Metal Songs To Slow-Dance To At Your Wedding Or Prom

1345
116
Share:

Ce-le-brate good times, come on!

It’s that time of year again. With the warmer weather comes all sorts of formal parties, receptions, gatherings, get-togethers, hootenanies, wingdings, and super fancy chili cook-offs. Weddings and proms are the big ones, but there are also graduation parties, bar & bat mitzvahs, christenings, Sweet sixteens, quinceañeras, and all sorts of stuff where you have to dress up and not talk about “staying tech” for more than an hour.

Now I know the thought of peeling off your battle vest, you know the one with the ultra rare Venom patch on it that you bought from the guy at the flea market who kept talking to you about the time he saw Odin on the Strip back in ’88, and putting on fancy clothes is scary. Even more terrifying is the thought that you may actually have to slow dance with someone. Gasp! The horror! Human contact? Manners? Formal Wear? That’s not metal! Your cred is going out the window faster than that time you accidentally admitted to going to Warped Tour when you were in high school. Whatever will you do?

Luckily, there are some pretty good songs out there by some heavier bands that would be perfect for weddings and proms. Hold your sweetie close and whisk them off their feet to the sweet sounds of these slow dance jams.

Mr. Bungle – Pink Cigarette

Mr. Bungle – Retrovertigo

Mike Patton – Mondo Cane concert

Opeth – Ending Credits

Misfits – Saturday Night

The Loveless – Love Entombed

My Dying Bride – Two Winters

The Devin Townsend Project – Feather

Devin Townsend Band – Sunday Afternoon

Shades Apart – One Starry Night

Yngwie Malmsteen – Blue
recommended by TovH writer Lacertilian. Frilly shirt optional.
[Lizard Note: bad karate kicks in testicle constricting black leather pants are mandatory]

Type O Negative – Haunted
recommended by TovH writers Richter and CyberneticOrganism. Make Peter proud.

Suburban Tribe – Now And Ever After
recommended by TovH writer Karhu.

 

Now it’s your turn. Post your favorite metal waltzes, 3/4 time signatures, and all-around slow jams in the comments section below.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Don’t talk to me about Prom.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Ambitions: choreograph the Sunn O)))-Step

  • Abradolf Lincler

    heres a real slow jam:
    https://youtu.be/3xOuhnwXNsE

  • Eliza

    It doesn’t matter what music plays, I suck at dancing. The best I can do is move around a drunk hippie.

    • Joaquin Stick

      Sometimes I feel like I chose metal is because the closest we get to dancing is essentially throwing punches.

      • Eliza

        And it doesn’t even have to match the beat or other stupid crap like that. Isn’t metal the best?

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          It is.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I’m not a good dancer either. My prom date can attest to that.

      • Eliza

        If I had a prom date, I don’t think they would be able to attest to something, or do anything else for that matter.

    • Abradolf Lincler
    • few people are good at it, but a dancer is always more fun than a non-dancer; regardless of quality.

      • Eliza

        Come on now, I’m not that great.

    • Óðinn

      I learned to dance from this 1980s instructional video. Hope it helps…

      https://youtu.be/-fK2vFhu3iQ

  • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I wish my prom had any slow dance songs. There were none. I enjoyed it quite a bit when I went. I had finally gained everyone’s respect by the end of 12th grade and this was a great way to end my time in school. If only I would have seen what was going to happen to me.

  • Abradolf Lincler

    i didnt even go to prom, as i graduated early and was already in college. win or lose, who can never be sure?

    • Never went to a single dance in high school and I turned out just fine.

      At least that’s what my mom says.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        youre the best, Ann

      • if you went to all the proms, you might have been too cool to hang with me!

      • Waynecro

        Same here (my mom thinks I’m super!). Actually, the first time I ever danced was at a wedding my ex dragged me to in 2015. I had to do one slow dance. I fucking hated it.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          i dont mean to brag (but here i go): im actually a pretty good dancer, for a big stupid metalhead anyway

          • Waynecro

            For me, dancing is much like having sex: I haven’t done either enough times to determine whether I’m any good.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            lolololololol

            hilarious.

            for me it is also like sex: no one wants to do either with me any more

          • Waynecro

            Zing!

    • Same, no prom for this guy. Just stayed home and played sloppy terrible blast beats instead. I was so cool.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        terrible blast beats sounds infinitely better than the mainstream rap garbage that would have been playing at my prom

        • It was way better. I think we actually had band practice on prom. This was my shitty band from high-school by the way…

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX337RbM9vM

          • I liek.

          • Haha, thanks Link.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            This is actually pretty good! Sounds a bit like Incantation.

          • Waynecro

            Goddamn, dude. I’d have killed to be in a band that awesome when I was in high school.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            is this song about Richter?

          • Lol

          • Abradolf Lincler

            btw, much better than my shitty vanilla metal band in highschool was

          • Xinen

            Nice stuff dude, I like the groovy riffs that play out after the lead, and there are some nice fills in there too. How long ago was this might I ask?

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I already said that I went so I won’t repeat that again. You graduated early?

      • Abradolf Lincler

        yes, nearly a year early from highschool. i had all the credits i needed and worked in the library teaching people how to use computers and working on the schools website for the first half of 12th grade

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I graduated on time. I was apparently on the honor roll which I didn’t know until my grandparents saw my name in the newspaper under the honor roll section.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            Lol, I got expelled, so no prom for me! As if I would’ve went anyway.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I never got in trouble in high school. The only teacher who hated me was my Government teacher. He was an asshole and he would tell me to shut up all the time.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            Definitely can’t say the same. I got sent to military school (which was more or less a juvie hall) for disciplinary problems, and had a long list of behavioral problems all throughout high school. Looking back, I wish I would’ve dropped out at 16, got my GED (which I got later down the line, and scored in the top 3% in the state), work permit and saved until I turned 18 and moved out.

