitarist Frank Costa, drummer Navene Koperweis and bassist Evan Brewer are finally making music together again. Now going under the moniker Entheos and with vocalist Chaney Crabb rounding out the lineup, their debut EP, Primal, picks up musically where Animosity’s swansong Animal left off and then some. The signature technical and tremolo-picked riffs, tight drumming and crushing grooves of yore are back, spiced up with more progressive/atmospheric bits and electronica segues and interludes. As a total Animosity fanboy I’m very biased, but these four songs are incredibly good and will leave you wanting much, much more. Primal comes out today, buy and stream here. Now please excuse me while I go listen to this another fifty times. — MoshOff

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MalthusianMalthusian Below the Hengiform
Invictus Productions | April 1, 2015

After releasing an impressive demo in 2013, Ireland’s Malthusian are back in style with a vile, festering EP called Below the Hengiform. Released through Invictus Productions, this three-song effort suffocates as much as it crushes, scraping together a mess of blackened, doomy death and shrouding it all within an oppressive atmosphere. Each track jumps back and forth from a furious black metal charge to a plodding, hideous lurch, and there seems to be a constant presence of pain in the background. Like a choking, toxic fog, the writing and production combine for a dense, swirling miasma of heaviness. Listen to “Forms Become Vapor” and preorder the album here.Stockhausen

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Bad GuysBad Guys Bad Gynaecology
Riot Season Records | March 16, 2015

London’s Bad Guys bring you hard rock and sludge with a sense of humor and a side of fish and chips. Cuz they’re from London and that’s what they eat over there, y’know? Try to keep up. Just about every song on this record follows a simple formula: 1) Ho-lee GUACAMOLE, that guitar tone is sick! 2) Ho-lee TOLEDO that dude’s voice is annoying! 3) Ho-lee IACOCCA, it doesn’t matter, I am jamming again! Bad Gynaecology is a big, dumb, loud record and it grooves my stupid, stupid soul. Bang your idiot head to album opener “Crime”, the harrowing tale of a young man’s entry into the world of crime by shoplifting a Tonka truck. — Joe Thrashnkill

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  • EsusMoose

    I’ve been excited to hear Entheos as Evan Brewer is a beast on the bass. https://youtu.be/ZQDTKjLvh58?t=1m5s

    • Dr. Dubz

      He’s pretty good, I guess, but he’s no Bob Rock 😉

      • RustyShackleford

        Do you think anyone calls him Mr. Rock? I feel like that would be strange. I don’t know why but I’m all of a sudden fixated on this.

        • So, if a girl likes him and call him at 12am she should say: “I wanna Rock?”

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            That’s probably the appropriate way.

          • RustyShackleford

            But would she accidentally get THE ROCK?!?!

          • #ToiletOvHell I told you we do the real questions!

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Bah Gawd! Rock Bottom through the bed!

          • Lacertilian

            I smell what you’re cookin’ there Eddie.

      • EsusMoose

        I don’t care for Bob Rock mostly because my only experience of witnessing him was during the Metallica documentaries. Thank god Crab man could come and play the bass parts live.

        • Dr. Dubz

          It was a joke, little doggie.

          • toolazytologin

            I know crab man was given the title crab man for a reason.

        • Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan

          Metallica has had a camera up their ass a bunch of times.

          -Metal8909, 3 years ago

  • Tyree

    Balmog is pretty damn mean sounding Dubya. BlackSeed Productions usually has some good shit.

    Trying to figure out if I like that Pyramids sound or not. The electronic drums are throwing me a bit here. The music is interesting though.

    Dagon, I’m definitly going to check out that Battle Hag sometime here today. Looks like that’s going to be filthy sounding.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Balmog got the KSOFM seal of approval! And I’m not sold on Pyramids either. I kept getting a strong Deftones vibe, and I don’t really care for the Deftones. I’ll give it another try, though.

      • Tyree

        Yeah, I’m really digging this Balmog EP right now. Thanks Dubya. Didn’t realize that it’s 5 years old.

        • Dr. Dubz

          I think they recorded it 5 years ago but just released it.

          • Tyree

            Awesome.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Ah, it was previously only available on vinyl and cassette.

          • Tyree

            Ah, gottcha. Complete opposite of what I want Vemod to do.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgG0-n1Bsm4

          • Damn I love this band.

