Mini-Reviews from Around the Toilet Bowl: 8-5-15

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Thousands of new metal albums come out every day probably. Some people have cried into their widdle blankeys that it’s just impossible to keep up with it all, but here at the Toilet ov Hell, for your convenience, we have developed a method that allows us to review every single metal album released.*

* This statement is not entirely or at all true.

Hivelords – Tapered Limbs of a Human Star
Anthropic Records | August 4th, 2015

Yes, I already previewed this album yesterday for Toilet Tuesday, but now that I’ve gotten a chance to listen to the beast in full, I’d like to revisit it here. Tapered Limbs of a Human Star is deceptively complex. On the surface, you have a pretty standard blend of sludge and black metal. Spectral shrieks drift in and out of the swampy rifts and drum barrages, but there’s far more to the music than that. Like a 5,ooo-year-old cryptogram, this album is impressive to behold, but finding the real value takes patience and careful attention. More astute listeners who decipher the puzzling tracks will be rewarded with arcane precision and idiosyncratic elements that make Hivelords stand well above others in this style. – W.

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Demiurge – In the Spirit of the Sick
Independent | May 23, 2015

This album will be the weirdest thing you hear today. Joe sent it to me because he had no idea what to do with it. I passed it on to Christian to gauge his reaction; Guacamole and Stockhausen somehow got involved. All agree: this album is bizarre, but it isn’t necessarily bad. Some songs sound like lo-fi industrial black metal, like Nailbomb by way of Wold. Other songs sound like Hindi mantras played in Spektr‘s basement. It’s all unnerving. Press play and prepare for a bad trip. – W.

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Joe Satriani Shockwave Supernova
Sony | July 24th, 2015

In my eyes Joe Satriani has been one of the most influential guitarists to the metal genre, albeit indirectly, through mentoring/teaching acclaimed guitarists Kirk Hammett, Alec Skolnick, Larry LaLonde, Rick Hunolt and more. Satch is nearly 60 years old now, and on his fifteenth studio album, it’s finally starting to show. I may have not really spent much time with his last few releases, but I’ll always give his new albums a courtesy listen as I still have a a lot of respect for him as an artist. On Shockwave Supernova however, I won’t be listening more than once. This album just seems bland unfortunately. The melodies feel somewhat stunted, the jazz has no pizzazz, the shred all but dead. There are a couple of moments of old on here, but ultimately it’s not going to salvage me from flushing this one. Oh well, I’ll always have Time. – Lacertilian

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Fuck-Ushi479414ma | First Come, First Served
Self-released | Dec 18th, 2014

First Come, First Served was released last year to little fanfare, and the situation needs to be remedied. What Fuck-Ushima did deliver was no less than one of the very best hardcore releases of 2014. Much of the time the sextet seasons their cooking with an unhealthy dose of sickening sludge, and thanks to the (occasionally very) feedback-rich production, the only other band that comes to mind from their noisy soup is Primitive Man. However, Fuck-Ushima serves more on their HC-side and as songs like “Ulvila-blues” verify, have a twinkle of humour in their eyes. It’s always a surprise when I find myself so much digging a release that sounds like something our Glorious Editor-In-Chief, Joe Skramzandkill would dig. So go check out FC,FS on Bandcamp (Name Your Price) and grab their older, less-noisier-more-sludgier work too while you’re at it. Oh, and give them a like on Facebook. — Karhu

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OstaraNecropole | Ostara
Self-released | Jan 2015

Despite their French origins, Necropole might as well be a Finnish band when it comes to the type of black metal they play. It’s that sound – very melodic riffs, but never sounding anything like Dissection, instead opting to keep things on the raw side – trademarked by the likes of Behexen and Horna that Ostara offers. And damn, does it deliver. The first thing that comes to mind is how unforgivable it is to mix the bass guitar inaudibly, for Necropole hasn’t, and it adds a whole new dimension of power to their sound. And despite its demo status, this sound isn’t any weaker than on the better full-lengths of many bands if you can handle the usual BM-levels of production, that is. Even though the production is without great change in dynamics, the songwriting isn’t as one-dimensional. It may be no more than the occasional change in tempo and from-tremolo-to-arpeggio or the occasional clash of the menacing, almost dissonant rhythm guitar and the icy leads, but for the 22 minutes Ostara lasts, it works. — Karhu

