Mini-Reviews from around the Toilet Bowl, Pt. Deux

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You folks sure seemed to love this the last time we did it, so here we are again. Today we’ve got a slew of albums old and new that we fully expect to influence the amount of abuse you inflict on your poor wallets. Browse these mini-reviews. Get inspired. Change the world. Whatever.

Altars – Paramnesia
Blood Harvest/ Nuclear Winter Records | September 6, 2013

Back in 2013, Altars dropped not only a hell of a debut album, but also one of the best albums of the whole year. However, Paramnesia went sadly unnoticed by the general metal populace. Despite being definite “swipe-right” material as for what I look for in death metal, I didn’t even know this band existed until a couple weeks ago when Ed and I were swapping reviews for the new Imperial Triumphant album. But now my eyes have opened, and I have seen the glory. Dealing in a deadly blend of old-school sensibilities mixed with new-school dissonance, Paramnesia somehow ends up sounding like Gateways to Annihilation for the modern era. Vitek-esque drum solos arm-wrestle with Lemay-esque riffs in a decidedly OSDM atmosphere for a near-perfect end product. Let’s give these Aussie boys some love on Facebook. You can buy the album here. – W.

_________________________

Turbid North – Orogeny
Ironclad Recordings | July 24, 2010

I know, I know. This album has been out for a long time. However, it’s been in pretty heavy rotation for me for the last year or so, and I have yet to write about it. So, I’m jamming this thing in here whether you like it or not. Orogeny, if summed up succinctly, is Blood Mountain played by a death metal band. The riffs and solos veer from downright brutal and chaotic to psychedelic and spacey. The drums and vocals always match the tone and feel of each song, and every track is a unique chapter in a gripping journey through a treacherous icy landscape. Despite the obvious Mastodon worship, though, this is a really fun, interesting take on the death metal formula, and if you want another soundtrack for facing the dangers of the great outdoors, look no further. Listen to the album on Bandcamp and give them a like on Facebook. – W.

_________________________

Night Demon – Curse of the Damned
Century Media | January 27, 2015

I don’t usually seek out traditional metal bands. I’ve got nothing against them; it’s just that the rather linear approach to song-writing isn’t typically the sort of thing that grabs my attention. However, every now and then a little NWOBHM-inspired riffage is exactly what I need to cleanse my palate from all the dissonance and choking atmosphere of my usual skronkier fare. So, it was with some interest that I downloaded the promo for Curse of the Damned. Masterpants told me this band puts on one hell of a live show, and after hearing these beer-drenched, steel-clashing anthems, I can totally buy that. This is by-the-numbers, no frills trad metal, but it’s quite fun in all its earnestness. The riffs rock, the vocals soar, and the songs race along at a decidedly tasty old-school speed. If you need a fun, easy alternative to your evil discography, check this album out. Order the album over at Century Media and give the guys a like on Facebook. – W.

_________________________

Marduk – Frontschwien
Century Media | February 10, 2015

I’ll get this out of the way: fuck the opening track. The guitar is nothing but a murmur, the drums are barely audible, and the vocals are boring and offer nothing even remotely entertaining. That being said, the rest of this album jams hard. Marduk seems to have been listening to a lot of Behemoth since their last release, because the similarities are undeniable. Frontschwein offers up tasty riffage, blasting drums, menacing ambient-esque portions, and vocals that alternate from screams to roars to spooky spoken word. This is pretty party; I definitely approve. Most stellar song: “Wartheland”. Pick the album up over at Century Media and give them a like on Facebook.- Call the Slambulance

_________________________

The Agonist – Eye of Providence
Century Media | February 24, 2015

I always liked The Agonist. They had some really creative songs and some great lyrics to go with those songs. They never followed the typical trends and always seemed to make the music they wanted to. Then of course there was Alissa White Glutz who was an absolute beast on vocals and had a great clean singing sytle to boot. Fast forward a bit and Alissa has moved on to Arch Enemy. I can’t say I blame her, though I feel her talent is wasted on that band. Unfortunately this means The Agonist had to find a new singer. I would have been fine with a dude on vocals but they seemed intent on replacing Alissa. I’m sad to say they have failed in my opinion. The new singer has decent vocals for a post hardcore band (Note that the Agonist is not a member of this genere) or something but she can’t really pull off the clean singing as well, and those vox in particular really irk me. They aren’t Huntress level bad, but they are up there. Instrumentally this is a really good Agonist record and I expected nothing less. However, the song arrangements seem to be lacking the creativity they previously had. I just can’t get over those vocals though. If you happen to dig, however, you can order the album from Century Media and give them a like on Facebook.- Jack Bauer