          • Tyree

            Yup, I wish they would play the U.S.

          • Enemy Of The Free World

            Oddly it seems a lot of bands have been doing this lately, or maybe I am just waking to this now.

      • Tyree

        Necroangels’ Revelations get’s a big thumbs up from me. Good shit.

        http://www.ufunk.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/thumbs-and-ammo-5.jpg

  • omg, Barren Earth! I will check it after the Neurosis record that Leif’s recommended last week.

    Also, I will add to the queue Pyramids just for the cover.

    Dagon: which band do you think I will enjoy more? Battle Hag or RIFFLORD?

    Thanks in advance.

    xoxo.

  • Dr. Dubz

    Jamming Battle Hag now. Pretty tight.

    • Tyree

      Excellent! That’s next in line for me.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Enforcer rules. They get the Eddie Trunk Jr Seal of Greatness.

  • I saw that JB bought that Entheos EP on Bandcamp and I stopped by for a listen. I really like what I heard. Digging Barren Earth and Enforcer, too. Semper Fudge, bros.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Barren Earth is pretty good, though probably not something I’d listen to all the time. I just find the drums kinda bland.

    Pyramids sounds a bit like Liturgy with better singing and worse drums.

    Entheos is seriously doing it for me this morning, though. I don’t always want my music that clean, but it works for them.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Yah, their drummist isn’t really doing anything interesting.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Sometimes it doesn’t matter to me, and sometimes it’s glaringly obvious. The problem is, if I notice it, it’ll often sour me on an album I would have otherwise enjoyed.

        • Dr. Dubz

          I figured it would be a polarizing choice for most on this here blog. It’s probably not something I’ll listen to frequently, but it’s also inoffensive.

          • The Devil’s Resolve is a very good album. I will try to check this one, but your rants are draining my willing to listen to it, jajaja.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Well, I figured you more than anyone would like it. You’ve got that ear for melody.

          • Thanks, Dubydubz. I liked the preview song, but it’s very different from the Devil’s Resolve.

            Since this year, I’m digging this proggy melodic deth merol. I’ve spinned a couple of times of Swallow the Sun. And I dug some In Mourning. I probably would like this Barren Earth’s despite the musical change.

          • Enemy Of The Free World

            How do you like BE’s bew singer?

            (In Mourning>>>>>>>>>>>>>)

          • Well, the bew singer is very competent, but I will try to adapt to him, because Mikko is a beast!. I’ve only listened the preview song so I will spin it to have a more strong feels (i think i shared it to tapir a while ago). How about you? did you liked it?

          • Enemy Of The Free World

            Not a big fan of Jon or whatever his name was, but he does the job well enough. I’ve heard the two preview songs and I liked both, although I’m hoping they saved some more exciting stuff for the album or it could end up being a little tedious.

      • J.R.

        “Drummist”

        Sent me into a giggle fit.
        I am a (moderately) physically imposing human male.
        I really shouldn’t giggle.

    • “I don’t always want my music that clean”
      Yeeeaaahhhh…

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I do not like Liturgy. I will give Pyramids a chance though.

    • The vocalist for Entheos did this video to try and get the spot in Veil of Maya. She’s nuts. This EP is pretty great. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksxUeX-OhRs

      • Oh, she’s the vocalist on this Entheos album? that cover was very good even when I don’t like Veil of Maya (the band…/the Cynic song it’s another story).

      • Guacamole Jim

        She is awesome. Those mom jeans are extra un-sexy though. I feel like I’m being beaten over the head with a de-sexing stick most un-sexily.

        • mom jeans>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        • Enemy Of The Free World

          Which is ultimately very sexy.
          De-desexy = plain sexy.

  • RustyShackleford

    RIFFLORD is exactly what I wanted this morning. After I jam this I cannot fucking wait to try Bad Guys, Joe’s blurb got me sold lol BREAK OUT THE BOOZE THIS MORNIN’ YUP

  • Hey, what’s the process to send a Mini-Review?

    • Dr. Dubz

      Umm, we’re trying to do one about once a week. Just send a blurb in the format above (with release date, record label, etc.) to the toh gmail.

      • *phew* glad I don’t have to sacrifice black chickens to the Toilet once again.

      • also. this will be out mondays?