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MaranathaFilth
New American Records | July 24th, 2015

Naming your album Filth conjures up expectations that you’re going to hear some unpleasant sounding sonic repulsiveness. Thankfully Ohio’s Maranatha lives up to its billing. If Trap Them and Nails toned down the speedier aspects of their repertoire and threw in some of the dirgy elements championed by Crowbar then Filth is the album that would be produced from that mixture. While there’s plenty of faster paced material to go around, Maranatha’s bread and butter lies within their ability to craft suffocating, sludgy mid paced riffs that level everything in their path with a scorched earth policy. If you have a soft spot in your heart for buzzsaw guitars, unbridled rage, and a general dislike for everything, then this album will feed that beast. — Ron Deuce

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Ego Fall/Tengger Cavalry/Nine Treasures Mongol Metal
Mongol Metal | July 1th, 2015

This is a split compiled by Mongol Metal, a cultural organization that shows the world a mix of metal music with Mongolian folk. The three bands in this record are Ego Fall, Tengger Cavalry and Nine Treasures, and they conduct this show with master precision. Among the 12 songs you will hear throat singing in extensive passages, war drums painting pictures of the history and myths of Mongolia, and festive rhythmic galloping. At the same time, each band add their own distinction with electronic elements, Ensiferum-like riffage and uptempo compositions, respectively. Mongol Metal is a great example of how metal has become a global art, able to be to narrated and expressed in different ways. Recommended if you like folk metal or unexpected landscapes. You can stream the full album here. – Link Leonhart

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Cut Up Forensic Nightmares
Metal Blade Records | June 26th, 2015

This one will likely end up in my top 10 somewhere. This is the best straight up death metal album I have heard this year. Cut Up never lets up through the entirety of this album, and it just makes me want to mosh hard. Except I don’t go into pits because I’m a lifelover. The riffs are great, the guitar tone is sexy, the solos are sweet, the vocals are furious, the everything about this album is awesome. This no holds barred, in your face, foam at the mouth, punch the wall, face melting, limb ripping death metal. Bang your head! – Jack Bauer

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Lamb of God Sturm Und Drang
Nuclear Blast Records | July 24th, 2015

I haven’t liked an entire Lamb of God album since I don’t even know when. They were always a band that had a few songs each album that I really dug such as “Ghost Walking” or “Desolation” on the album preceding this one. Long story short, I pre-ordered this as a birthday gift for someone, but fuck that shit, it’s mine now. I really like this album. It seems like the band tried experimenting with their tried and true formula, and the results are something that I find myself enjoying. The little touches such as Chino Moreno guest appearances and different vocal approaches for Randy really add a lot to this album. I don’t consider myself an expert on their discography by any means, but I think this is their best record since As the Palaces Burn. – Jack Bauer

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Balmog Svmma Fide
Blackseed Productions | May 30th, 2015

This is really goddamned good death/black metal. I mean really goddamned good. Did I mention it’s really goddamned good? I’ve put this album on repeat multiple times now and it just keeps getting better every time. It’s evil sounding most times, really hard hitting sometimes and  fucking badass all times. It’s so good that I bought the digial copy and the physical copy because Balmog. This is serious album of the year contender material, and it will no doubt have a spot in my top ten. Buy it. Buy it now. Just do it. Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Let Balmog drag you to the deepest depths of hell and bask in the void.  – Jack Bauer

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    I just can’t get behind the name Necropole.

  • Don Henley’s Ego

    I haven’t like a Satriani album since his work with Chickenfoot. I like his guitar work though.

    • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

      Chickenfoot wasn’t bad, just not the superband I thought it was going to sound like. More just like a garage jam session.

      • Tyree
        • KJM

          CHECK THIS OOOOOUT!!

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        I enjoyed it. The second album was the better of the two albums they made though.

      • CyberneticOrganism
        • Tyree

          Can confirm. My dad likes Chickenfoot.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Same here. My dad loves ’em.

        • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

          Ultimate dad rock would be the last two Opeth CDs.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Dangit, I love those two CDs!

          • Exactly

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers
          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Hey! I liked Pale Communion!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            You would.