_________________________

Thorr-Axe – Gates of Winter
Independent | January 13, 2015

This band has been featured here as the best unsigned band in Indiana. This time, they return with the excellent second platter Gates Of Winter. This album is less riffy than its predecessor, but the songs are still powerful and memorable. You’ll still feel like you’re out to kill giant mythological creatures, but in a slower and more elaborate fashion. Jam the album over at Bandcamp and give them a like on Facebook. – Dagon

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Black Smoke Dragon – Earth Have Jaiah
Independent | January 19, 2015

It’s no secret that I am a sucker for well crafted stoner metal that just reeks of seaweed and beer, and this concoction is exactly what this band from Spain delivers. Bringing both the jammy jams and the riffy riffs, this album will have all the bongfire señoritas dancing like it’s a generator party back in 1992. Entirely instrumental, entirely awesome. Jam the album over at Bandcamp and give them a like on Facebook. – Dagon

_________________________

Publicist UK – Publicist UK
Static Tension Recordings | February 17, 2015

First things first, this is EXTREMELY different from what I was expecting given Publicist UK’s lineup, which includes Brett Bamberger (Revocation, ex-East of the Wall) on bass and Dave Witte (Municipal Waste, ex-Discordance Axis, Every Band Ever) on drums. I don’t think the two songs that comprise this release even qualify as metal, they’re more on the gothic/depressive-ish and dark side of rock, but good stuff nonetheless. At times the vocals kind of remind me of Danzig (in a good way), and the instrumentation is subdued but creates a good atmosphere. Keep an eye on Bandcamp for the album and give them a like on Facebook. – MoshOff

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA)

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  • Tyree

    Altars – Paramnesia >>>>>>>>>>>

    People get on that shit! Such a great album from 2013 that a lot of people overlooked. Very underrated band.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      I checked that out cause me and the homey Dubya read about them on an Imperial Triumphant review (in my crusade to tell people IT are a dissonant death metal band not a black metal band, lol) but I didn’t know they were Australian.

      Ugh, work kicked my ass today. Almost done though!

      • I have to work 3pm to 3am 🙁

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Hell of a shift there. Playing DA:I though?

          • Either that resident evil skyrim or dying light

          • i need to play more Skyrim, DS2 is really stuffing me into a locker…
            http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11111/111115760/3213025-6066025570-Skyri.jpg

          • Here’s the thing with skyrim. Once I load that up nothing else has a chance lol

          • I know it sounds like heaven but I really am so fucking tired of sitting for 40 hours a week.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            It does, and does not. There have been times at this job when I have even been tired of looking at the internet, which is saying something.

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            Lol, I’m tired of not being able to do that at all.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Working or looking at the internet?

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            BOTH!

          • Tyree

            What’s the beer count?

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            Like now? Today?

          • Tyree

            Duh. You said earlier that you cracked open your first beer of the day.

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            8th about to get downed..

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            I’m actually not feeling that well anymore.

          • more beer

            Never enough!

          • Half the time the wifi goes down and I can’t even do that :/

          • Herr Schmitty

            BRO, ME TOO.

    • It very Gorgutsy, I dig it.

    • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

      This a very good album, just checking for the first time ever.

  • RIP Bandcamp wishlist.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Damn, that Turbid North is pretty wacktacular. Thanks for the reco, Dubs.

  • KJM

    Black Smoke Dragon >>>>>>>

  • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

    I would like to flush the new Agonist. The riffs are staler and less riff-y- more chord-y. The ballad sucks ass and Vicky is not a great growler. Those cleans are not great either, so she uses them WAY too much. If they had a more minor role I could jam her.

