Metal: The Gathering Expansion Pack

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Round two!

It’s time for your second pack of Metal: The Gathering. The first one whet your appetite and now the hunger is upon you. No other card game can satiate your unnatural lust for metal-based fun. Instead of gum, this pack comes with brimstone. The foil wrapper is made from dragon scales. The barcode was taken directly from the sweaty jumpsuit of Clown from Slipknot. Let’s see what we get this time.

EN MTGWWK CardsCS4_V5.indd

Niiiiice. The “Uh’s and Bleeeeeeh’s” will do nicely. Plus you can say you’ve always liked having this card, even though you just got it. Just, um, don’t bring it to any Triptykon shows.

gregupuciatocard

No cards will be spared when this is in play. Protect your head.

swallowthesunmagiccard

Not gunna cry… not gunna cry… *sniff*. Guh… I think I’ll be alright. It’s just difficult sometimes, y’know? Combine this with My Dying Bride‘s card if you want to cause everyone to weep uncontrollably.

exodus card

Cool! Though it’s not as good as the Big 4 cards, this will do nicely against any Hair Metal cards you may come across. You can also start doing the Toxic Waltz to distract the other players.

electricwizardcard

*cough* This card has the strong smell of incense, old books, and an art teacher at a Bernie Sanders rally. It also doubles as a patch for your battle vest.

ronniejamesdiomagiccard

WHOA! This one is major! Everyone wants the Dio card, and not just because he did a commercial for Budweiser. Use this one when you need it the most. Or if you’re playing against Eddie Trunk.

portalmagiccard

AAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sonataarcticamagiccard

You may not be fucking any dragons with this Sonata Arctica card, but you will be able to dance around with various faeries, nymphs, naiads, pixies, and Natalie Imbruglia.

dropdeadmagiccard

Vicious, in-your-face, and influential. Hard to mess with the Dropdead card. This one also doubles as a patch for your vest.

EN MTGROE CardsT4_V5.indd

Please don’t hurt me, Mr. Fisher.

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Still?

  • Best.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • RJA

      I believe this is the second totally insane video you’ve posted in the last couple weeks. what you been up to man?

      • Herr Schmitty

        Looks like a pretty standard cold-weather basement to me!

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Nothing, just finding fucked up shit. The user Meat on YouTube, these videos are sick!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Not enough deadites

  • Nativian Taco

    Exodus!!!!

  • This expansion pack brought better cards! I am adding Swallow the Sun to my blue deck.

  • Vote for Jeb

    GEORGE CORPSEGRINDER’S NECK IS THE OLDEST LIVING TREE IN THE WORLD.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I’m excited for when the Ghost card comes along. They are the future.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I’m so excited for when they play Late Night with Stephen Colbert next Friday. They will bring metal/rock back from the brink of death.

        • Vote for Jeb

          METAL IS ON THE BRINK OF DEATH?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            WITHOUT GHOST IT WOULD BE!

          • Fucking Christ dude. I need to step out side and take a walk.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Time to tap the fuck out.

          • Vote for Jeb

            KICK OUT OF THAT PIN, BRO.

          • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

            Get back in there, ya bum!

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            IRON MAIDEN NEVER WASTE OV TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • When you are right, you are right Gorak. Never change.

          • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

            Time to fap the fuck out.

          • You wood.

          • Maybe step away from the keyboard for a bit.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I do need food..m

          • Herr Schmitty

            HYPERBOLE IS MORE FUN THAN RATIONAL STATEMENTS

          • Vote for Jeb

            JOE, WE’D BETTER ABANDON THIS WHOLE ENTERPRISE. METAL IS DEAD.

          • more beer

            You are losing your mind.

          • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot
          • Anyone wanna play a game? Guess which band name is going into the spam filter next!

          • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

            About time you finally put Ghost in that filter! *pats you on the back and gives you a Tootsie Roll*

          • Please do this.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Holy shit.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m happy that Ghost is moving up in the world. It’s weird they’d play on Colbert’s shoe because he’s a devout Catholic.

          • Late Night night talk show programs have been known to run on religious beliefs. You nailed it bro.

          • Dagon

            VERY TRUE I KNOW JAY LENO IS A SATANIST FOR EXAMPLE
            WHAT HE DID NEXT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND // DAVE GROHL

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            WHAT ASS-CHIN MAN DO?????? GORAK WANT KNOW!!!!!

          • Dagon

            DESCUBRA

          • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

            He’ll blow Dave Grohl?