          • he’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]
          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Just fucking with ya dude. Later Opeth ain’t my bag. All the albums up to Deliverance are fantastic.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            For me, it was up to Ghost Reveries. From there, it became Starbucks music.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            The album did have it’s moments.

          • Tyree

            That’s the tour they had Gene Hoglan filling in for em I believe.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            I didn’t know that. Hoglan >>>

          • Tyree
          • themoreyouknow.gif

            That’s pretty cool. I loved Ghost Reveries too. The first half of that record is amazing. Ghost of Perdition is the first song that comes to my mind when someone cites Opeth.

            Thanks, Ty!

          • Tyree

            No problem. Just another random metal fact that I am aware of.

          • Really? Didn’t knew that.

          • Tyree

            For a little while, until they could find a permanent drummer.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            That I didn’t know! Very sure he can play many many different styles, but his usual drumming would seem kinda off kilter with them.

          • Tyree

            This album was horrible in my opinion. Worst one by em.

          • This was the only song I liked of it, jajajaja. All the rest are plain. I prefer Damnation of those two.

          • Tyree

            Damnation is great.

          • Guacamole Jim

            He likes Babymetal. You’re worried about his opinion of Opeth?

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Edit: FUCK, I forgot who we were talking about.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I’m sorry to say that it is. I cried the first time I heard that news.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I got confused and thought he was talking about someone else for a second. Then I remembered what kind of monster KJU is.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Only that which has no soul likes that abomination of a band.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Then I remembered what kind of chiseled god-king KJU is.

            FTFY

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            A god amongst mortal apes, that’s who!

          • Guacamole Jim

            A ped amongst normal folks, that’s who!

            *FTFY

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Because I like Babymetal? That makes about as much sense as saying someone’s a pedo because they like Death Angel’s first CD or like Charlotte Church’s old stuff. Now people who listen to Nicole 6, that’s a whole other story.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            *a sick weeb amongst normal sane people.
            FTFY

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            I’ve met and interviewed Opeth, so his opinion of their new grandpa-y stuff should worry me? Checkmate!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Meeting and interviewing a band doesn’t mean you have good opinions about them.

            In fact, your entire comment is so non sequitur, even in and of itself, I had a hard time figuring out what point you were trying to make (the only conclusion I came to is that you think since you’ve met/interviewed Opeth, your dislike of their new material has some sort of credentials, ergo you win an point that nobody was making in the first place).

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            I dunno, trying to win an argument by pulling at straws, lol.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I love you Jim.

          • Guacamole Jim

            This is all I need to carry on.

          • There will be peace when you are gone.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers
          • Sir Tapir The Based :]
          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Eat my ass, Tapir! EAT IT, EAT IT!!!

          • Tyree
          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            With Jayden looking bewildered as always. That kid always looks like he has zero idea what’s going on around him, or like dad slips heroin in his cereal.

          • Why do you make these things?

            That’s freaking awful. And I thank God that it was an embed from Photobucket. I will never check another of those gifs again.

            /Dead

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            I didn’t make it, actually, since I don’t know how to make GIFs. I got it from funnyjunk.com, and had to save it to my Photobucket since the GIF wouldn’t link directly from the site.

          • Aye!!! Me too!!!

          • old_man_doom

            I stand with the tapir on this: I, too, enjoyed both pale communion and heritage

  • Good round, guys.

    I will check Cut-Up because OSDM.

  • Stockhausen

    That Demiurge is whacked. “Cut My Face Off” is an especially rad track.

    • The Fish Boz

      That cover alone is enough to make me check it out. Eventually.

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

    Jack Bauer: Confirmed birthday present thief.

    • I still bought them a digital copy lol.

      • Lacertilinger

        You should buy yourself Ashes Of The Wake and discover it to be the best album they’ve released since As The Palaces Burn instead.
        And then buy Sacrament and discover it to be the best album they’ve released since Ashes Of The Wake.

    • That was my birthday present 🙁

      • a good album to wipe one’s butt

        • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers
        • I still have scarcity of Toilet Paper over here, so, that’s fine for me.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            And even worse, a beer shortage over there. I can do without wiping my ass, but no beer is just going too far!

          • more beer

            No man should be forced to live under such inhumane conditions.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Damn straight! Only ISIS would be that cruel!