    • I will listen to form an opinion. But, I will not delve with too much enthusiasm either, your argument was the final thrust to my intuition on that album.

      • Guacamole Jim
        • iugh 🙁

        • Dagon

          I’m been perfecting this stroke for a while now… almost good 2 go.

        • Lacertilian

          Did Dip ever watch Snuff Box?

          • Guacamole Jim

            Fuck yes. Snuff Box is a serious favorite of mine. I think I was trying to get W. into it a while back.

          • Lacertilian

            Thought @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus would have been all over that like stink on poop (to paraphrase Mr Fulcher).

          • Guacamole Jim

            I know!! It seems right up his alley.

          • Lacertilian

            Maybe if we call it’s humour dissonant instead of surreal he’ll come around.
            Skromkedy

          • Guacamole Jim

            HA

  • I really like Night Demon. They’re not something I would normally listen to on my own, so that’s like a double compliment.

    • They kicked so many asses live that I impulse-bought a shirt. I never do that. Because I’m fucking broke.

      • But, you have pants.

        I’m broke since the last time I buyed Technical Machines in Goldenrod’s Mall.

        Glad my Mom helps me sending me money on the Pokégear!

    • VVayne Brady

      Yah, I thought I saw you give them a namedrop on FB.

      • Liked them enough to check their tour dates, see that they were hitting my city, and then became bummed when I realized that I missed the date.

  • I ran out of Pokéballs, too much wild Pokémon out there!

  • Tyree

    Toilet Facts: I peed out ov my butt 6 times today.

    • VVayne Brady

      I hope you’re staying hydrated.

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Ew. Save that for the Good/Bad/Ugly post later.

    • Drink a lot of potions!

      • That’s what got him into this spot to begin with!

        • He’s drinking the wrong potions, then!

          There are some bitter ones than are selled in Goldenrod at night. Mom says that I should stay away of that creepy lady in the basement road that sells those potions.

          He needs to drink water or Full Restore.

          • Maybe. I’d go with some Pedialyte and some B vitamins.

          • Dagon

            How many flavours of Pedialyte the United States have? It seems you’d have about 347.

          • In Venezuela we have one: Coconut. Jajajaja!!

          • I love this shtick and your commitment to it.

          • I always try to be sucessful and do my best in everything I do! http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110212192401/pokemon/images/e/ec/Gold_2.png

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            youre mom sounds creepy

          • No. My mom is a good person. The creepy old lady in the basement isn’t.

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            you dont have a mom—-cps is your mom –you are property of the state—
            one phone call –and we can have you shipped out of there forever–

            bill clinton is your mom——your parents are “birth pigs”—that have no authority
            pokemon is only a diversion from this fact

          • 1) We don’t have State in Johto.

            2) I do have a mom.

            3) I don’t know who Bill Clinton is.

            4) Remember don’t use your Bicycle in the indoors.

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            in america–people have a right to have indoor bicycling

            yer momma

          • In Johto too. But you don’t want Prof. Oak being inside of your head remembering you that you have to put away the Key Item:

            http://rs1img.memecdn.com/prof-oak_o_244853.jpg

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            fantasy

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            this is actually pretty good..i guess you learned from the best

            yer still a worthless libtard who supports the 911inside job mass murderers

          • Dagon

            Jet fuel. Steel beams. Go.

          • In Johto we have a band called Infected Parasects. This is the Earth equivalent:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRufAykZPnE

          • I’m a Pokémon Trainer. I have a monster proslavery politic position.

            Learn well your position, Zzzzzz.

            I’m still a competitive person. I may be your nemesis inside your game against the anti-lib program.

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            you seem like a shiteater

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            This has been the best conversation I today. Thank you both. Oh, get off the bike and get a car.

          • The God Emperor of Mankind

            Lol, as if anyone still cares about that anymore. It’s all about dem Astartes and dat Emprah…me.

          • Guacamole Jim

            You get better and better with time. You’re like a fine wine.