        • Dr. Dubz

          It varies. We were doing them on Fridays, but Monday may be a better option.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Good question. I’d like to know the answer so I can give a mini review of the Ark Work when it comes out.

      • Dr. Dubz

        I thought you just said you don’t like Liturgy.

        • He didn’t say it would be positive.

        • Enemy Of The Free World

          You didn’t think it’d be a positive one, did you now?

          • Dr. Dubz

            I’m a naive little monarch.

          • Enemy Of The Free World

            You’re a monarch now? Of what, *snarls* The Republic of Texas *Short, violent laughter*

          • Dr. Dubz

            …yes

          • Enemy Of The Free World

            *Stupefied gaze/slowly and silently backs to the shadows*

          • Dr. Dubz
          • I listen to metal and lift it.
            (This was on Conan’s profile for the longest time)

          • Guacamole Jim

            Is he the beast he worships?

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          I hate the people in the band but I can’t say the music is awful as I enjoy the Ark Work.

  • D. Lee

    Really digging Entheos, Pyramids sounds promising, as well

  • Enemy Of The Free World

    Barren Earth seemed quite good from what I’ve heard so far. Will try most of these, by the blurbs all but Enforcer seem good.

  • That Entheos EP is nice, good to see guys from Animosity bringing that sound back.

  • wholly carp, dat Bad Guys! m/

  • Hey dudes! Hopefully everyone had a great weekend. The weather here was amazing!

    Btw, I built a dam yesterday in our small creek. It is was a lot of fun! (refresh for image)

    GL

    • <3 this is so adorable!!! it's so dreamy that you can have a little river near your house. must be very calming. I love this!

      • The creek is dank as funk, man. I would love to build a small dam on the river but I might have to wait until mid summer when the water is really really low. How are things in Maracaibo?

        • GL, that must be a dream to live there, jajaja. I will wait for more pics when you do it in mid summer.

          In Maracaibo the temperature is the same. Also, everytime I see my toilet paper I want to cry.

          • tertius_decimus

            > everytime I see my toilet paper I want to cry

            Yes, it reminds how wonderful ToH is.

          • I will surely take pictures for you this summer!

            Is all the toilet paper bad there?????

          • No, it’s because there’s only one roll left and it’s a shortage of toilet paper again T_T. My father haven’t found toilet paper in months, and all the provitions he buyed all are gone.

            I will have to clean my poo without paper once again, and it sucks.

          • I wonder how much it will cost to send you a bunch of TP….. It would have to be very expensive!!

          • It is, because the venezuelan currency devaluation last month all the prices of everything went up again. Thanks for your concern.

          • Well, I just looked it up… It would be $161 USD to ship a package of toilet paper to you 🙁

          • Those economics stuff gives me headaches, for real. So, I really appreciated that you checked that for me. Didn’t knew it was so expensive!

          • No kidding. If it was like $30 USD I would totally do it for you – but $161 is ridiculous! ! !

          • J.R.

            My “Scab” comment has like 20 up arrows, so I know there at least 20 people who read this website. At least. So that’s like $8.05 minimum per person. Just saying.
            #ToiletovOutreach #ToiletovActivism #ToiletovBrotherhood

          • DeadButtDreaming

            I’ll send you toilet paper if you open up your oil industry to American investment.

            AMERICA: FREEDOM. BDUBZ. COAL ROLL.

          • who cares? You already robbed us the Esequibo ¬_¬)”

          • tertius_decimus

            How these schmucks on Ebay manage to send packages with $0.99 goods in them free of charge?

          • tertius_decimus

            Two questions:
            1. Why where you live there is a shortage of toilet paper?
            2. Which goods are absent in stores/markets in Venezuela?

          • I’m not an economic expert, but I will try to be very concise, bro:

            1. Venezuela doesn’t produce too much of the products we consume, so we have to import a lot of foods and other products.

            The currency is over-devaluated in comparison with the dollar. For example, my salary is like 40 $ at month, and I’m lucky, because the minimum is like 35 $.

            So, if you have a high demand of the population, low production and the economy is broken because the inflation and the devaluation you will feel the shortage of a lot of products.

            Also, the goverment controls a lot everything, including the prices of the important products. They set the prices very low, so the food and products producers always says that the prices aren’t good for the process of making it in a economy with such a high inflation. And that made a entire black market of products with overprices.

