2 minutes to Midnight Eternal
Today’s video breakdown comes by request of ToH’s very own Sarah Lafayette. It also comes courtesy of a YouTube ad. Just a few days ago, this entire video came up as an advertisement prior to whatever music video I was playing. I can understand throwing out a few coins to have a 30 second sample of your new album or a brief clip of your music video, but the entire thing? That’s got to be expensive and not particularly offensive. People don’t want to see advertisements and I’m pretty sure they don’t want to sit through four minutes of another band before seeing the band they originally wanted to watch.
Midnight Eternal are a symphonic metal band based out of New York. Prepare your frilly dresses, eyeliner, heaving bosoms and ill-advised top hats.
0:03: This’ll really make your keyboards pop.
0:06: They couldn’t even spring for a big fake amp?
0:09: Ow my nose!
0:15: We have a top hat sighting. Repeat: We have a top hat sighting.
0:18: And a wallet chain.
0:25: Someone gets 15% off for working at Guitar Center…
0:30: Did she drop a contact?
0:37: Seizure Eternal.
0:41: My Face Is Up Here Eternal.
0:47: All those hair flips will lead to a lot of neck problems later in life.
0:52: It’s like a romance novel cover come to life.
0:59: Or bad high school poetry.
1:05: I’m no fashion maven, but it seems like there are some pieces missing to that dress.
1:11: Whoa, who turned on the AC?
1:16: It’s like Alice Cooper and Marco Hietala had a baby.
1:22: Careful, you’ll poke an eye out.
1:27: More wallet chains!
1:35: Hey, that’s a fire hazard. Blow out those candles!
1:40: Smokey The Bear weeps at the lack of fire safety.
1:47: How does he get that sound without being anywhere near a microphone?
1:57: I really have to start going to Renaissance fairs.
2:00: For the, um, cultural experience.
2:08: Pretentious by Calvin Klein.
2:14: She actually has to put on that perfume to combat the dork stench.
2:22: Were top hats ever cool?
2:25: Like, even when wearing top hats were socially acceptable?
2:28: The only direction given to her for this entire video was “Do some shit with your hands.”
2:37: I will say that the top hat does a good job of distracting from the goatee.
2:48: It’s like they took the Leaves’ Eyes video for “Into Your Light” and said “We can do even less.”
2:52: Midnight Eternal: Now with more hair crimping.
2:56: It takes a lot of red Tootsie Pops to get that lip color.
3:03: I wonder if he knows the top hat-wearing guitarist from Zenobia.
3:08: Is there a store that caters specifically to the top hat-wearing metal guitarists of the world?
3:12: I hope it has a clever name like “Top Hats, Bottom Bitches” or “Top O’ The Hat To You”
3:14: “Carol Ann, listen to me! Do not go into the light!”
3:20: The power of the top hat is so strong, I didn’t even notice his vest.
3:35: T..t..time to leave?
3:44: There’s no fog in that room, it’s just their natural musk.
3:53: Top Hat’s leather pants are really the cherry on this nerd sundae.
4:01: Get that sweet Children Of Bodom sound all without having to deal with Alexi Laiho.
4:09: “My god… what have I done?”
4:12: “Ugh, those chili cheese fries ain’t sitting right.”
4:17: I think we can all agree that Dino Cazares would look drop-dead gorgeous in that dress.
4:20: And here I thought “End roll” was what happened when Chris Christie wore undies that were too tight.
Midnight Eternal’s self-titled debut album is out now via Inner Wound Recordings.