          • KJM

            You spelled “whine” wrong. ^_^

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            dont you have some cartoon network execs–who deserve yer oral skills -more than me–libtard

          • KJM

            Look I’m sorry Bill Clinton won’t let you suck his dick, I really am. Engaging in projection isn’t gonna help your oral fixations go away though. Perhaps you should take up a constructive hobby that doesn’t involve blue dresses or cigars. ^_^

          • SYL!’s 7 Year Old Son

            My Dad reminds me over and over that I don’t have a Mom and that she was a birth pig. 🙁

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            good for you-pig—maybe youll eventually get it thru yer thick skull–that devin townsend is a libtard worthless shill—with a band name that invokes “child abuse”(syl) thru gematria—-

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Your dad let you out of your cage?

          • more beer

            Only to stick him in a toilet.

          • Stockhausen

            Let’s start a politigrind band called Birth Pigs.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Only when she’s at 100% volume.

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
          • KJM

            Save potions for later use!!

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      Alcohol related?

      • Tyree

        For sure.

      • Brouroboris

        Water and eggs. Pretty much the cure for everything.

  • Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan

    A7x is the best thrash metal band ever, possibly the greatest metal band of all time! Everything they put out is just amazing! People say that there are better bands out there, but that’s not true (except Metallica!) I think they’re way better than that crappy old school stuff like Testiment or Megadeath or whatever

    -jp, 9 months ago

    • Maik Beninton

      M SHADOWS

      • KJM

        REBECCA BLVCK!!!

        • Maik Beninton

          M@TT D@MON

          • KJM

            DAVID GVNN!!(still not available in Canada)

          • Guacamole Jim

            Wait, can we not say Matt Damon??

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            We can obvs. MäTT DäMON

          • Guacamole Jim

            Good. M477 D4m0n

          • VVayne Brady

            Eventually all words will be in the spam filter thanks to you buttholes.

          • Guacamole Jim

            It’s one of my two goals for this site.

            The other is, of course, banning Randall Thor.

          • Mine is to make my mom proud of me.

          • MINE TOO!

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            The very best, like no one ever was.

          • And… No want to brag on this… But I’m THE BEST!

            http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E3t6Y7zh1LU/maxresdefault.jpg

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            Mine is to outbeer Tyree

          • So, death?

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            I AM a God, let us not forget.
            *Feels the burning failure*

          • Tyree

            Bring it BRO!

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            BRUH! THE NEXT ROUND 8that you’ll be drinking in Finland) IS ON ME!

          • Tyree

            DEAL BRO!

          • Guacamole Jim

            You need to rack up some Good Boy Points then.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            What’s up with these GBPs, when did that start, where did that come from?

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            IronLawnmover posted about some Chicken Tendies over at FB, go see.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            How old is that? Lol

          • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

            Earlier this week, I think.

          • Stockhausen

            A horrifying green text posted on the FB page.

          • once you have enough, you can get some tendies

          • JWG

            This is what happens when we don’t join FB groups.

            I thought the TOvH was considering adopting British Currency for some reason…

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’m in the Facebook group and on there a decent amount, I have no clue when that happened lol

          • Taco Damon.

          • This is evil, broh! Verry verry evil! :O

    • OldMetalHead

      I hate to feed the troll, but Avenged Sevenfold is not thrash. They’re nu-metal. And, their last album was sort of old school metal.

    • KJM

      Awesome pic.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Welcome!

  • HessianHunter

    Weird, I think The Agonist’s new singer is way mo betta than Alissa was. However, the band really does nothing for me either way. That makes my opinion irrelevant and this comment totally useless.

    Hey look, cows!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FavUpD_IjVY

  • Brouroboris

    Dat Turbid North is rocking me right.

    • VVayne Brady

      I’m glad you like it. I found out about them thanks to a “perfect death metal song” post on Reddit like a year or two ago.

      • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

        Man this is good too. STOP WRITING ABOUT MUSIC I NEED TO BUY!

        • VVayne Brady

          ^_^

          FYI, it’s on Spotify

      • Brouroboris

        So far they have a couple of those.

      • Brouroboris

        The Hunter. What a song

        • VVayne Brady

          How spot on is the Blood Mountain comparison?