            That happens with toilet paper, of course.

            Also, I live near the border with Colombia where the black market is the worse, because there’s even criminal mafias selling venezuelan products in Colombia.

            Here you have two alternatives:

            Go to a supermarket to check what regulated price products will be buying and make a long file to pay it at the goverment imposed price.

            Or, go to any tiny store or a informal market to buy the same stuff with overprice but without making a 2-5 hours file.

            2. Let me summarize: chicken, flour, comestible oil, toilet paper, bath soap, dish cleaner soap, rice, diapers, razor machines, anticonceptives (even preservatives), medicines for cardiac conditions, medicines for diabetes. That’s what I remember.

          • After you finish your Masters and then your PhD (maybe?). You should come teach at universities here. Then you can have all the God damn toilet paper you can ever imagine!!

          • Every venezuelan that visits another country now take pics of themselves in the supermarkets. It’s becoming so popular to do it that it’s so annoying lol.

            I guess it could be a plan to go to another country! Who knows?

          • Then instead of making $40 a month, you can make $40 an hour.

            Think about it, friend!

          • To be honest, GL. The idea of teaching foreigners and not my countrymen makes me kind of sad :/

            It’s not ditching or talking bad of the foreigners, it’s just that the people here needs education. We have all these bad goverments ebcause people here doesn’t have political concience.

            We have a dictator in the 50’s called Marcos Pérez Jiménez. He did atrocious things like tortures and a very ferreous militar police guarding every street. If you thinked different you were put to sleep in a ice bed one entire night.

            Now, you can see kids that despise the current gov just because they can’t buy a Samsung Galaxy in Amazon ebcause the dollar problem. And they always brag in the social media that we need another Marcos Pérez Jiménez. Those people are the worse and because of them this all sucks. u.u)

          • I know you are a strong believer in you country Link. I was just poking you a bit. You have professed your dedication before. Keep working hard for your country, friend!

          • sometimes I would like to go, but my ideals and my lack of motivation to do it makes me to stay.

            Also, I’m very hot headed to the injustice and I always fear the racism and how can I react in those situations.

            I have known of tales of racism against people I know in Spain or Chile. It’s just bad.

          • So your currency is the Venezuelan Bolívar ???

          • Yes.

            Right now, with the new currency change:

            1 dollar=183 bolívares.

            My salary is like 6900 bs. So, it’s like 37 $? I don’t know how to do the transaction ebcause I’m a noob in all the currency stuff.

          • Geessh man. That is crazy.

          • Half of that salary is going in public transport and cabs. And the other third is going to the rent payment. And the little bit that I can I save it lol.

            Now that I’m thinking of it, I haven’t bought anything new for me besides food. At least I can buy prepared food when I can’t cook <3

          • tertius_decimus

            > And they always brag in the social media that we need another Marcos Pérez Jiménez.

            Same shit with Stalinists over post-USSR space. This type of people is ready to vote for Pol Pot no matter the shit what.

          • woah! there’s still people in your country who believe in the iron fist goverment too?

          • tertius_decimus

            Mate, they are the biggest problem in society, because they’re dumb. No clever man is able to defeat the stupid one. Stupidity is greater than the Universe but the intelligence has its limits. To give you the idea, many people who support Putin, think he is a nice Stalin’s aherent, so go figure. In their views, there’s only one “true” way to rule Russians and that way is dictatorship.

          • And given the high population in Russia and your country it must really be a problem.

            How’s stuff going over there, bro?

          • tertius_decimus

            Everything you write about $37-40 @ month is the same here.

          • Ugh, that sucks, bro.

            tertius. It’s true that Russia will help Venezuela in militar work?

            I read that in a local newspaper. Do you know anything about it?

          • tertius_decimus
          • Thanks for confirming it!

          • Dr. Dubz

            Far right people here in the US have a weird obsession with Putin.

          • He has chest hair like a panther. Grrrrrwow!

          • tertius_decimus

            1. Putin thinks fascism is German and Ukrainian fascism. Putin makes no difference between Italian fascism and German nazism. For Putin fascism and nazism are the same. Putin thinks he has the right to do everything because USSR won The Great Patriotic War and thus made the world free of fascism.