          • I don’t drink beer, so, I’m fine with it. I can’t wait for people smuggling beer. I will laugh a lot.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            #ToiletPaperCaretlForVenezulea. We’ll be the Pablo Escabar of toilet paper.

  • I was expecting better things from that LoG album. I dig the band but this album just seems a bit neutered and I found myself losing interest about halfway through. The riffs just start becoming bland.

    • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

      They got hit with the dreaded One Or Two Members Of The Band Go Sober Syndrome.

  • “Control” on that Fuck-Ushima album is crushing my dick to dust.

  • Metal Blade is going absolutely batshit insane with good releases this year.

  • Maranatha brings the heavy. I like that shit.

  • Tyree
    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Nice.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Satan.

  • Fuck-Ushima is making my day. This stuff is straight from the depths of the sewer and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

  • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

    Misread that one album as “Tapired Limbs Of A Human Star”

    PS, finally finished the new Krisiun. That cover of ‘Electric Funeral’ is SO FUCKING BAD!!!! Really really really lolbuttzificatory.

  • RJA

    Balmog is definitely top ten material in my book too. Demiurge is absolutely insane – listening to it right now – I love the bandcamp tags on it.

  • Spear

    Full Balmog stream since SOMEONE DIDN’T PROVIDE IT: https://blackseedprod.bandcamp.com/album/svmma-fide

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Dat new Maranatha >>>>>>>>>>>

  • Don Henley’s Ego

    I heard the worst music news today. John Mayer is in a new incarnation of the Grateful Dead called Dead and Company. I don’t care if he’s the world’s biggest Deadhead it’s just wrong. I don’t even want to picture what him singing their songs will sound like.

    • Tyree

      Oh boy. Are you a Deadhead?

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        Somewhat. My dad is and I like some of their stuff. My dad owns basically anything of theirs and he went to most of their Northeast shows from 1984 onward to 1995 when they disbanded. I saw an incarnation of them called Furthur back in 2009. They were great.

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

          Here’s some more John Mayer dad rock for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNuAdB5oVrU

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I like this a lot.

          • Ayyy man, leave ZZ Top outta this.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I met Billy Gibbons once.

            The end.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            My brother saw their stage get struck by lightning at Country Jam or something similar.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            These ZZ Top stories are getting too cunting intense.

          • Tyree

            Their drummer doesn’t have a beard, yet his last name is Beard.

            Fucking intense.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fucking christ dude, calm the fuck down!

          • KJM

            We’re through the looking glass here…

          • Tyree
    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Damn.

    • KJM

      Oh fuck that shit all to Hell.

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        It’s a horrifying thought. My dad will probably go to MSG to see it too.

        • KJM

          Why? I like the Grateful Dead and I have no interest in seeing/hearing this desecration.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            My dad loves the Dead so much that he has seen most incarnations. He’s seen Ratdog numerous times. Same goes with Furthur. He went to all three shows in Chicago this year. He owns almost all the box sets they ever released and he owns every studio album and most live albums.

        • Michael Schenker Group?

    • “Well I combined this vomit with your diarrhea…”

    • RJA

      I had heard rumors of that previously – doesn’t sound too exciting. I’m going to see Phish tonight guys, I will report back on what the world of hippies are up to – I’m assuming the same things they have been up to for the last 50yrs?

      At the very least I’ll see what insane strains of weed are floating around. I really enjoy just hearing the names, i.e. headband, schoolgirl

      • KJM

        Haven’t seen them since 1999.

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        Probably. I’m not a Phish fan but my aunt loves them. When it comes to the hippie bands I prefer the Airplane, Quicksilver, Moby Grape and others.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • Tyree

      That’s pretty fucking filthy sounding dude.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Yeah, just came across it.

    • Woah, Lee Dorrian is back? Cool, dude.

    • Malted Hate

      Finally! I’ve been waiting to hear something from them. Sounds pretty great so far!

  • Hubert

    Balmog is crushing this goat’s dick in a statisfactory manner.

    • EVERYONE’S DICK HERE IS TOO DAMN CRUSHED THESE TIMES!!

      • Sir Tapir The Based :]

        I don’t have a dick to be crushed and now I’m offended!