          • Eliza

            I haven’t had problem with teachers either. It was the classmates I couldn’t get along with.

          • Eliza

            I’ve never heard of anyone getting expelled in my school, so I kind of forgot this can actually happen.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            so why do you think you have had problems with school afterwards

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Don’t ask about why I had troubles in college. I’d rather not get into it.

          • Oh shit!

    • Eliza

      Speaking from my (limited) prom experience, it just an excuse for some people to dress up nicer that they would if they just went to a nightclub.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I remember that i wore a really nice tuxedo. i got a free rental due to a friend so that was taken care of. The girl I went with wore a really nice tan dress. It was a good time.

        • Eliza

          I decided to spent as little money possible for something I knew I was hoing to hate, so I just bought the most decent looking dress from the thrift store. Also, I left pretty early on. I’m not made for partying.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I only went because all my friends wanted me to. I didn’t want to go alone so I asked my friend from work and she said yes. That’s the only reason I went.

        • Óðinn

          Photos?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            The photos are long gone. I lost them when I deleted my first Facebook account.

    • Owlswald

      I went to 3 proms. I guess that’s the consequence of being super ridiculously good looking. http://media.vogue.com/r/w_480//2016/01/12/zoolander-beauty-rules-blue-steel.jpg

    • tigeraid

      I was invited into the dance by an attractive girl that enjoyed my company. I shuffled around, stared at my feet, made some shitty excuses, and ran home in terror to play Doom II. We’re still friends today, which is good, because I still regret the FUCK out of that moment.

      • I dunno dude. Doom II is pretty sweet. I wore a giant tux and my date made out with her ex dude on the low, so I’m gonna say prom was kinda lame.

    • I returned home and went to my best friend’s house to play Soul Calibur III.

      Sadly, my dad had a heartache that same day.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        As a true Soul Cal God, your first comment was amazing, your second was not. My dad had his heart attack a couple years ago

        • Fucking heart attacks, man. My old pa was in Intensive Care for two weeks, he nearly died.

          But, he survived like the big fella he is and is still around being grumpy with everyone except me 🙂

          • Abradolf Lincler

            who could be grumpy with you buddy

          • I’m his last son, so naturally I’m his favorite, I think, jajajaja.

            Also, I’m his only half-elf son. My brother and sister are humans.

        • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

          It’ll be 20 years in July since my grandfather died from one.

    • more beer

      I didn’t go to mine either as I was in the service and overseas when mine was taking place.

  • Joaquin Stick

    You know, I think I have never listened to Mr. Bungle before. I have no idea why. Both of those songs are excellent.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    California is awesome, easily prefer to the other two, although I like ’em too for the more apparent weirdness. California oth is the perfect chill album.

  • Yeah, you can burn a CD or make a playlist with mp3 (like I did for our wedding).

    Or you can have FUCKING JONAS RENKSE SINGING LOVESONG.

    Why didn’t Jonas asked me to sing in our wedding!? >( ;_;)>

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPfYYn_jw00

  • tigeraid

    My wedding reception was ass. The DJ was your typical small town/top 40-mixed-with-white-people-anthems act, and my wife’s only rule was “no country,” so we got all manor of awful dance music and shitty pop.

    The closest I could get to metal was a slow-ish dance to the first half of Freebird with her.

    She did walk out to Nothing Else Matters, though. So it was okay.

  • Guppusmaximus

    Lacertillian picked “Blue” over “Icarus’ Dream Suite Op. 4”?! Your Malmsteen jokes are null & void…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1Va1F1dQWo

    • Lacertilian

      First lolbuttz track that came to mind.

      • Guppusmaximus

        And, here I took this article seriously. That is my fault, HOWEVER, I must always defend his greatness.

        • Lacertilian

          Yep, no need to UNLEASH THE FURY just yet..

  • will you go with me to the prom….. J-CL
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/khg7pIPtW3A/hqdefault.jpg

    • Waynecro

      CLONE HIGH!!!

      • Óðinn

        Clone sober too.

        • Waynecro

          Oh, you!

          • Óðinn

            Hillbilly 1: I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
            Hillbilly 2: You bitter?
            Hillbilly 1: Yeah, bit HIM too!

          • Waynecro

            Zing!

        • more beer

          Just clone!

          • Óðinn

            Agreed.

  • Óðinn
    • would eat if drunk/7

      • more beer

        A big fat joint and a couple of dabs that cake wouldn’t stand a chance!

  • Waynecro

    Broken Hope’s “The Essence of Human Pain” is a sweet little mellow song with a title highly appropriate for weddings.

  • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

    Slow, dark, evil and fitting (though not metal):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_Lh5vuo7wk

  • Waynecro

    I love that Misfits song. Michale Graves released another solo album recently, and it has a sort of sequel to “Saturday Night” on it. Also, “Sunday Afternoon” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ3cBpVKj3s

  • Elizabeth Short

    It’s definitely not a metal song, but it’s by a metal (at the time) band, but I was listening to Do You Dream of Me from Tiamat’s Wildhoney yesterday. Easily a waltzable song.