            2. Far right people in Russia adore Adolph Schicklgruber but despise Putin. They support far right movement in Ukraine.

            3. Far right people in Ukraine do not give a shit about far right people in Russia but think fascism is Russian fascism of Putin. They don’t recognize themselves as fascists. Nationalists, yes, but not nazists. Yes, they differ that. Putin thinks it’s insult to think so, because paragraph #1.

            4. Europeans with bananas in their ears tend to listen Putin and do believe there’s nazi movement in Ukraine no weaker than German one of 1933-1945 period.

            5. Europeans with bananas in their ears detached tend to think Putin equals Adolph Schicklgruber. Putin thinks it’s insult to think so, because paragraph #1.

          • You are forgetting that communism worked so well for them the first time man! That is likely why they want to try again!

          • tertius_decimus

            No, I’m not forgetting. 🙂

            That question has a clear, solid answer.

            I’m 26 years old, I was born in USSR in 1989. But I’m not a representative of USSR generation. I’m from “generation Pepsi”, generation of 90’s, whose childhood had so much freedom that no American can even imagine such a freedom could ever exist. No kidding and no hyperbolization. Why such a freedom was possible?

            In USSR our parents had so high salaries that they could buy everything (to some extent, because there was incredible deficit of different goods throughout the whole USSR history). Many years of prosperous life made them confident that there’s no better country on the Earth globe… and then in 1991 it all cracked. Market economy has changed the planned economy. Since nobody was ready for such a change, people still, after 24 years can’t change their minds! They still do believe in planned economy. While they were in state of shock, we, children, had NO PARENTAL CONTROL whatsoever. Not in schools, not on the streets, not at home, nowhere. It was the golden time. I believe, we had the most incredible childhood in the history of mankind.

          • i admire your dedication to civic duty Link. It’s people like you who can bring about change in your country. Just remember that progress moves at a glacial pace so hang in there.

          • BRUH!

            Thanks! <3 I do what I can!

          • tertius_decimus

            > my salary is like 40 $ at month

            Shit. That means if you’re about to leave the country in order to find more appropriate place, you have to sell everything or borrow crapload amount of money which in most cases is impossible to pay off. The world is fucked. 🙁

          • That’s what everyone that want to leave is doing.

            And it’s very sad, because they’re leaving their families behind with debts.

            I have a friend that reunited money and borrowed money from everyone and buyed a no-return ticket to Chile.

          • J.R.

            Alright. We need to start a Toilet Paper ov Hell campain to send TP to those in need. First costumer: Mr Link Leonhart

          • I would like the one you have over there with puppys in the paper <3 those must be very fancy and comfy.

          • Dude, the TP is cheap. It is sending it that is a problem! We should get a drive together for you. Like with a paypal account or something???

          • Jajajaja, no prob, GL. I don’t know how all those dollar stuff works.

            I’m willing to have a credit card this year, let’s see of all will result.

          • J.R.

            The TP at my university is this garbage can atom thick sandpaper garbage. It is the worst.

            Oh the best quilted butt tissue for you my friend.

          • J.R.

            Also: menstration towel = sanitary napkins / “pads”. Tampons work. Same function, different…shape/application method.

            I’d ask a lady but mine is watching people give birth.

            Also a menstration towel sounds like something someone wait her REALLY REALLY FAT would use, or someone with Niagara Falls period flow would need. Hilarious.

          • jajajaja. broke spanglish attacks once again!

            We call them Toallas Sanitarias here. I told that because I have to give a context so you can understand me lol.

          • Tertius, you’ve been more active lately.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Shhhhh don’t scare him away

          • tertius_decimus

            Too much free time.

          • Guacamole Jim

            This sounds like a topic for… Flush it Friday!

          • *** BREAKING NEWS ***

            My mom buyed 4 toilet papers rolls.

            She will give me 2 this weekend.

            I can clean poop.

            Link’s happy.

            http://canalcncmedellin.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/maduro_papel_higienico.jpg

          • HUZZZAH!

          • Based Tapir

            ..

          • Order has been restored!

          • Now I have to poop twice this week because the roll I got is in the middle, jajajaja.

    • for when the levee breaks?

    • J.R.

      Camping trip ov hell when?
      Fires. Tents. Metal. Toilets.
      Oh and food and stuff whatever

      • Totally. I have 5 kayaks/canoes. We can do a float trip, camp on the river, camp at our house… fish. You name it! That time of year is coming! Music… tunes…. wow.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

      Dam fine job.