        • #LeaveTapirAlone T-T)

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Brb going to tumblr to tell everyone how offended I am.

          • Remember to make this rant bigger saying that not only you was offended, but your whole kind.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I will reveal the systemic oppression of tapirs to everyone!

  • where’s all the music 4 plebs?!?! oh wait, LoG is on here, and it stinks!

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      Huh? For some reason I thought you would like them. I’m wrong again!

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

        I’ve been trying to determine some rhyme or reason for what he likes and doesn’t like, but I’m still stumped.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Yeah, I’ve always felt that way too.

          • this i will tell you: Repugnant slays. wasn’t aware of them until yesterday

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Mean, mean shit.

        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          McNulty is an eternal enigma.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I’m an enigma as well.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            Not really.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            If you knew me in real life you’d agree with me.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            Everyone here is pretty predictable. Except McNulty.

          • I am a precious and complex snowflake.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!
            DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <— me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

            love and waffles,

            t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m

          • I don’t know why I missed being pissed off by The Penguin of Doom.

          • KJM

            Boobs or GTFO.

          • There’s a Mr. Hansen on line one.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            The ironic thing is that he got caught cheating on his wife through a hidden camera sting.

          • He wasn’t cheating on his wife with a child, right?

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            I believe she was a consenting adult, although quite a bit younger than he is.

          • HA. A guy I went to high school with was on this show. Muchos lolz.

          • That show was huge here. Latin american loves dramas more than US citizen it seems.

          • KJM

            SHIT! Tell him I died, and I’m not here for Jared either.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Sounds like that Avenged Sevenfold poster. Still never sent any cunt pics. Deplorable.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            I miss that account, actually.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            It was something different.

          • Lacertilinger

            downvoted

          • I am a precious and complex snowflake as well.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            “More like shitflake.” – GBK

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers
          • KJM

            I am beyond predictable and ridiculously easy to please.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer
          • KJM

            Yep, kitties and herb. Just stick a Monolord CD next to that kitteh’s head and you’ve pretty much illustrated my world.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Easy to please? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I knew you would say that.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            And me! 😉

          • *inappropriate gifs
            *memes

            Quite predictable!

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Always good to know I keep your pearl-clutching hand nice and in shape! 😉

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            No you’re not.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            You don’t know what I’m like IRL. I’m much more bizarre in real life.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Are you a furry?

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            No.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
          • CyberneticOrganism

            No.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I’m sorry.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            No king should be too proud to feel sorry, even on Fuck Mountain.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Gah, it’s 1998 all over again!

    • Malted Hate

      I’m with the Nult. LoG is boring, generic and boring.

    • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

      What’s a pleb? I’m behind on my hip Toilet slang.

      • It’s a shortage of ‘plebeian’. It’s used in an ironic way in 4chan and Reddit, I think.

      • Lacertilinger

        Why didn’t you just google it?

        • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

          They googled it for me and it makes no sense still. I’ll just assume it’s bad.

  • 365chaosriddendays

    “Forensic Nightmares” is a strong album indeed, merciless, face melting in its entirety, no fillers but a killer songwriting, easily one of the best Death Metal albums of the year!

  • Malted Hate

    Digging Hivelords!

    “Skimmed” over that Mongol metal split but I’m not sure if I like it, (I’ll try to listen to it in full later) but if anyone digs the folk parts maybe you’ll get a kick out of this guys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0djHJBAP3U

    Not exactly mongolian (its from Tuva, somewhere in eastern Russia) but it shares a lot of similar traits. Really love this stuff.

    Ghengis Blues is a really great documentary that gives cool insight into the culture.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

      I’m glad you’re a fan of his now.

    • Tyree

      Total death.

    • That’s a nice Punch Out t-shirt.

      Also, that ‘burguer’ is insane and I want to barf. That guy eated so much fat that he probably will sweat with the bacon smell.

      • kinda like how i sweat with booze smell?

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        How much would this sandwich cost in venezuela lol

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      What a waste of good bacon

  • OldMetalHead

    Well done again guys. I like at least three of these. I listened to the Hivelords yesterday, bought the LOG the day it was released, and listening to the Cut Up now.

  • Cut Up definitely has one of the best death metal albums I’ve heard in a long time even though they’re name sounds like an angsty metalcore name.