          • Based Potoo

            It’s pretty weird you like them because you’re a devout Catholic.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Those devour catholics are the worst kind. First they get you all on the message of love and understanding, then it turns into
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBvwcH4XX6U

          • Dagon

            ZOMG

        • Yeah, Repugnant on Stephen Colbert should be rad BRO!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I meant Ghost.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            No, you really meant Repugnant.

      • LOVE this shit, was quite surprised to discover… you know…

    • Based Potoo

      mfw no Ghost card.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        STOLEN

    • Nativian Taco

      YEAH

    • Spear

      The future is a shitty imitation of the past? Better just kill myself now and get it over with.

      • Vote for Jeb

        THAT’S THE SPIRIT. SUICIDE EUPHORIA.

        • Damn, just got done listening to that album.

          • Vote for Jeb

            I KNOW. I SEE EVERYTHING

          • Based Potoo

            I SEE IT ALL I SEE IT ALL I SEE IT ALL I SEE IT ALL I SEE IT ALL I SEE IT ALL

      • I see you’ve been hanging out with the Masterlord.

        • Spear

          His spirit flows through all of us.
          Also, apparently I haven’t made this post yet:

    • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot
  • Melting Jack

    ;D

    • CyberneticOrganism

      NO ANIME

      • Melting Jack

        NO WHAT?

  • Brock Samson

    The Human Diglett part got me.

  • SHE SHOULD NOT LOCK THE OPEN DOOOOOOR

    RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

    FULL MOON IS ON THE SKY AND HEEEEEEE’S NOT A MAAAAAAAAAAN ANYMORE!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfI8o_hzaDk

  • The 43% on Puciato, I see what you did there.

    • Herr Schmitty

      YA BURNT

  • violent j. the mind sculptor

    cardboard crack, always need more

    • violent j. the mind sculptor

      MODO DOESN’T PAY THE MAGIC CARDS ENOUGH WHY IS EVERYTHING DIGITAL THESE DAYS I MISS PHYSICAL PRODUCTS LIKE IN1993 WHEN YOU WOULD PROXY ISLANDS ON BLACK LOTUSES BECAUSE WE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH BASIC LANDS THOSE WERE THE DAYS THERE IS JUST REALLY NOTHING LIKE A DOMINARIA BACKPATCH

  • Dagon

    BERNIE SANDERS RALLY HUMAN DIGLETT
    KKKKKKKK
    PORRA ISSO FOI FODA

  • Boss the Ross

    These are so bad ass. We wants them precious.

  • Boss the Ross

    We got a little more, but still needs more power metal.

    • I try to mix it up as much as possible.

      • Boss the Ross

        You did a good job.

      • I appreciate the Dropdead card. Catching them live is great; you see a show AND you get a lecture about how you’re an asshole.

        • They should tour with Disma.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          Powerpoint and all?

    • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

      EVERYTHING needs more power metal!!!!!!!!!

  • Boss the Ross

    Electric Wizard card in play, initiate the Supercoven, bring forth the Witchfinder

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    “Penguins can spend up to 75% of their lives in the water. They do all of their hunting in the water. Their prey can be found within 60 feet of the surface, so penguins have no need to swim in deep water. They catch prey in their beaks and swallow them whole as they swim. Some species only leave the water for molting and breeding.”
    -Nas – Penguin Fax (2033)

  • Boss the Ross

    Play the S.O.D card to find out what happened to Celtic Frost.

    • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

      I’d loving hearing Celtic Frost cover Master P’s ‘Make Em Say Uh’.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I wish the glumurphonel were a real musical instrument and that I could play on street corners and melt the bowels of passers by.

    • Boss the Ross

      What do you think that is on his head?

      https://youtu.be/emrBZZtGFgI

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        I like to think that’s his actual head.

        • Boss the Ross

          Fair enough.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Top of a grandfather clock? I also spot a waterphone in the background.

        • Vote for Jeb

          WATERCLOCK MAKE SPOOKY HALLOWEEN SOUND

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Pumpkin Spice Death

          • Pumpkin Spice can die.

          • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

            By itself, yeah. Combined with tumerak or majarum, it’s fucking brilliant.

      • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

        Is that an old school deep sea diving helmet? A prop from ‘Golden Tuner Of Earthquakes’?

  • KJM, Shake Zula

    Please do not ruin my enjoyment of Ghost by making silly over the top statements. Message ends.

    • Oily Kung Fu Bologna Riot

      Welcome to the Terrordome, then!

  • Waynecro

    Comedy gold as usual, 365 Days of Horror. I want to play this game so hard that my virginity comes back.