  • Dagon

    The Bad Guys cover is fucking glorious. I loved what they did to my photo with the b&w effect.

  • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

    The Malthusian link brings me to the Entheos bandcamp page when I stab it. plz fix.

  • *ALERT: INCOMING DANK MEME*
    http://i.imgur.com/LaDgLb2.jpg

    • tertius_decimus

      If one hour on this planet equals 7 years on Earth, their bodies would have weighted hundreds of thousands tonnes and escape velocity would be so high that it’ll leave no chances to escape this planet ever.

      #lawsofphysicsforNolan

      • They would most certainly have to be traveling very very very fast!

        • tertius_decimus

          Fast and Furious franchise has better understanding the laws of physics than Interstellar, LOL!

      • wow, didn’t knew this.

        Tertius, why this happens?

        • It is all about the paradox of time speed up and slowing down depending on your travel rate relative to the speed of light.

          #confusingasfuck

          • Lacertilian

            From my understanding, it’s not only dependent on the speed at which you travel but on the gravitational potential & proximity of the object you’re orbiting (similar to what @tertius_decimus:disqus was saying).
            Hopefully @disqus_oB8c6e4wKZ:disqus will be able to school us all at gravitational time dilation, I want to know more about gravity wells.

          • Lacertilian

            What’s that from, it kinda looks familiar?
            I haven’t seen Interstellar yet, I just like space.

          • Event Horizon. It’s flippin amazing! More horror than sci-fi tho. Oh and it’s better on drugs, though you might have awesome nightmares…

          • Lacertilian

            I think the last time I watched that in one sitting was during high school. It’s on TV late at night here sometimes and I catch pieces.
            I’ve progressively enjoyed sci-fi more and more over the years. Used to only care about the sci and not the fi.

          • Lacertilian

            I’m a bad sleeper as it is, even the one I’m about to post gave me nightmares back when I first saw it.

        • Farty McPoopyCoalRoll
      • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

        I now next to nothing about physics but couldn’t it be that the planet was about the size of Earth but rotates very slowly?

        • The planet would have to be rotating about a center star much much much much much much faster than the speed that Earth spins around the Sun. The faster you travel to the speed of light – the more time slows down (relative to time on earth). So, if you are in the International Space Station, time is slower there than it is on Earth… not by much mind you, but it is slower.

          • J.R.

            We just got to “modern” physics in my Physics 3 course. Time dilation, relativity, quantum physics…pretty excited to get into it.
            Also the teacher only wears Magrudergrind and The Faceless shirts, so he’s not too much of a poser. He also has a Pi tattoo and what looks like Donald Duck. So he might be.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Physics was the worst subject I’ve ever taken. I couldn’t understand that shit for the life of me (and I did pretty well in math, so go figure). I decided not to continue when I got a 50% in grade 11.

          • Maik Beninton

            Physics is math applied.
            If you understand the equations but not the theory you will be screwed.

            What I hate though is chemistry, specially the organic part which you have to decorate the formulas and its nomination.

          • Lacertilian

            I’ve done 4 units of organic chem.
            It was brutal. Add in some biochem & green chem and I got bombarded so hard I lost a lot of interest in it.

        • tertius_decimus

          In “Interstellar” movie this planet was trapped on the very edge of black hole’s event horizon, so the tidal force would be so high that the planet would face the black hole with the same side like Moon to Earth.

      • Farty McPoopyCoalRoll
    • the best kind of alert possible! keep ’em coming, AKFP

  • If “Crimes” is doing it for you, the full Bad Guys album is streaming here:
    http://thequietus.com/articles/17398-listen-bad-guys-album

  • Based Tapir

    I dug Barren Earth’s last album quite much. I must get this one as well!

  • Tyree

    If any of you dug Balmog – Necroangels’ Revelations EP then check out their full length album from 2012. Starting it now actually. So far so mean.

    https://blackseedprod.bandcamp.com/album/testimony-of-the-abominable-2

    • Scrimm

      Another for the wishlist. Nothing is making me turn off this Hacavitz right now though.

      • Tyree

        That’s another album with some really impressive drumming. Some really good drum performances this year. That Embrional album is another one.