          • old_man_doom

            I can’t speak highly enough about these dudes.

        • Stockhausen

          The Hunter is a beast of a song.

          • Brouroboris

            “Rest you beaten down damned unfortunate in these porcelain plains

            Feel my strangling icy hands that seize for millennia

            When the black night sky is lit and comes alive I trust you will die

            I trust you will die alone”

      • Guacamole Jim

        I’m not big into straight-ahead death metal, but damn this is good. Too good.

      • Dayum. This is great stuff. Thanks for the rec, Bruce VVayne.

  • JWG

    On the Agonist. It’s not typical for the first album with a new vocalist to click either with the fans or, really, the band itself, at least not immediately if ever. Sometimes it takes time to appreciate. Sometimes it never will gain appreciation, but at least follow-up albums with the ‘new’ vocalist can potentially vastly improve upon the tweaked formula.

    Consider just within the realm of other bands with lady vocalists, the last albums by Tristania and Sirenia respectively versus the previous one (ones, in the case of the latter).

    I need more time with this album to settle on my actual opinion of it, though. Maybe that was an apt comparison. Maybe not…

    • MoshOff

      I think (to me at least, after a few listens) it’s the classic case of an album that would be better received if it wasn’t attached to a name with a reputation to uphold. See: Metallica’s Load and ReLoad, Cryptopsy’s The Unspoken King, etc.

      • JWG

        Yeah. I guess it’s closer in a sense to the Tristania case then (Rubicon), where not only did the vocalist switch but they also changed the sound and style of the band too much for comfort.

        …then self-corrected with great success (Darkest White)

  • Mother Shabubu III

    I forgot who I mentioned this band to the other day, but i highly recommend Dunderbeist “Hyklere”. I found it out of nowhere and it’s fucking awesome. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-7ioE2HUVs

  • old_man_doom

    Turbid North is fucking great. “Orogeny” is on my top 5 albums of all time list. No bullshit. They’ve got a new album coming this year too. It’s already a contender for AOTY for me and I’ve only just heard samples. HATE MOSH A GRIZZLY BEAR https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_UMAf43rno&spfreload=10

    • VVayne Brady

      I hadn’t heard this stuff yet. Excellent.

      • old_man_doom

        No date for a release yet, but they do post updates on FB regularly.

    • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

      Like for Grizzly

      • old_man_doom

        I like you too, bear…nipple…god.

  • Tyree

    My mini review on Home Is Where the Hatred is :

    http://assets.adamriff.com/images/oberyn-mountain.gif

    • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

      Shitfucking bad?

    • Dagon

      I loved everything about that release. Vocals, riffs, drums, you name it.

      • Tyree

        It’s incredible. Primitive Man’s best work thus far.

        • Dagon’s Shocked Right Nipple

          How are the songs that are not Loathe?

        • Dagon

          Agreed. I always thought that drummers can make or break doom records and this album is further proof.

          • Tyree

            The drummer plays some faster shit us this one. Double bass and even blast beats. So killer!

    • TheCheezFace

      ”Then I smashed her head in like this!”

  • Dagon

    This is quickly becoming my favorite feature, considering the fuckton of new music coming out. Metal is a very taxing genre to follow.

  • KJM

    “Birth Pig” = band name

  • mini review ov the mini reviews . http://i.imgur.com/0CbH9LP.jpg?1

  • second track on new Marduk is black metal disco, huehuehue

    flush that album

    • Scrimm

      It’s crap I agree.

  • My pick this time is Blackberry Smoke!

    (d’oh!)

    NO! Not that one!

    Black Smoke Dragon!

    Thanks Dagon!

    (black smoke Dagon, jijiji)

  • Lacertilian

    Altars are kicking my Saturday morning into action @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus
    I like the combo of chunk, tremelo picking with hints of dissonance.

    • VVayne Brady

      It’s basically the perfect bridge between the skronkier stuff and OSDM.

      • Scrimm

        I think when we really get down to business writing our innsmouth stuff I’m gonna stick a skronk or two in your honor. Never done it before.

        • VVayne Brady

          You’re sweet!