        • Scrimm

          Yes. Yet another one I need.

      • Farty McPoopyCoalRoll

        IMHO, they’re Mexico’s best extreme metal band. Has the new one got the usual creepy Aztec stuff in the back?

        • Scrimm

          New one is very different. Just black metal, didn’t notice much background stuff.

    • Tyree
  • tertius_decimus

    Ewan Brewer has incredible talent. In my book he must start solo project in the vein of Jean Baudin where he could do anything, anyhow. Though, this Entheos thing leaves me without emotions. Not diggin’, sorry.

    • Lacertilian

      I don’t know where I stand on it yet.
      Animosity were right in my wheelhouse, especially after the brilliant ‘Animal’ but in 8 years I don’t know who has changed more; them or me. I really dug Leo’s vocals but I’ve always been someone who listens to the instruments first & foremost, so I should be loving this.
      I guess it seems to chug more than it shreds.
      I’m going to give it more time I think.

  • Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan

    jesus fucking Christ if you want reel metal that has good meanings beside it, listen to black viel brides and bring me the hoizen they are good bands that save life’s on daily basic.

    -PeaceOutBetch, 3 months ago

    • EsusMoose

      dat daily basic

    • MoshOff

      hoizen

      /rekt

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      Seeing as I used to be in BMTH, you spelled Horizon wrong.
      Also, why are you putting my old band with that Black Veil Brides shite.
      Other than their first record (and their second and third ones if you’re that way inclined), they’re actually good.

  • Masterlord, this is DANG catchy.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6UDtfGhfhU

    • CT-12

      I’m just stoked for these guys to see how far they’ve come. They’ve definitely had to work hard to get from Heavy Artillery to fucking Nuclear Blast.

  • Scrimm

    Have to check out that Malthusian, sounds like my kind of stuff.

    • CT-12

      Yo man, totally unrelated, but I was listening to this band at work today and thought you might dig them. You can download this album for free on their website if you dig it, or buy on bandcamp. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imUUv64TWIY

      • Scrimm

        Oh nice man thanks. This sounds good, I’ll have to look into their stuff more.

        • CT-12

          Glad you like it duder

  • DeadButtDreaming

    Going to enforce on the Enforcer until the enforcement is enforced.

  • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

    Malthusian sounds very hollow and depressed, I dig. Pyramids and Balmog are also enjoyable. The standout here though is RIFFLORD for me. Very rich with character and great riffs.

    • tertius_decimus

      Malthusian stuff is legit. Close to Gorguts and Ulcerate. “Obscura” was ahead of its time.

    • Hails to Balmog and anything ” craeted under the principles of fundamentalism and devotion.”

      No idea what that means, but it sounds safe.

  • The Barren Earth and Enforcer albums are quite good. I haven’t listened to any of the other albums yet.

  • Mloclam McCoy Nomdnih

    I’m glad some metal site decided to throw a shout out to Entheos, I’ve had that album on repeat for a good 4 or 5 days now.

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Tonka truck? Pls. I got my start using a pack of group home kids to steal a supply of Fischer Price radios and sell them at a higher price to my fellow eight year olds. They respected me as i beat their former leader named Tiny in a brawl behind a parking lot, and would thus do whatever i say. I would pay them in Laffy Taffy and dirty magazines, as my uncle ran a porn shop and got a ton of the latter on a weekly basis.

    At the very least, I’m going to check out Malthusian and Enforcer, and definitely peep Rifflord as bluesy fuzz sounds right up my alley.

  • J.R.

    Finally.
    this Barren Earth is awesome, why is this just now crossing my path.
    Pyramids was fine. wish the vocals were a little more…there.
    Balmog – not sure if gusta, but i think i gusta
    Enforcer – very much gusta. mmmmmm
    Battle Hag- awesome name. not my thing.
    Rifflord – Juicier than juicy things. almost my thing. not quite.
    Entheos – very tight. not so juicy. could have been my thing with a little more something.
    Malthusian – where am I I cannot see I cannot feel I cannot be but yet I am
    Bad Guys – hahahaha tonka trucks. bruh. That guitar tone is life but the vox dont mesh with me, but I am known to be a poser on occasion so whatevs

    And that was J.R.’s mini mini review. FLUSH ON FLUSH ON

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Enforcer will be up there for me come EOY time. I love this band